Unsupportive significant other

skrame

What does your SO have to do with anything? Its your body and your responsibility.

Exactly. The other day my wife made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, so I wasted half of my calories and 80% of my fat on breakfast. She made a decent dinner, but I ate nothing but a full bag of steamed veggies so I could come in at goal. Freaking sacrifice.

DivineRED1

Well, I see two different things. I don't try to convince people to live, eat or workout the way I do. Neither my beloved ones, nor friends or family. It's their choice, I am not going to argue with them. If they are interested, I am happy to talk about the way it works for me, give advise or train together, but I am not pushing my lifestyle onto them. If they want to go out and eat crappy food, as long as the place has something healthy as well, fine with me. They want ice cream, ok, as long as I get my apple, and so on.

Admittedly, I live abroad right now, so I don't have to deal with it everyday. Will be interesting to see how things work out when I am back.

On the other hand I expect respect for what I am doing. I get support when I talk about my fitness goals, they listen when I talk about my plans and weight loss (even if for them I do not seem to need to lose weight) and they eat the food I prepare (sometimes they add some cheese or the like). I would not expect them to cook and stick completely to my strict guidelines. But if they want me to eat it, they may have to adjust their normal cooking a bit and I will save some calories before and skip the desert. It's a question of compromise. But getting respect for whatever I'm doing is essential and I for sure won't accept anything else. I can always vote with my feed.

Exactly, I try not to talk to anyone really about diet/exercise mostly bc everyone thinks their way is the right way and if your way isn't their way then it's the wrong way. But I agree about not trying to get someone else to do it with you. If you friends or bf or husband don't want to don't push it. I wouldn't want someone doing that to me. Sometimes you have to lead by example and they'll come on board when they are ready. Pushing and nagging won't help. If you push and nag me, I'll rebel.

StephFork

Wow.. I was just about to write a post about this. My husband and I got into a fight about losing weight last night. A little background. I was around 145-150 when we got married and slowly gained more weight during the first 5 years of our marriage. Our 5th year anniversary was last October and that's when I decided to lose weight and I quickly got my *kitten* in gear and lost 20lbs by eating healthy and working out 5-6 days a week. Well.. Fast forward to December we FINALLY got pregnant after trying for over 3 years so that's when the weight loss stopped. Our son is now just a month old and all of a sudden I'm not doing enough to lose the weight. I've already lost 28 of the 35lbs! I'm sorry I think that's pretty good and I haven't and won't be "cleared" to work out until my 6 week check up which is Oct. 3rd. Normally he is super motivating so I'm not sure where all this came from but suddenly I'm a lazy person who he doesn't think will ever lost the weight. I have been on here every day since a week after having my son and I've been tracking my calories and researching ways to work out right after having a baby and I want to do this for me not him. Now.. If I suddenly start working out (which I already planned on doing) it's like I'm doing it for him. I HATE that. I feel like he took that away from me. This is my plan and I have my own short and long term goals to live up to. I just hope he's pleasant along the way because no one wants to hear crap about weight loss! Especially when they really are planning on losing the weight and haven't been given the chance yet.

chellec23

I can't tell you what to do but he doesn't sound like someone you would want to marry. You want someone that, unless it is harmful to you. will support you 100%. Don't settle for less!! Life is too short don't make it harder by carrying dead weight (no punt intended)

EXACTLY!!! If you are trying to better yourself, that means you have to get rid of all the negative influences that are holding you back including jerk spouses!!! If you love someone you will support them when they are trying to do well...makes me wonder how much these significant others really care for you guys!

MVY_

Try to be around people who are supportive. Or talk to him about how you feel in a relationship you should be able to express your feelings.

DonniesGirl69

I used to have an unsupportive SO

Now I'm divorced and actually much, much happier and healthier.

Alex_is_Hawks

i'd dump him....

simple.

Dtho5159

My husband is very unsupportive. Im at the point where i just do it myself and not speak to him about it. He just doesn't know how to be in this situation. He is 5'8 and 140lb. He can eat 5 million calories a day and doesn't gain an ounce! Aggravating! Then he gets pissy if he makes something but i don't eat it because its wayyy too calorie laden.

jen_bd6

My fiance doesn't exercise or watch what he eats (when he should) but he does make comments about how proud he is of me and my progress... I do all the grocery shopping and he basically eats what I make. If he wants something special, he has to go out and get it because I'm not tempting myself... if he can't be supportive for you, then he has issues... He should be proud of you and wanting to help you in your journey!

NatashaRuz

Congrats on your loss what an achievement. My husband is so unsupportive you'd think I was lying. No acknowledgements, no praise, he mocks my efforts, when others compliment me and ask what I'm doing he rolls his eyes and smirks.. There's a long list. But I'm happy and that's what's important.

I'm so sorry for this. Doesn't sound like your husband is much of a partner.

I had one like that for years. I ended it in 2006 after 15 years of marriage. Now, I'm married to a man who is not only my husband but he's also my best friend. Would see me through 'thick and thin', literally.

I have very little tolerance for un-supportive partners. No one deserves that.

loserbaby84

Personally, I couldn't be with a guy who treated me like this. You're stronger than I ever could be for having this relationship and not wanting to strangle him while he's sleeping XD

SoDamnHungry

Wow. Maybe he's jealous, or insecure. You could try to address these issues with him, but if he keeps acting that way, dump him. He should be ashamed for treating you like that.

MissAnjy

I sure did. My ex-husband (note EX husband) guilted me everytime I worked out, saying that It was taking away from him and the kids (meanwhile I was with my kids 24/7 being a stay at home mom, and only asked for 30 minutes a day to work on myself) apparently that was too much! He would say things like "I dont' care if you're fat" "I like you the way you are, you don't need to be taking time away from us to be working out" etc.....he never cared that maybe just maybe *I* cared about being fat, or not feeling confident and wanting to be healthy etc.

He would always look down on me when I didn't want to eat something, drinking something, splurge etc.
He wouldn't watch me play any sports, never came to games, never showed interest etc....

I ended up leaving him, for this, and many other reasons.

I definitely need someone who is going to be supportive of my lifestyle and encouraging.

lallaloolly

You say you are happy... I hope that's true because why-oh-why would you stay with a person who treats you this way? People who genuinely like and respect each other don't treat each other this way. His actions are designed to tear you down, reduce your self esteem and hurt your confidence. I hope you will take a good, long look in the mirror and decide that you are worth more love and worth better treatment.

amysuespears

i'm not sure how you girls put up with guys ... we are brutal, holy crap.

Not just saying from this post, but just from life in general.

I always say, if want a guy to care about you, don't EVER let him know you need him. Ever ... even the good guys. trust me ... AND DON'T EVER Mother a guy ... if you don't want to be treated like his mom.

I find this statement to be true very true... I've seen it in my life and in other's lives... My husband is very aware that I don't "need" him... I remind him of that if he makes a snarky remark about how I couldn't live without him. I remind him that I don't need him for anything... I have a job, I can fix things myself, I know how to entertain myself, and I don't need a man to feel whole.... he is very aware that I would be just fine on my own.... BUT I also tell him that I WANT him around. There's a big difference between needing and wanting. I want my husband with me everyday for the rest of my life. We have a very cool relationship and we are both very lucky to have found each other.

banshishi

I have a very supportive SO..he has struggled with his weight in the past too, so he has been there, which makes things easier, in fact he helps me, in terms of eating out he will suggest a better alternative to what I have chosen off the menu..on the other hand we are equally good at sabotaging each other because we both love food and wine so its easy for us to get carried away..but he never has a mean word to say about it and we both get back on track together.

That said, I am doing it for me, not him, his opinion is in no way valid, if he didnt support it, which my ex hubby didnt, I would still just get on with it and ignore the eyerolling etc etc...I lost my first big weight loss while still married and did exactly that!

Fat_Bottomed_Girl

Both my wife and I compliment each other, support each other in our journey to a more healthy us. She's much tinier than I, so when we walk, she burns a lot fewer calories. In order to counter that, she goes for a bike ride after work each evening while I make the dinner for us.

We take this walking time as our time to talk, when I'm not huffing and puffing up hills So, while I feel your pain, I feel good about what my wife and I have together.

Now, about him being able to eat what he wishes, there are consequences to this normally. Heart issues, arteries clogging and so on. Those fats and carbs without moderation will be bad long term for most of us. Some just get great genetics I guess, but not a lot.

BTW: We will be married now 35 years come October and been together 37.

Yes, if I were with a man that cooked dinner, I wouldn't be letting go either!

Congratulations on 37 years of working TOGETHER, that's what marriage is all about!

PomegranatePriestess

I hate to say dump him but if he is almost surprised people call you beautiful then WTF. Seriously, he should be proud that other people find you as beautiful as he does but that leads me to my next point. And honestly, on a more serious note, a lot of people can't handle change. He has his own self esteem issues that is now being portrayed on your weight loss. As you lose weight and feel better about yourself he may be feeling that you will dump him because you feel you can find better. This may be the reason why he acts almost surprised when people give you vocal attention, you are already finding other possibilities (in his head). My husband and I went through this and the one thing I am happy he did is sat me down and told me of his issues. I have loved him through his 160 pound weight loss and I told him that I expected the same and that I loved him more than anything and we have just made ourselves better. I even brought up our more amazing sex life and he smiled. See, My husband would guilt me for going to classes/bike rides instead of spending time with him, always brought me high calorie food treats, and a lot of this was sub-concious sabotage because he was dealthy afraid I would lose all my weight and feel like I could find better. Have this conversation with him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that your life is changing and ask him if he is in for the ride and has a capability of change with you. You'll get your answer then. Maybe even a solution. He may not realize how crappy his actions are out of his own self-esteem issues. I think we tend to forget guys have these

Obviously if the situation doesn't change, you'll need to decide what is best for you. We get enough social abuse from BEING FAT. We don't need people in our lives who treat us negatively when we are doing better for ourselves.

^^^ THIS ^^^

Have the conversation NOW.

ShrinkingShona

I am stunned at the **** with people put up with. Regardless of our weight or fitness level WE ALL deserve to be supported. FULL STOP. Changing/bettering yourself takes effort and dedication and I would personally find it impossible to keep it up without having people on my side. What you need is a cheer squad not a human anchor. Some of these SOs sound like they'd be horrendous friends, let alone partners.

I hope you stay on your journey, find some supportive friends, and dump that SO(B) for one who can celebrate your life along with you.

JLgettinghealthy

I don't understand why so many of you post about this topic, and then STAY with these douches. If he's a **** to you and completely unsupportive, why on earth are you continuing to date him?! LEAVE! It is never, ever, ever going to get better.

AMEN. have some self respect!

Rinkydink84

I feel very blessed in that regard. My fiance has been amazing and ober supportive. He too has a high metabolism and can eat whatever he wants, but because he's an athlete, he values health and fitness. He completed The 30 Day Shred and Ripped in 30 with me even though his friends made fun of him and asked him how he was doing in "Jazzercise". He has struggled a bit more with making it a lifestyle change, but I just do my best to hold him accountable without nagging. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how great my body looks. Although, my greatest fear is gaining the weight back and letting everyone down so the constant compliments from everyone are sometimes bittersweet. Your health is too important to be with someone who isn't on the same page as you. I'm sure it's hard for him though, because if you weren't healthy when y'all got together he probably is very uncomfortable with the change. People don't handle change well. I've learned that through my weight loss journey.

kiminikimkim

Leave the dead weight. Sounds like he's contributing nothing to your relationship.

kenazfehu

I have started and abandoned so many diets while steadily gaining weight that my husband isn't particularly supportive right now either. He saw me weighing my food a few days ago, rolled his eyes, and said something like "can't you just get your food and eat it?" In other ways, he's solid gold, so I will have to stick with it this time and show him that I can set a goal and go the distance to attain it. That's exactly what I intend to do!

Jonesie86

Wow..glad I'm not the only one who dealt with a unsupportive guy. When I decided to do P90X he was all for it and told me I could do it no problem. Then once I completed it and looked better than ever, was serious about my diet and wouldn't go eat fast food or junk food around the house with him it turned in, "ya know your attitude has really changed since you did that P90X *kitten*, you act like you're better than everyone... you've turned into a bit*h" Apparently renewed self confidence makes you a bit*h I didn't get that memo. That's why he's the "ex husband" in place of "current husband"

misskerouac

Every once in a while he'll make a comment when i'm eating chocolate, then I tell him to eff off, i'm in way better shape than he is even though he is 6'6" and 210