Want fiance to lift... but... he isn't motivated.

245

Replies

  • Shadowsan
    Shadowsan Posts: 365 Member
    There's no need for hostility - I think to be honest you posted this with all the right intentions.

    Besides. If you know him as well as you say you do, and you know he wants to do it but is struggling to find the motivation, then all you're doing is offering a helping hand.

    Just depends on whether he really wants to or not. If he does, then like I said. Making a cheeky bet with him might be fun ;)
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    I just have to wonder what would have happened if the roles were reversed?

    Why would you book a photo-shoot knowing he would be self-conscious? This is an honest question.

    Would he have done that?

    I don't think I understand the question...?
    We booked it together.
    We do everything together.
    I love him a lot, and I have no personal problem w/ his body - and he has no personal problem w/ mine.
    I want to get in shape for myself so I can enjoy looking at all these pictures throughout the next 100 years.
    I know he won't enjoy them as much if he doesn't do a little toning between now and then.
    He admits that he should.
    Just says he's too tired.


    I'm confused, I think, by all the hostility.
    Does anyone know how to delete the thread alltogether?
    UJsPL.gif


    you're a douche.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    There's no need for hostility - I think to be honest you posted this with all the right intentions.

    Besides. If you know him as well as you say you do, and you know he wants to do it but is struggling to find the motivation, then all you're doing is offering a helping hand.

    Just depends on whether he really wants to or not. If he does, then like I said. Making a cheeky bet with him might be fun ;)

    :-) thanks, friend. I appreciate that.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    I just have to wonder what would have happened if the roles were reversed?

    Why would you book a photo-shoot knowing he would be self-conscious? This is an honest question.

    Would he have done that?

    I don't think I understand the question...?
    We booked it together.
    We do everything together.
    I love him a lot, and I have no personal problem w/ his body - and he has no personal problem w/ mine.
    I want to get in shape for myself so I can enjoy looking at all these pictures throughout the next 100 years.
    I know he won't enjoy them as much if he doesn't do a little toning between now and then.
    He admits that he should.
    Just says he's too tired.


    I'm confused, I think, by all the hostility.
    Does anyone know how to delete the thread alltogether?
    UJsPL.gif


    you're a douche.

    lol you're cute:))
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    I don't think people are meaning to come off as rude. But to be 100% honest if he was concerned he'd be lifting.
    When you push somebody into working out, it comes off as you not liking how they are. And if that's the issue you shouldn't be doing this. Because life could make him or you both get bigger. You could have kids, and be tired.
    Are you going to be upset if he doesn't want to "tone up" before family photos?

    I also think the photo shoot is the worst idea ever, I mean how are you not getting enough photos from the wedding?

    I know you are excited, and you have every right to be. I know you want it to be special, and it will.
    But if you push him, he'll push back. People don't like to be told what they should do.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    I just have to wonder what would have happened if the roles were reversed?

    Why would you book a photo-shoot knowing he would be self-conscious? This is an honest question.

    Would he have done that?

    I don't think I understand the question...?
    We booked it together.
    We do everything together.
    I love him a lot, and I have no personal problem w/ his body - and he has no personal problem w/ mine.
    I want to get in shape for myself so I can enjoy looking at all these pictures throughout the next 100 years.
    I know he won't enjoy them as much if he doesn't do a little toning between now and then.
    He admits that he should.
    Just says he's too tired.


    I'm confused, I think, by all the hostility.
    Does anyone know how to delete the thread alltogether?
    UJsPL.gif


    you're a douche.
    sOXJv.gif

    Why so serious?
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    I don't think people are meaning to come off as rude. But to be 100% honest if he was concerned he'd be lifting.
    When you push somebody into working out, it comes off as you not liking how they are. And if that's the issue you shouldn't be doing this. Because life could make him or you both get bigger. You could have kids, and be tired.
    Are you going to be upset if he doesn't want to "tone up" before family photos?

    I also think the photo shoot is the worst idea ever, I mean how are you not getting enough photos from the wedding?

    I know you are excited, and you have every right to be. I know you want it to be special, and it will.
    But if you push him, he'll push back. People don't like to be told what they should do.


    No, I totally hear you. And it's not my intention or desire to push him in any way AT ALL.
    We love taking pictures - we take pictures all the time. So the photoshoots back to back is no big deal. Like I said, we came up w/ that idea together.
    I'm not going to be **upset** if he doesn't tone up at all ... now or ever...
    I just think he will be more confident if he does. I know the working out is great for me and my self-confidence.
  • MTBrob
    MTBrob Posts: 513 Member
    Tell him for every 1lbs of muscle he puts on between now and wedding is how many weeks straight you will have sex with him... could work ..
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
    I don't think there is anything worng with wanting your spouse or partner to be healthy and look good. Not to be selfish or vien, but if you feel good, you want to look good too. the outside should match the inner you.

    I love my wife above all else and no matter what I will always find her to be an amazing and beautiful woman. I personally Crossfit 3-4 times a week, lift heavy 2 days a week, eat Paleo, and my wife does not. I encourage her all the time to join me and having a healtheyier lifestyle. It is not somehting she wants, she is not obese, but she could be healthier, and I will always try to encourage her to be as healthy as she can be, so we can enjoy a long and fruitful life together. Even though she won't eat Paleo and do crossfit, she does her own thing and I am OK with that. I wouldnt love her anymore is she was a size 6-8 rather than a 12 or whatever, its just purely a physical attraction factor. Now, if she was obese and it was truly affecting her health, i would take a firmer stance.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting the perosn you love to look good.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    My advice: stop worrying and stop caring.

    It's not like men wear sleeveless shirts anyhow. You love him for him, not his muscles.

    And you are not going to make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Just give it up. He has to motivate himself.
  • PantalaNagaPampa
    PantalaNagaPampa Posts: 1,031 Member
    Actually, I want him to do it bc he's really self-conscious about his body bc he has an abnormality in his ribcage caused by scoliosis and he felt a lot more confident when his arms were bigger....
    So, it's not selfishly motivated in the least. I love his body the way it is. I don't care.
    He's just going to be unhappy w/ the pictures. And I know it.

    Comical how when someone doesn't get the answer they want, all of a sudden there's ALL these extra reasons WHY they're right.

    *sigh*

    Look Lady, this is probably want you want to hear, so disregard my first statement. "Honey, remember when you had those big arms and your curvy spinal chest thing didn't bother you as much? Yeah, I know that's not the case anymore. Let's go work out. Because I know you're going to be a big girl when the pictures come back and you hate them. And I don't want to hear you yotch about hating the pictures."

    Better?

    Offer him boobs?

    Speaking as a Pu$$y whipped husband, this techique works. My wife holds her kitty hostage like a miltant terrorist group to get what she wants, when she wants it bad enough. And, she doens't beat around the bush about it (pun intended) she will out right say, No more pu$$y unitl..... and shlt gets done!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    I don't think people are meaning to come off as rude. But to be 100% honest if he was concerned he'd be lifting.
    When you push somebody into working out, it comes off as you not liking how they are. And if that's the issue you shouldn't be doing this. Because life could make him or you both get bigger. You could have kids, and be tired.
    Are you going to be upset if he doesn't want to "tone up" before family photos?

    I also think the photo shoot is the worst idea ever, I mean how are you not getting enough photos from the wedding?

    I know you are excited, and you have every right to be. I know you want it to be special, and it will.
    But if you push him, he'll push back. People don't like to be told what they should do.


    No, I totally hear you. And it's not my intention or desire to push him in any way AT ALL.
    We love taking pictures - we take pictures all the time. So the photoshoots back to back is no big deal. Like I said, we came up w/ that idea together.
    I'm not going to be **upset** if he doesn't tone up at all ... now or ever...
    I just think he will be more confident if he does. I know the working out is great for me and my self-confidence.
    It truly IS a great confidence builder. I hope he can come around...but you can't push him. You know... have him come with you once. When you get home, take a sexy shower. Something. Make it fun.

    And thanks for clarifying the photo thing. The future mr.garbanzo would RING MY NECK if I booked another shoot after the wedding!
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member

    Speaking as a Pu$$y whipped husband, this techique works. My wife holds her kitty hostage like a miltant terrorist group to get what she wants, when she wants it bad enough. And, she doens't beat around the bush about it (pun intended) she will out right say, No more pu$$y unitl..... and shlt gets done!

    As long as that works for your marriage. I wouldn't be married to a man like that. Fidel Castro would fear me, I'd be out of control.
  • Hendrix7
    Hendrix7 Posts: 1,903 Member
    You cannot force someone do to something which requires such effort and mental focus as training if they don't want to.

    Sorry, but he has to want to do it himself.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Offer to do it with him. You can both go, lift for a bit and motivate eachother.

    A little incentive of better than usual sex is a great motivator.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member


    I'm confused, I think, by all the hostility.
    Does anyone know how to delete the thread alltogether?

    half the threads on this website turn hostile for the stupidest reasons, ignore it.
  • CakeFit21
    CakeFit21 Posts: 2,521 Member
    I just have to wonder what would have happened if the roles were reversed?

    Why would you book a photo-shoot knowing he would be self-conscious? This is an honest question.

    Would he have done that?

    I don't think I understand the question...?
    We booked it together.
    We do everything together.
    I love him a lot, and I have no personal problem w/ his body - and he has no personal problem w/ mine.
    I want to get in shape for myself so I can enjoy looking at all these pictures throughout the next 100 years.
    I know he won't enjoy them as much if he doesn't do a little toning between now and then.
    He admits that he should.
    Just says he's too tired.


    I'm confused, I think, by all the hostility.
    Does anyone know how to delete the thread alltogether?

    I honestly didn't mean any hostility. I'm just wondering how YOU would feel if he were asking this of you. Asking you to tone up to look good in beach pics? This is your wedding, these photos really mean nothing if they are going to cause strife. If he doesn't want to do it, he just doesn't want to. He has to live with looking at them. Or don't take them. Why did he agree to it then? Why would you have any part of your wedding that he didn't feel great about?
  • 3bambi3
    3bambi3 Posts: 1,650 Member
    Since you are getting married, you may want to try some open communication instead of manipulation. It sets a pretty bad standard.

    And all the women advocating using sex as a weapon. Really? Nice.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117

    Speaking as a Pu$$y whipped husband, this techique works. My wife holds her kitty hostage like a miltant terrorist group to get what she wants, when she wants it bad enough. And, she doens't beat around the bush about it (pun intended) she will out right say, No more pu$$y unitl..... and shlt gets done!
    VUmou.gif

    nl8gs.gif
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    Since this turned into the "My Favorite Gif" thread, here's mine:
    tumblr_lka3ob1J5i1qdaaw6o1_500.gif

    Thunderbirds are go!
    -wtk
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    Since you are getting married, you may want to try some open communication instead of manipulation. It sets a pretty bad standard.

    And all the women advocating using sex as a weapon. Really? Nice.

    we're really REALLY open w/ each other. I have no intention of manipulating him. :(
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    at this point.... just....
    dean-what-gif.gif
  • piebird79
    piebird79 Posts: 201 Member
    lol! Brock27, I love the Data (or is that Lore) video!
  • sa11yjane
    sa11yjane Posts: 491 Member
    I know you are not going to want to hear this but truthfully I don't believe that you can motivate him. I'm sure that your intentions are for the best and made out of love, but as anyone who has had a weight issue (and I know you're not actually talking about weight but bear with me) will know, ultimately one has to just summon up the motivation for oneself. Trying to encourage him may even make him back off even more as he may feel that you're not happy with him the way that he is. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
  • Jipples
    Jipples Posts: 650 Member
    Hey.
    I already know how badly this will turn out for me. I have prepped w/ a tarp for the tomato-throwing.

    My fiance and I are getting married in Feb. He used to work out ALL the time, and did a moderate amount of body-building.
    I'd like for him to do a little bit with that again between now and then for the wedding pictures - we're going to Miami for our honeymoon, and intend to do a photoshoot there.
    That's what's motivating me to get the weight loss done! :)
    I've mentioned it to him a few times, and he says he's too tired after work to work-out, and that he walks around all the time for work, so he doesn't need the cardio. (He's in car sales)

    So, from the men in the room... (or ladies in similar situations):
    How can I motivate him to do a little lifting between now and then? I'd just like him to tone up a little, but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

    Well, you're such a cutie. I'm sure he'll respond just fine to your suggesting he get off of his lazy fat *kitten* and get into the gym. But still, make sure you really emphasize how you love him just the way he is BUT that he should do it for himself at your humble request. It'll be fine.....I'm certain he will not be even more self conscious. Oh, and if I dont get to talk to you before then, congrats on the marriage.....he's a lucky m'fer.
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    Ask him to lift with you so you don't hurt yourself. That's all I got. It's why my husband started lifting (although, I pressured him into it for my own benefit not his lol).
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    tumblr_ljk08a5ivH1qc4x54.gif
    -wtk
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
    In my opinion he is the one who spoiled you in the first place. He gave you a taste of something and now you want more. I don't think it is bad that you asked him to do it but you can't make him and you should be ok with that. It sounds like you are not being unreasonable. Congratualtions!
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
    I know you are not going to want to hear this but truthfully I don't believe that you can motivate him. I'm sure that your intentions are for the best and made out of love, but as anyone who has had a weight issue (and I know you're not actually talking about weight but bear with me) will know, ultimately one has to just summon up the motivation for oneself. Trying to encourage him may even make him back off even more as he may feel that you're not happy with him the way that he is. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

    No! I appreciate your compassion and your honesty. For real.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    I know you are not going to want to hear this but truthfully I don't believe that you can motivate him. I'm sure that your intentions are for the best and made out of love, but as anyone who has had a weight issue (and I know you're not actually talking about weight but bear with me) will know, ultimately one has to just summon up the motivation for oneself. Trying to encourage him may even make him back off even more as he may feel that you're not happy with him the way that he is. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.



    Agree 100%

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