really bad home issues... could use some help
Replies
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Leaving is possible. if your husband wont go with you, leave him behind. those other people are grown ups. They are living there, acting like this because you gave them permission to. I would tell you if you dont have kids to get the hell out.0
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ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.
and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.
the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.
I hate to say it, but it sounds like you're the only one that gives a crap. Maybe you should think about leaving temporarily until they can get their stuff straight. (I know it's easy to say that from the outside, and I don't know all the details... but I was in a situation where I had no idea how toxic everyone around me really was, how they were dragging me down and feeding off my every resource. You don't really realize it until you're able to step out of the fog and re-evaluate.)
*Turns out, after I left, they all got really bitter when they couldn't suck me dry anymore and I ended up the bad guy. The family I thought loved me turned out to be a bunch of backstabbers. But I'd rather know the truth and take that hard journey by myself to end up better in the end than live in a fake world with phony people who just pretend to care.
Best of luck.0 -
What you are looking for is a magic fix that does not exist. You MUST stop blaming others and take charge of your own destiny if you want a quality life. Make a list of goals you wish to acheive, and then figure out how you can make them happen. I guarantee you, that starts with employment. Twenty hours is not enough to change your life. Get up early, with a purpose and plan for your day. Buy your own food. Then, when you have saved a little money, move out, and get away from anyone who is holding you back. If you can't or won't do these things, then your current reality will also be your future. Best of luck.0
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It seems like you have a number of adults there who could get a job or add a job or sell some items for income. Rice, beans, pasta, chicken and veggies are all cheap. Water is fine to drink all the time.
Weight loss is important surely, and I'm not discouraging that by say this, get your life in order first then work on yourself. Certainly go for walks often and get some movement in but really you need to get your life and husbands life in order first and then worry about the other stuff.
If you haven't ready any of Dave Ramsey's books or taken the classes, do so, they will help you immensely.0 -
This !!!!Is it your foodstamps or hers? If it is yours, then you buy the groceries and get the things you and your hubby wll eat only. If they want junk, they can go buy their on food. Quit buying soda and junk and you will have better food.
This is what I was going to say. The whole situation is very unfortunate. I thought the sister-in-law and her hubby moved in to help out. It doesn't seem like they're doing too much to me. Especially if the rent hasn't been paid in months. I know times get hard and life gets tough, but are you sure you and your hubby can't move out and rent a room or a basement? What about housing assistance to get an apartment?
Tell your sister-in-law that a baby costs much more to raise then food stamps will ever pay.0 -
I'm very sorry to hear this. That entire situation is just crazy. You've received some very excellent advice. Sit down, think about it all, and make a plan. And bipolar or not, your husband needs to find and maintain a job.0
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How about both you and hubby go to college, take out Sallie Mae loans (that will need to be paid back after graduation), they give you enough to pay for tuition, books and to live on. You will be able to catch up on your other bills, get an education that will allow for better well paying jobs, and become financially secure.
Education is the key!0 -
Looks like it is time to go to a woman shelter and ditch the BF.. If you want out that bad and you want to change your situation it is either you go get a job and do what you got to do or go to a woman shelter or something so they can help you get on your feet if that is what you need.. Every state has one so dont use that as an excuse not to or because you love your bf etc etc.. If he loves you he will figure it out on his own and help you.. if he is bipolar then he should be on medicine and he should not have gotten fired over that since that would be due to a medical reason and he should be on unemployment for discrimination..0
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WHO CARES. They aren't living in YOUR house so don't worry about it. You're living in someone else's house and you don't get to make those decisions. Worry about yourself and stop whining about your in-laws.all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.
their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.0 -
Call a church, call a woman's shelter, ask for a help, deodorant, dry shampoo, head bands and a brush. Tell them you have a job. Walk to work or the bus stop. Do this for a few weeks and save your money. Rent a furnished apartment. Save your money and take classes and learn a trade - apparently you have computer and typing skills - go to local goodwill when you get paid and buy a nice blouse, look for better employment.
It's called helping yourself. It's hard, especially for those of us who did not come from a family who has money to help us. I did it - I was homeless with two kids - you just have to work hard and want to change.0 -
this was my thought too. Why isn't your husband working?Why does your husband not get a job, then you get a job and get yourselves a place of your own?! If he has to shovel dirt he should be doing that to make a life for you both. You need to excise yourself from that family/house, girl getting pregnant for assistance and eating mostly fast food even though she's pregnant, everyone overweight...sorry but you need to get out of there! It sounds like a Jeremy Kyle-esque nightmare.0 -
I was in a similar situation, though not as drastic--I did have to depend on my family for food since I lost my job, to which they totally disregard my need for more healthier foods versus the cheaper junk foods.
My best advice in this situation is if you ABSOLUTELY can't get better foods for yourself--just eat what you have. You'll have to use moderation on account of your daily caloric intake, which is what I did. I did lose weight. Weight loss is mostly about diet, but if that's all you have to eat, you have to eat it. It will make due until you're able to get what you really need.
I was able to eventually, & my family harped about my food choices--but if they don't eat them, it's more for me.
Sometimes they end up liking the recipes I make for them! So...it takes a little work, & I know it's difficult, but I hope you can manage. 0 -
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.0 -
ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.
and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.
the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.
There's an old cliche that says "I can do bad all by myself". You don't need to try and take care of a bunch of grown lazy people. Sounds like you need a fresh start. Maybe start looking for a job near your mom or dad and revisit staying with them for a specific amount of time. Remember, your peace of mind is a huge part of your health. Being in an unhappy, unhealthy home environment can undermine all your efforts to get healthy.
Best of luck to you.I really home things start looking up soon.0 -
Your husband needs to man up and get a job to provide for his wife. Period.0
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ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.
and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.
the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.
Hubbie is bipolar. Mood disorders run in families. Your husband's family is ALWAYS going to be a problem. They are exhibiting poor judgment (paying for cable before rent) which is one of the symptoms. Go to the library, get books about bipolar disorder. You will see that the entire family is not functioning very well. It makes me very sad because bipolar disorder is very treatable with medication and cognitive/behavioral therapy. BUT, in the past people were told they could not get better, so many have the attitude of not being responsible for their own actions and live lives that only make them worse.0 -
Your sister in law is very foolish. Getting pregnant is the wrong thing to do and will make the situation worse. Not to mention, a person who only wants to play video games will be a lousy mother. I am VERY familiar with this situation and the personalities you've detailed in your description. Though you don't want to hear the correct advice, I'm going to give it to you, anyway, so forgive me. You have absolutely no control over the other people in the house, so don't even bother. Either they must go or you and your husband must go. Don't say it isn't possible, it is possible... it just isn't easy. The situation is exactly the same as weight loss. Losing weight is not easy, Step 1, you must decide to do something about it, step 2, you must make changes to achieve the goal, Step 3, watch the weight come off one ounce at a time. Now, use the same plan for changing your living situation. Step 1, decide to do something about it, Step 2, make changes (find another job, stop buying things you may not need, only absolute necessitites), Step 3, watch the money roll in and set it aside into a separate bank account, one dollar at a time. You would not expect to lose 30 pounds over night. You lose it one pound.... no, one ounce at a time. Same with saving money. Don't wait for someone to hand it to you, and don't wait to win the lottery.... you can save 10 or twenty dollars at a time...or just one or two. It will add and bring you closer to your goal... and knowing you are doing something about it will make the whole situation more bearable, until you are finally able to move out. Just like weight loss, you can do this too. Otherwise your situation will only get worse and worse and it will spill over into other parts of your life. Don't let that happen, take back control. Hope this helps.0
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I'm starting to think this is a troll thread. Calling major bs on the OP0
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Sounds like the environment you live in is causing too much stress. You won't be able to change their behavior or views, only yours. I've been in plenty of bad situations with ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands and their families. I left. That may not be something that you want to do or can do. I would suggest talking to someone, maybe a free counselor, someone at a church (even if you are not religious they can still provide helpful tips on what you can do or who you can speak with for help), or a social worker. You are in an extremely tuff spot and I know you just want it to be easy. It’s not going to be easy and you have to have a goal, a plan and the will to change. Good luck to you and I hope that you can find something. If you need someone to talk to you can send me a message.0
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Have your hubby go to the local mental health agency's they offer all sorts of support with get and remaining on meds to control mood disorders. I work 3 jobs, its a matter of want to. You could walk to work. You are making the choice to stay in the situation, take the steps to change it if you dont like it. There is plenty of support out there for those who want it. I know because I work in public health, and teach in a votech. Services are there you have to take the initiative to get it done.0
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I get it. You needed to vent huh? It's not always easy to hear the truth. Especially the way some people have presented it to you. I see a few responses that were sent in sincere caring love for you.
My suggestion is
1. use your own food stamps to buy only what you need for each meal. Do not buy more. Do not buy junk. Try filling up on salad or stir fried veggies. Whole grains and pasta's.
2. Do what another poster suggested- when you get frustrated, take a walk. It will clear your mind and it will definitely make you feel better.
3. see the positive in everyone. That way you are not adding to the stress and frustration of the household.
4. Pray. Have you ever thought about going to church ( do you already go to church?) God is always with you. He is just waiting for you to turn to Him.
5. Volunteer. If you are only going to be working 20 hours per week, you have PLENTY of time to volunteer for those who truely are less fortunate than you.
Please know that you are not as bad off as you think. There is always someone out there who is dealing with a lot more than you have described. I know sometimes its hard to see the forest for the trees... chin up!! I'll be thinking of you!0 -
Leaving is possible. if your husband wont go with you, leave him behind. those other people are grown ups. They are living there, acting like this because you gave them permission to. I would tell you if you dont have kids to get the hell out.
This, very much. I assumed you have kids because you said there are 6 people in the house, but if not, then LEAVE. If you can't get him to work, it is highly unlikely that the marriage would work either.0 -
I'm starting to think this is a troll thread. Calling major bs on the OP
Let's hope!0 -
ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.
and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.
the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.
I really don't get this? You're 25, and have the attitude of a whiny teenager. You don't like it, change something, but don't expect all the sympathy when all you've got are excuses hun. You should'nt be expecting anything from your husbands family, you're both old enough to support yourselves, and even if your husband is bipolar, that's no excuse to be mardy at work and have attitude problems,he's an adult. Depression is no reason to be a douche. Suck it up, make changes. Youre complaining about your sister in law, and her poor bloody husband is the only one bringing in any money, poor guy must be at his wits, with a baby on the way and supporting a whole housefull of people!0 -
You have got to get out out of this cycle. I know that it is hard and you can't move out right now. You should look into going to school. The loans don't have to be paid back until a long time after you graduate. You might even be able to get scholarships and money to live on. You have to know that you are worth it. If you don't know that, your weight loss goals will not be attainable either.
With your food stamps you can buy healthier food -- they will have to eat what you bring home and fix or get their own. Once they start seeing the positive changes in you, they will want to get on board as well.
The most important thing I think is to not be a victim. You control your life and no one else will care as much about you as you do.
You can get as much advice as you want, but you don't know if you are getting unbiased advice -- especially from people that would benefit from any decisions you do or don't make.
You are worth it. Get up, dust yourself off, and keep going down the right track. There will be problems, but you can get past that. Drag your hubby with you.
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Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army.ive been looking every day for a job since i got fired, the only one in the house hold with any medical issues is my father in law. let alone hes never had to do anything around the house, his wife did it all until her health got so bad she couldnt do it. thats the only reason ive stayed here for 3 1/2 years.
and im still looking for another job because i know the one im starting isnt much. but at least it was better than NOTHING. all three of my father in laws kids are just lazy, they never had to do anything growing up. and wont even find a job.... thats the main reason my sister in law got pregnant is to try and get the government to pay her while she sits on her *kitten*.
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
their dad isnt forcing any of them to do anything so they wont do anything. me on the other hand have felt lost with out a job.
the only time my husband wants out of this house is when a fight occurs.
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.0 -
I wanted to say the fact that you are here asking for ideas and asking for help shows that you are heading in the right direction. You know you want more, you know you want to be out of that toxic situation, so good for you! Now stay moving in that direction. Start with one small thing -- like how you can keep this job. What happened in the last job that you were fired? (I'm not asking for you to answer, just to think about). Can you fix that to keep this one? When you get that first paycheck, take it to the bank and put some away in a savings account. (I'm assuming that husband that sits at home with no job demands your entire paycheck). Pull some out. Put it in a savings account before you bring the rest home. Start this savings account for YOU. That's one small change you can make -- work, save some in a savings account, and work towards getting out of that house. I know lots of people will tell you to get out, run, go now, etc. I know that seems overwhelming and not possible. It seems so daunting that it probably seems unattainable. But working toward a goal slowly? You can do that! Go to an apartment complex. Find out how much money is required for the deposit. Put some of your paycheck in that secret savings account, and when you have enough, you know you can leave. You can do this. You can.
Take a walk every day, just to clear your head. Think about your goal of your own apartment. Think about how you know you have that account building money to get you out eventually. It will make you feel good, I promise that.
And your husband? You mentioned he has a temper. Please, please know that you never, ever have to tolerate having that temper taken out on you. That isn't normal. That's not what other women go through. You don't ever deserve that. Ever. There are plenty of women's shelters that will take you in if his temper is being used on you. They will help you and get you out and help you get on your feet. Friend me if you need support. Or a list of women's shelters in your area. You can get help. I promise.0 -
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.
Getting on disability is extremely hard and takes a long time. Ninety percent of the applications are AUTOMATICALLY rejected no matter how valid the disability is. So then you have to hire a lawyer and go through the appeal process. I recently helped out a homeless man who had two major brain injuries. The first time his frontal lobes were basically suctioned out since they were mush. This guy took four months to learn my NAME even though he was living in my house! Yet he was denied! He had to go through the appeal process, and was without any incomeat all for four years! He got food stamps, but NO assistance with housing during that time! Some people never are able to articulate their need well enough to get on disability.0 -
If your husband doesn't want to leave the house... you can't make him. But you must put yourself first right now. Get out of there. This is a time of crisis in your life. If an airplane is going down, you have to put on your OWN mask first. So go it alone. Get out of there - just you. Get out into the world and put your mask on. You can't make your husband put his mask on. Go do what you need to do to get yourself out (get any assistance you can) and then once you are stable, make a plan to get off government assistance.0
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Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!0
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