really bad home issues... could use some help

Irish_eyes75

Time for you and your husband to grow up and live your own life. I would feel bad but all I read were excuses and blame. I would also feel bad if any of you actually tried to work for a living. I'm sorry but I don't. I know first hand how hard it is to find a job. It took me over a year to find one when I loved back to my home state. I didn't make excuses, I actually looked every single day, pounded the pavement, made phone calls and went on any and all interviews I could get. One area that is always hiring is overnight shifts at Walmart and Target. My father worked his butt off all his life, now he's ill and is looking at losing his house that he worked so fanned hard for. My husband and I work and help my dad but we have rent and a 7 year old as well so everybody is sacrificing. Finally....getting fired for attitude problems is just rediculous and your sister in law disgusts me - no job, no money but let's intentionally get pregnant??? Wow...just wow. Again, time for all of you to grow up.

42hockeymom

I'm sorry I didn't ready every response to your post. I can't, I'm tired, and need to get up early for my run.

I checked your profile, hoping to see what state you live in, unfortunately you don't have that listed for public reading, so this "advice" may not be pertinent in your part of the country.

I live in Wisconsin. One thing that has happened recently, like in the last few years, is that people who have stalls at farmers markets now can accept "food stamps" (I believe it's quest card here, not sure, I'd have to look) they then get re-imbursed by the state. Even the guys who have their little farm stands here in town accept them. All except one. If that's an option for you, USE IT! Learn to can. Right now 30 lbs of tomatoes are $20. Once again, not sure where you live, so that may not be the case for you. The drought did do a lot of damage but if you can get you hands on some stuff, and can can it, then do it. Trust me when I tell you there's nothing better than "the real thing" as opposed to frozen. Now, nobody bash me! If you can't do that and frozen is all you can get, then that's a great option.

Taking walks is fantastic. When we were so strapped for cash and in danger of losing our house, all I could do was walk. And walk I did. I lost weight, lowered my blood pressure, and reduced my stress. The dog benefited too. Walking is free.

That's all I've got.

Kimmerz1

First off, I know exactly how your situation is, mine is sort of similar. I am in a relationship with an asian guy and he is hmong. We live with his parents and his 5 brothers who all are out of school and could get jobs but choose not to and eat what everybody else buys.

I just wanna say I am glad your making some changes and don't let anyone discourage you or put you down for making better choices for yourself. Just remember your doing it for yourself and nobody else.

As for the situation, there is no way to avoid it unless you move out but like you said that's not an option right now. If your getting the food stamps for yourself and husband then you should let everybody know that and you are gonna use it to buy "dinner meals only" and if they want their junk food they're going to have to buy it themselves. If they don't understand then explain to them buying junk food lasts maybe a day that doesn't fill you up and that by buying stuff to make meals lasts longer and fills you up. If you don't speak up nothing will change or get better and you won't be happy.

I hope this helps. If you wanna talk more feel free to "friend me" or message me

weighlossforbaby

I don't think you want to hear what I have to say. But, maybe if you got rid of cable then people would be able to get out and find a job and you would be able to afford to save some money so you can move out. Really, CABLE is a luxury while SHELTER is a necessity. The rent should be paid before anything else because sooner or later you ALL will be on the street.

This.

I don't have cable because I like paying my mortgage.

I don't have cable either which is fine by me.

115perfection

Move to a cheap neighbourhood in Canada. Seriously though.... they don't even allow you to get paid less than $10 an hour in most places.

Also, I've had a job since 14. You have fast food experience, maybe Denny's is hiring? Thats where y first job was. They hire easily and whether you get a job at the front of house or back of house, you get a share of tips. I got around $6 extra per day, which isn't much but if you work 5 days its 120 dollars extra a month. Still not great but you'd already be making 1600 per month. Enough for very cheap rent and if your husband got a job he could pay for the other expenses.

KarenBoehlke

Don't know if you even need my two cents with all the tough love advice, cynical remarks, and empathy you are getting here.

How about some encouragement? Kudos kid you analyzed your situation correctly - it sucks! You want a way out - awesome motivator. Now just do it.

Yeah easier said than done, but your NOT in an impossible situation.

I grew up in a proverty stricken neighborhood. Yup, I'm from the hood. But my parents didn't get government assistance and taught us kids to be proud of that (all five of us kids). They worked hard. Dad had two to three jobs and Mom helped out with a part time job when things got tight. I put myself through college because education is key to better employment. You said your 25 right? I'm assuming your husband is close in age to you. You both are still young enough to join the military and get your education paid for by Uncle Sam.

My husband and I had debt out the zing zang. Lost our jobs. Were living with family and were even homeless at one point (living in a tent actuallly).

Worse. We couldn't get on governmental assistance when we finally got to the point were we realized we needed help because we were homeless (what kind of BS is that just because you have no home you can't get food stamps? Those are the people who really need help.) On top of this we had a sick child who the only way we could get help for him (no insurance) was to let the hospital use him as a guiney pig (never ever do that-BIG mistake).

So how is this going to help you?
First I am assuming that you and your husband have a good working relationship. It doesn't have to be strong. Ours wasn't at the time, it was the tough times that strengthened us.
Second I am assuming that you both have been surgically removed from the umbilical cord and can live independently from your parents, and no physical handicaps that keep you out of the employment line.
Now I believe you mentioned that you will be starting a new job soon. Good. Use it to get out. Section 8 and food stamps will help you and your husband stand on your own two crutches. (not to be mean, but that is what government assistance is...crutches). As you learn to become more independent you'll get the confidence to throw away the crutches and stand on your own two feet. This will take hard work and determination. And lots of these.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Enjoy the journey. It sounds crazy, but if you do pull yourself out of this pit (and that will be entirely up to you) then you'll look back on all the hard work and say WOW! What a great life. There are still times my husband and I will say "Remember when we were homeless and everyone said we didn't have a chance...boy did we have fun proving them wrong."

susjan

I wasn't going to say anything, but I read a lot of the comments (and yours) and even read some of your "diary"... and I have to say, that you make A LOT of excuses for your actions. If you have zero $, you don't need the internet. You don't need gamefly or whatever you have for your husband that you mentioned in your diary. You're going to be evicted if you don't start paying rent. End of story. Buck up and get it together. There's NO reason why your husband shouldn't work (bipolar or not) and you should be working too. You honestly sound like you just want someone to feel sorry for you, but I don't really have any sympathy. Everyone has something that they're fighting in our lives... and there are two kinds of people in life; those who are do'ers and those who are takers. You're a taker. Time to be a do'er or quit your *****ing. Harsh words but all true. Good luck.

snarky

Hey... I don't really have anything new to add. just thought I would jump on the band wagon. Your "diary" is titled "the stupidity of others," you post here asking for comments and when people call you on it you go and whine to your diary friends. I think that you are stuck. You want to blame others for your situation. Honestly, you are too old to be making excuses for your circumstances without realizing that you might have something to do with the situation that you are in. Think about it. There are others who have overcome much bigger obstacles than you. Why is that? There has been a lot of great advice given to you. I hope that you can get over blaming others and really listen and take action, rather than complaining on the internet. The internet doesn't care and won't take care of you. You need to focus on yourself - not others. I mean seriously, we are all idiots and stupid so why do you spend so much time trying to gain our sympathy?

rextcat

there should be some kind of "bread pantry" you can go to i know some churches will have them

weighlossforbaby

Your husband needs to man up and get a job to provide for his wife. Period.

My thoughts exactly.

MarisaLWood

Its good you're looking for work, but to be honest, your husband sounds like a lazy *kitten*. He should get off his *kitten* and get a JOB. My schizophrenic uncle, who refused to take his meds, managed to hold down a job for 3 years at a factory, so your 'bipolar' husband gets no sympathy from me.

None from me either. I'm bipolar and I HATE it when people with bipolar disorder use their illness as an excuse for jerk@$$ behavior. For what it's worth, I take my meds as directed by my doctor, and I've held down a good full-time job with benefits for the past four years. If your husband needs accommodations in order to work, the Americans with Disabilities Act requires an employer to provide reasonable accommodations. This doesn't mean the employer has to put up with bad behavior, but if a job needs to be modified in some way, and the modification is feasible, it should at least be tried.

I'm well aware there are some people with bipolar disorder who cannot work at all. But if your husband WON'T work, he is taking advantage of you--and in that kind of situation I would seriously consider leaving him.

My own finances were tight for a long time before I got my current job. I was $10K in the hole with credit card debt (my fault entirely) and, rather than filing for bankruptcy, I worked out a payment plan with my creditor and paid every cent of that debt off over a 3-year period. During that time, I made keeping a roof over my head my #1 priority--even if it meant making sacrifices. Instead of a pricey Internet package, I got a Yahoo! account and used the Internet at the library. I did a lot of my grocery shopping at Grocery Outlet. I only bought new clothes and shoes when the old ones were falling apart. I didn't have (and still don't have) a vehicle or cable TV.

And not having a vehicle is no excuse for not being able to go anywhere if you live in a place with halfway decent public transportation. I have an ORCA card (regional transit pass). It costs me about $90 a month for unlimited rides and is accepted on buses, light rail, and ferries in a four-county-wide service area: King, Pierce, Snohomish, and Kitsap Counties. I've used it not just to commute to and from work, but also for visiting friends, going shopping, and even short hiking trips!

Momonamission53

MadGodsBlessi, just a note from the not so wise. A lot of people gave you good advice about walking and getting food for you and your hubby. Just worry about the two of you and your father in law, because if he does not start getting the right nourishment it could affect his health if it hasn't. I found out in Feb of this year I have become diabetic. Dr. told me to start watching what I was eating over a year ago, I watched the food go in my mouth that I should have not been eating. Then all the sudden in January this year my weight went crazy was gaining 4 lbs a week. Dr. put me on medication for High Blood Pressure and Diabeties and after two weeks I got deathly ill and could not keep anything down.so stopped all meds per MD..... So that started a bunch of tests that cost a lot of money when just stoping the medication helped (but it two weeks to get out of my system) and controling it with what I ate,It was then I decided I liked my feet and site. If I was to go blind I could not see the beautiful sunsets that God gives me to enjoy almost every day, I could not walk without feet. I worked 23 as a pharmacy technician and my last job worked in the hospital and was around people who were diabetic, and I saw what it did and I guess reality hit me hard, and I decided to do something about it. My dietician told me to eat no more then 150 carbs per day and it is working ( Best diet ever I do not have to count calories, calories and me do not get along but the carbs I can do. . I can have cheese, Turkey lunch meat, (popcorn for a treat cause the carbs are low), eggs and stuff like that if I get hungry and eating a small amount fills me up now, You see its the carbs that make the sugar which raises your blood sugar. As far as the family situation I can not do anything about that but I can give you encourgement and I know you can do it. Good luck on your new job, just stay away from the fast food, make your lunch and look at all the carbs.

StarvingDiva

It is very easy for people who have not been here to preach at you about getting a job! I used to be one of them, trust me I know. But, I learned the hard way not to judge until I have been there. The unemployment numbers and the 10,000 at a time applications for menial low paying jobs speak for themselves. Don't let these people get you down, it is not you, it is the economy so just find that compromise! Good luck.Oh and just to clarify the compromise I am speaking of is getting 2-3 part time jobs(they are much easier to get) to equal a full time job- I wish someone had told me to do that from day one, my life would have been much easier. Look for stuff you like, I am acually keeping one of mine now that I have a full time job because I enjoy it.

I didn't preach, I have been unemployed since August of last year, I finally just got a job fulltime although it's only a temporary maternity leave, there is possibility for fulltime, you are right, there are no jobs, it's so disheartening out there and it's very difficult. But I gave her advice I used myself, get a library card and use the library for books, internet, movies. Cancel internet, TV etc. Go and get on budget programs for all your utilities, contact your credit card companies to see about programs to lower your interest rates, Capital One definitely has this program as they lowered my 10% for a year. Chase wouldn't. Some companies will some won't but it never hurts to ask. I also have two part-time jobs doing Pampered Chef and working for a coupon website. It pays for groceries, I don't qualify for food stamps or any assistance. But I do my best, I've had to take money out of my 401k and will probably get smacked at the end of the year with the extra taxes, but I had to pay the mortgage. Some of us are living it right now, my advice to her was practical about ways to cut corners and save some money.

kimg68

I hope all of you that have been posting encouraging and supportive advice for the OP have taken the time to go read her online diary. Word of caution, if you are offended by bad language, stay away.

StarvingDiva

I hope all of you that have been posting encouraging and supportive advice for the OP have taken the time to go read her online diary. Word of caution, if you are offended by bad language, stay away.

I actually did and it's unfortunate that excuses are more important and friends/family coddle this behavior.
But until people in her life stop coddling the behavior it will continue.

digitalbill

OK...
I am man enough to admit when I am wrong.
I was wrong.
I was wrong for suggesting that her and her husband join the Military.
I just read her online diary and she is what I like to call a “Perpetual Victim”.
Basically, she is blaming everyone else but herself for the situation she is in.
Because this is her mindset, she will ALWAYS fail..... ALWAYS.
And, she will always blame someone else.
Once (if) she becomes an adult and learns to accept responsibility, she will make herself better.
Until then, everyone reading this will continue to support her VIA our tax dollars.

Arexxx

I just read her online diary and she is what I like to call a “Perpetual Victim”.

I like this phrase.

Lyssa62

LOL and looks like she closed the journal. This kind of stuff is what pisses me off that my hard working tax dollars go to. I think food stamps should be like WIC -- designate what can and can't be bought with them. That would solve some of the problems.
My husband is 56 years old and has RA..yet he works a full time job in a factory. He has never even considered trying to get disability. I have "mood swings" too (aka bipolar) ...guess what I can still work. ARGH! I think they are all content living like this.

Arexxx

I just wasted a good 10 minutes of my life reading your online diary.

"i just got home, had to go get a physical for work and now am waiting on them to tell me when orientation is going to be. ill probably be MIA tomorrow if i can get my *kitten* out of bed early enough."

Trying hard, I see.

"why start **** when you dont have the ****ing balls to put up with it. why the hell does a maybe 20 year old kid think that he is going to scare a man that is almost 60 years old. let alone the woman that started the **** kept saying that she was surprised that we wernt calling her a ****** and that we were more like ******s than she was and all this other bull****."

Stop swearing about nothing. And for Christs sake.. act your age?

"and when you have 2 desktop computers a laptop, a net book and a 360 ( actually 2 but the one does not have online) we need a better internet."

SELL THAT ****. OMG.



Look, I wouldn't hire you to change my tire. I'm sorry, I'm a b*tch. But you need to grow up.

XtyAnn17

Why doesn't everyone have a job? Including your pregnant sister?

vick9180

Oh and don't listen to the advice about joining Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, etc ...those companies rely on their "employees" buying the bulk of their product and then the employee is left trying to sell it (and they rarely make ANY profit).

Interesting...I've been with Mary Kay for almost 9 years...don't think I'd continue to work with them if I didn't make any profit. I know loads of people with home based businesses that work them full time and support their families with them. It mostly boils down to how you manage your money and the effort you put into it. If you don't do either one, then of course you won't make any profit! No business will make you money if you don't actually do the work, and home based businesses have far cheaper start-up costs than any other type of business. Bottom line, these businesses work if you work, which is exactly the same deal with any other job out there...if the employee isn't working, they won't have money either...or their job.

And considering that home-based businesses have been one of the fastest growing job markets out there in this recession, I wouldn't knock them. Do some research on these things before making a generalization about ALL companies like this, because I've seen a LOT of people work into a better life because of these businesses being available to them. And neither of the companies you listed rely on their consultants to purchase their product to sell in order to be profitable.

Lyssa62

well you've all got me curious...did you friend her to see her journal?

digitalbill

well you've all got me curious...did you friend her to see her journal?

No, she has an online diary. She posted the link about three pages back but, she has since then modified her posting to remove the link.
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D930084

XtyAnn17

well you've all got me curious...did you friend her to see her journal?

No, she has an online diary. She posted the link about three pages back but, she has since then modified her posting to remove the link.
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D930084

Just saw that first post on it. You really gotta be top knotch to be FIRED from your job. No wonder she's having problems. I really feel no sympathy at all for this woman.

Erica0718

OK...
I am man enough to admit when I am wrong.
I was wrong.
I was wrong for suggesting that her and her husband join the Military.
I just read her online diary and she is what I like to call a “Perpetual Victim”.
Basically, she is blaming everyone else but herself for the situation she is in.
Because this is her mindset, she will ALWAYS fail..... ALWAYS.
And, she will always blame someone else.
Once (if) she becomes an adult and learns to accept responsibility, she will make herself better.
Until then, everyone reading this will continue to support her VIA our tax dollars.

^^ Like, You speak the truth! With some people it will always be someone elses fault, SMH

Edited to add: I also glanced at your website diary and found the "YAY more idiots" very interesting. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the idiot is you. I hope one day you do and please stop with all the excuses.

LoosingMyLast15

Just my .02
You are not going to get a lot of sympathy on this board.
MANY of us had to overcome a great multitude of problems to get where we are.
My own personal "sob story".
I own a house. Wife and two kids.
My wife lost her job when the company she worked for went belly up.
A few months later I lost my job when the company moved to India.
I was without a job for EXACTLY three days.
I went from making 60K a year with an office in the dot com industry to making $8.00 per hour installing fences. Working in the hot sun digging post holes and dealing with ex felons as my work mates.
I did what I had to do.
I worked as many hours as they would let me work.
We went from $400.00 per week on food to less then $200.00
My wife worked as many baby sitting jobs as she could.
Failure was simply NOT an option. Not with two little kids.
Now I am back as a programmer and my wife turned her "please let me babysit your kid" part time gig into her own little home day care. She is making 40K per year and working from home.
Your attitude MUST change.
Instead of you and your husband making excuses as to why you CAN'T do it, you need to look in the mirror, together, get pissed, and resolve that you WILL do it and you will DESTROY anything that gets in your way. Bad temper, DESTROY that bad temper. TAKE CONTROL!!!

BRAVO! :flowerforyou:

i hope you and your wife are extremely proud of yourselves for pulling yourselves out of a terrible situation because i know i am.

Actually, we are. Before the dot com bust, we were living at our means. Both had nice new cars and all the toys we could afford.
Now, our credit is shot (still a slow rebuild) but we now own everything we have with the exception of the house payment.
We learned a lot.
My dog died about three months ago and I cried. Then I tried to remember the last time I cried before that.
I cried in 1993 attending a Military funeral.
Then I remembered. I had hurt my shoulder pretty bad and I still went to work digging those post holes. If I didn't work, I didn't get paid. Just that simple. I came home afterwords and I was just SO frustrated that it just came out. Big ol sobs.
My wife was terrified. She had no idea how to react.
I was just SO pissed and frustrated at the situation. I was tired and I was in pain.
BUT, the moral of the story is that, as a team, we KEPT FIGHTING.
And now, we are breathing much easier.
One nice thing about manual labor is I DID hit my target weight.

what an amazing, inspirational story. some people just have it in them to not give up and others well they just want a hand out or someone else to blame and no amount of "help" will change them. i'm all about fixing your own problems. i'm sorry about your dog (i have 2 myself) but a BIG CONGRATULATIONS on hitting your target weight with that job.

Sharyn913

Your husband needs to man up and get a job to provide for his wife. Period.

THIS!!!!

ellenxmariex3

Are there any financial literacy programs near you?

I ask because the nonprofit my mother works at has a financial literacy program that helps many families. Nonprofits are great resources for everyone, especially those with low incomes.

My suggestion is to work your butt off. My 19 year old boyfriend has no education and was able to land a job paying over minimum wage after searching for a while. The food industry is often hiring because the turnover is so high. He works that job full time (and any overtime they will give him), is a caregiver for a handicapped adult part time, and just started to go to school full time. He's tired all the time. He doesn't have any luxuries (no cable, only has internet because I pay for it, only has a laptop because he got it as a present, no new clothes, ect) but he's doing what needs to be done. That's what you should be doing.

Sharyn913

The diary is private now.

digitalbill

The diary is private now.

Well good.
Now she can only let people read it who will "poor baby" her.