Partner hates me using MFP :(
Replies
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I have a few people who think that keeping track of what I eat is obsessive and over the top. I tell those people that I got fat by not keeping track and let them know how much weight I've lost since I've become more health conscious.0
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If it works for you, stick with. MFP will put you into a routine, which will become discipline then success.0
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I log everything I eat, no matter what, it isn't obsessive, it just gives me a crystal clear picture about my calories. Does he have a CONTROL issue. It is way too easy to kid myself about what calories I am consuming. Of course, I don't like anyone telling me what to do. :flowerforyou:0
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Please, please, please.....original poster.....tell all the people here with negative things to say about your partner to jump off a bridge.
You have to "live" with him, and you'd want him to honor your pet peeves about something he does that may seem over the top to you. You'd also want people in his life to say honorable things about you.
So, to all people here who are giving this poster advice such as..."He doesn't control you...do what you want....what right does he have to say anything...." With all due respect, please go jump in the lake.... A deep one.
OP-- find a way to tone it down out of courtesy to him, when he's around. Yes, you are probably obsessive/compulsive about this right now.....I was too, in the beginning. My husband had an attitude, too, and held a lot of the same beliefs. "Just eat right and exercise more."
Yeah, okay....uh, easier said than done. But the fact that they don't "get" it, doesn't make them wrong for their opinions.
Find a way to tone it down for his sake when he's around.....find a way to honor his wishes, as you'd hope he'd do the same.0 -
just the the app 8) problem solved.0
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If you go back to estimating you will probably underestimate, also documenting what you've had saves forgetting things and thus pilling on the calories. Try explaining this to him, maybe he's worried you are becoming OCD or in danger of an eating disorder. Good luck.0
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If you were an alcoholic would he have a problem if you went to AA? Food issues are real and do what it takes to keep on track. Listen to what you think! That's all that matters.0
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First of all, I cannot understand some people on here who says it is none of of your partners business. Surely you are in life's journey together! (I have been married 18 years) That said, it is so important to your long terms health that you develop sustainable healthy habits. Have you thought of logging at a time when it does not interfere with your time together - when he's at work, early in the morning or late in the evening? Are you compulsively using MFP - eg are you on it every two minutes? (I have been there, where I get so engrossed in the community element, that I lose track of time) If so, why don't you try to log at the end of every day and write things in a notebook during the day / use the app etc and set some specific time for emails / community.
Wishing you every success, try to find a way to stay at it. x0 -
My husband **WAS** the same way. I've been doing this since about February. At first he thought it was my usual fad of trying to lose weight for a couple of weeks and then back to my old ways. Although I have fallen of the wagon a couple of times, I've always got right back to it. He thought it was absolutely riduculous and that I was OCD over the web sight. He also said it was no-one elses business what I do. HOWEVER, once he could see I was actually losing weight, he slowly changed his opinion.
25lbs gone, (I don't lose weight, cause when you lose something you want it back, and I don't want this weight back!) and tonight he actually kept all of the packaging for everything that he used for dinner so I could do my calorie count. WHAT A CHANGE!
I would keep using mfp, but go on it when he's not around. What he can't see can't hurt you
I actually put the mfp app on my phone and I used to do my tracking when I went to the toilet. Now, I don't have to. If my hubby sees me eating something that he knows isn't the best of choices, he asks if I have enough calories in the day for that - and not in a patronising or sarcastic way.
If you want to lose the weight bad enough, you'll find a way. Once he sees that you are losing weight, he may change his mind. Best of luck xx0 -
So pleased to see your comment too. I was shocked by all the negative comments about the partner. Surely in life it is about working with each others habits, strengths, weaknesses and personality to go through life together. It is about honouring your partner and loving them for who they are. No wonder the divorce rate is so high!Please, please, please.....original poster.....tell all the people here with negative things to say about your partner to jump off a bridge.
You have to "live" with him, and you'd want him to honor your pet peeves about something he does that may seem over the top to you. You'd also want people in his life to say honorable things about you.
So, to all people here who are giving this poster advice such as..."He doesn't control you...do what you want....what right does he have to say anything...." With all due respect, please go jump in the lake.... A deep one.
OP-- find a way to tone it down out of courtesy to him, when he's around. Yes, you are probably obsessive/compulsive about this right now.....I was too, in the beginning. My husband had an attitude, too, and held a lot of the same beliefs. "Just eat right and exercise more."
Yeah, okay....uh, easier said than done. But the fact that they don't "get" it, doesn't make them wrong for their opinions.
Find a way to tone it down for his sake when he's around.....find a way to honor his wishes, as you'd hope he'd do the same.0 -
ahh yes.when i first started using it ... i felt like a freak. my boyfriend didnt really like me having to log my food all the time as well... i guess it was my mistake ... telling him about it more than i should of. i found the app... ever since.. i log my food discreetly .. no problems. he may have started being upset about me logging food... but surely noticed that i lost some weight and is happy for me. ; )0
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Please, please, please.....original poster.....tell all the people here with negative things to say about your partner to jump off a bridge.
You have to "live" with him, and you'd want him to honor your pet peeves about something he does that may seem over the top to you. You'd also want people in his life to say honorable things about you.
Totally agree with this. I was quite astonished to see people telling the OP to dump her partner just because he doesn't like her logging her food all the time! Couples have fights and they do get annoyed with each other's habits, but that doesn't mean the answer is to automatically dump them or tell them to get lost! It's quite possible to talk things through and find a solution. And far better that he's expressing his feelings than letting them fester.
Incidentally, I happened to be chatting to my sister on the phone while reading this thread, and asked her what her thoughts were. She, like me, has stopped counting calories because she found it was becoming an obsession and interfering in her life. Now her partner is counting his calories, and she is finding it difficult, because they can't enjoy a meal together - when she makes a meal for them both, he's asking how many calories are in it, and always talking about calories. She thinks he is becoming obsessive about it. She is worried for him, as well as feeling frustrated that they can't just sit and enjoy a meal. She's not jealous in the slightest. And she loves him very much, and he loves her very much - there is no way that they're going to break up over it! He doesn't tell her to get lost or mind her own business. They talk about it. They'll work through it. Good heavens, couples work through far worse disagreements than this!0 -
Please, please, please.....original poster.....tell all the people here with negative things to say about your partner to jump off a bridge.
You have to "live" with him, and you'd want him to honor your pet peeves about something he does that may seem over the top to you. You'd also want people in his life to say honorable things about you.
So, to all people here who are giving this poster advice such as..."He doesn't control you...do what you want....what right does he have to say anything...." With all due respect, please go jump in the lake.... A deep one.
OP-- find a way to tone it down out of courtesy to him, when he's around. Yes, you are probably obsessive/compulsive about this right now.....I was too, in the beginning. My husband had an attitude, too, and held a lot of the same beliefs. "Just eat right and exercise more."
Yeah, okay....uh, easier said than done. But the fact that they don't "get" it, doesn't make them wrong for their opinions.
Find a way to tone it down for his sake when he's around.....find a way to honor his wishes, as you'd hope he'd do the same.
Great advice this - well done. Some sanity0 -
honey, you just keep doing what youre doing. your not doing this for him, its for you and YOUR health. if he has a problem with tht, then he needs to get checked because ur just doing right by you. tell him if he dosnt like it, then he should go watch a game or something. your doing great! keep it up and brush that old hating joker off of you!
this is ur partner
>>:grumble: HATERRRRRR!!!!!0 -
I would agree that making this kind of lifestyle change requires great intensity and focus.
I really don't think it's obsessive.
My husband doesn't really like it that much, either...don't blame him.
I pick up on the fact he doesn't really like it, even though he supports me, and doesn't complain.
So I try to do it in a way that doesn't irritate him, when he's not around.
However, you could find ways to be more discreet with your efforts...not that I am criticizing your current logging habits.
Just suggesting some ways to work with him...
Like, you could keep a note with you where you jot down your foods.
Then log them later.
You could plan to do this for two of your meals, the ones where you are around him.
You could also plan to be on MFP at certain times, and plan those times to avoid irritating him.
It's just working together, really.
Hope all gets peaceful, and congratulations on your great efforts!
:)MinMin0 -
I usually take one-three moments per day to check MFP. Usually after each meal, so to say. Sometimes, I save it up until the evening. That way, I don't become obsessed and still have a good track on what I eat. If, at the end of the day, I find out I've overeaten: too bad. I learn from it and take the experience to tomorrow.0
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he needs to understand that this is yor way to keep control of what you eat.. my bf and i just started with MFP last week and we both love it!! GOOD LUCK (:0
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Please, please, please.....original poster.....tell all the people here with negative things to say about your partner to jump off a bridge.
You have to "live" with him, and you'd want him to honor your pet peeves about something he does that may seem over the top to you. You'd also want people in his life to say honorable things about you.
So, to all people here who are giving this poster advice such as..."He doesn't control you...do what you want....what right does he have to say anything...." With all due respect, please go jump in the lake.... A deep one.
OP-- find a way to tone it down out of courtesy to him, when he's around. Yes, you are probably obsessive/compulsive about this right now.....I was too, in the beginning. My husband had an attitude, too, and held a lot of the same beliefs. "Just eat right and exercise more."
Yeah, okay....uh, easier said than done. But the fact that they don't "get" it, doesn't make them wrong for their opinions.
Find a way to tone it down for his sake when he's around.....find a way to honor his wishes, as you'd hope he'd do the same.
^^Totally agree^^0 -
I agree with your first post. Tell him to mind his own business. I went off logging for 3 days and ate practically everything in sight. I immediately started logging again. If he really cared about you, he would be supportive of your coming on here and using MFP as a tool to help you loose weight. He's a twit!!!0
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That is your partner's problem- not yours. If it works for you he should be supportive. Perhaps he hates it because you go on about it too much. I think it's best to do it but not talk about it- or at any rate not talk about it incessantly such as it bores your companions. Don't give up the site- don't stop logging. For some of us that is the only thing that works. If eating healthily like "normal" people worked for us we wouldn't be overweight- those of us who use this site and benefit for it are not "normal" in the sense in which your partner means it. We are overweight- we have food issues. Logging our food on this site works for us and you should keep it up- but not to the extent of trying to involve anyone else who isn't interested. There is a good chance that when the healthier, happier, slimmer, fitter you begins to emerge as it surely will if you keep this up- that he will take an interest then- Good luck0
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He should Embrace You, NOT PUT YOU DOWN!
My Partner Embraces Me! & i would say im a bit obsessive about tracking too!
You ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG!0 -
i agree with magairlin !0
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Man, mine would be out on the damn street if he EVER criticized me for doing something that worked.
Lol on the damn street for questioning her actions!
He may well be the nicest guy in the world who questioned whether her actions were a little obsessive. That's it! It's all over! How dare he!
Why did you and your partner split up, affair?
No he is totally trustworthy
'did he beat you?'
No way, as gentle as a lamb
'gamble away your money?'
No, he's great with money
Nasty to your friends?
Oh no, they all think he's great
What then?
Well he expressed concerns about me becoming too obsessive about the calories
OUT ON THE DAMN STREET!!!
But think about it: if she's that unforgiving and rigid, wouldn't she be doing him a favor by putting him out on the streets?
It may seem obsessive, but if you're a short girl with a low bmr, tracking everything might make a real difference.
Marriages are worth preserving. Dating relationships are not. It ends in marriage or it's a waste of time. I couldn't be married to man who wouldn't let me track my calories, so ending the relationship is the logical choice. Both parties would be happier. Throw a temper tantrum about it all you want, but ending a dating relationship is no big deal. Not sure why you're so furious about this. No one's dumping you, right?0 -
Maybe he is concerned because you are almost 5'8 and 61kg, thus not overweight, and are aiming for 55kg, which is quite low for your height? Just a thought.0
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Marriages are worth preserving. Dating relationships are not. It ends in marriage or it's a waste of time.
That's an odd attitude. Not all couples choose marriage, for various reasons, but their relationship can be committed and lifelong. Generally someone who refers to a 'partner' rather than a 'boyfriend' is in more of a committed relationship. And besides, marriages tend to start as dating relationships - you decide in the relationship whether it's worth preserving, but you don't necessarily automatically get married then and there.
And even if it was a fairly new and uncertain relationship, not everyone would consider that a boyfriend worrying that they are getting obsessive is a reason for their relationship not to work. I don't believe the OP said that her partner 'wouldn't let her track her calories' - just that he'd expressed concerns about it. There's a big difference. If he were throwing away her mobile phone down the toilet in a rage, or beating her every time she tried to log calories, then yep, that would be reason to seriously reconsider staying together, married or not!0 -
Man, mine would be out on the damn street if he EVER criticized me for doing something that worked.
Lol on the damn street for questioning her actions!
He may well be the nicest guy in the world who questioned whether her actions were a little obsessive. That's it! It's all over! How dare he!
Why did you and your partner split up, affair?
No he is totally trustworthy
'did he beat you?'
No way, as gentle as a lamb
'gamble away your money?'
No, he's great with money
Nasty to your friends?
Oh no, they all think he's great
What then?
Well he expressed concerns about me becoming too obsessive about the calories
OUT ON THE DAMN STREET!!!
But think about it: if she's that unforgiving and rigid, wouldn't she be doing him a favor by putting him out on the streets?
It may seem obsessive, but if you're a short girl with a low bmr, tracking everything might make a real difference.
Marriages are worth preserving. Dating relationships are not. It ends in marriage or it's a waste of time. I couldn't be married to man who wouldn't let me track my calories, so ending the relationship is the logical choice. Both parties would be happier. Throw a temper tantrum about it all you want, but ending a dating relationship is no big deal.
Big assumption that ending their relationship isn't a big deal0 -
She didn't say he won't let her. And unless it's an arranged marriage or a very quick courtship, most dating relationships must be preserved at some point if you want them to end in marriage.0
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Marriages are worth preserving. Dating relationships are not. It ends in marriage or it's a waste of time.
That's an odd attitude. Not all couples choose marriage, for various reasons, but their relationship can be committed and lifelong. Generally someone who refers to a 'partner' rather than a 'boyfriend' is in more of a committed relationship. And besides, marriages tend to start as dating relationships - you decide in the relationship whether it's worth preserving, but you don't necessarily automatically get married then and there.
And even if it was a fairly new and uncertain relationship, not everyone would consider that a boyfriend worrying that they are getting obsessive is a reason for their relationship not to work. I don't believe the OP said that her partner 'wouldn't let her track her calories' - just that he'd expressed concerns about it. There's a big difference. If he were throwing away her mobile phone down the toilet in a rage, or beating her every time she tried to log calories, then yep, that would be reason to seriously reconsider staying together, married or not!
To each their own. I find it odd that we take dating relationships as seriously as marriages these days, to the point where people are freaking the freak out because someone so much as suggests ending one.0 -
To each their own. I find it odd that we take dating relationships as seriously as marriages these days, to the point where people are freaking the freak out because someone so much as suggests ending one.
Some couples don't agree with marriage, for various reasons, but they still make a lifelong commitment to each other, so their relationship is just as serious to them. And then it is not called a 'dating relationship'. Dating tends to be when people aren't sure, so they are going on dates to see if they want to have a relationship.
In this particular thread, we don't have enough information about the OP's relationship to reasonably suggest she end it. Personally, I would have to know someone very well before I suggest they end a relationship they are in, unless abuse was happening. I haven't seen anyone 'freaking the freak out' in this thread, but I've seen a few people, myself included, expressing surprise that this advice is given so freely to a stranger about whose relationship we know next to nothing.0 -
Controlling behavior manifests itself in a lot of different ways early on.... If you feel it is a red flag, I would trust your gut... it only gets more controlling.0
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