Unsupportive significant other

Options
1356

Replies

  • eleqtriq
    eleqtriq Posts: 76 Member
    Options
    Do any of you have a significant other who is unsupportive? I live with my b/f who has a high metabolism and can eat what he wants. He makes comments on what I eat or what I cook. He likes to eat junk( like a whole pan of macaroni and cheese) I dont. He's never once mentioned or given me a compliment about how much weight i've lost. And when someone else does he roles his eyes. Or if one of my friends see me and says "Hey beautiful", he just gives me look like he doesn't understand why they greet me like that.

    Does this make sense or am i rambling?

    Get rid of him. You deserve better.
  • kboyd1976
    kboyd1976 Posts: 1
    Options
    My ex told me in the middle of my weight loss effort after losing 30lbs that the only time a wife loses weight is when she is preparing to leave her husband. I guess he never took into consideration that I was trying to get healthy so that we could have a baby. So, I stopped..Gained all the weight back and then we split. I'm once again on the journey to a healthier lifestyle and loving life without the negativity in my life :)
  • ekburnet
    ekburnet Posts: 44 Member
    Options
    WOW! 56 pounds lost. YOU ROCK! As for the boyfriend he might be feeling a bit insecure as your looks and health improve. Have you asked him what his reasons are for his lack of support? I'm not defending his behavior I just wonder what the root cause is. It could be anything from his no longer being the center of attention when he is around you to his fear of losing you. Again 56 pounds lost ROCKS!
  • lisahale
    lisahale Posts: 56
    Options
    Well I thought my husband was not supportive at first , then big surprise he started working out with me and compliments me on my weight loss. He can eat whatever he wants and likes and not gain a pound.. ugh! Since I have converted over to a healthy lifestyle he has changed alot of his eating habits too. We are going on 11 years together and he is very supportive of anything I do . You should always have that someone you love in your back corner to support you no matter what !!! :)))
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    Options
    My husband maybe has mixed emotions about it. He married me at 270lbs so obviously he was attracted to me then. He says he supports me and does tell me I'm doing great, but at the same time when we eat out he hates when I obsess over the calories. He brings home ice cream and chocolate which SOMETIMES I admit, I love it, but usually I'm thinking "ugh... really?" Yes, he is trying to be nice, but can't he be nice and bring me a banana? LOL He doesn't like talking about diet/exercise with me so I've stopped talking to him about it for the most part. :)
  • ssimmons1214
    ssimmons1214 Posts: 7
    Options
    My husband said to me the other day and I quote " If you got as small as you were when we first met I'd be all over you" I politely responded if you got as small as you were when we first met you might have a chance with me! I have been playing around with different foods recipes negative calorie foods and my husband will sit right in front of me and hog down on anything and EVERYTHING all night long. So I started making all our food healthy and filling, brought in more fresh fruits and veggies so when he wants a snack I know its healthy, and switched from white food to whole grains. and he will sit there and eat a big serving and say ohh thats so good! Well I havent told him that he is eating healthier and I dont think he has noticed but I do believe he has lost a few lbs himself.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
    Options
    um, why exactly is he still your boyfriend? here are my thoughts...

    he is who he is. people don't change. obviously he's not meeting your expectation of what you are looking for in a companion. don't blame him because he is who he is. you either need to lower your expectation of a companion so that he fits (i.e., settle) or leave him because you respect yourself too much to settle.

    but, no sense complaining about what he is. This isn't just a random, isolated oversight on his part (which should be forgiven in most instances). This is a reflection of his character and it sounds like he's not meeting the needs you fairly expect from your companion.

    sooooo....if you stay with him, accept that you've chosen to stay with him knowing what he is and that you've compromised your own expectations. entirely your choice and nothing to pin on him. if he's a jerk, he's a jerk. that likely won't change. accept it or leave.
  • Lazygal53
    Lazygal53 Posts: 294 Member
    Options
    Significant other? whats that?

    Lonely dawg? :noway:
  • NiSan12
    NiSan12 Posts: 374 Member
    Options
    sounds like you might want to sit down and write pros and cons of staying together and maybe consider getting out, if he can't see why this is so important to you. Congrats on your weight loss and sticking to it when you're not getting support you deserve!
    ABSOLUTELY
  • MommaKit79
    MommaKit79 Posts: 852
    Options
    I would ask the same question...why are you still with him? But, I also understand about any other things that are great with you relationship. Explain to him about how it makes you feel when he doesnt acknowledge it or when he is MEAN about things. Call him out on it.

    Now, my husband doesnt always ask how I am doing but, "yells" playfully at me if I want to do anything I shouldnt (or eat anything I shouldnt). He will make comments like last night, since I was working out when he got him, "Man, is this an every night thing?" or when i was taking my Zumba class, he would always say he would want me to stay home with him instead of going to class. BUT, when he notices the difference, like he did this past weekend, he acknowledges it and tells me how awesome I am doing. He loves me for me but, he also understands how I feel about myself because he also has the same issues with himself.

    GOOD LUCK!! Talk to him and tell him how you feel!
  • lynheff
    lynheff Posts: 393 Member
    Options
    Perhaps you haven't explained how important this is to you in a way he understands? If you have and he is still unwilling to be supportive dump him 'cause he is a loser. If your desires don't matter to him, what does? That's the "old lady" perspective. Good luck!
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    Options
    That's just plain mean, any way you turn it , it doesn't get better.

    ^THIS.

    Lots of partners may not jump on the bandwagon but don't criticize. He is taking it to a new level.

    Your success in getting healthy is probably striking a nerve with him, whether he realizes it or not. He needs to get over it and either be supportive or shut his mouth! If he can't do that, then you need to move on.
  • zsaoosh
    zsaoosh Posts: 402 Member
    Options
    Why allow someone in your life that doesn’t support you and want the best? They should see you in a better way then you even see yourself so they can hold you up when you feel down. You need to talk to him and see if he treats you like this because of his own insecurities or if he just really doesn’t love you in the way you need. You shouldn’t allow it in your life and you need to make it clear to him that you won't allow it. You are worth more than that and don’t let anyone make you feel like you aren’t. My fiancee wouldnt be my fiancee if he didnt show love to me in every part of my day :wink:
  • debjae
    debjae Posts: 242
    Options
    You need a new bf. You don't need someone who undermines your efforts.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
    Options
    Sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
  • WickedBean
    WickedBean Posts: 244 Member
    Options
    I don't have a SO but if I did and he rolled his eyes or gave me weird looks when people called me beautiful he wouldn't be my SO for very damn long.
  • sverde74
    sverde74 Posts: 1
    Options
    Sounds like he's insecure. He's probably worried that you might leave him if you lose the weight, gain confidence and become empowered.
  • sonyagruman
    sonyagruman Posts: 27
    Options
    I man should never treat you that way. It seems like he only cares about him self. You should remember that life is very short and if you really want to waste your time with a man like that . My husband would never do that he when I tell him what I have done he always tells me he is so proud and that I always look so pretty. You deserve the same thing do waste your life on a man who is not treating you right
  • 1Kristine1
    1Kristine1 Posts: 697 Member
    Options
    I don't have a SO but if I did and he rolled his eyes or gave me weird looks when people called me beautiful he wouldn't be my SO for very damn long.
    Totally this.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Options
    Kick him out and let's talk:love::flowerforyou:

Categories