really bad home issues... could use some help
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My advice:
Keep in mind this is very general, but falls under the "I wish I knew then what I know now" department:
1) don't make any decisions that have "permanent" consequences based on this temporary situation.
and
2) ultimately, we are all responsible for our own actions. No one can make one doe anything he (or she) wouldn't otherwise want to do.0 -
If I had to guess, you are feeling kind oif like a victim. You lost your job, not your fault. Your MIL died, not your fault. Your SIL is an IDIOT!! Not your fault. You need to take back control of your life. You need to get a job. Go work at Subway. It's healthier then McDonald's! What about going to school? Goodwill offers all kinds of classes that could help you.
This is YOUR life. It's time for you to start living it under your terms, Nobody else's.0 -
I don't think you want to hear what I have to say. But, maybe if you got rid of cable then people would be able to get out and find a job and you would be able to afford to save some money so you can move out. Really, CABLE is a luxury while SHELTER is a necessity. The rent should be paid before anything else because sooner or later you ALL will be on the street.
This.
I don't have cable because I like paying my mortgage.0 -
One of the best ways that I make a dollar stretch at the grocery store- go meatless. It's tough, but entirely possible.0
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i knew that was going to come up a lot. i know how some people can be and just say to move out like it would be that easy, if it was going to be that easy i would of done it by now.
i have one person in this town ( besides my husband and father in law) that i can go to for help/advice.
its already been said by the rest of the family that if my sister in law would move out it would make most of the stress and 99% of our problems go away, but that still wouldnt help the food situation much
Sounds like your sister-in-law is a convenient scape goat for you. I would be looking for something else if I lived there since the sheriff is coming with an eviction notice soon since a house of 6 adults can't manage to make rent a priority. From the outside looking in it seems like your SIL is 1% of your real problem...0 -
Is it your foodstamps or hers? If it is yours, then you buy the groceries and get the things you and your hubby wll eat only. If they want junk, they can go buy their on food. Quit buying soda and junk and you will have better food.
THIS!!!!! If they are your food stamps dont worry about what she wants.... she needs to worry about what she wants not you. She is obviously not worried about your wants/needs.
I have a family member like this, I do get it. Thankfully I dont live w/that person anymore!! Good luck!!! Hopefully you will be able to move soon!!0 -
Have you thought about trying to go back to school and get some sort of degree that will help you get a better job? I'm sure you'd qualify for tons of financial assistance and, even though it's not a solution for the short term, sometimes having a long term goal/plan in place helps you to deal with the stress of your immediate situation. Also, you can apply for financial assistance for housing as well. If you qualify for food stamps, you should qualify for that, too. Go down to the local unemployment office and tell them you'd like some help looking for a good job. Sometimes they know about jobs that are available that may not be listed in the paper or elsewhere. As someone else said, if you're paying for internet and you are having this much trouble making ends meet, you should probably think about having it shut off...at least temporarily, anyway. Also, I agree that, if you're the one getting the food stamps, you should be doing the grocery shopping and buy HEALTHY foods (as healthy as possible on food stamps anyway). Your sister in law might not like not having internet or not having junk food, but maybe that will "encourage" her to move out. Stop making it so easy for her to stay, and maybe she'll decide to leave. It's not gonna be easy to deal with the aftermath, but it's like dealing with a spoiled child. No matter how much they kick and scream, you HAVE to stick to your guns and do the right thing. Most of the time, the right thing to do is not the easy thing to do.0
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hmmmm troll'n? Hun re-read all you wrote - I wouldn't even dare to share this with anyone if it was me -- at 25 what the heck is stopping you from conquering life....
All I got out of this was excuses, excuses, and nothing but excuses... with a tint of screeching whine0 -
I tend to agree with the walk comment... When things are ridiculous and leave you shaking your head get out of the house. Put up a flyer at a local store for babysitting (in their home), lawn care, dog walking, etc. SOMETHING to make you a few extra bucks (to save to move OR for your own food choices) and something to get you out of the home and MOVING to speed up your weight loss efforts. We can't control how others behave, BUT we can control how we react to it. Good luck to you!0
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There are a lot of jobs out there right now that pay decent, no matter what is being said. They don't require a lot of experience and they are in all sectors. I know because I am a hiring mgr at my company and we have positions that stay open for weeks and months at a time. The problem that I often hear is that the entitlements being handed out will be lost if they accept the job. No consideration is given to the fact that there is no career advancement or long term stability in entitlements. Thinking short term about how accepting a job is going to impact government subsidies is killing a generation. Go get a job, move out and dump the family that finds satisfaction in keeping you down so they can feel better about themselves. Decide to make a change and do it, then come back here and post your success story. You have the ability to change your life, if you choose to....so choose to.0
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Sorry for your situation...All I can offer to you is...We are all responsible for ourselves...Nothing will change or nobody can make you feel or do anything, unless you allow it. We are what we repeatedly do. You are the only one who can change your situation or circumstance. Get your mind in a positive place, work and work more and change things for you!
Good Luck to you!:-)0 -
Is your husband working? I don't think I read anything about that. The long and short of all this is, IMHO, you need to move out of that kind of environment. It sounds like a major clusterf*ck. Get another job, get your husband working, find a way to get a small place of your own. Even a studio might be affordable after you've had a chance to save up a bit. Here in CT, we have a 211 service that offers tons of help to people on a variety of topics; I'd say see if you have something like that where you live and find out if there any programs that can help you...maybe assistance to put a deposit on a small apartment or something like that.
Make a plan, then work towards it. You can't live in that situation forever...criminy, it's making me feel crazy in the head to even imagine your living situation and how frustrating it must be. I'm decent with resumes...not a certified whiz or anything, but I've put together some pretty decent resumes in my time and often get asked for assistance from friends. If you'd like me to see if I can help brush up your resume at all, please send me a PM. I'd be happy to help. I'm in a crazy screwed up financial situation right now, myself, different from yours...but not any less maddening and frustrating. If I could help a fellow person out in their similar time of need, I'd be happy to. Best of luck to you!0 -
hmmmm troll'n? Hun re-read all you wrote - I wouldn't even dare to share this with anyone if it was me -- at 25 what the heck is stopping you from conquering life....
It's what she's not saying that should give you a clue.
I could be wrong but I'm assuming drugs or alcohol are involved there somewhere.0 -
i knew that was going to come up a lot. i know how some people can be and just say to move out like it would be that easy, if it was going to be that easy i would of done it by now.
i have one person in this town ( besides my husband and father in law) that i can go to for help/advice.
its already been said by the rest of the family that if my sister in law would move out it would make most of the stress and 99% of our problems go away, but that still wouldnt help the food situation much
That's the thing though. We know it's not going to be easy. Some of us have been in similar situations.
The best option isn't necessarily the easiest option. Do you want to have an easy solution, or do you want to save your sanity?
Exactly.
There are times I worked two jobs, seven days a week. There was even a time when I had no car to get to those jobs and had to bum rides off coworkers - even to the grocery store - until I was able to get a car.
When times are tough, you buckle down. Get a job anywhere- the gas station, McDonald's, the department store. I know times are tough out there, but when you have no job and desperately need one, there are some out there. You just can't be picky. You can't afford to be.
Not only will getting a job bring you an income, but it will give you an outlet. Something else to focus on. something else to do rather than sit around the house feeling sorry for yourself and wanting to strangle your family members.
I'm not trying to be nasty, but I'm stating the facts.
If you're not willing to step up and hold yourself accountable, then I can't drum up much sympathy. I've been there. I've been broke and terrified and depressed and heartbroken. I did something about it and pulled myself up. I'm not the only one. Many here have done the same thing, I'm sure.0 -
Did I read that part at the beginning right, where you could be in school to get food stamps also? I would suggest working AND going to community college. Even if it is just one class, I think it would be good for you to get out and meet other people and build skills.
Then you can network with people and be able to have more people, locally, who can give you ideas and help you. Plus you will be improving your job prospects, so when you ARE ready to move, you can have a job that can support that.
As far as the eating goes- who is in charge of buying and preparing the food? Is it possible for you to help with this and get some healthy alternatives going in the household? Is there anyone else on your side in the fact that you just want more healthy food in the house and less junk? Remember it is okay to stand up for what you think is right, like buying some fresh fruit and veggies. I would be ready to cook them also though, since it sounds like you might be living with a few lazy people.
Good Luck hun!0 -
Try going to sites like www.slowfoodusa.org to get ideas for inexpensive healthy meals. And going for a walk IS a great idea. It gets you out of the house and negativity and gets good chemicals floating in your brain. Good stuff in, good stuff out. You have to release the stress of this situation or it will take you down. So far it sounds like you're hanging in there and I give you kudos for that. You have a tough situation there. I hope your husband is supportive. Get out of the house as much as you can. If you have time, volunteer somewhere. This could lead to a job offering some where and gives you something else to put on a resume. You will also meet different people probably with better attitudes than your family and maybe a connection to a job or something positive. Start drinking water. It's so much better for you than any soda or tea. Try adding quinoa to your diet, it's a plant based complete protein. Eat whole grain pastas when you can or cook white one's al dente to be healthier. Try not to buy things that are prepackaged. The are usually unhealthy and expensive. It sounds like most of your family wouldn't eat healthy stuff anyway. Remember, we can't control what life gives us but we can control how we react to it. Maybe you volunteer at a YMCA or get a scholorship membership (they are not supposed to turn anyone away) and then you would have a more positive place to escape to. And pray for strength and wisdom and patience.0
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You need to decide what your post is about. Why are you complaining about what your sister-in-law wastes her money on? That's not your problem.
As for this:
Well yeah. It's HIS FOOD. Of course he gets to decide. You're living off of someone else's charity, so stop complaining about it.its more of my father in law being picky about whats made, if none of the kids dont like it we have to find something else0 -
overall the situation is crappy but you have to try and make the best of it. The first post about getting out and going for a walk is great. It's exercise, gets you away from the sister in law, and will probably put you in a better mood. Stop buying junk with the food stamps, but good food that is healthy. You have internet so look online for healthy recipes. www.delish.com has free recipes and a low calorie section. Look up stuff and make what you see there. Maybe the other people in the house won't even notice the food is low calorie if you don't tell them. Don't get too down on yourself or that will just make you upset and hurt your weight loss. Try to keep your head up. You have a part time job now so do the best you can with that money. Start paying off YOUR bills (not all the rent is your responsibilty) so the option to move out will come. Best of luck!!0
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hmmmm troll'n? Hun re-read all you wrote - I wouldn't even dare to share this with anyone if it was me -- at 25 what the heck is stopping you from conquering life....
All I got out of this was excuses, excuses, and nothing but excuses... with a tint of screeching whine
Srly... want some cheese with that whine?0 -
Consider this a free consultation with your friendly Social Worker:
The only person you can ever change is yourself. Stop focusing on the others in your home and start thinking about what you can do.
Money is a problem - get a job. Any job. Any time night or day. Can't find one? Look into Network Marketing and work for yourself - Usborne Books and More (my personal favorite), Mary Kay, Tupperware, Nerium, Pampered Chef... There are a whole host of them and any good consultant will help you do what you need to build your own business.
Research foods that you can make yourself. Try Allrecipies.com, look for vegetarian recipes and think of meat as a seasoning rather than a main component. Dry beans are easy to fix, good on nutrients, and cheap.
And yes, talk a walk. Lots of walks. Use the time to envision your future, think of who you want to become, then plan how you can live to make that happen. And with all the drama, take hubby on at least half of them to give you two time to communicate.
Free consultation from a Rehabilitation Counselor.
Food stamps are to be used by the individual receiving them, not to go in to a communal pot. So use yours to buy healthy food. Tell them it is the law. It is.
We really cannot change anyone else. So if someone else is causing problems for you, you are going to have to figure out a way to change the situation or change your reaction to the situation.
I would also recommend doing some meditation. It doesn't have to be fancy. Find a quiet spot (your car even), sit comfortably, focus on your breathing, and let your thoughts float away. You can say to your self "In, out" or "Deep, slow" as you breathe to help focus. The Substance Abuse/Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) is recommending this as a part of the whole health initiative to address the obesity epidemic in this population, but it works for all! Stress does cause weight gain!
If you need a friend, you can friend me.0 -
Sounds like it's time to have a family meeting and getting everyone on board for making smarter choices. I'm pretty much in the same mindset as one of the above posters - if you've got internet and you're buying fast food, apparently money's not THAT tight. One or two of you should be in charge of food planning and grocery shopping. Find some recipes that make large amounts to feed everyone like casseroles, tweak them a bit to make them more healthy by using leaner meats and more veggies (won't cost that much more if you shop the sales and buy in bulk). Go and buy everything for the week and follow the schedule to the letter. And if someone's not completely happy with that night's dinner, they can make themselves a PB&J and get over it.0
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Sometimes you've got to hit rock bottom to make a change. If you don't like the way things are, do something about it. You can't sit on the side and let it get to you. Find your voice and USE IT!
Seems to me that all this family is doing is dragging you down. YOU and only you can make the right change. Go out and find a full time job and I'd get your hubby to try for one too. Fast Food place, Walmart, Target, a Temp agency; anything would be better than what you have right now.
If you're on food stamps, you buy for you; not them. They can get their own supplement. Give up the diet soda, it's crap anyway.
My advice would be to find a job and make your hubby find one too. You can't break this cycle until you grow up and grow a pair. Yes, it's a hard thing to do; but when you finally take that leap and make a change for the better not only will it be best for your self-esteem but it'll be better for your marriage and your extended family too.0 -
GET ANOTHER JOB...0
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When times are tough, you buckle down. Get a job anywhere- the gas station, McDonald's, the department store. I know times are tough out there, but when you have no job and desperately need one, there are some out there. You just can't be picky. You can't afford to be.
Not only will getting a job bring you an income, but it will give you an outlet. Something else to focus on. something else to do rather than sit around the house feeling sorry for yourself and wanting to strangle your family members.
This is superb advice. It sounds like you are starting a 20-hour a week job. Find another one (or two or three). String as many together as you can handle (there are plenty of jobs out there despite the economy). You will be getting out of the house as well as making $$$ for the future.0 -
The only advise I will give you is to grow up, stop blaiming others, get an actual full time job (2 part time jobs if that's what it takes) and off government support.
Why do you even have internet if you are on government support??? And 6 people living in one house and still not paying rent???? Rediculous!
Move out so you only have yourself to worry about. Stop buying soda! Don't get internet or cable....maybe not having that will help you get out of the house and work..or exercise.
Harsh words but that's reality. Most of us already know that even though we may want something (like soda, internet, fast food) we DON'T get it because we know other things are more important...such as having a roof over our heads.
You already know this, and I'm guessing you wrote this post just to vent. You are 25 and know the way things are going are wrong and messed up. From this point you can only move forward. Forget those people bringing you down, or holding you back.0 -
i want to, i need to, but im not able to afford anything and my mom does not have the room to let me (and my husband) move in with her and my brother (she lives 6 hours away) and i forget why my dad said that he didnt want us moving in with him when he has plenty of room ( he lives about 7 hours away)
Forget your parents. I don't want to seem mean but it's time to grow up. You and your husband can't live with your in laws all your life. Especially if they're several months behind on the rent that is just not a real option at all. What is your sister even thinking having a kid in that environment? Are her and her new husband going to raise a family living at their parents house when they can't even afford the rent?
It really sounds like a toxic situation and with your money situation the way things are I just don't know. If I was in your shoes I'd be pushing for my husband to get a job (if he doesn't already) so the both of you can get your own place together. And if not then considering divorce and leaving.i knew that was going to come up a lot. i know how some people can be and just say to move out like it would be that easy, if it was going to be that easy i would of done it by now
Never said it would be easy. I've lived a very hard life myself and poverty sometimes forces you to make hard choices.
I cut almost my entire family out of my life a year ago when I got divorced and I took the opportunity to make a lot of changes in my life. It wasn't easy but my biggest regret now was that I didn't do it sooner.
Yes! Please forget your parents... Parents have budgets and those budgets do not allow for adult kids to keep coming home. I know my 26 year old kept coming home. The last time he came home was for 4 months and brought his 3 year old son with him! Water bills, electric bills and food bills go sky high when you bring a couple of more people into a home. Also, your husband needs to get a job. As far as your food stamps they are yours not everyone elses. Get your own groceries and feed yourselves don't feed everyone. Walk walk walk.0 -
Based on your post, I'm thinking you might need some assistance cleaning up your resume so you can find a job and then afford to move out. Maybe find someone who can look that over for you.
Then use the Internet (since you're paying for it and all) to apply for work.
Periods of NO work look really bad, so you need to at least do some sort of volunteer work when you can't find a job.0 -
ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.
and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.
the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.0 -
Is it your foodstamps or hers? If it is yours, then you buy the groceries and get the things you and your hubby wll eat only. If they want junk, they can go buy their on food. Quit buying soda and junk and you will have better food.
This is what I was going to say. The whole situation is very unfortunate. I thought the sister-in-law and her hubby moved in to help out. It doesn't seem like they're doing too much to me. Especially if the rent hasn't been paid in months. I know times get hard and life gets tough, but are you sure you and your hubby can't move out and rent a room or a basement? What about housing assistance to get an apartment?
Tell your sister-in-law that a baby costs much more to raise than food stamps will ever pay.0 -
If your sister-in-law moved in just to help you, then could you ask her to move out, telling her to focus on her own baby for now, and that you can help yourselves meanwhile? To make the argument more compelling, tell her that the landlord won't hold off on the rent anymore and that you are cutting out internet to help make the rent. That would help her decide. You can also insist on no-junk in your home, perhaps your hubby could stand up for you on this one and demand it with you, so all of you could eat better?
You could also try for one more job, since you only work 20-hour weeks now. Your husband could also try to find more part-time work, if he doesn't already... Edit: I just read that you are trying for another job and your hubby isn't. Do tell him how bad things would be if he doesn't bring in some cash for the family... Try to get him to understand it is important for you and for him to have a job. Don't give him an option of just sitting around and having his food ready for him.0
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