Unsupportive significant other

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sreimer07
sreimer07 Posts: 154 Member
in Motivation and Support
Do any of you have a significant other who is unsupportive? I live with my b/f who has a high metabolism and can eat what he wants. He makes comments on what I eat or what I cook. He likes to eat junk( like a whole pan of macaroni and cheese) I dont. He's never once mentioned or given me a compliment about how much weight i've lost. And when someone else does he roles his eyes. Or if one of my friends see me and says "Hey beautiful", he just gives me look like he doesn't understand why they greet me like that.

Does this make sense or am i rambling?
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Replies

  • nmterp
    nmterp Posts: 74
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    Girl, I feel ya. My ex liked his women larger and was always sabbotaging my efforts. He too had a high metabolism and could eat whatever he wanted. He was the king of fast food too and would always make snarky comments when we ate out like, "I don't know what you can eat! You're the one with restrictions!!"

    You've lost a lot and he should at the very least acknowledge how much progress you've made on your personal goals. Your mate should bring you up, not tear you down.

    I wish I could offer up some sort of advice on how to make it better, but in the end I ended up leaving my relationship and starting one with someone who had fitness goals as well. And I can tell you that, though our goals are very different, it's nice to have someone who understands what a goal is, how hard I have to work to achieve it, and is supportive and encouraging. It's like night and day and helps motivate me to keep at it.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    No, he always compliments me even after almost 8 years together. I didn't really involve him in my weight loss, but he was really supportive and it opened his eyes to the fact that he needed to eat healthier food.

    If I were with your SO I'd tell him to go find a less attractive girlfriend.
  • CAW210
    CAW210 Posts: 73
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    I think my husband is unsupportive in all areas of life. He is constantly talking about how big my butt is but will then say i like it though when he see's that it upsets me.
  • sonnet2
    sonnet2 Posts: 4
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    Honestly,if he's that unsupportive,he'd be my ex bf.There are too many ups and downs in life to have someone holding you back.Weight isn't just about looks,it's about your health too.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    sounds like you might want to sit down and write pros and cons of staying together and maybe consider getting out, if he can't see why this is so important to you. Congrats on your weight loss and sticking to it when you're not getting support you deserve!
  • weeder280
    weeder280 Posts: 2
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    And you are with him because......? Sounds like you have a bad case of martyr syndrome to me. I don't see this relationship going anywhere positive in the future. Just sayin'...
  • gdortiz
    gdortiz Posts: 169 Member
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    i'm not sure how you girls put up with guys ... we are brutal, holy crap.

    Not just saying from this post, but just from life in general.

    I always say, if want a guy to care about you, don't EVER let him know you need him. Ever ... even the good guys. trust me ... AND DON'T EVER Mother a guy ... if you don't want to be treated like his mom.
  • Cyngen
    Cyngen Posts: 557 Member
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    Both my wife and I compliment each other, support each other in our journey to a more healthy us. She's much tinier than I, so when we walk, she burns a lot fewer calories. In order to counter that, she goes for a bike ride after work each evening while I make the dinner for us.

    We take this walking time as our time to talk, when I'm not huffing and puffing up hills :) So, while I feel your pain, I feel good about what my wife and I have together.

    Now, about him being able to eat what he wishes, there are consequences to this normally. Heart issues, arteries clogging and so on. Those fats and carbs without moderation will be bad long term for most of us. Some just get great genetics I guess, but not a lot.

    BTW: We will be married now 35 years come October and been together 37.
  • karamaye
    karamaye Posts: 14
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    Girllll the only one who is going to be with you through thick and thin (pun intended), through ups and downs, highs and lows and will always support you is.... YOU.

    And life is way too short to keep people around who don't encourage you and bring you down. And it sounds like he's just not "unsupportive" but rather that he's actively trying to bring you down. Kick him to the curb. You deserve the best and you deserve to stand up for you. He's not worth it. Get out now before you're a million times hotter than him and he'll be trying even harder to knock you down to his level.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
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    My boyfriend has no interest in eating healthier, and he is not much into working out either. I would love it if we could work out together, but he doesn't want to. He doesn't stop me or discourage me, though, and even cheers me on and asks me how I did after I weigh in, so I would never call him unsupportive.

    If he rolled his eyes when someone commented on my weight loss, I'd have to be direct and ask what his problem is.
  • weeder280
    weeder280 Posts: 2
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    That's just plain mean, any way you turn it , it doesn't get better.
  • brandee1212
    brandee1212 Posts: 20 Member
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    I don't understand why so many of you post about this topic, and then STAY with these douches. If he's a **** to you and completely unsupportive, why on earth are you continuing to date him?! LEAVE! It is never, ever, ever going to get better.
  • 17ChargerGirl17
    17ChargerGirl17 Posts: 441
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    My boyfriend has never said anything bad to me. He only compliments me about how beautiful I am.
    He will ask me how I'm doing at the gym and what not. But always adds he loves me now and if I am 60 lbs lighter he will love me the same. He too loves to eat and can without gaining any weight, but always says he will eat a salad too if that's where I want to go. LOL....
    I'm sorry that your guy is so unsupportive. You are beautiful girl and I hope he realizes just how beautiful you are!!!1
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    I always say, if want a guy to care about you, don't EVER let him know you need him. Ever ... even the good guys. trust me ... AND DON'T EVER Mother a guy ... if you don't want to be treated like his mom.

    I find this to be generally true... My guy complains sometimes that I don't "need" him. Sorry, it's better this way :)
  • mscurvydiva1920
    mscurvydiva1920 Posts: 15
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    I don't understand why so many of you post about this topic, and then STAY with these douches. If he's a **** to you and completely unsupportive, why on earth are you continuing to date him?! LEAVE! It is never, ever, ever going to get better.


    I agree. :noway:
  • skinnybitchbarbie27
    skinnybitchbarbie27 Posts: 306 Member
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    I hate to say dump him but if he is almost surprised people call you beautiful then WTF. Seriously, he should be proud that other people find you as beautiful as he does but that leads me to my next point. And honestly, on a more serious note, a lot of people can't handle change. He has his own self esteem issues that is now being portrayed on your weight loss. As you lose weight and feel better about yourself he may be feeling that you will dump him because you feel you can find better. This may be the reason why he acts almost surprised when people give you vocal attention, you are already finding other possibilities (in his head). My husband and I went through this and the one thing I am happy he did is sat me down and told me of his issues. I have loved him through his 160 pound weight loss and I told him that I expected the same and that I loved him more than anything and we have just made ourselves better. I even brought up our more amazing sex life and he smiled. See, My husband would guilt me for going to classes/bike rides instead of spending time with him, always brought me high calorie food treats, and a lot of this was sub-concious sabotage because he was dealthy afraid I would lose all my weight and feel like I could find better. Have this conversation with him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that your life is changing and ask him if he is in for the ride and has a capability of change with you. You'll get your answer then. Maybe even a solution. He may not realize how crappy his actions are out of his own self-esteem issues. I think we tend to forget guys have these :)

    Obviously if the situation doesn't change, you'll need to decide what is best for you. We get enough social abuse from BEING FAT. We don't need people in our lives who treat us negatively when we are doing better for ourselves.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    I don't have that problem. My hubby is very supportive and complimentary. Maybe ask him why he acts that way? If it's a stupid or berating answer, someone used a key word before. I believe it was "ex". :wink:
  • mgnmsn
    mgnmsn Posts: 133 Member
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    “We accept the love we think we deserve.” (Perks of Being a Wallflower)

    This.

    Though at times I have had low self confidence, I have always loved myself and I know that I deserve the best. My S.O. is wonderful He listens to me ramble about weightloss, he compliments me, he calls me sexy... If he did anything less than what I thought I deserved, I would leave.

    You need to recognize that you need somebody who will treat you amazingly, but first you need to recognize that you deserve amazing.
  • sarahi2009
    sarahi2009 Posts: 285 Member
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    I can't tell you what to do but he doesn't sound like someone you would want to marry. You want someone that, unless it is harmful to you. will support you 100%. Don't settle for less!! Life is too short don't make it harder by carrying dead weight ;) (no punt intended)
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
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    Mine's not overtly unsupportive, but she doesn't seem to be really happy for me either. It gets to be kind of deflating after a while.

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