really bad home issues... could use some help

steph124ny

Here are some concrete things you can do.

1. Call an employment agency or a temp service.
2. Go to Goodwill and get yourself a pair of black dress pants and one long sleeved blouse. If you can afford a blazer that matches, even better. This outfit will get you through just about any interview.
3. Ask yourself what you want to do when you grow up. Be a nurse? Program computers? Answer yourself and then call the local community college. They can help you through the process of getting enrolled, financial aid, etc...
4. Realize that it is going to suck and you'll probably have to work nights somewhere while you get your degree.
5. Call a hotel and ask them if they need housekeepers. They always do. If it is a small, local owned place, they may even let you live there in exchange for work.

But understand that you have to take acton. Complaining gets you nowhere. You have to DO SOMETHING.

gauchogirl

I'm so sorry that your in that situation. I can't even begin to imagine. The only thing I can offer to help is to tell you to take a walk. I don't mean move out, but litereally take a walk. Everytime you get furstrated or need a little peace, talk a walk. 20 min here 30 min there. Getting outside and away will help your stress level and the benifits of walking to weight loss should be obvious. Its also FREE!

This is really good advice. I notice I tend to do two things when I'm mad, I either clean the house (unfortunately I'm not mad nearly enough and my house shows it) or I go for a walk. I ALWAYS feel somewhat better after a walk. it may not feel like a solution to anything, but I get my best ideas and have free time to clear my head and THINK when walking. I might go over the same thing a thousand times in my head and one day, a solution presents itself. It might not help in the immediate sense (except in stress relief and weight loss) but it very well may help in the future, ie: help you find a solution. You never know what can land in your lap when your hands aren't in the way. (I know, weird expression, but my grandma always said it...)

paleirishmother

I worked at GoodWill Industries for 10 years and saw people with REAL disabilities working hard to earn money for their families. I am sorry about your situation, I hope everything works out for you.

kmbrooks15

As many have said, the only person you can change is YOU. It sounds like an absolutely toxic environment. I have several suggestions that you can take or leave:

1. Drop the internet and sell the computer if you have to.
2. Drink water. While it's not technically free, since you pay a water bill, it's still WAY cheaper and healthier than soda.
3. Get out and walk or run. It's great for your body and the endorphins will help you feel better. It could be a great time to think through and find possible solutions to the situation, too.
4. Find a job, any job, and show up on time and be the best employee they ever had. Depending on what you find, perhaps it will lead to a promotion or other opportunity.
5. Check into local community colleges/tech schools. There is financial aid available that covers not only school expenses but a certain amount of living expenses. You'd very likely qualify for Pell Grants, which don't have to be paid back. You can take out student loans for the rest of what you need.
6. Check out bountifulbaskets.org and see if they are available in your area. $15 for a week's worth of fresh fruits and veggies. If they aren't in your area, search for other local food co-ops (use the computer at your local public library if you have to).

I read where another poster said something about your bipolar husband (I must have missed where you said that). If his bipolar condition is serious, he needs to see a doctor for medication. You can probably qualify for Medicaid, which should help pay for meds for him. If he can get his meds stabilized, he'll be more likely to be able to hold down a job. There are also social service agencies in every state; they can help you with finding him a job. Children and Family Services (or whatever it's called in your state) is not just for children; they help all kinds of people with a wide variety of things. I will say, though, that if you're not willing to put in the time or effort, they can't help you. They can't do it for you, but they can point you in the right direction and connect you with the right people to employ you or otherwise assist you.

Sitting there at your computer telling us how bad things are isn't going to accomplish anything. You're going to have to take the bull by the horns and make some things happen for you and your husband. If you don't, then you're just going to stay stuck in the situation you're in with no hope of getting out of it. You can do this, though. You just have to be willing to fight for your future.

SLE0803

OK... this is really making me crazy.
Contact an Army or Air Force recruter.

No don't do that. I was in the Navy and if you or your husband are too lazy to work now, you will be too lazy to work in the military. It'll be another waste of tax dollars. The military is not a solution if you aren't willing to work because, believe me, people will always try and find ways to get out of work.

I'm not going to lie. I wouldn't want to serve with you or your husband. Sorry if it sounds mean, but it's the truth. I spent too many year dealing with lazy people in the military.

goldfinger88

You're in a horrible environment. The one who got pregnant to get on welfare is a parasite - taking money from taxpayers who get out and earn money. I do so resent people like that. You need to get out of that environment before you can begin to think of weight loss or anything else. I know it's easy to say and hard to do. But you need to find a way.

forgtmenot

Watch the Paralympics, get some perspective about overcoming real adversity. Your in-laws are a bunch of lazy feckers and you're enabling them. What possessed you to marry a man who won't work??? Do you expect to have children with this man??? If it were me I would run for the hills!

This^^

StarvingDiva

I love how your SIL decided to have a child not because she and her husband were so in love with the idea of children but mainly to get foodstamps and welfare. Wow!

First and foremost I would get a library card and use the internet at the library to search for jobs. I would cut out the internet, I would cut the cable bill down to the basics if at all needed, I would read a lot more books with my new library card. I would shut off the phone in the house and switch to a prepaid cell phone plan. Make sure you are on budget programs for the gas, electric whatever. This will save you quite a bit of money in the long run. I also would contact your credit card companies to see if they have any programs for the unemployed. Capital One lowered my interest rate by 10% for a year due to me getting laid off.

Food...buy stuff that stretches. Beans and Lentils stretch meals out, check your food banks, if you are unemployed you would qualify to hit them up, I would pick the best stuff you can from them. Oatmeal stretches as well, you can eat it for breakfast lunch or dinner, not necessarily just for breakfast. Just fit your meals into your calories the best you can, if you are eating hamburger helper for dinner, just make sure to have one serving and fit it into your calorie budget. Luckily exercising is free, run, walk, outside, do jumping jacks and jump rope in your backyard.

Hopefully you will find relief soon.

TNTwedell

hmmmm troll'n? Hun re-read all you wrote - I wouldn't even dare to share this with anyone if it was me -- at 25 what the heck is stopping you from conquering life....

All I got out of this was excuses, excuses, and nothing but excuses... with a tint of screeching whine

perfectly stated!

familyof9

I cannot begin to tell you how similar your problems are to mine. Let's just say I thought for a long time I had no way out. You cannot change these people or their habits, but you can certainly work on yourself. You are kind of stuck with everyone else's food addictions so my question is this, do you have control over your own exercise? If you can, concentrate on that area first. Second, ok, so bad food is around,can you modify as far as how much you eat? Do they buy any fruits, vegies so you can supllement your diet?

All I know is this, I need to stay positive through my hard times and hard lousy people who suck out the energy of life from me.I started listening to tapes from Joel Olsteen and Tony Robbins so I could change the hardware in my brain.I started working on my prayer life, because honestly, with those morons surrounding you (and me) we need God.

I have come to the conclusion that no matter what occurs I know that God wants better things for me and for my children.I want to eat at His banquet and not steal the crumbs off the floor. I want to be joyful and happy and be there for others.I want to make a difference.

You are going to be able to do more now for yourself with this new job.But think of this, you do not need to stay stagnant, you have the ability to become more. I realize your life now must be tiring to your spirit, but there is always hope.Hope for you and even those you live with.Pray for them also.

I wish for you the very best life has to offer and pray that your tears will soon lead to blessing giving you tenfold of what you have lost.If you ever need to talk, I am here for you.

redheaddee

To the OP...free advice from a Vocational Rehab Counselor with no judgement.

To start, turn off the cable and the internet. If you are responsible for the bill, and you cannot afford it, than it should not be on. Period. If the FIL wants it on, he can pay the damn bill. The library has movies, books, internet...and it is FREE.

Someone mentioned Goodwill, this is an excellent resource for job help. If you have a disability, try Vocational Rehabilitation. Also, all states have a job service of sorts (our is called SC DEW). Many cities have the option of dialing 211 from a landline, which is an excellent resource for local resources, thanks to United Way.

As for diet...there are many affordable choices that will stretch your dollar. First off, STOP BUYING SODA. Rice, potatoes, pasta & dried beans to start with. The farmers market is an excellent source for inexpensive produce (and your monies go straight to the farmer!). Also, seed packets are super cheap, and gardening is great exercise. How about starting a vegetable garden? Most cities have churches and food pantries that provide food assistance don't be afraid to reach out into your community.

That being said...VOLUNTEER. It is an excellent chance to network, may become a job, helps promote feelings of worth & productivity, and closes gaps on a resume. Perhaps volunteer at a soup kitchen, so you are giving back to the community helping you.

Overall, I agree that change starts with YOU. Stop spending time on the internet looking for quick answers, and start making positive changes. Don't blame the FIL, the SIL...it's all on you. Good luck on your new job, and I certainly hope things turn around for you.

cakeordeath

A lot of stores are hiring for seasonal work right now with christmas right around the corner. You should put in apps, anywhere you can. also, please (dont take offence) it sounds like you are making a lot of excuses. life is what you make of it, there are programs to help if you go look. you are 25, you are grown, you can do pretty much anything you want. why not go back to school, and what is stopping your husband from working? i hope you find a soultion to your troubles, but a lot of the time i find when we are stuck in these situations, you are the only one who can get out of it, and you will if you want to bad enough. honestly i woudl have never guessed you are 25 by what you wrote, i would have guessed more like 16 or so becasue its not i dont eat well because i chose not to, its becasue other people..... 1st off get rid of everything you dont need, if you smoke stop, if you drink, dont, no soda nothing, stick with water, its so much cheaper and better for you, shop at the dollar tree for veggies, they take food stamps, i have four kids and have to feed them on a budget and we eat pretty well (healthy). there are ways, just research them, and make it happen.
Also, find a job, don't make excuses, and take control of the things you can and you will be fine.
Blessed be.

Contrarian

I just want to say that you people who have responded are really nice. This situation is something I simply cannot relate to, so I will refrain from responding to the OP.

cakeordeath

Its good you're looking for work, but to be honest, your husband sounds like a lazy *kitten*. He should get off his *kitten* and get a JOB. My schizophrenic uncle, who refused to take his meds, managed to hold down a job for 3 years at a factory, so your 'bipolar' husband gets no sympathy from me.

And maybe you should focus on getting on your feet instead of being picky what foods you and your family can afford.

MOVE OUT. Rent a cheap sh*thole apartment, at least you'll be out of that situation.


God, I'm 18 and feel like a more mature adult than you.

THANK YOU!!! i had been thinking that excat same thing, she doesn't sound 25 at all, i would have guessed 15-16 at most.

angela75022

Is it your food stamps or hers? If it is yours, then you buy the groceries and get the things you and your hubby will eat only. If they want junk, they can go buy their on food. Quit buying soda and junk and you will have better food.

I agree.. I know it's hard if others always want junk food (my mom)... but this is your health and your life.

Oh and one mistake or a little cheat every so often is NOT bad, it's normal, don't beat yourself up, just take a
walk to burn off some of the calories. Always, passing temptations is a road to failure, just eat a smaaallll portion,
log it, work it off. By logging it and working it off, it can't be thrown in your face later that you did something "wrong".

Hugs hun ~Ang

forgtmenot

I am assuming here that you probably grew up in a life not so different from the one you are living right now. Most people wouldn't ever live with their in-laws for any significant length of time and most women wouldn't marry a man that didn't have a means (education, skills, etc) to support them if need be and the work ethic to do whatever it takes to make sure they can put a roof over their heads. There must be some reason you found moving in with in-laws while neither one of you worked acceptable to begin with. You are an adult now, you have the choice to live however YOU want to live and create the life you want. Keep in mind there are lots of people out there who made it and became successful with much less than what you have.

Bottom line: At some point you have to look in the mirror and realize the only person preventing you from reaching your goals and aspirations is yourself. You can do better, you choose not to by not changing it. If someone came to you and said "Get a job or starve" You'd get a job! You have to realize you have 2 options, change it or do nothing and live with it. Don't complain because changing is just oh so difficult! Of course it is difficult! This is life, everyone has difficulties! How you deal with those difficulties is what determines how successful/unsuccessful you will be in life. No one is going to knock down your door to hand you a job or find you another place to live, you have to knock theirs down, YOU have to do it.

firstsip

I cannot begin to tell you how similar your problems are to mine. Let's just say I thought for a long time I had no way out. You cannot change these people or their habits, but you can certainly work on yourself. You are kind of stuck with everyone else's food addictions so my question is this, do you have control over your own exercise? If you can, concentrate on that area first. Second, ok, so bad food is around,can you modify as far as how much you eat? Do they buy any fruits, vegies so you can supllement your diet?

All I know is this, I need to stay positive through my hard times and hard lousy people who suck out the energy of life from me.I started listening to tapes from Joel Olsteen and Tony Robbins so I could change the hardware in my brain.I started working on my prayer life, because honestly, with those morons surrounding you (and me) we need God.

I have come to the conclusion that no matter what occurs I know that God wants better things for me and for my children.I want to eat at His banquet and not steal the crumbs off the floor. I want to be joyful and happy and be there for others.I want to make a difference.

You are going to be able to do more now for yourself with this new job.But think of this, you do not need to stay stagnant, you have the ability to become more. I realize your life now must be tiring to your spirit, but there is always hope.Hope for you and even those you live with.Pray for them also.

I wish for you the very best life has to offer and pray that your tears will soon lead to blessing giving you tenfold of what you have lost.If you ever need to talk, I am here for you.

OP, live for YOURSELF and YOUR well being. Gain the confidence from within you, not a fantasy.

Skysthelimit25

about a year ago me and my kids had our own place with my fiance.. he was the sole provider for the family.. i was a stay at hom mom... well long story short he left us with the house and all the bills.. what did i do... well i got off my *kitten* and got a full time job plus a part time job.. worked my *kitten* off. yes i still nedded assistance with food because i hve 3 kids and both of my jobs were min wage.. i was paying most of my cash to childcare.. but u know what... I DID IT!!!!!!! never say there no way out of a situation... because if u really need help or a way out theres always a way..you cant keep thinking about how you want things to change.. youve got to make them change!

leafstucker16

ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.

and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.

my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.

the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.

Sounds to me like the whole family has a LOT of growing up to do. This is the real world, everyone needs to go out and get a job. Your SIL getting pregnant to get welfare/food stamps is disgusting and I feel sorry for the child that she is bringing into this world.

Your husband needs to grow up and get his attitude under control, if he can't keep a job at mcdonalds because of his attitude then your going to have problems like this the rest of your life.

MorganLeighRN

Just my .02
You are not going to get a lot of sympathy on this board.
MANY of us had to overcome a great multitude of problems to get where we are.
My own personal "sob story".
I own a house. Wife and two kids.
My wife lost her job when the company she worked for went belly up.
A few months later I lost my job when the company moved to India.
I was without a job for EXACTLY three days.
I went from making 60K a year with an office in the dot com industry to making $8.00 per hour installing fences. Working in the hot sun digging post holes and dealing with ex felons as my work mates.
I did what I had to do.
I worked as many hours as they would let me work.
We went from $400.00 per week on food to less then $200.00
My wife worked as many baby sitting jobs as she could.
Failure was simply NOT an option. Not with two little kids.
Now I am back as a programmer and my wife turned her "please let me babysit your kid" part time gig into her own little home day care. She is making 40K per year and working from home.
Your attitude MUST change.
Instead of you and your husband making excuses as to why you CAN'T do it, you need to look in the mirror, together, get pissed, and resolve that you WILL do it and you will DESTROY anything that gets in your way. Bad temper, DESTROY that bad temper. TAKE CONTROL!!!

BRAVO! :flowerforyou:

i hope you and your wife are extremely proud of yourselves for pulling yourselves out of a terrible situation because i know i am.

Actually, we are. Before the dot com bust, we were living at our means. Both had nice new cars and all the toys we could afford.
Now, our credit is shot (still a slow rebuild) but we now own everything we have with the exception of the house payment.
We learned a lot.
My dog died about three months ago and I cried. Then I tried to remember the last time I cried before that.
I cried in 1993 attending a Military funeral.
Then I remembered. I had hurt my shoulder pretty bad and I still went to work digging those post holes. If I didn't work, I didn't get paid. Just that simple. I came home afterwords and I was just SO frustrated that it just came out. Big ol sobs.
My wife was terrified. She had no idea how to react.
I was just SO pissed and frustrated at the situation. I was tired and I was in pain.
BUT, the moral of the story is that, as a team, we KEPT FIGHTING.
And now, we are breathing much easier.
One nice thing about manual labor is I DID hit my target weight.

I am in love with this man!!!! WTG!

OP-you need to pull yourself up by the boot straps and get your life in order. You can ONLY control YOU!! If you are unhappy about the situation do something about it. You have all of these wonderful suggestions. You asked for people's opinions and you got them. Now, you can choose to ignore them and continue down this road or follow them a get out. It's your choice. If you choose to ignore the suggestions than you can't continue to complain about it.