really bad home issues... could use some help

lorib75

I get it. You needed to vent huh? It's not always easy to hear the truth. Especially the way some people have presented it to you. I see a few responses that were sent in sincere caring love for you.

My suggestion is
1. use your own food stamps to buy only what you need for each meal. Do not buy more. Do not buy junk. Try filling up on salad or stir fried veggies. Whole grains and pasta's.
2. Do what another poster suggested- when you get frustrated, take a walk. It will clear your mind and it will definitely make you feel better.
3. see the positive in everyone. That way you are not adding to the stress and frustration of the household.
4. Pray. Have you ever thought about going to church ( do you already go to church?) God is always with you. He is just waiting for you to turn to Him.
5. Volunteer. If you are only going to be working 20 hours per week, you have PLENTY of time to volunteer for those who truely are less fortunate than you.

Please know that you are not as bad off as you think. There is always someone out there who is dealing with a lot more than you have described. I know sometimes its hard to see the forest for the trees... chin up!! I'll be thinking of you!

Aquarian

Leaving is possible. if your husband wont go with you, leave him behind. those other people are grown ups. They are living there, acting like this because you gave them permission to. I would tell you if you dont have kids to get the hell out.

This, very much. I assumed you have kids because you said there are 6 people in the house, but if not, then LEAVE. If you can't get him to work, it is highly unlikely that the marriage would work either.

jlnk

I'm starting to think this is a troll thread. Calling major bs on the OP

Let's hope!

amy1612

ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.

and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.

my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.

the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.

I really don't get this? You're 25, and have the attitude of a whiny teenager. You don't like it, change something, but don't expect all the sympathy when all you've got are excuses hun. You should'nt be expecting anything from your husbands family, you're both old enough to support yourselves, and even if your husband is bipolar, that's no excuse to be mardy at work and have attitude problems,he's an adult. Depression is no reason to be a douche. Suck it up, make changes. Youre complaining about your sister in law, and her poor bloody husband is the only one bringing in any money, poor guy must be at his wits, with a baby on the way and supporting a whole housefull of people!

kristymcgee

You have got to get out out of this cycle. I know that it is hard and you can't move out right now. You should look into going to school. The loans don't have to be paid back until a long time after you graduate. You might even be able to get scholarships and money to live on. You have to know that you are worth it. If you don't know that, your weight loss goals will not be attainable either.

With your food stamps you can buy healthier food -- they will have to eat what you bring home and fix or get their own. Once they start seeing the positive changes in you, they will want to get on board as well.

The most important thing I think is to not be a victim. You control your life and no one else will care as much about you as you do.

You can get as much advice as you want, but you don't know if you are getting unbiased advice -- especially from people that would benefit from any decisions you do or don't make.

You are worth it. Get up, dust yourself off, and keep going down the right track. There will be problems, but you can get past that. Drag your hubby with you.

digitalbill

ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.

and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.

my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.

the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.

Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army.
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.

jessabethheather

I wanted to say the fact that you are here asking for ideas and asking for help shows that you are heading in the right direction. You know you want more, you know you want to be out of that toxic situation, so good for you! Now stay moving in that direction. Start with one small thing -- like how you can keep this job. What happened in the last job that you were fired? (I'm not asking for you to answer, just to think about). Can you fix that to keep this one? When you get that first paycheck, take it to the bank and put some away in a savings account. (I'm assuming that husband that sits at home with no job demands your entire paycheck). Pull some out. Put it in a savings account before you bring the rest home. Start this savings account for YOU. That's one small change you can make -- work, save some in a savings account, and work towards getting out of that house. I know lots of people will tell you to get out, run, go now, etc. I know that seems overwhelming and not possible. It seems so daunting that it probably seems unattainable. But working toward a goal slowly? You can do that! Go to an apartment complex. Find out how much money is required for the deposit. Put some of your paycheck in that secret savings account, and when you have enough, you know you can leave. You can do this. You can.

Take a walk every day, just to clear your head. Think about your goal of your own apartment. Think about how you know you have that account building money to get you out eventually. It will make you feel good, I promise that.

And your husband? You mentioned he has a temper. Please, please know that you never, ever have to tolerate having that temper taken out on you. That isn't normal. That's not what other women go through. You don't ever deserve that. Ever. There are plenty of women's shelters that will take you in if his temper is being used on you. They will help you and get you out and help you get on your feet. Friend me if you need support. Or a list of women's shelters in your area. You can get help. I promise.

miriamwithcats

my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.

Getting on disability is extremely hard and takes a long time. Ninety percent of the applications are AUTOMATICALLY rejected no matter how valid the disability is. So then you have to hire a lawyer and go through the appeal process. I recently helped out a homeless man who had two major brain injuries. The first time his frontal lobes were basically suctioned out since they were mush. This guy took four months to learn my NAME even though he was living in my house! Yet he was denied! He had to go through the appeal process, and was without any incomeat all for four years! He got food stamps, but NO assistance with housing during that time! Some people never are able to articulate their need well enough to get on disability.

BarbellBlondieRuns

If your husband doesn't want to leave the house... you can't make him. But you must put yourself first right now. Get out of there. This is a time of crisis in your life. If an airplane is going down, you have to put on your OWN mask first. So go it alone. Get out of there - just you. Get out into the world and put your mask on. You can't make your husband put his mask on. Go do what you need to do to get yourself out (get any assistance you can) and then once you are stable, make a plan to get off government assistance.

miriamwithcats

.

Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army.
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.

The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!

kidtechnical

4. Pray. Have you ever thought about going to church ( do you already go to church?) God is always with you. He is just waiting for you to turn to Him.

Seriously? WTF!

NoahMcManus

I would suggest shutting down the computer and going for a walk. You've been online for about an hour complaining, you could've been out taking a walk and clearing your head and getting away from all these people that are pissing you off. You could've walked 2.5 miles by now.

Sorry to say it, but with each new post, you're losing sympathy. It's not your food stamps, so you don't really have any room to complain about what's purchased with them. It's not your house, so it doesn't matter how many people live there or what they do with their money since you're not paying rent.

It seems to me like you've got 2 choices. 1. Get out of the house. You might be homeless, which will make it harder to get a job. But if what's going on is bothering you so much. Do it. 2. Stop complaining, start your new job, see if you can get another one and start saving money so you can get your own place. You're living rent free, food is provided for you and you have cable and internet. Enjoy it while it lasts and hope you have saved enough money to get your own place once you're all evicted.

Pspetal

I have no advice to offer you about your situation but I do have a link for a site.
Its written by someone who feeds a family of 4 on $50 per week.
There are planned daily menus and recipes too for every week.
I found it on pinterest and I think its awesome. She does all the hard work of figuring things out for you and all you have to do is follow the plan.
There're about 35 weeks' worth of menus and detailed grocery lists AND recipes for all 3 meals of the day.

http://www.grocerybudget101.com/content.php/8-menus

Good luck with your situation!

corn63

.

Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army.
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.

The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!

Trust me, yes they will. They just overlook it.

sandylion

Ditch the whole cluster**** and strike out on your own.

mssoulrebel_77

.

Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army.
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.

Couldn't agree more - man up and join the military... even if only one of you does it.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!

cdprouty

The situation is your wake up call to learn the value of self reliance and responsibility. Here's your plan.

As of this moment, you have a new full-time job: Finding a new source of employment. Spend 8 - 10 hours a day, every day, trying to find employment. It will both liberate you from your household and teach you the skills in gaining employment. Start where ever...McD's, Walmart...wherever...pay is pay is pay. 8 - 10 hours a day, every day until someone says "you are hired".

Once you've collected two paychecks, find a new place to live. Apartment, loft, room...wherever.

Everything else will fall into place.

First step...get your mind right.

Juliejustsaying

I'm so sorry that your in that situation. I can't even begin to imagine. The only thing I can offer to help is to tell you to take a walk. I don't mean move out, but litereally take a walk. Everytime you get furstrated or need a little peace, talk a walk. 20 min here 30 min there. Getting outside and away will help your stress level and the benifits of walking to weight loss should be obvious. Its also FREE!

This is excellent advice, but I always want to add that sometimes there are options out there that you just didn't know about. Maybe this is a time when you could get a grant and go back to school, maybe there is some HUD housing that you could move to...if you have a 411 line in your town, call and just see what might be available to you. You just never know what help might be out there.

I give you much respect for trying to make a health change in your life when there is so much you could be sad about and use as an excuse. Just keep trying, take that walk, and see what is out there to help you back on your feet.

Tara1090

If your husband doesn't want to leave the house... you can't make him. But you must put yourself first right now. Get out of there. This is a time of crisis in your life. If an airplane is going down, you have to put on your OWN mask first. So go it alone. Get out of there - just you. Get out into the world and put your mask on. You can't make your husband put his mask on. Go do what you need to do to get yourself out (get any assistance you can) and then once you are stable, make a plan to get off government assistance.

^^^^^ THIS!!!! 100% Agree

You cant change anyone!!!...

melsmith612

my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)

If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.

Getting on disability is extremely hard and takes a long time. Ninety percent of the applications are AUTOMATICALLY rejected no matter how valid the disability is. So then you have to hire a lawyer and go through the appeal process. I recently helped out a homeless man who had two major brain injuries. The first time his frontal lobes were basically suctioned out since they were mush. This guy took four months to learn my NAME even though he was living in my house! Yet he was denied! He had to go through the appeal process, and was without any incomeat all for four years! He got food stamps, but NO assistance with housing during that time! Some people never are able to articulate their need well enough to get on disability.

I never said it would be easy, just pointing out the obvious. One of the qualifications for disability due to depression or any other mental illness is an inability to work on a continuous basis. I would easily qualify myself if I wasn't trying like hell to keep my job the last 5 1/2 years.