Want fiance to lift... but... he isn't motivated.

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  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
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    dump him. i'm sure you'll find someone else to put up with you.
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  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    dump him. i'm sure you'll find someone else to put up with you.
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  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
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    dump him. i'm sure you'll find someone else to put up with you.
    jvRmL.gif

    tumblr_lyua19tKZQ1r085d1.gif

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  • zeebruhgirl
    zeebruhgirl Posts: 493 Member
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    Love him for who he is.

    You can't force someone to stop smoking and you can't force someone to work out. He has to do it of his own accord.
    If he's too tired after work, he damn well might be.

    My man works the normal 40 hours a week but in a strenuous job, I wouldn't expect him to do anything extra if he didn't want to. If he's too tired to cook, I cook. If he got pepper spray backlash (he works security) and just wants to go to bed early than that's fine.

    Maybe nurture your man a bit more and you'll find his confidence growing.

    And I'm sure your stressing about a wedding makes it worse for him.
  • Yrla
    Yrla Posts: 19
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    Love him for who he is.

    ^^ This ^^

    Also, I have to say that if my partner posted something like this about me on a public forum I'd be devastated (not that he ever would, but hypothetically). Does your fiance know about this thread? If he's ok with it, fine, each to their own. But I would find it really hurtful to be exposed like this. I don't mean for a moment that I think you're doing this out of spite, but just think about it. It just seems quite disrespectful to me, to be sharing these issues with countless strangers, especially since you've also referred to your fiance's own insecurities about his body - is he ok with you sharing this information about him?
  • Superbritt2drescu
    Superbritt2drescu Posts: 273 Member
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    He has to want it, to do it. That being said I'd tell him, "Honey, I want lots and lots of wall sex on our honeymoon. We should hit up the gym together tonight."
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    dump him. i'm sure you'll find someone else to put up with you.
    jvRmL.gif

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    i... i think you're awesome.



    now let your guy be himself.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
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    dump him. i'm sure you'll find someone else to put up with you.
    jvRmL.gif

    tumblr_lyua19tKZQ1r085d1.gif

    cjL8a.gif

    i... i think you're awesome.



    now let your guy be himself.

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  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    If you want this to be a successful marriage with a happy husband, I suggest you learn now that you cannot force a man to do something they don't want. Don't be a nag, it isn't cute and you will only turn him off. Then he'll come to MFP and start sexting women who don't nag him and exchanging dirty photos. :laugh: If he wants to workout for your honeymoon, he will. If he doesn't, he won't. Let HIM decide how he wants to look. You say you want to be able to enjoy looking at shirtless photos forever of him? Wow. That sounded harsh.
  • Awkward30
    Awkward30 Posts: 1,927 Member
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    Actually, I want him to do it bc he's really self-conscious about his body bc he has an abnormality in his ribcage caused by scoliosis and he felt a lot more confident when his arms were bigger....
    So, it's not selfishly motivated in the least. I love his body the way it is. I don't care.
    He's just going to be unhappy w/ the pictures. And I know it.

    As much as
    I suck at relationships, even I know you can never get him to believe that what you know is going to happen is, in fact, going to happen. And you aren't allowed to say I told you so when it does.

    Try asking him to spot you. If he was helping you, he'd probably be enthusiastic.
  • rynzi
    rynzi Posts: 20 Member
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    Awesome thread!
  • MrsBully4
    MrsBully4 Posts: 304 Member
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    dump him. i'm sure you'll find someone else to put up with you.

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  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Just tell him you are going to go to the gym and ask him if he wants to go with you. If he complains that he does but is too tired, ask if there is anything you can do to help motivate him. When my friends want support around their weight loss, I ask how--empathy, sympathy, accountability? If he says no or that there is nothing you can do, leave it be. If he complains about his body, tell you him you love him but want him to be happy and renew your offer to support him.
  • Shfiftyfive
    Shfiftyfive Posts: 261
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    Ask him to pick up something heavier than he can. Then tell him "That's your goal." lol
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
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    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.

    yes.... yes you're right...
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  • gshoemaker06
    gshoemaker06 Posts: 264 Member
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    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.

    It doesn't have to be one or the other. You can motivate your SO to be a better person WHILE still loving the person they are today. My girlfriend absolutely loves my body, face, mind, everything. She compliments me on it all the time, however she still helps motivate me to go to the gym when I tell her I'm feeling lazy. She encourages me to eat healthy when all I want is a donut. She does it in a loving supportive way.

    Stop looking at this situation like she either loves him and should let him be unhealthy or she hates him and wants him to shape up.
  • 55AngelH55
    55AngelH55 Posts: 117
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    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.

    It doesn't have to be one or the other. You can motivate your SO to be a better person WHILE still loving the person they are today. My girlfriend absolutely loves my body, face, mind, everything. She compliments me on it all the time, however she still helps motivate me to go to the gym when I tell her I'm feeling lazy. She encourages me to eat healthy when all I want is a donut. She does it in a loving supportive way.

    Stop looking at this situation like she either loves him and should let him be unhealthy or she hates him and wants him to shape up.

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
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  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    This makes me sad. My ex ended up being an *kitten*, but I have to give him credit for always making me feel beautiful. There is not one thing he did to make me feel like less than enough. And that meant the world to me.

    I prefer not to get lip service. My husband's way of helping me?

    "hey, since you have to ______, why don't you see if you can try and get some walking in there?"
    "Since you have to drop daughter off at college, why don't you see about taking a cheap course so you can use their gym, they have a pool and I know you said swimming is easier on your knee"

    Why don't we try and have dinner a bit earlier, that way you can get a work out before having to pick up daughter at work.

    His efforts are in to helping me fit exercise into my suddenly busy life. I'd rather have this support and encouragement than to have someone tell me I'm beautiful and then one day look in the mirror and see I'm 100lbs over weight.

    He tells me I'm beautiful, he goes out of his way to make me feel appreciated and never "less than enough" But lip service? I don't want that and neither does he.
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
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    I love how OP can't handle any opinions/advice other than what she wants to hear.

    Why did you post this in the first place? For us to say how great you are for trying to "motivate" your man? (ie=get him to look hot in pictures you will have to look at forever)

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