I'm everyone's soul mate, until they realize I'm curvy!
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Oh, I've heard all this so many times! I had one guy tell me, "I'd marry you if you'd just get rid of this (he then patted my tummy)". WTF? I stormed out of his house in 2 seconds flat!
Some guys....0 -
You look great..and 40 is the new 30..
And stop meeting agreeing to meet guys off of FB..socially inept guys date from FB..you don't want to date a mouth breather or a momma's boy.
hahaha amen i'm with him.. I have broad shoulders and i've had the "wow, you coulda been a linebacker if you were a guy" comment all the time.0 -
oh my goodness! The nerve of some people!!0
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So if you're proud of your body and you feel good about yourself and you're not looking to change anything, why exactly does your Facebook have only pictures of your face, especially if you are using it to meet guys? It's not inappropriate to put pictures that go farther than your face on your FB. I feel like your behavior and your post don't add up. You're lying to somebody - I'll leave it up to you to decide whether it's the Internet or yourself.
I wouldn't call you out on this normally since it's really none of my business, but I feel like the fact that you're not being completely honest in this situation is the only thing causing this problem for you in the first place. I mean, you're mad that these guys are changing their minds when you don't live up to their expectations, but you're intentionally leaving things up to the imagination. If you posted full-body pictures on your Facebook, the guys who would disapprove won't even present themselves to you at all, and you wouldn't be having this problem.
Be honest. Be yourself. Love yourself. If you're looking for someone who wants and accepts you as you are, then you have to put the you that you want accepted out there for them to find.
Bumping this, in particular the last paragraph because it's so awesome.0 -
I was on a date with a guy in february. I think he was a bit surprised when we met 'cus I had put on a bit of weight since the pics on my profile were took (not an awful lot just like 10-20lbs) but for a skinny buggar like him it might have well been 100lbs. We went to a coffee shop and all he had was a bottle of water 'cus coffee apparently has too many calories in it. Everything I suggested, go get a drink, go get some food he turned down on the basis of "too many calories". I could see he was clearly slim though I wasn't entirely sure if he was really this extreme in his diet or if he was just hinting to me that I needed to lose some weight. If he saw me now he'd probably faint :P I was a bit upset by the experience but I was completely over it the next day but yeah I know from personal experience some guys can be really awkward around a heavier person so I can totally believe some guys being really mean and condescending aswel. Much love and support to the apparently many people who have experienced this and worse.0
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This is the reason I have decided to go celibate until I am at my target weight.0
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You should consider e-harmony lol, and not Facebook.
eHarmony is only for the straight and Christian.
Then she is screwed if that is the case. That was her last hope then. Women need to have men work for it, even a date. Where is the sense of pride now a days? I use to love it when women would say no 20 times until you got what you want. Now a man can get whatever he wants even if he is not worth the time lol. Some women just keep dating bums. Glad I don't have to deal with that.0 -
My MIL always says "there's a lid for every pot!" and I absolutely agree. I'm sorry those other men didn't take the opportunity to get to know you better. Sometimes people are thoughtless, even if they don't intend to be outright mean. I hope for the sake of the other people in their lives it was that. But for you, it means you are available for someone who WILL be right for you.0
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You need to ask yourself why are you attracting these type of men? You probably need to change MORE than your dress size, because even when your dress size gets to where you want it to be, you still will be attracting TOXIC men and you will still not feel good about you nor Value Yourself. Actually, you are a Typical middle aged insecure woman, guys tell YOU that stuff and say those things to you because they have already "figured" you out.0
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I'm starting to think that all the men in the world are divided into two groups chubby chasers and trophy chasers.
And they are all smartasses
They're not!!! Men are fantastic!!! Don't tar them all with the one brush!
I know it's wrong but the men i meet go into these two categories. And it's frustrating.0 -
I only read 2 pgs, I'm sure the rest is about the same.
You're picking from a pool of friends of friends. Maybe that's the wrong pool to play in.
You are hiding something. Mainly, a full body pic of yourself. As a very light online dater, I can tell you that there's a HUGE difference to what you describe as curvy, and overweight. HUGE. Curvy is sexy. Curvy is still curvy if you're 100 lbs. Fat is not curvy, it's just fat. Put up a pic and stop deceiving men. The ones that like the way you look will be attracted. The ones that aren't, won't. Simple.0 -
So, if you are frustrated with men who don't want to date the "curvy" girl, you are 1. either picking the wrong men and should expect that or 2. you really aren't as proud of your curves as you are claiming to be and want to make a change. This is a "diet and fitness" website and you are posting in motivation and support on a public bulletin board. This tells me that you are missing the point somewhere. Try dating fat men or curvy as you put it, my guess is they will be less judgmental of your size. If you want fit jock, he probably wants like minded fit chick.0
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A great man will want to be with you because he can see what those other guys that have been in your life have overlooked
.. great woman inside and out...
keep doing wonderful things for yourself and you will meet "HIM" when you least expect it !!!10 -
Any guy that would say something so assinine should have no chance with any woman, large or small!0
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Here, I'll solve your problem for you:
1. Stop posting misleading pictures. If you want to meet people in real life, then use recent, accurate pictures. A beautiful headshot that disguises your bodytype is not accurate--its a lie. If you're overweight, and your picture doesn't reflect that fact, then you're lying. If you're lying, then ANYONE (not just men) who you meet is going to feel betrayed and misled.
2. Stop using fraudulent language. "Curvy" is not a synonym for fat. If you're big, say you're big. If you're fat, say you're fat. If you're overweight, say you're overweight. But don't say you're "curvy". Curvy is Betty Paige, or Coco Austin, or Niki Minaj, or Kim Kardashian. Are you built like them? If not, then "curvy" is not the right word for you.
3. Stop blaming men. They're not being jerks; you're being deceptive. If they are surprised at your bodytype when they meet you, then you've deceived them. You said yourself that there are plenty of men who are into you just the way you are--and you are right. Why not give them a chance by portraying yourself more accurately?0 -
Even if you aren't specifically looking for a guy on facebook but they add you (friend of a friend etc), just dont add them. It seems to be just shattering your self esteem each time, especially if you dont want to put up full body shots or publicise that you are overweight. UNtil you feel comfortable putting up a pic of how you look fully, then ont wreck any progress by meeting up with guys who may have totally unrealistic expectations?
Just my two cents. On the other tangents of this thread:
about the real women debate, well i took biology in school, apparently we need milk ducts, and a vagina. IM not really sure, we were all too busy playing with condoms and giggling at the page with the diagram of man bits.
THe concept of beauty has shifted over time, of course, with women as well as men (in ancient greece it was prefrable that their 'man bits' were very small as young boys were beautiful. Thats why all the gods are small down there in statues wheras the beastly monsters, like the fawns, were big).
To be fair, I would be put off a guy who was really quite overweight, because I really like exercise and health, every day, and would immediately think that we may not have that much in common. It seems a small thing but fitness is a big part of my life, and I may feel awkward even sharing that with him as it might seem like I was hinting at him needing to lose weight/being a b*tch. Maybe that makes me shallow.0 -
Wow....that was painfully blunt yet eye opening.0
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I'm with you. They're not male models themselves! I guess we're not supposed to notice their thinning hair, graying beard, or spreading waistline. You're doing great. You've lost 30 pounds! That's fantastic! Not to mention getting healthier. Keep concentrating on that and forget them!
So true!! What makes them so perfect? We're real women with real bodies. We're all somewhat flawed but that's what makes us human. I'm in your age range but married. If I ever was single and some guy said that to me, I'd tell him to go "take a hike". There are nice guys out there...I'm married to one. Chin up and congrats on your weight loss thus far!0 -
I understand how you feel.. Ive been overweight for the past 15 years... and I have some very mean things said to me... it does mess with your head ...I Have only found myself and accepted what I see in the mirror the last few months... meaning I am what I am and I am changing for me... and guess what?? im liking what Im seeing....
Rock those curves and know you are beautiful... there are good men out there.. just have to weed through... Hugs Miss lovely
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If you do online dating, it's best to be totally honest and have a recent full-body picture up on your profile. It will save you a lot of hassle. Don't hide who you are, even if you're not comfortable in your own skin or at your goal weight yet.
I would also avoid picking up random dudes on Facebook unless you know them. Online dating sites at least give you some idea of what this person thinks and values.0 -
^ That.
Don't get to know someone over time with just a face picture. A lot of guys are incredibly superficial, so just write them off.0 -
wow, ive been fat my whole life, and never had to deal with something like this! normally I have the problem of too many guys wanting what they cant have. Maybe your going after the wrong type of guy? some guys are just more worried about their image than having a real relationship. 0
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Wow....I guess I touched a nerve! I was just venting.
1. I am not online dating or fb dating, I just hit it off with someone who was a friend of a friend. I thought i was upfront about the myself. He said it didn't matter, but in the end it did. Just the wrong guy for me, but still hurts to be rejected.
2. I have full body shots on fb, but none that let it all hang out.
3. I seem to attract guys that like little girls, even in person. That's the part I don't get.
4. It didn't happen to me three times. The other comments came from guy friends, who thought they were being helpful, but just made me angry!
Thanks..I'm all good! ; )
When I first got divorced, I looked at the personal ads in the newspaper (aging myself here). I noticed a pattern so I started keeping statistics. Ninety percent of the ads men posted seeking women stated some sort of "thin, athletic, petite, small, No big girls need apply, etc." NINETY PERCENT! I was shocked! I then started taking statistics on the wedding announcements in that paper. They listed ages. Seventy five percent of the men over 40 married women in their early 20s. It appears that trophy wives for older men are the norm, not the exception.0 -
If you do online dating, it's best to be totally honest and have a recent full-body picture up on your profile. It will save you a lot of hassle. Don't hide who you are, even if you're not comfortable in your own skin or at your goal weight yet.
Right on! If only all women were this honest and forthright...0 -
Wow, that's... awful. Seriously, where have you been finding these men? IMO there's nothing wrong with having preferences, whatever. But no one has the right to treat another person that way. It's called being a *kitten*.0
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babe just say this to them " i can always lose the weight but you'll always remain an ugly F***er!!!"0
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I had that all through college and late highschool. Talked to this one guy on the phone for 6 hours straight one night, was told I was amazing and was practically just like him but a girl. Met a week later and 20 hours of phone convo later, you'd think I was a deer that had just been scraped off of the windshield. This has actually happened to me twice in my life and lemme tell ya, just be forward and honest in the beginning and you wont get hurt like i was!0
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Here, I'll solve your problem for you:
1. Stop posting misleading pictures. If you want to meet people in real life, then use recent, accurate pictures. A beautiful headshot that disguises your bodytype is not accurate--its a lie. If you're overweight, and your picture doesn't reflect that fact, then you're lying. If you're lying, then ANYONE (not just men) who you meet is going to feel betrayed and misled.
2. Stop using fraudulent language. "Curvy" is not a synonym for fat. If you're big, say you're big. If you're fat, say you're fat. If you're overweight, say you're overweight. But don't say you're "curvy". Curvy is Betty Paige, or Coco Austin, or Niki Minaj, or Kim Kardashian. Are you built like them? If not, then "curvy" is not the right word for you.
3. Stop blaming men. They're not being jerks; you're being deceptive. If they are surprised at your bodytype when they meet you, then you've deceived them. You said yourself that there are plenty of men who are into you just the way you are--and you are right. Why not give them a chance by portraying yourself more accurately?
Thank you man.I couldn't have said this better myself.0 -
be proud of your curves real women have curves
Amen!!! This ^^
Some men can be shallow. Just be glad you see the real them on the first meeting so you don't have to waste anymore of your time.
Some men can be shallow? So can some women it seems.
so me saying I think women with curves look good makes me swallow?????
Okay, there's a huge difference between saying that you personally think women look good with curves, and saying "real women have curves," which is what you actually originally said. The former is you having your own opinion, which you are entitled to, of what is aesthetically pleasing, while the latter is insulting to all naturally slender women and just plain rude. Maybe you didn't mean it the way it sounded.0 -
bump0
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