really bad home issues... could use some help
Replies
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4. Pray. Have you ever thought about going to church ( do you already go to church?) God is always with you. He is just waiting for you to turn to Him.
Seriously? WTF!0 -
I would suggest shutting down the computer and going for a walk. You've been online for about an hour complaining, you could've been out taking a walk and clearing your head and getting away from all these people that are pissing you off. You could've walked 2.5 miles by now.
Sorry to say it, but with each new post, you're losing sympathy. It's not your food stamps, so you don't really have any room to complain about what's purchased with them. It's not your house, so it doesn't matter how many people live there or what they do with their money since you're not paying rent.
It seems to me like you've got 2 choices. 1. Get out of the house. You might be homeless, which will make it harder to get a job. But if what's going on is bothering you so much. Do it. 2. Stop complaining, start your new job, see if you can get another one and start saving money so you can get your own place. You're living rent free, food is provided for you and you have cable and internet. Enjoy it while it lasts and hope you have saved enough money to get your own place once you're all evicted.0 -
I have no advice to offer you about your situation but I do have a link for a site.
Its written by someone who feeds a family of 4 on $50 per week.
There are planned daily menus and recipes too for every week.
I found it on pinterest and I think its awesome. She does all the hard work of figuring things out for you and all you have to do is follow the plan.
There're about 35 weeks' worth of menus and detailed grocery lists AND recipes for all 3 meals of the day.
http://www.grocerybudget101.com/content.php/8-menus
Good luck with your situation!0 -
Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!
Trust me, yes they will. They just overlook it.0 -
Ditch the whole cluster**** and strike out on your own.0
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Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
Couldn't agree more - man up and join the military... even if only one of you does it.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!0 -
The situation is your wake up call to learn the value of self reliance and responsibility. Here's your plan.
As of this moment, you have a new full-time job: Finding a new source of employment. Spend 8 - 10 hours a day, every day, trying to find employment. It will both liberate you from your household and teach you the skills in gaining employment. Start where ever...McD's, Walmart...wherever...pay is pay is pay. 8 - 10 hours a day, every day until someone says "you are hired".
Once you've collected two paychecks, find a new place to live. Apartment, loft, room...wherever.
Everything else will fall into place.
First step...get your mind right.0 -
I'm so sorry that your in that situation. I can't even begin to imagine. The only thing I can offer to help is to tell you to take a walk. I don't mean move out, but litereally take a walk. Everytime you get furstrated or need a little peace, talk a walk. 20 min here 30 min there. Getting outside and away will help your stress level and the benifits of walking to weight loss should be obvious. Its also FREE!
This is excellent advice, but I always want to add that sometimes there are options out there that you just didn't know about. Maybe this is a time when you could get a grant and go back to school, maybe there is some HUD housing that you could move to...if you have a 411 line in your town, call and just see what might be available to you. You just never know what help might be out there.
I give you much respect for trying to make a health change in your life when there is so much you could be sad about and use as an excuse. Just keep trying, take that walk, and see what is out there to help you back on your feet.0 -
If your husband doesn't want to leave the house... you can't make him. But you must put yourself first right now. Get out of there. This is a time of crisis in your life. If an airplane is going down, you have to put on your OWN mask first. So go it alone. Get out of there - just you. Get out into the world and put your mask on. You can't make your husband put his mask on. Go do what you need to do to get yourself out (get any assistance you can) and then once you are stable, make a plan to get off government assistance.
^^^^^ THIS!!!! 100% Agree
You cant change anyone!!!...0 -
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.
Getting on disability is extremely hard and takes a long time. Ninety percent of the applications are AUTOMATICALLY rejected no matter how valid the disability is. So then you have to hire a lawyer and go through the appeal process. I recently helped out a homeless man who had two major brain injuries. The first time his frontal lobes were basically suctioned out since they were mush. This guy took four months to learn my NAME even though he was living in my house! Yet he was denied! He had to go through the appeal process, and was without any incomeat all for four years! He got food stamps, but NO assistance with housing during that time! Some people never are able to articulate their need well enough to get on disability.
I never said it would be easy, just pointing out the obvious. One of the qualifications for disability due to depression or any other mental illness is an inability to work on a continuous basis. I would easily qualify myself if I wasn't trying like hell to keep my job the last 5 1/2 years.0 -
I understand that you are on food stamps. I too was on food stamp. However I was able to buy very healthy foods. There was no limit as to what i could buy. The only thing I could not purchase was hot foods. So you can eat healthy on food stamps. What everyone else said. Work hard on getting a job and move out!0
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Just my .02
You are not going to get a lot of sympathy on this board.
MANY of us had to overcome a great multitude of problems to get where we are.
My own personal "sob story".
I own a house. Wife and two kids.
My wife lost her job when the company she worked for went belly up.
A few months later I lost my job when the company moved to India.
I was without a job for EXACTLY three days.
I went from making 60K a year with an office in the dot com industry to making $8.00 per hour installing fences. Working in the hot sun digging post holes and dealing with ex felons as my work mates.
I did what I had to do.
I worked as many hours as they would let me work.
We went from $400.00 per week on food to less then $200.00
My wife worked as many baby sitting jobs as she could.
Failure was simply NOT an option. Not with two little kids.
Now I am back as a programmer and my wife turned her "please let me babysit your kid" part time gig into her own little home day care. She is making 40K per year and working from home.
Your attitude MUST change.
Instead of you and your husband making excuses as to why you CAN'T do it, you need to look in the mirror, together, get pissed, and resolve that you WILL do it and you will DESTROY anything that gets in your way. Bad temper, DESTROY that bad temper. TAKE CONTROL!!!0 -
If he has not been diagnosed with it yet, then he can get it.
Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!
If he is in for longer then 90 days and they boot him for the disorder, then he gets out on a medical discharge and he STILL gets a paycheck for life PLUS free medical for life.0 -
I think it's really sad that in a few months a baby will be brought into the middle of this situation, which I'm sure is only going to make matters worse. If you all can't provide for yourselves, how in the world are you going to provide for a baby? She got pregnant for all the wrong reasons, and I will pray that God protect and watch over that baby. Have you tried applying for low income housing? What about a shelter? Being in a shelter would be much better than being in the environment you're in now.0
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my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.
Getting on disability is extremely hard and takes a long time. Ninety percent of the applications are AUTOMATICALLY rejected no matter how valid the disability is. So then you have to hire a lawyer and go through the appeal process. I recently helped out a homeless man who had two major brain injuries. The first time his frontal lobes were basically suctioned out since they were mush. This guy took four months to learn my NAME even though he was living in my house! Yet he was denied! He had to go through the appeal process, and was without any incomeat all for four years! He got food stamps, but NO assistance with housing during that time! Some people never are able to articulate their need well enough to get on disability.
This makes no sense to me. My mom had a stroke last year and lost use of her left side. I helped her get disability last year and she was approved without issue. The disability process from start to finish takes approximately 4 months, largely because of the review process. Provided you submit all required documentation (completed application, medical records and history, physician's reports, etc.,), complete the interview, and fall into the Social Security Administration's definition of "disabled", there should be no issue being approved. However, if something is not completed, the application will be denied. You could have acted as his authorized representative and completed the application for him, especially with his diminished mental capacity. Curious as to where you get your 90% figure from?0 -
I have watched a number of people go through, while not the same, similar situations.
If you want an easy answer or sympathy, stop reading now.
Here is the bottom line.
YOU are in a highly toxic situation. It is an extreme situation. It requires extreme action. It will be way out of your comfort zone. And it comes down to are you serious about wanting a REAL change, or do you just want someone to say there is an easy way? Because YOU are the only one that is going to make sure YOU are going to make it. YOU are the only one that can get you out of the toxic sludge.
I don't care what condition a person has; bipolar, adhd, ocd, ptsd, anorexia, bulimia, antisocial personality disorder, or gout. NOTHING justifies another human being treating you poorly on a consistent basis. We all have our days, but consistently treating someone badly or not living up to your responsibilities is not excusable, and it is toxic.
Most people, where you are at, are in a cycle of being a victim. No one can save you but YOU. Others can help, but you have to save yourself. YOU have to look around and find the way out. There is a way out, it may just cost more than you are willing to pay. You may have to deal with personal issues, fears, weakness that you don't think you are ready to deal with. But if you are serious, you will do what it takes. You may have to leave this family, temporarily or permanently. But to have a good, healthy, happy life, you have to be willing to go get it. You can't drag dead weight and get there.
You as a human being are worthy of love and happiness. Just as you are now. But it doesn't happen by accident. You have to go get it. If I can help, let me know.
Just so you know, on a side note: Most doctors diagnose a patient with what they want to diagnosed with, specifically mental issues. Why? Because that means money. No one wants to diagnose someone with Factitious disorders. Why? Because it doesn't have follow ups and they don't buy drugs and they don't feed the machine.
(Factitious disorders: Factitious disorders are conditions in which physical and/or emotional symptoms are created in order to place the individual in the role of a patient or a person in need of help.)0 -
I have a million things I would like to say to you woman to woman but will make it short. The situation at home is not going to improve. It would appear everyone there is quite happy to not work and try and live off of food stamps. That will not change. Like many others have said, the only thing you can change is you. You need to become so unhappy with your situation that you are willing to make a total life overhaul. When you get to that point, this is my suggestion. It appears you might be in an area where the economy is still awful. Don't know for certain if you live in the USA but if you do, there are portions of the country where a turn around is happening. Research online the area of the country where unemployment is the lowest. Move there. You will be able to find full time work. Second suggestion, it would appear you might need to increase your education/training. I'm not necessarily saying college because some people just are not cut out for that. Second research assignment. Research government predictions in job forecasting for the next 20 years. What that will do is tell you what occupations will be needing workers. Think outside the box. You don't have to fit into a job that is traditionally for females. Look into the trades. Traditionally you may have 1-2 years of classroom plus an apprenticeship. There is also always a need in health care related fields. Don't settle for working in McDonalds for the rest of your life. Not that there is anything wrong with that but the wages there are for entry level jobs they are not careers. SO the two big things, what occupations will need workers and where will the workers be needed. Good luck!0
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If he has not been diagnosed with it yet, then he can get it.
Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!
If he is in for longer then 90 days and they boot him for the disorder, then he gets out on a medical discharge and he STILL gets a paycheck for life PLUS free medical for life.
Because that is where our military dollars should go.
The Army is not a toy.0 -
hey, so sorry to hear your news, with all this going on im suprised you can still diet at the same time so well done for that. Im from england so i dont know how good my help is but isnt there anywhere you could work that included accommodation??
Theyre must be summer camps or sumit you can work and stay there for 6 months atleast, Then when ur back and refreshed you can think about a permanant job, working with children or young adults can help open more options for you to get a better career in the long run.
When i left my parents home due to family issues i ended up having 3 jobs! it was hard but being constantly on the go not only helped me become more experienced in different job roles but it also helped me stay active and the weight just dropped off.
hope this helps xxx0 -
Just my .02
You are not going to get a lot of sympathy on this board.
MANY of us had to overcome a great multitude of problems to get where we are.
My own personal "sob story".
I own a house. Wife and two kids.
My wife lost her job when the company she worked for went belly up.
A few months later I lost my job when the company moved to India.
I was without a job for EXACTLY three days.
I went from making 60K a year with an office in the dot com industry to making $8.00 per hour installing fences. Working in the hot sun digging post holes and dealing with ex felons as my work mates.
I did what I had to do.
I worked as many hours as they would let me work.
We went from $400.00 per week on food to less then $200.00
My wife worked as many baby sitting jobs as she could.
Failure was simply NOT an option. Not with two little kids.
Now I am back as a programmer and my wife turned her "please let me babysit your kid" part time gig into her own little home day care. She is making 40K per year and working from home.
Your attitude MUST change.
Instead of you and your husband making excuses as to why you CAN'T do it, you need to look in the mirror, together, get pissed, and resolve that you WILL do it and you will DESTROY anything that gets in your way. Bad temper, DESTROY that bad temper. TAKE CONTROL!!!
^^^^^^^^This exactly!!!!!!!!0 -
Now that my mind is a lil clear on the whole thing... Here are some suggestions
(1) Find the closest community college - apply - the best thing one can get for oneself is an education
(2) Apply for Pell-Grant - you will be fully eligible
(3) Get yourself a part-time job (work study, you will be eligible for that too)
(4) Have your husband get a JOB - attitude is not a disability - unless of course he has been diagnosed by a professional and even so there is medication for that.
(5) Seek assistance but don't become dependent on society - 6 mos of assistance should get you on your feet - educate yourself on the difference between needs and wants... by the way you will be fully eligible for this because of being in school - but as I said don't become dependent.
And above it all - take full responsibility for yourself - you are impacted by what others do by choice... Say thank you for those who have helped you when things went array, I am sure that by now you can come to the realization you have over come your stay and it is time to become a grown up and move on0 -
4. Pray. Have you ever thought about going to church ( do you already go to church?) God is always with you. He is just waiting for you to turn to Him.
Seriously? WTF!
THANK YOU! How does that help?! IT DOESN'T. I don't care how offended people get--they need to learn to rely on themselves, and HELP themselves... or at least look for TANGIBLE help!0 -
You are correct.
If he has not been diagnosed with it yet, then he can get it.
Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!
If he is in for longer then 90 days and they boot him for the disorder, then he gets out on a medical discharge and he STILL gets a paycheck for life PLUS free medical for life.
Because that is where our military dollars should go.
The Army is not a toy.
It is NOT a toy.
Most people who join the Military will serve the entire term and then leave as a better person.
They leave with a job skill and a new attitude and outlook on life.
Even if HE gets out on a med (if the bipolar is in fact "real" and not just an excuse), SHE can still serve and, while you need to be careful, you CAN support a family on a single Private's paycheck.0 -
If he has not been diagnosed with it yet, then he can get it.
Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!
If he is in for longer then 90 days and they boot him for the disorder, then he gets out on a medical discharge and he STILL gets a paycheck for life PLUS free medical for life.
Because that is where our military dollars should go.
The Army is not a toy.
Wake up, dear. This is what the military IS. Our military dollars should be DEEPLY rethought anyway.0 -
I'm going to say I loved everything digitalbill said. I keep reading a lot of excuses why you "can't" change your situation and not a lot of "I cans" ..
First off I have to say being bi-polar will not keep you from getting a job..and unless it's been diagnosed you don't put it down on an application. Again this sounds like an excuse. Like everybody has said almost every fast food place hires.. you , your husband and half the people living in that house should get to work. Plain and simple.
I would be really careful about what I post that you are buying or who is using the food stamps..sounds like you might be coming close to food stamp fraud.
I really hope you can change your situation but only you are able to do it. Otherwise I will assume deep down inside you are very content to live like this.0 -
You are correct.
If he has not been diagnosed with it yet, then he can get it.
Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!
If he is in for longer then 90 days and they boot him for the disorder, then he gets out on a medical discharge and he STILL gets a paycheck for life PLUS free medical for life.
Because that is where our military dollars should go.
The Army is not a toy.
It is NOT a toy.
Most people who join the Military will serve the entire term and then leave as a better person.
They leave with a job skill and a new attitude and outlook on life.
Even if HE gets out on a med (if the bipolar is in fact "real" and not just an excuse), SHE can still serve and, while you need to be careful, you CAN support a family on a single Private's paycheck.
You just told her to have her BIPOLAR husband join so that he can live off of it for the rest of his life. Just perpetuate the leeching on society. Bipolar people are perfectly capable of holding jobs and contributing, not being lifelong leeches. Why would you encourage that?
As far as "what the military is," 10 years dating a Marine and the last 7 1/2 living with my Navy boyfriend have given me a decent education about it.0 -
Just wanted to give my two cents to say- employment can come from anywhere. I'm 22, I live with my parents while I'm studying for my Masters degree, and I contribute to the household as much as I can. I worked in a supermarket before I was signed off for depression, an eating disorder and anxiety disorder. Whilst this pretty much means I can only afford to buy most of my own food, pay for my own petrol and phone bills, I do what I can to take the financial strain off my parents. How do I do this? I teach kids English, piano, music theory and singing, and recently I was able to get an informal, 8 hour a week job in a local church office, doing basic admin duties, printing, photocopying, answering emails and manning the phone.
Seriously, do you have any skills? Were you really good at Maths in school? Private tutoring in England can earn anything from £10 an hour to £40, depending on your personal level of expertise and the subject you offer. It could just get you enough to begin to chip away at your debts, or start a little 'own place' fund.
Work can come from anywhere. It's up to you to find it.0 -
Not to be arguementitive but, if he IS honestly bipolar, then he NEEDS to get help. I have no idea how long it takes to get disability but, if he can get it from the Military, who really cares? If he needs help, he deserves to get that help. I personally don't care if it comes from the Military or from the Social Security office. It all comes from the same pocket in the end.
You are correct.
If he has not been diagnosed with it yet, then he can get it.
Both you and your Huisband need to join the Army..
Get away from whatever situation you are in.
Get a paycheck (DINK = pretty good living even as privates)
Let the Army give you REAL training for future employment beyond flipping burgers.
You will have at least four years of a steady paycheck.
The Army will not take you if you have bipolar disorder!
If he is in for longer then 90 days and they boot him for the disorder, then he gets out on a medical discharge and he STILL gets a paycheck for life PLUS free medical for life.
Because that is where our military dollars should go.
The Army is not a toy.
It is NOT a toy.
Most people who join the Military will serve the entire term and then leave as a better person.
They leave with a job skill and a new attitude and outlook on life.
Even if HE gets out on a med (if the bipolar is in fact "real" and not just an excuse), SHE can still serve and, while you need to be careful, you CAN support a family on a single Private's paycheck.
You just told her to have her BIPOLAR husband join so that he can live off of it for the rest of his life. Just perpetuate the leeching on society. Bipolar people are perfectly capable of holding jobs and contributing, not being lifelong leeches. Why would you encourage that?
As far as "what the military is," 10 years dating a Marine and the last 7 1/2 living with my Navy boyfriend have given me a decent education about it.
If he is NOT bipolar (and just has a temper), then that temper will quickly be adjusted.
And while I understand your boyfriend situation, I actually SERVED. I do believe my insight might be a little clearer then yours is.0 -
my husband has only had one job, he worked at mcdonalds with me, that lasted like 2 months, he got fired for his attitude ( hes bipolar and gets pissed very easily)
If this is true then your husband belongs on disability for his bipolar disorder OR he needs to visit a clinic to get meds to stabilize his moods so he can contribute to your household/family. As someone with a personality disorder, I can honestly say that it's VERY hard to work every day and bite your tongue but it CAN be done.
This ^^^^^^!!!! I suffer from depression and I know that any kind of emotional/personality disorder makes life tough...but so do learning disabilities, etc! You just have to get treatment and try harder than everyone else. When you get married you are supposed to be cleaved to your spouse--not your dad/mom/sister/etc. Your husband's first allegiance is to you!0 -
Something your family could try is to make a menu for the week before grocery shopping, write down what you need off the menu and only buy what is on the grocery list. I make menu's every week and do my grocery shopping off that and it seems to help on not buying what we really don't need. Plan every meal, there is time for this in your household because several people do not work. You should look into and apply to low income housing that goes off of what you make and move out as soon as possible. The situation you are in living with so many is not going to work everyone is going to want to be the head of the household and things are going to blow up not a good situation.
I am very confused on the food tamps you said your sister in law got pregnant so they could get them and then later you say only your father in law gets them?? Really none of my business, but at 25 you need to be responsible and quit blaming others for what is going on. That is the only way you are going to get out and be your own person. If your husband has been clinically checked and diagnosed with bipolar can he not get disability? Does he take medication, I am a supervisor at a factory and we have employee's that are bipolar and work her just fine (don't let that be an excuse not to get a job).
Good luck with your weight loss the best thing to do at this point is to take walks or jog, and you don't have to eat what everyone else is eating you can take control and fix healthier things for yourself and portion the calories.
If I did not have money for food, rent or other bills I would not have the internet or cable there are other things to do than sit on the internet such as get up and move!!0
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