Would you discipline someone else's child?

rml_16

I think if you'd said what you said in your OP, you would have been OK. I wouldn't spank someone else's child or anything.

I have twice said something to a stranger's child in public. Both times, the kids were throwing rocks at birds and the parents were ignoring them and I couldn't not say something.

HLeAnn

If you don't know the child or the family, you don't know what issues they are dealing with. Autistic kids look the same as other kids, so do kids with all kinds of other neurological problems or other invisible handicaps. I post on a forum where there are a lot of families with SEN kids, and they are not only faced with dealing with their child's naughty and sometimes bizarre and usually very unpredictable behaviour in public, which they can't deal with easily as normal discipline techniques don't work - but also the general disapproval and even public humiliation of other people who think that the child's behaviour can be fixed with a couple of trips to the naughty corner (or a few slaps in the case of some people's opinions)

Invisible handicaps are called that because no-one can see them, and it's generally the assumption that the child is just being a brat or being difficult for the sake of it. Generally these kids are really struggling and their families are struggling even more and it's not easy to get the help and support they need from paediatricians etc.

That's why, if I see kids behaving dreadfully in public, I don't make any judgements about the parents. Most cases it probably is the child being a brat or the parents not knowing how to discipline, but I don't know that for sure, do I? I could end up making one mother's hell just that little bit worse, or make her never want to take her child out in public again, thus increasing the stigma and problems with having a child with such difficulties.

I have been in the situation where a friend's child was running her ragged with misbehaviour and I stepped in and put a stop to it, my friend didn't mind, or if she did she never told me. I'm strict with my own kids about behaviour in public, but at the same time kids are kids and all of them have bad days, and play up sometimes. They're kids, not robots.

Thank you for this. My step brother has autism and my Step mother and my father have such a hard time with him sometimes, and people just don't understand. It breaks my heart. I'm not saying I don't get extremely annoyed at bratty kids in public, but since seeing my dad and step-mom go through what they have, I try to remember that not every family and child is the same.

TylerJ76

No.
Never.

_VoV

People who see out-of-control children love to judge. They like to think the parents are lazy, and can't be bothered to discipline their children. They also like to think the parents have no problem imposing their children's misbehavior on others. Sometimes that's true, but not always. Unless you know the situation well, be aware that some children come into the world with differences.

And, no: I wouldn't correct or discipline the child. I might move myself to reduce the irritation to myself, though.

UncleMac

It depends on the situation. Sometimes I let it ride. Sometimes I speak up whether to the child or the parent.

One time my son & his friend were playing in the sand box. I was sitting on the picnic table watching. A woman and her son arrived. The son began jumping around like a fart in a mitt. He stomped through the sandbox, demolishing the sand castle my son & his friend were working on. They didn't say anything but the mother bleated (no better word for it) at the son to be careful. The kid dashed off but was soon back since my son & his friend were the only other kids in the playground. He kept bouncing around. The mother kept bleating. I kept gritting my teeth.

Then the kid started throwing sand around. I spoke to the mother, advising her of what was happening. Predictably, she bleated and the son ignored her. A few seconds later, the kid got sand into the eyes of my son's friend. The friend started to cry. My son got up, walked over to the kid, knocked him on his *kitten* and said "Stop it now!" For the record, the kid was about a year older and bigger than my son.

The mother bleated louder than usual. Her son stayed down until she scooped him up. I walked over to my son and said "Well done." and then I dealt with the sand in his friend's eyes. It was a good day.

ew513

I can be very good at being passive aggressive. I would say to my child in a loud voice, "See Junior, that type of behavior is not acceptable." Usually pretty effective

Mhaney

I usually don't have to, my own kids do it.

My 2 year old (who is now 9) once told some unruly toddler in an office to SIT DOWN YOU ARE BEING BAD.

My 3 year old (now six) said to me in the library "wow that kid is being soo bad" and that made the bad kid shut up.

beach_please

I wouldn't unless the unruly child was hurting one of my kids or another child. It's annoying as hell when someone can't keep their kids in line but it's not my place to discipline someone's kid unless they are in my house or under my supervision.

oregonzoo

I don't think I ever would say anything, unless also somebody was being hurt.

Not my place.

_Wits_

Nope I would not have said a word. I would, however maybe said something to someone who works there as they do have the right to say something.

The only children who I discipline that aren't my own, are those of my close friends and family...who know and trust me and want me to help them carry their rules when they are in different environments.

WickedBean

It is none of your business, it is a strangers child and as annoying as it is you should never discipline or say anything to a strangers child.

The only child I ever discipline/say anything to is my niece and even then its only when her dad is not around to do so.

CarleyLovesPets

I wouldn't discipline their child no.
But I may say something out loud like "Well that's really not helping my headache" in hopes that their parents knows their child is bothering others.

If they didn't discipline their own child even after that.

I would move.

KickassAugust

You never know why that child is acting the way they are...

I know an 8 year old right now who is detoxing from a powerful anti-psychotic. You would not have wanted to snap at her in a waiting room...

Sometimes you just never know whats climbing the walls right in front of you....

missprincessgina

Hell yes!

I hate bad kids (and in this day and age most kids are horrific) and if one gets near me, then they picked the wrong ***** to mess with!

Cheers to that! :drinker:

perfectingpatti

I have a 12 year old with autism. I can tell you- discipline does not cure autism. I've had some ugly looks, heard sighs, and have people criricize his behavior. You can't tell if a child has autism and you don't know what other issues they may have.

missprincessgina

I have no problem telling other peoples kids to behave themselves, afterall, they learn by being taught and if their parent isn't going to teach them I will. It takes a village...

That being said, in our neighborhood I'm the mean Mom, and when I walk out of my house, kids scatter.

OMG! Why can't all Mom's be like you?? I could actually venture out to someplace considered "family friendly" if people actually disciplined their kids. WTG!

jenbk2

I would have said something along the lines of "Honey you should really listen to your grandmother." Then maybe done the passive aggressive thing.

jonnyman41

depends on the circumstances but if the child was jumping on the chair next to me, or crawling over my things, endangering my child etc (though my own children are now grown up) then I would be happy to say something mild, such as " can you please get down from there" etc though I would say it quietly and firmly. when I have had kids annoying me on a train/plane, kicking the seat for example, I normally turn to the parent politely and just say what is happening.
As the child was doing it all over the room and the grandma was attempting to address this, albeit in effectively, chances are I would have just kept quiet unless the child was at risk (e.g. playing with a plug socket, balancing dangerously on chairs etc)

I have said things to kids in the past such as kids messing about in the park (when I was there with my kids) not sharing the swings, using fowl language etc, but usually there is no parent present and it is a quiet but firm remand.

I have worked in education, including family education and I am used to working with very dysfunctional families so maybe that changes things a little.

CuteAndCurvy83

Unless they are doing something to put my child in danger or they themselves are in danger no. I mean if the kid was climbing over the seat my kid is sitting in then yes I'd tell him nicely not to climb over my kid and to be careful, if in a situation I see a child running into the street or something extreme then I'd also do something as well.

rml_16

I have a 12 year old with autism. I can tell you- discipline does not cure autism. I've had some ugly looks, heard sighs, and have people criricize his behavior. You can't tell if a child has autism and you don't know what other issues they may have.

Agreed. But I don't care what condition a child has, it's not OK to throw rocks at animals and if the parent isn't going to do something about it, I will, and I have.

In one case, I was sitting in a local park by a lake reading a book. There was a bird sitting on a branch over the water waiting for fish to swim by so he could dive and get one to eat. The little boy started throwing stones at the bird and I waited a bit to see if the parents would say anything. They didn't.

So I simply asked the little boy why he was doing that. He told me that he wanted the bird to fly to another part of the lake. So I said, "He's trying to catch his lunch. How would you like it if you were trying to eat lunch and someone threw rocks at you?"

Apparently, he concluded he wouldn't like that, so instead he sat quietly and watched the bird. His reward was that not only did he get to see the bird dive and catch a fish, he also got to then see the bird fly to the part of the lake that the little boy wanted it to fly to.

I like to think I taught a good lesson that day and didn't overstep my bounds. I don't think the parents noticed any of it.