Unsupportive significant other

ShiloughCoy

YES! My doctor wanted me to go on a liquid diet and, although I managed to hold out for a while, my SO would pout and sulk and make nasty comments every chance he got. I got so tired of having a fight every night at dinner time, that I decided to drop out of the program. I feel like I'm trying to hide my fitness goals from him at this point.

I know it sounds terrible and many people would tell me to leave him, but he is wonderful in lots of other ways and I know this is just his insecurity talking. I would never break up our happy family over food or fitness and I would never advise anyone else to do so.

I have continued to log my food and I get up at 5 AM to exercise, and although I'm not seeing much progress at this time, I know that I will if I am consistant. I don't mention anything about food restrictions, diet concerns, weight concerns, how my clothes fit, or anything like that around him so he doesn't have a chance to make a big deal out of it. If junk food is offered, I say "nah, I'm not feeling that tonight...you know what I would kill for? A baked yam!" If he insists, I'll order a healthier choice or eat only a couple of bites.

Bottom line: I don't have to let him control me but its pointless to argue with him about it, so I just changed my behavior, avoid the conflict, and do what the hell I want anyway

Terree83

I hear you, girl..

I live with my boyfriend as well, and have never heard anything positive come from his mouth about the weight I've lost, or how noticeable it is... but he's not really the type to comment on that type of stuff... I know it can be insanely frustrating when you're busting *kitten* and all you want is a compliment!

BUT.. you have to remember why you're doing this! I know my reason is to change my life.. I wasn't obese or anything, but I needed to change the way I was eating and become a healthier person. Plus, I wanted to fit back into those size 6 jeans!
This should be for you.. and you should be proud of everything that you've accomplished so far! It looks like you've already lost a significant amount of weight, so a huge congrats to you!

If he continues to not be supportive of what you're trying to do, you need to figure out if that's something you're willing to deal with or not. If it's not, find someone that will be!

Stay positive and keep it up! You're doing awesome!

war1575

Losing weight and changing your eating habits/lifestyle are hard enough. Adding an unsupportive (and self-centered, insecure) significant other makes it nearly impossible. Luckily you have you MFP friends to help you out as well as your real friends that compliment you.

Congrats on your progress so far and good luck w/ your transformation, and remember that you're doing it for you and your health, not his.

acstansell

my husband has had moments of this. He too has a good metabolism and has great self-control. I've heard some of these, "I don't know what you can eat", "Can you eat if we go out?" "You're getting so small, I can get my arms all the way around you." "Your hips are bony."

To the last two, this is my response: "Good". His mom is a bigger woman so he's used to women being larger.

So, obviously, he's not doing this with me. I don't care. I'm doing it for ME and me ALONE. I told him straight out, "I take control of this now, or I die. It's that simple. If you want me around, this is what it is. I'm doing this for me, not for you - you may love me, but I don't love me. And it's time for that to happen."

After that, it stopped. No more comments on what I eat. No more comments on how I look - minus the occasional "you look good".

I also don't force him to eat like me. I adapt to eat better around him. If we go out, I eat better or smaller portions. If we make dinner, he gets what he normally eats and I get smaller portions. I save my calories for dinner. This works better for us.

But - if I try a new recipe, he eats it w/out complaint. He's supportive in his own way and the unsupported stuff stopped.

But overall, I never really cared and I laid it out for him - honestly telling my husband how I feel about stuff is better for us.

PhiliciousCurves

I have a supportive spouse! Although he's happy with me if I'm 200lbs or 120lbs! Well, maybe not 120lbs, because he told me that I would look like a crack-head with a big *kitten* if I lost that much weight! :laugh:

Nonetheless, he doesn't bother me when I work out, he gives me a "great job" when I tell him how much I lost and a "you'll get it together soon," when I gain it all back! He pushed me to join a gym, bought my elliptical machine and doesn't complain when I fill the fridge with chicken and turkey (two meats that he refuses to eat)!

I think that you should continue doing what's best for you and try ignoring the snotty comments or facial expressions your boyfriend is making. If he sees that you're really serious about losing weight and realize that you're not giving up, maybe he'll begin to see the big picture! No pun intended on the BIG remark!

3foldchord

what I eat and how I exercise is outside the realms of my relationship with my husband. I eat healthy and exercise because i feel better and healthy when I do. His eating fastfood/bad food has no bearing on me being able to choose good foods. My husband loves me and complimants me and vice-versa- but it is not because of our fitness journeys, but because we love each other. your man should act loving towards you, whether or not you are working out and dieting, etc. And you should be able to make healthy choices even if he eats junk.

fit_librarian

He kind of sounds like he's a jerk. Have you talked to him about this, and told him that he needs to support you?

My significant other is very supportive (though sometimes when I tell him my goal weight, he hugs my tummy and dramatically says "Noooooo"). I couldn't do this without him, and I can't imagine what you're going through. Hang in there.

slobutmelo

Question, what else is he unsupportive of you? Doesn't sound like treats you like his queen. Maybe he's insecure and doesn't want you to look as good as he thinks he looks. You know from my perspective, being a guy, if he can't compliment you on your weight loss and rows his eyes when other people give you a compliment, I'd really consider what he offers you in your life.

Maybe you should find someone that looks at you as his queen, treats you better than himself, and really sees you as a beautiful person no matter how you look. And if you lost weight he would be supportive of your efforts and be glad that you think enough about yourself that you want to take better care of yourself. A lot of guys may notice their gf or wife losing weight and won't say anything just because that's the way many guys are. But to row his eyes when someone else compliments you says that he doesn't feel that way about you. So my last question, why would you want to be with someone that doesn't think you're beautiful?

Keep your head up. Keep doing what you're doing. I hope you make your goal weight. I hope true happiness with your significant other (whoever that might be) comes your way as well.

paintlisapurple

Mine's not overtly unsupportive, but she doesn't seem to be really happy for me either. It gets to be kind of deflating after a while.

I hear ya...and mine seems to be an idiot (at times anyway) so far the only comment I've gotten is that my boobs have gotten smaller. Sigh*:embarassed:

Darkskinned88

My ex-gf was extremely unsupportive when i started out. I initially tried the diplomatic approach, get her to come to the gym with me, cooked healthy dinners but she never committed to anything. She only complained about her gaining, my losing and there must be someone i'm trying to slim down for since she loves me as is #women. Over time my losses were met with "so are you done with this weight thing now" and eventually i just had to break it off. Couldn't deal with the negativity and feeling held back

Godsendlesslove

I understand where you're coming from, I just don't exactly know how to give you advice on fixing it. I guess the best I could come up with is to use his negativity as a stepping stool and boost yourself up to the goal you're trying to reach. His problem maybe that he's scared of losing you once you reach your goal. But, whatever his problem is, thank God that you're losing the weight for you and not him, because his lack of support may have caused you to quit. Continue the great work, keep your head up and be proud.

wtfusernameisnttaken

I had an ex like that. Constantly tearing me down whenever I'd attempt something new. He was an insecure jerk. That's why he's an ex. You can't change someone else. All you can do is change yourself.

JessyJ03

After reading your post:

Ditch the boyfriend. You deserve better. Someone who will support you and compliment you in everything you do.

Guy is a jerk... who needs him?

AntShanny

Reading things like this make me glad I'm single...and if I wasn't and had a boyfriend like that he'd be an ex.

drmerc

Significant other? whats that?

robinogue

Oh heck ya! My husbands the same way... Have you tried talking to him about it? Is this a boyfriend you've had a long time, or newly in a relationship? I ignore my husband, I eat healthy and the way I want. He gets pissy but he gets over it...

Lift_This_

My ex-gf was extremely unsupportive when i started out. I initially tried the diplomatic approach, get her to come to the gym with me, cooked healthy dinners but she never committed to anything. She only complained about her gaining, my losing and there must be someone i'm trying to slim down for since she loves me as is #women. Over time my losses were met with "so are you done with this weight thing now" and eventually i just had to break it off. Couldn't deal with the negativity and feeling held back

Her loss....you are super awesomely handsome.

LeenaRuns

Honestly, this is one of the reasons my husband and I are separating.

shaydon80

I always say, if want a guy to care about you, don't EVER let him know you need him. Ever ... even the good guys. trust me ... AND DON'T EVER Mother a guy ... if you don't want to be treated like his mom.

This guy has a point! My "significant other" was pretty condescending and mean when he made more money than me. Now that we're bringing in the same amount and I've lost a bunch of weight, he' so complimentary.

Maybe your bf is jealous or insecure?

LifestyleChange33

Girllll the only one who is going to be with you through thick and thin (pun intended), through ups and downs, highs and lows and will always support you is.... YOU.

And life is way too short to keep people around who don't encourage you and bring you down. And it sounds like he's just not "unsupportive" but rather that he's actively trying to bring you down. Kick him to the curb. You deserve the best and you deserve to stand up for you. He's not worth it. Get out now before you're a million times hotter than him and he'll be trying even harder to knock you down to his level.

^^^ THIS!!

I am WAY better off single than trying to stay up with a man dragging me down! I won't put up with it. My Love and I had to have an understanding (I left him and made it clear that I was gonna move on) at one point when talking didn't work- but now he knows the level of respect, love, support, devotion, etc that I require, and thankfully, he has risen to the occasion. We had been broken up for a week (and together six months since then). If I hadn't been worth it to him though, I would say good riddance and find a man who would rise to the level that I demand for myself, or just be better off single. The trick is to let him know that and be willing to carry it out.

Either way, decide what you want for yourself in this relationship, see if he will fill those shoes, and if not, cut him loose and don't look back!