really bad home issues... could use some help
Replies
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Making this up to get money? Are you kidding me? If she wanted to do that she seriously needs to work on her story telling skills and research forums (MFP? Yeah OK).0
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I'm starting to think this is a troll thread. Calling major bs on the OP
For the remainder of the day I shall call you Genius. I can't believe it took nearly 4 whole pages of posts before someone figured this out. OP is looking for foolish people to send her money, I bet the paypal account is all set up and ready for action.
I do not think this is the case at all. Nice try though, I think it's just a girl who is having a really hard time and has no one to reach out to. This is a support community and she never once asked for a handout. Clearly she is frustrated with the people in her life who rely on handouts. So can we show a little compassion?0 -
thank you....
i know some people are just idiots and just so these idiots know ive been writing about whats been going on for months now
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D930084 a lot of this is mainly venting (OD not here)0 -
thank you....
i know some people are just idiots and just so these idiots know ive been writing about whats been going on for months now
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D930084 a lot of this is mainly venting (OD not here)
Really? You are calling other people idiots? Now that's funny. If I'm the idiot, why don't you tell me how you should fix your problems? You have pages and pages of people offering you support and suggestions on here, and you have a reason why none of those solutions will work. My very smart mother once told me "You can't help someone that really doesn't want to be helped."0 -
i was talking about the IDIOTS that said that i was making all of this up and trying to get money out of people that was no towards anyone trying to help.0
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so you've been a liar and a begger for months? Good for you. Try getting a lifethank you....
i know some people are just idiots and just so these idiots know ive been writing about whats been going on for months now
http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D930084 a lot of this is mainly venting (OD not here)0 -
i was talking about the IDIOTS that said that i was making all of this up and trying to get money out of people that was no towards anyone trying to help.
Join the Army.
End of story.
It is easy, quick, and will solve your financial problems AND will get you in the best physical shape you have ever been in.
AND you will gain a job skill that you can use for the rest of your life.
I am failing to see how many other choices you have.
Unless you are happy being on welfare/food stamps0 -
i was talking about the IDIOTS that said that i was making all of this up and trying to get money out of people that was no towards anyone trying to help.
Join the Army.
End of story.
It is easy, quick, and will solve your financial problems AND will get you in the best physical shape you have ever been in.
AND you will gain a job skill that you can use for the rest of your life.
I am failing to see how many other choices you have.
Unless you are happy being on welfare/food stamps
This is not always an option. My 18 year old son can't enlist because he didn't make weight by 6 pounds. He has to lose the weight first before they'll let him in. So, everyone who keeps saying "Join the Army" "Join the Army" like it's some be all end all to the situation needs to chill for a second. It may not be as quick and easy as you might think. IF it's an option, I say great!!! Army, National Guard, Air Force...whatever, but just think for a moment...it may NOT be an option at all.0 -
Yeah, that was me idiot.i was talking about the IDIOTS that said that i was making all of this up and trying to get money out of people that was no towards anyone trying to help.0 -
I think this woman is trying to get a rise out of you; she is feeding off your hurt to make herself happy. That why she keeps returning to the post.
Follow the advice from others hun, they know what they are talking about and genuinely trying to help. Again, if you need someone to talk to you can send me a message.0 -
18 years old and needs to drop 6 lbs?i was talking about the IDIOTS that said that i was making all of this up and trying to get money out of people that was no towards anyone trying to help.
Join the Army.
End of story.
It is easy, quick, and will solve your financial problems AND will get you in the best physical shape you have ever been in.
AND you will gain a job skill that you can use for the rest of your life.
I am failing to see how many other choices you have.
Unless you are happy being on welfare/food stamps
This is not always an option. My 18 year old son can't enlist because he didn't make weight by 6 pounds. He has to lose the weight first before they'll let him in. So, everyone who keeps saying "Join the Army" "Join the Army" like it's some be all end all to the situation needs to chill for a second. It may not be as quick and easy as you might think. IF it's an option, I say great!!! Army, National Guard, Air Force...whatever, but just think for a moment...it may NOT be an option at all.
Then he can sign up for the DEP (Delayed Entry program). The recruters will work with him to drop weight.
Again, it all depends on how badly someone wants is.0 -
Consider this a free consultation with your friendly Social Worker:
The catalyst for change is you.
Start there. The rest will follow.
The only person you can ever change is yourself. Stop focusing on the others in your home and start thinking about what you can do.
Money is a problem - get a job. Any job. Any time night or day. Can't find one? Look into Network Marketing and work for yourself - Usborne Books and More (my personal favorite), Mary Kay, Tupperware, Nerium, Pampered Chef... There are a whole host of them and any good consultant will help you do what you need to build your own business.
Research foods that you can make yourself. Try Allrecipies.com, look for vegetarian recipes and think of meat as a seasoning rather than a main component. Dry beans are easy to fix, good on nutrients, and cheap.
And yes, talk a walk. Lots of walks. Use the time to envision your future, think of who you want to become, then plan how you can live to make that happen. And with all the drama, take hubby on at least half of them to give you two time to communicate.
Great advise! I sent you my contact info for Tupperware. I work full time and do it part time for the extra income. It doesn't take a lot and I don't have any problem getting you started.0 -
18 years old and needs to drop 6 lbs?i was talking about the IDIOTS that said that i was making all of this up and trying to get money out of people that was no towards anyone trying to help.
Join the Army.
End of story.
It is easy, quick, and will solve your financial problems AND will get you in the best physical shape you have ever been in.
AND you will gain a job skill that you can use for the rest of your life.
I am failing to see how many other choices you have.
Unless you are happy being on welfare/food stamps
This is not always an option. My 18 year old son can't enlist because he didn't make weight by 6 pounds. He has to lose the weight first before they'll let him in. So, everyone who keeps saying "Join the Army" "Join the Army" like it's some be all end all to the situation needs to chill for a second. It may not be as quick and easy as you might think. IF it's an option, I say great!!! Army, National Guard, Air Force...whatever, but just think for a moment...it may NOT be an option at all.
Then he can sign up for the DEP (Delayed Entry program). The recruters will work with him to drop weight.
Again, it all depends on how badly someone wants is.
His recruiters are working with him to drop the weight, I was just making the point that saying "Join the Army" like it's a given isn't exactly always as easy as it sounds. If the person isn't within the right weight class for their age and height, they have to do some work first before the Army will let them in. I have no idea where the OP falls regarding weight, so there is no telling how much she has to lose or gain or whatever for joining.0 -
18 years old and needs to drop 6 lbs?i was talking about the IDIOTS that said that i was making all of this up and trying to get money out of people that was no towards anyone trying to help.
Join the Army.
End of story.
It is easy, quick, and will solve your financial problems AND will get you in the best physical shape you have ever been in.
AND you will gain a job skill that you can use for the rest of your life.
I am failing to see how many other choices you have.
Unless you are happy being on welfare/food stamps
This is not always an option. My 18 year old son can't enlist because he didn't make weight by 6 pounds. He has to lose the weight first before they'll let him in. So, everyone who keeps saying "Join the Army" "Join the Army" like it's some be all end all to the situation needs to chill for a second. It may not be as quick and easy as you might think. IF it's an option, I say great!!! Army, National Guard, Air Force...whatever, but just think for a moment...it may NOT be an option at all.
Then he can sign up for the DEP (Delayed Entry program). The recruters will work with him to drop weight.
Again, it all depends on how badly someone wants is.0 -
That sucks. I have a bit of an understanding of what you are going through. I think that if your stamps are part of your father in law's case, you should change yours and your husband's into your name. That will allow you control over your stamps to avoid any fraud (sharing food purchased with others not on the case). I know anything you do will rock the boat and make things more unpleasant.
Let's look at the worst case scenario: you piss everyone in your extended family off and you become homeless. You would still have your job. You would still have your food stamps. You can get emergency housing. You can get emergency assistance, but you may feel guilty. Would that stress be worse than the stress you feel now?
About me: I was married for seven years to a physically violent man and had three children with him. He got fired from jobs constantly. He broke my nose while I was pregnant with our third child. I worked two jobs while pregnant until my doctor put me on light duty. This ticked him off because he didn't feel he should have to work. I have lived in some horrible low income places. I stayed away from everyone and my apartment was one of the few the police didn't make a part of their regular stops.
I got smart and went to college, completely on grants and loans. I got a car I could drive back and forth and hired someone to watch the kids while I went to school, or had family help. Sometimes I paid babysitters in food and other services, like canning, sewing, cleaning their apartments, etc. I divorced. I made some hard decisions. I was stressed, so I ran or walked or cleaned. Anger is energy, you have to use it for your own good. Some days I was powered by anger resentment and grief.
I graduated. I remarried. My husband is a wonderful person who works his tail off to provide for his family. My family in law tries to take advantage of him working and "borrow" money. We do still help when we can, but we get our bills paid first. I have no control over that, so I use my frustration to do a better job cleaning the house or jog faster pushing the baby in the stroller. I got an hour in this morning because I was so irritated. It helped, and now I can look back at that as a victory for my day.
Point is, it does suck. It will always suck living there. It will suck more once there is a baby screaming from being ignored. Or maybe you will feel bad and step up and then resent having to care for the child when you shouldn't have to. You went in for the right reasons, you have to find a way to get through this with your head up and your dignity intact. Dig deep. You have it in you.0 -
Just my .02
You are not going to get a lot of sympathy on this board.
MANY of us had to overcome a great multitude of problems to get where we are.
My own personal "sob story".
I own a house. Wife and two kids.
My wife lost her job when the company she worked for went belly up.
A few months later I lost my job when the company moved to India.
I was without a job for EXACTLY three days.
I went from making 60K a year with an office in the dot com industry to making $8.00 per hour installing fences. Working in the hot sun digging post holes and dealing with ex felons as my work mates.
I did what I had to do.
I worked as many hours as they would let me work.
We went from $400.00 per week on food to less then $200.00
My wife worked as many baby sitting jobs as she could.
Failure was simply NOT an option. Not with two little kids.
Now I am back as a programmer and my wife turned her "please let me babysit your kid" part time gig into her own little home day care. She is making 40K per year and working from home.
Your attitude MUST change.
Instead of you and your husband making excuses as to why you CAN'T do it, you need to look in the mirror, together, get pissed, and resolve that you WILL do it and you will DESTROY anything that gets in your way. Bad temper, DESTROY that bad temper. TAKE CONTROL!!!
BRAVO! :flowerforyou:
i hope you and your wife are extremely proud of yourselves for pulling yourselves out of a terrible situation because i know i am.0 -
This is pretty much exactly what I was going to say. If they are YOUR food stamps buy what YOU want. If your housemates give you grief, find a way to ignore them or shut them up. If they are your sister's food stamps, there isn't much you can do. And I agree, stop buying soda and junk so you can spend that money on something with nutritional value.Is it your foodstamps or hers? If it is yours, then you buy the groceries and get the things you and your hubby wll eat only. If they want junk, they can go buy their on food. Quit buying soda and junk and you will have better food.
Congrats on the new job. Things will start looking up soon!:flowerforyou:
ETA: I didn't read all the other posts (didn't realize there were already 7 pages), so I apologize if my post is redundant!0 -
How to eat well on food stamps. From a (soon to be) fit chick who grew up on food stamps.
1-Stop buying soda and juices. Water is free. Invest in a brita filter pitcher and save loads of money on drinking water. You may not like it, but it's better for your body and your wallet.
2-stop buying junk food. PERIOD. You have to ration your stamps and 99 cents here and there on chips and cheap cookies add up.
3-Frozen fruits and vegetables are your best friends. You won't be throwing rotten food away, which is pretty much throwing money in the trash. You can microwave or steam the veggies and frozen berries make a great snack or smoothie if you want to get fancy.
4-Lean meats don't have to be expensive. instead of buying boneless chicken breasts, buy the breasts on the bone w skin on and learn to butcher it yourself. Seriously. This saves so MUCH Money it's unbelievable. Buy fattier meats and learn how to skin them, learn how to prepare them in ways that will reduce the fat.
5-Exercise: walking is free, some libraries will have workout dvds to lend, start there
FAMILY STRESS
I love my family but I grew up w a mother suffering from schizophrenia, a dad who was eventually diagnosed schizoaffective, and 2 clinically sociopathic brothers. A 3rd brother was also recently diagnosed w paranoid schizophrenia. So I understand a crazy homelife. The trick and the HARDEST THING TO DO is to ignore everyone else's issues and get your OWN **** together. They will call you selfish, stuck up, heartless, etc. Cook for YOU, they don't want it, they won't eat. Get out and WALK for YOU,
STAY BUSY. At the height of my mother's worse psychosis I could not be around her. It hurt me, it angered me, it stressed me. When I was 19, I went to work, enrolled in college, volunteered for work study and joined several clubs at school. I was hardly home. Now I'm 30 married, I haven't been on food stamps since I was 19, been off medicaid since I was 20. I can still be there for my family and I am much more physically and mentally healthy.
As terrible as it sounds, no one is swooping in to save the damsel. Get those ropes off yourself and climb off those damn train tracks. If you wait for the solution to come out of the blue, you're going to get run over.0 -
Actually, we are. Before the dot com bust, we were living at our means. Both had nice new cars and all the toys we could afford.Just my .02
You are not going to get a lot of sympathy on this board.
MANY of us had to overcome a great multitude of problems to get where we are.
My own personal "sob story".
I own a house. Wife and two kids.
My wife lost her job when the company she worked for went belly up.
A few months later I lost my job when the company moved to India.
I was without a job for EXACTLY three days.
I went from making 60K a year with an office in the dot com industry to making $8.00 per hour installing fences. Working in the hot sun digging post holes and dealing with ex felons as my work mates.
I did what I had to do.
I worked as many hours as they would let me work.
We went from $400.00 per week on food to less then $200.00
My wife worked as many baby sitting jobs as she could.
Failure was simply NOT an option. Not with two little kids.
Now I am back as a programmer and my wife turned her "please let me babysit your kid" part time gig into her own little home day care. She is making 40K per year and working from home.
Your attitude MUST change.
Instead of you and your husband making excuses as to why you CAN'T do it, you need to look in the mirror, together, get pissed, and resolve that you WILL do it and you will DESTROY anything that gets in your way. Bad temper, DESTROY that bad temper. TAKE CONTROL!!!
BRAVO! :flowerforyou:
i hope you and your wife are extremely proud of yourselves for pulling yourselves out of a terrible situation because i know i am.
Now, our credit is shot (still a slow rebuild) but we now own everything we have with the exception of the house payment.
We learned a lot.
My dog died about three months ago and I cried. Then I tried to remember the last time I cried before that.
I cried in 1993 attending a Military funeral.
Then I remembered. I had hurt my shoulder pretty bad and I still went to work digging those post holes. If I didn't work, I didn't get paid. Just that simple. I came home afterwords and I was just SO frustrated that it just came out. Big ol sobs.
My wife was terrified. She had no idea how to react.
I was just SO pissed and frustrated at the situation. I was tired and I was in pain.
BUT, the moral of the story is that, as a team, we KEPT FIGHTING.
And now, we are breathing much easier.
One nice thing about manual labor is I DID hit my target weight.0 -
[:ohwell:0
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my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.
Getting on disability is extremely hard and takes a long time. Ninety percent of the applications are AUTOMATICALLY rejected no matter how valid the disability is. So then you have to hire a lawyer and go through the appeal process. I recently helped out a homeless man who had two major brain injuries. The first time his frontal lobes were basically suctioned out since they were mush. This guy took four months to learn my NAME even though he was living in my house! Yet he was denied! He had to go through the appeal process, and was without any incomeat all for four years! He got food stamps, but NO assistance with housing during that time! Some people never are able to articulate their need well enough to get on disability.
WOOPS, sorry. Gonna side track this a little. I work for social security. I actually determine if someone is disabled or not and want to address a common myth. 90 percent of applications are NOT "AUTOMATICALLY" rejected. This is a myth perpetuated by wonderful disability lawyers who actually hurt your claim so you get rejected and have to wait a couple years for your appeal so they can collect a little more money from you. Cases are painstakingly reviewed one by one and no two cases are the same, even if they have the same medical condition. I wish people would stop perpetuating this myth. in NY we actually have a 65% or so allowance rate. Meaning 65% of cases get disability the first time around. 75% of cases that are appealed will get allowed. So stop this nonsense already0 -
Actually, we are. Before the dot com bust, we were living at our means. Both had nice new cars and all the toys we could afford.Just my .02
You are not going to get a lot of sympathy on this board.
MANY of us had to overcome a great multitude of problems to get where we are.
My own personal "sob story".
I own a house. Wife and two kids.
My wife lost her job when the company she worked for went belly up.
A few months later I lost my job when the company moved to India.
I was without a job for EXACTLY three days.
I went from making 60K a year with an office in the dot com industry to making $8.00 per hour installing fences. Working in the hot sun digging post holes and dealing with ex felons as my work mates.
I did what I had to do.
I worked as many hours as they would let me work.
We went from $400.00 per week on food to less then $200.00
My wife worked as many baby sitting jobs as she could.
Failure was simply NOT an option. Not with two little kids.
Now I am back as a programmer and my wife turned her "please let me babysit your kid" part time gig into her own little home day care. She is making 40K per year and working from home.
Your attitude MUST change.
Instead of you and your husband making excuses as to why you CAN'T do it, you need to look in the mirror, together, get pissed, and resolve that you WILL do it and you will DESTROY anything that gets in your way. Bad temper, DESTROY that bad temper. TAKE CONTROL!!!
BRAVO! :flowerforyou:
i hope you and your wife are extremely proud of yourselves for pulling yourselves out of a terrible situation because i know i am.
Now, our credit is shot (still a slow rebuild) but we now own everything we have with the exception of the house payment.
We learned a lot.
My dog died about three months ago and I cried. Then I tried to remember the last time I cried before that.
I cried in 1993 attending a Military funeral.
Then I remembered. I had hurt my shoulder pretty bad and I still went to work digging those post holes. If I didn't work, I didn't get paid. Just that simple. I came home afterwords and I was just SO frustrated that it just came out. Big ol sobs.
My wife was terrified. She had no idea how to react.
I was just SO pissed and frustrated at the situation. I was tired and I was in pain.
BUT, the moral of the story is that, as a team, we KEPT FIGHTING.
And now, we are breathing much easier.
One nice thing about manual labor is I DID hit my target weight.
And for the rest of today I shall call you my hero!0 -
Unfortunate situation for sure! Probably the most difficult time of your life! What I was wondering about for a budget for food money. At the start of the week, get cash and put it in jars. The jars would be assigned to each area of spending need outside of household bills. Groceries, spending money, clothes, gifts, etc. When the money's gone, it's gone. Perhpas that will help your SIL see the amount she is wasting on junk/fast food. Or sit down as a house and plan a month worth of meals, create the grocery list off that plan and stick to it! If she wants junk/fast food, she'll have to find her own money to do so?0
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I cut almost my entire family out of my life a year ago when I got divorced and I took the opportunity to make a lot of changes in my life. It wasn't easy but my biggest regret now was that I didn't do it sooner.
This is pretty much echoes what I want to say. The situation you are in is toxic. If you are self-aware enough to want to make things better, you are not like them, and you need to save yourself. You can't save your husband, and you sure as hell can't save his family. I stayed in a bad situation for far too long, with an ex-husband who simply lacked the desire to do anything. I was convinced I loved him (I think I was afraid no one else would ever have me,) that he couldn't survive on his own (I think he's happier now that he can be the absolute minimum person he can be,) and that I couldn't make it on my own (I worked food service and retail when I was married to him. I have earned three degrees since I left him. I am working on my Ph. D. now and I get paid to do research.) I don't know you, of course, but I wish I had left sooner, before I was so old, and before so much of my life was spent trying to make him be more than he was capable of being.
I would say that I wish someone had said all this to me, but I think that more than one person did, although perhaps not so bluntly. I will instead say that I wish I had listened, instead of immediately going on the defensive.0 -
Ok, I will say this how I mean it, sorry if it comes across too bluntly.
You are an adult- your husband is an adult. It is time that some one stands up and acts like one. Go get a job, there are plenty of them to be had in fast food/wal-mart and what not. There is NO EXCUSE not to. Food stamps are not meant to be there for ever they are to help you get back on your feet. I personally feel that NO junk food should be allowed to be purchased with them.
Second money is thight?? Well internet is expensive as is all the gadgets that use the internet, cancel it and save that money every month- then go get a job and save up and get a place. Don't worry about what anyone else eats, you can eat healthy cheap if you want to, beans frozen veggies whoel grain rice and chicken. Soda and tea- sorry you do not need these.
As for a reason your father may not want you moving in, he maybe wants you to stand on your own two feet. Have you tried askign him for a loan to help you get your own place(think 1 bedroom apt or studio) then with both you and your husband working it shouldn't be impossiabel to meet rent and bills.
Again sorry if this is blunt but it's how it is. Everyone has situations and issues, you have to find a way around them and take care of your life!! Good luck0 -
I was in a similar situation, many years ago. I had to make the changes. You are in a toxic environment, and sorry to say but by saying it can't change is adding to the likelyhood that it will not. There is nothing you can do about anyone else, people will change only if they want to- you can't do anything to make them want to. You have a household full of problems-get out of them. Make a plan, day by day and make a change day by day.
My husband (divorced now) would not work, decided one day just to do nothing- it was stressful, got evicted (this was 15+ yrs ago).
I went to work- I got flyers made and went house to house in nice areas to get a house cleaning business going, where I could charge $15 an hour to clean- because minimum wage wasn't going to cut it. I got 6 jobs right away- at 3-4 hours each job, that was an additional 270-350 a week. Eventually we got divorced, (for many reasons other than non support) and I found myself a single parent, I needed to make more $$. So I pushed to get some more houses- and I did, as well as took jobs in restaurants on off times and nights and weekends. I made it work. I lived with family briefly- but that is not a solution, it was just temporary. Got on my feet- and stayed on them. Better jobs came with more experience, you can do this. Now this has very little to do with MFP topic of food control, but if you find a way to get out, (I also lost a ton of weight those months first door to door with flyers- then cleaning huge houses- oh yeah I got a great workout). But you have the power to change your environment- fear is usually what immobilizes people- hope it changes for you soon- moving is an option-move forward and make a plan! 0 -
Its good you're looking for work, but to be honest, your husband sounds like a lazy *kitten*. He should get off his *kitten* and get a JOB. My schizophrenic uncle, who refused to take his meds, managed to hold down a job for 3 years at a factory, so your 'bipolar' husband gets no sympathy from me.
And maybe you should focus on getting on your feet instead of being picky what foods you and your family can afford.
MOVE OUT. Rent a cheap sh*thole apartment, at least you'll be out of that situation.
God, I'm 18 and feel like a more mature adult than you.0 -
OK... this is really making me crazy.
Contact an Army or Air Force recruter.0 -
First of all I feel very sorry for your soon to be niece or nephew being brought into this mess and bringing a baby into the situation just to get government help is not going to better the situation.
Secondly, get up.... I really mean it get up off your @ss!! Go for a walk it will help with stress and is good exercise.
The only person that is going to change the situation your in is YOU! My advice would be to fill out as many job applications a day as a could until you are offered a job. Do not say you can't because you don't have a vehicle, walk to these places. Once you are hired start looking for government housing in order to get your own place. If your husband does not get a job, you need to leave him and better yourself instead of letting him drag you down by being a sorry individual like his sister.
I peaked at the link that you posted and can't help but think you are sitting at a computer instead of looking for a job. As long as you keep making excuses you will not get anywhere in life. Do you really want to end up like your SIL? I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would want to be so sorry and let the government (aka all of us hard working people) support them instead of trying to make a life for themselves.
Life is hard, no one said it was going to be easy. I greatly admire the posters who are struggling but doing what they can to better themselves.0
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