What gives with the nasty comments about my weight loss?

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  • slender2015
    slender2015 Posts: 1
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    It's because they see you succeeding it makes them feel bad, so they want to you to stay with them and not be a success.
  • Katahna
    Katahna Posts: 326 Member
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    Sheds some light on the whole "Attractive people are the mean ones" huh =]
  • Jennyzfit
    Jennyzfit Posts: 175 Member
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    :drinker: I would dump those *****es. Be proud of who you are and what your doing for yourself. They are just mean and you don't need that.
  • lilacsun
    lilacsun Posts: 204 Member
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    My mom freaked out the other day saying I was going to break her plastic adorondac chair. Really? I'm not even 200 pounds! I was speachless and moved to a metal chair. I was very hurt.

    Wow :(
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    Family, unfortunately, comes with the territory. I have an older Aunt (she's in her mid-70s) who will say things like that, thinking it's okay. I also have an Uncle who won't speak to you if you so much as cross your eyes in his direction.

    Your friend though sounds like one I used to have. She liked me because I was fat and didn't dress to impress guys and she was chunky and dressed like a middle class hooker. So guys would opt to talk to her anywhere we went, she even dumped some guy's friend on me (I was already dating by then) and the guy and I couldn't agree on anything so we decided on a "mutual dislike" and went our separate ways while my friend and his verbally screwed each other.

    Family you can't really help except to tell them nothing or distance yourself and let them be the ones to contact you. Friends you can always tell them off straight or drop them like dumbbells. You don't deserve or need negative crap about something that's already hard and often emotionally trying.
  • myfitnessval
    myfitnessval Posts: 687 Member
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    honestly, after blowing up at my friend the first time it happened i've just learned to kind of shrug it off now. when people KNOW you're doing this (as in working out and eating better, known to the non mfp world as dieting) it kinds of gives people an open door to have dialogue about it and usually its in the form of them judging you. don't let it get to you, just prove all the haters wrong and keep your head high.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    I don't think either of these people were trying to be rude or bridezilla. We have no way of knowing the tone of voice, but I imagine the sister was just acknowledging your weight loss and trying to be funny - the same with the friend. the problem is that both of these comments were rather backhanded compliments. Kind of: "Wow, you used to be so fat!" I've experienced a bit of this myself (like my dad telling me after I lost 35 lbs. that he was so glad he could be proud of me now.) But I've just learned to take the intended compliment and throw out the unintended rudeness. Sometimes people who love you DO say stupid things :D

    Even if they don't mean it in offense, if one does take offense regardless they need to know not to crack those sorts of jokes. I can be very blunt and straightforward in regards to advice and it often can come off as mean, but I won't know that until someone says something so if I continue giving them advice in that fashion eventually they'll stop coming to me or accuse me of something. A simple "that hurt my feelings" gets the point across on all levels.
  • WABeachWalker
    WABeachWalker Posts: 133 Member
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    You have handled you mom-in-law's comments with a great deal of restraint as well as grace under fire. My compliments to you!

    I think that it's o.k. to set boundaries on her behavior. You could ignore her comment and simply change the subject. That will usually do it for most people. If she persists, you might tell you that you appreciate her interest, but that this is a personal health issue that you are handling for now. Hope it doesn't ever have to go beyond that. Best wishes to you for a healthy and happy future!
  • Erica27511
    Erica27511 Posts: 490 Member
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  • dotmango
    dotmango Posts: 33 Member
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    Here are some suggestions on what to do with the money you would have spent on your sister's wedding, buying a dress, a gift, participating in an asshat wedding shower or a calorie laden bacherlorette party full of messy drunk bimbos:

    Buy yourself new running shoes and work out gear! You deserve it and you've totally lost enough weight you need it!

    Go on a weekend retreat for yoga or boxing or your sport of choice!

    Get your hair and nails done some where super fancy!

    Get a session with a personal trainer!

    Go somewhere fun with someone who has been supportive of your journey!

    Take the wedding weekend and go camping! You will have a blast and come back refreshed!

    She totally doesn't deserve to have your awesome dedicated self in her wedding.
  • HealthyMe46
    HealthyMe46 Posts: 226 Member
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    Sorry to hear about the comments. I agree with some others - keep your boundaries and let your sister know what she said to you was not appreciated and was insensitive. Not to mention plain ol' unhelpful. Good luck and keep focused for YOU.
  • pixelsurgeon88
    pixelsurgeon88 Posts: 39 Member
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    My sister brought my brides maid dress without me even trying it on or being there....when I tried it on it was 3 sizes too small and her response was that I was wanting to lose weight anyway.

    In the end she let me buy another brides maid dress of my choosing....three months after the wedding I has lost some weight and I wore the dress to my graduation and two months after that I sold the dress because it was too big!
  • DirtyStacks
    DirtyStacks Posts: 179 Member
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    No wonder it is harder for women to lose weight than men. I don't ever recall any guy I know being upset because his buddy or brother or whoever lost weight. Women torture each other wether you gain weight or lose it. Someone always gets upset. Feelings are bruised. Friendships are lost. Family is at odds. And then comes the emotional eating and whamo! 5 lbs. All because someone was trying to get fit? Bizarre.I don't get it.

    Everyone looks better fit. Get over it. If she is more fit than you are, do something about it. The more fit you are, the more physically attractive you become. When you are fit, you are Confident, radiant, charismatic. When you are not, you know in your heart you aren't and you do not exude those qualities with the same intensity...you just don't.

    The thing is, if you want those things, than just do the things to get fit. Simple as that. Leave haters behind. Make a goal and work till you get there.
  • mlynn1974
    mlynn1974 Posts: 5
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    I'd tell them that weight can be lost but you can't fix stupid.
  • this_is_my_year
    this_is_my_year Posts: 38 Member
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    In the event you come across these and/or similar comments again:

    Your Sister - , "You need to lose more weight if you want to be in my wedding."
    You – “Who says when I do I’ll want to be in your wedding”


    Your Friend - , "I need to start working out. I don't want to be the fat one."
    You – “ Too Late” .

    HA! XD
  • mandy0688
    mandy0688 Posts: 335 Member
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    I am very proud of your weight loss, being overweight is tough and when ppl say bad things about it its plain wrong. They are haters. Ignore them and keep up the good work .
  • Brunchstress
    Brunchstress Posts: 49
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    This is a great plan! My BFF and I have always "dieted" together. I'm not dieting anymore... just made some lifestyle changes and there's no turning back. She's motivated to get healthy now, too. (though she's pregnant right now, so losing weight is out of the question!)

    Don't lose weight or eat healthy for anyone but your SELF!
    Best of luck!
    Well, your sister just sounds like a bridezilla.

    As for your friend, she obviously thinks you're looking good and losing weight. Let her use your weight loss as motivation for her own. Why is it a bad thing? You can do it together.
  • AlicynH
    AlicynH Posts: 201 Member
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    My brother was visiting this summer from New Jersey (I'm in Utah). He hadn't seen me since Christmas and I had lost about 50 lbs. He was really excited about my weight loss. My mom and sister told him not to encourage me. It really upset me that they would say that after all the hard work I've put in. But that's just it. I did it. They haven't. You're always going to find "haters" wherever you go. Keep up the good work!!
  • MadtownMadisonian
    MadtownMadisonian Posts: 66 Member
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    Miss Manners always counsels us to respond to rudeness with politeness, as the best form of shaming, for example: "You will need to lose even more weight before you can be in my wedding" gets a reply of "Of course! And I want to thank you for giving me some motivation. Apparently I didn't have enough while I was losing the last 30 pounds."
  • girish_ph
    girish_ph Posts: 148 Member
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    I am so sorry. Keep doing what you are doing. All that matters is you are getting healthy and making things better for you. Keep up the good work.

    I am sorry, I don't agree with this. People have been pretty mean to me all my life. But many, many, many people have been supportive and kind as well. Just kick the mean people out of your circle. Dont talk to them. Cherish the kind ones - they are numerically far more than the unkind ones.

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