Would you discipline someone else's child?
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If the child is put in danger by their behaviour or they are inflicting harm to my child, yes i will say something and have more then once. This kind of thing usually happens in situations where the parents arent paying attention at playgrounds, indoor play areas and group gatherings. I've even spoke up when i saw a child hit or push another child that wasnt mine. When i was growing up i had alot of aunts and family friends who watched over us and if they corrected you it was expected you would listen. Also you knew if an adult in your neighborhood saw you doing something wrong they would likely say something to you or go tell your parents. Now adays people will tell their kids they dont have to listen to adults...even teachers and authority figures. Wonder why there's a problem with acting out. You should never yell at or threaten anyones child...nor should you put your hands on them. This is unacceptable....if the situation is that out of hand then call the authorities and let social services deal with it.
In the situation mentioned by the OP i recommend practicing some patience and tolerance. As someone else mentioned you dont know the childs abilitys or what the adult has to deal with. Move to another seat if it bothers you that much. Too be honest ive witnessed adults act worse then kids and thats annoying too. We tend to forget that public places are just that PUBLIC and the world isnt always going to be just how we want it.0 -
As the parent of an autistic child, I have been on both ends of this scenario. I would never assume that a child's behavior is the result of poor parenting, nor would I feel the need to voice my opinion on the matter.
But I agree with Patti's point that sometimes children need to be guided or redirected away from dangerous behavior. That is a whole different thing. If for some reason I was not around and my daughter (or my son) was engaging in behavior that could be dangerous, I would not be at all upset if someone tried to redirect their behavior.0 -
As the parent of an autistic child, I have been on both ends of this scenario. I would never assume that a child's behavior is the result of poor parenting, nor would I feel the need to voice my opinion on the matter.
But I agree with Patti's point that sometimes children need to be guided or redirected away from dangerous behavior. That is a whole different thing. If for some reason I was not around and my daughter (or my son) was engaging in behavior that could be dangerous, I would not be at all upset if someone tried to redirect their behavior.
I agree actually0 -
I went on a school trip, when I was about six or seven, to an aquarium where little sharks were in an open top tank with some rays. My friend and I were leaning over to touch the rays, when I was grabbed by the back of my collar. As I fell back, I noticed a large splash where I'd been standing - if this random lady hadn't pulled me back one of those little sharks would have had my nose off.
I can't think where the teachers were at that point, or why we hadn't been warned to be careful. Fair enough, at six or seven I still should have had more common sense than to get myself in that situation, but if it wasn't for that lady intervening in the discipline the teachers were meant to be dishing out I could have been really hurt.0 -
I think you have to feel out the situation. I've had occasions before when the child would look at me and I've said to the child "You should really listen to .... it's nice when you listen to people when they ask you to do something." But I'm never chastising. And I would never engage a child if the parent was attempting to discipline or any other like scenario.0
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I used to do it for a living so it's second nature now.0
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I've done it in the past. But it depends on the situation.0
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Some kids just won't listen. My nephew for example. Everytime we scolded him he got louder and this was in public. SIGH Kids now a days. I did spank him a few times, but felt bad cuz he wasn't my child, but if I'm alone with him he will not act that way with me.0
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The reason I said that was because I wanted him to put himself in the bird's place. Empathy is important when teaching children how to treat other living things. I didn't say it snotty, and I may have said, "How would it make you feel," or something along those lines. It was a while ago and I don't remember my exact word choice.
I understand what you were trying to get him to think. Just speaking for my son, he wouldn't understand the question. I just meant that I would have done what you did, I just wouldn't have said that part because of my own experience with children, especially ones with autism. I didn't mean any criticism.
This reminded me of a therapy session we were having with my son when he was in 3rd grade. The therapist showed him flash cards asking him to say how he would feel if he were the person in the picture. The first one was of a man who appeared frightened. His eyes were big, there was a shadow behind him, and he had a look of terror on his face. David's reply: "I would feel like- WHY ARE MY EYES SO BIG", as he made the same facial expression as the man.0 -
I was going to type a big long speech and get everyone in a hissy-fit about everything... but instead I give you Russell Peters.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwbc_v1xBAU
Enjoy.0 -
Another perspective: I look at it as saying the same things to a kid I'd say to a stranger adult who was unacceptably intruding. But kid-appropriate. And in the case of obnoxious-in-the-waiting-room, I'd probably not say anything but if the kid were getting rowdy enough close to me or other people, I'd probably say, "Hey, watch out there!" As someone else said something similar. What gets to me is the stigma of "discipline" and parents getting angry at other adults who say something - while it's one thing to interfere with parenting, it's another thing to just respond normally as you would to any person who was, say, kicking all of your trousers off the rack in your store department. There is nothing ugly or judgmental about it. I actually find it harder to see nasty parents slapping small children in the face in public, which I've only seen about twice and too fleetingly to be able to do something about it.0
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Last year I was watching my kids on the playground when a Mother I knew asked me to watch her kids for a few minutes. I made the mistake of saying yes since I knew her kids were very badly behaved in general. Her older son (4th grader) was playing near me and my younger daughter (2nd grade) when he took a whole piece of notebook paper and balled it up and put it in his mouth. He took it out all covered with spit and acted like he was going to throw it at me. I told him not to and he said "What are you going to do if I do?"
Now I suppose this was wrong but I told him I'd spank him if he did. He proceeded to go right ahead and hit me with it. Well - there is no way on earth I'm not doing what I said. I spanked him once (honestly about 1/100th as hard as I'd liked to - he didn't cry) and I made him sit by me on the bench while the other kids played for 10 minutes (which seemed to bother him more than the spanking).
I wasn't sure if we should just have that as something between me and the kid but it bothered me so much that I called him Mom that night and explained what happened. She said we shouldn't discipline each other's children and I agreed. Since then I don't think she speaks to me anymore. In a way I don't much care because I don't like my kids hanging around with her kids but I still feel very emotional about the situation.
I think if I made one mistake it was agreeing to watch kids I know have discipline problems.
If I made two mistakes if was threatening something I didn't really want to have to follow through on.
As a side note the bratty kid has never messed with me again and usually behaves himself around me.0 -
We were at this Drum Circle once, where this supposedly peaceful hippie chick started screaming at this boy for licking her drum. The mother of this boy got up and started to explain that her son was severely autistic but was rudely interrupted by the "hippie" woman's swears. The poor mom slinked away got her other kids into the car and left.
My husband and I have never gone back to that group. Lack of compassion can be so stunning to me at times. I think of that Mom and how badly she probably needed to be out of the house.
My point. Think before you speak. Sometimes we just don't know what is going on with someone.
Rather than disciplining someone's kid how about distracting them.0 -
In a situation where MY child is being endangered, oh, yeah, buddy, mama bear is making an appearance, and, trust me, it won't be pretty.
In a situation where said child is being endangered, yes, I would probably intervene. Discipline? Probably not.
In a situation at MY house, yeah... but I still don't know about the word discipline... Every child that enters my home knows my expectations... even if it means sitting them down and telling them from the get go... then, problems are usually not had.
In my classroom, yes, I discipline other people's children all day long. But I consider them my kids, too.
In Sunday school and children's church, I talk to the the kids... and if all else fails, I take them to mama and daddy. (That's only happened a couple of times, though, and I've been in children's ministry for a long time... and, yeah, my church kids are mine, too. LOL)
being a scout leader for 5 years now, and dealing with tired young kids after a long day at school, THIS!
I probably would've gotten his attention and asked him if the way he is acting is really ok, and since his grandmother asked him to stop, he better stop, because he is making her upset.0 -
Last year I was watching my kids on the playground when a Mother I knew asked me to watch her kids for a few minutes. I made the mistake of saying yes since I knew her kids were very badly behaved in general. Her older son (4th grader) was playing near me and my younger daughter (2nd grade) when he took a whole piece of notebook paper and balled it up and put it in his mouth. He took it out all covered with spit and acted like he was going to throw it at me. I told him not to and he said "What are you going to do if I do?"
Now I suppose this was wrong but I told him I'd spank him if he did. He proceeded to go right ahead and hit me with it. Well - there is no way on earth I'm not doing what I said. I spanked him once (honestly about 1/100th as hard as I'd liked to - he didn't cry) and I made him sit by me on the bench while the other kids played for 10 minutes (which seemed to bother him more than the spanking).
I wasn't sure if we should just have that as something between me and the kid but it bothered me so much that I called him Mom that night and explained what happened. She said we shouldn't discipline each other's children and I agreed. Since then I don't think she speaks to me anymore. In a way I don't much care because I don't like my kids hanging around with her kids but I still feel very emotional about the situation.
I think if I made one mistake it was agreeing to watch kids I know have discipline problems.
If I made two mistakes if was threatening something I didn't really want to have to follow through on.
As a side note the bratty kid has never messed with me again and usually behaves himself around me.
Hold on... spanking works? Someone alert the media!!!
I think you did the right thing... obviously that kid needed a little discipline in his life and he got (less than) what he deserved...
edit: BTW, if you ask someone to watch your kids, you should understand that you are putting that person in charge of your child and whatever disciplinary action may be necessary. If you don't want your kid spanked ya probably shouldn't leave them with other people...0 -
Unless the child was doing something that directly affected me or hurting an animal, no, I wouldn't discipline them - it's not my place. It would just reinforce my decision not to breed.0
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I do all the time...her parents just turned 50, but she is someone else's child.0
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I AGREE!!!!been there done that. when i was younger i wouldn't have said anything. nowadays, i have no problem telling kids in a stern but polite way to shut up if there parents aren't doing the job-- especially, if the kids are bouncing all over the place and could hurt someone.
I have 5 kids and most of the time all together out in public and never did my kids act that way. They knew better.
Ususally I say something like , Geesh someone should beat that kid. LOL Loud enough for the parents to hear. And I make certain I am looking directly at them so there is no mistake what kids I'm talking about.
(and just for the record before someone says something, No I have never beat my kids... I just say it as an attention getter)0 -
As a child, none of us would have dared. For small children, I am inclined to say something rude to the parent because I think the parents are failing.0
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I'd say something and I do when in that situation. I'm a teacher so I'm used to disciplining other people's kids. It does embarrass mine when I do it though. Part of the fun of being a parent : )0
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Great topic!! I generally don't speak up if a child is acting like a hooligan. I will, like one poster said, move away (if possible) to avoid the train wreck. I too will shoot dirty looks, but I will not discipline another child if the parent/guardian is around. Some behaviors that child exhibit are "acceptable" to some parents, so who am I to judge on how they raise their kids? One time while at a doctor's office, my youngest son was about 5, and was sitting in the chair, but was taking his sandals and acting like he was using a defibrilator on my other son. They weren't loud or running around, but they were giggling. When I came out, my kids were sitting calmly, and my youngest had been crying. When I asked why, they told me that a woman had gone off on them for their shenanigans. She told my youngest he was a brat, and that he needed to be heavily drugged. The office staff did NOTHING to help. The very least they could've done (if they realized my kids were bothering these people) is come and got me, but instead they let this woman yell and berate my children. I found nothing wrong with them goofing off, as long as they were quiet, but apparently their behavior was unacceptable to this woman. I called and chewed out the office staff, and told them exactly what I thought. So I guess that's a reason I don't bother to discipline others children.
However, there was one time when an older girl was beating on my then 11 year old. She was punching him in the face, pulling his hair, and kicking him. One day he had a fat lip, and I had had enough. I had talked to the school until I was blue in the face, with no results. So one day after school I saw her, pulled my car up next to her, and got right in her face. I told her it was ok if she didn't like my son, because the feeling was mutual, but she was to stop the abuse immediately or I would call the police, and her parents. I told her while she may not like him, she did have to go to the same school as him, and she needed to stop acting like such a jerk and grow up. She stopped immediately, and actually apologized to him.
It's a sticky wicket no matter what you do.0 -
I have no problem telling other peoples kids to behave themselves, afterall, they learn by being taught and if their parent isn't going to teach them I will. It takes a village...
That being said, in our neighborhood I'm the mean Mom, and when I walk out of my house, kids scatter.
Love it...totally my sister..all the kids scatter..freakin hilarious..love going over there just to watch the show!0 -
Let it go. Not your kid. At the most I would say, " Hey buddy, your grandmother is calling you. Here go take her this magazine for me." That will get him over to his grandmother. Then she could take the magazine roll it up and beat the kid...done.0
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I'm the same, as a teacher I give 'the look'. If this doesn't work and I have my children with me I will praise them loud enough for people around to hear. 'Well done for sitting really still, you are such a good boy' etc. If it's starting to affect my children I have no problem in asking the child to stop whatever it is.being a teacher and living in Hawaii, my teacher mode kicks in instantly! lol!!! I've corrected quite a few and always gave credit to the adult and talk to the child about being obedient to them.0 -
I think there are many ways to make a child want to cooperate, some ways better than others. I do not condone the way I was raised but it was a way that worked. We were told once that we werent to do something and if we ever (even years later) did it we got a belt/spanking. We were pretty good kids. If we were ever punished by someone else, it would have been much worse for us when we got home.Last year I was watching my kids on the playground when a Mother I knew asked me to watch her kids for a few minutes. I made the mistake of saying yes since I knew her kids were very badly behaved in general. Her older son (4th grader) was playing near me and my younger daughter (2nd grade) when he took a whole piece of notebook paper and balled it up and put it in his mouth. He took it out all covered with spit and acted like he was going to throw it at me. I told him not to and he said "What are you going to do if I do?"
Now I suppose this was wrong but I told him I'd spank him if he did. He proceeded to go right ahead and hit me with it. Well - there is no way on earth I'm not doing what I said. I spanked him once (honestly about 1/100th as hard as I'd liked to - he didn't cry) and I made him sit by me on the bench while the other kids played for 10 minutes (which seemed to bother him more than the spanking).
I wasn't sure if we should just have that as something between me and the kid but it bothered me so much that I called him Mom that night and explained what happened. She said we shouldn't discipline each other's children and I agreed. Since then I don't think she speaks to me anymore. In a way I don't much care because I don't like my kids hanging around with her kids but I still feel very emotional about the situation.
I think if I made one mistake it was agreeing to watch kids I know have discipline problems.
If I made two mistakes if was threatening something I didn't really want to have to follow through on.
As a side note the bratty kid has never messed with me again and usually behaves himself around me.
Hold on... spanking works? Someone alert the media!!!
I think you did the right thing... obviously that kid needed a little discipline in his life and he got (less than) what he deserved...
edit: BTW, if you ask someone to watch your kids, you should understand that you are putting that person in charge of your child and whatever disciplinary action may be necessary. If you don't want your kid spanked ya probably shouldn't leave them with other people...0 -
I've spoken up in situations like that lol
HOW I said it, I think kept me from getting any wrath from the adults
There was a little girl just totally railroading her father at dance class one day. He was being all nicey and "no no sweetie" while she's being a complete BRAT. I kinda laughed, and said to the lil girl, "you should listen to your daddy...he's asking you a lot nicer than I would ask my daughter ::insert chuckle:: I would have taken my daughter to the bathroom by now for an attitude adjustment" chuckled again.
NOW when it comes to kids playing with my daughter or my niece and nephew....they get treated same as my own lol If I'm with my sister and I can tell she's whipped, all I'll say is the "What did your mother just say to you?! Knock it off"0 -
HAHA. So simpleLet it go. Not your kid. At the most I would say, " Hey buddy, your grandmother is calling you. Here go take her this magazine for me." That will get him over to his grandmother. Then she could take the magazine roll it up and beat the kid...done.0 -
I do all the time...her parents just turned 50, but she is someone else's child.
:laugh: :drinker:0 -
i was once watching my brother in laws 2 little ones. They were 4-7 at the time. So i decided to take them to the park, (they seemed so well behaved ) I thought it would be nice. It was, but then it was time to go home and the little one started to FREAK OUT on me...He attached himself to the railing and wouldn't get off it. AND he was screaming bloody murder on top of it. Im surprised no one thought i was trying to kidnap him lol.
Anyways, we got home and i told him about what happened, and i tried bribing them with mcdonalds,- i know so bad- and he told me that i should of spanked him.. Ummm no thanks!
I am a mom to an 11 month old, and I would be so upset of anyone tried to physically tried to discipline my child. I dont know about yelling at her if she did something wrong.... I think i'll be pretty aware and good at handling a situation like that so no one would have to say anything.
But i would not discipline another child. Not my kid.0 -
Iv told kids off in my part time job! I work in and exotic fish shop and have kids climbing the ladders climbing up tanks smaking tanks chasing round ! Its dangerous n the parents just let them do it so I make a point to say loudly please stop doing that and go find you mummy or daddy, the parents are normaly mortified
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