Partner hates me using MFP :(
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I'm pretty shocked by all the posters telling OP to dump her partner. He's probably worried for her given she's already a healthy weight and has an unhealthy goal weight. Also she has "all or nothing" tendencies which can go over the top (I'm on her friends list). Not everyone on here is overweight with lazy partners hellbent on keeping their SO fat and lazy. For someone who is a healthy weight, adopting the obsessive tendencies that come with watching your diet could be a red flag for disorderly eating to a concerned partner.0
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Controlling behavior manifests itself in a lot of different ways early on.... If you feel it is a red flag, I would trust your gut... it only gets more controlling.
But she hasn't really suggested that he is controlling. We don't know how she is behaving or her history. It's not as if she said he won't let her on the computer unsupervised.0 -
I sometimes feel guilty over taking so much time to focus on what I eat etc . It can feel a little obsessive and me , me , me .
Change is hard for everyone . My Fiancé isn't normally jealous and he was a little intimidated by MFP . He thought I would meet some hunk and jogg off into the sunset
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My husband of 20 years also NEVER understands why I must follow a diet or in the past attend WW meetings. Because he can cut out beer for a week and lose 5 pounds, or increase his exercise a bit and lost he THINKS everyone else can too. If someone has never had a weight issue they may not understand. The only time I achieve my weight lose goals is when I am really following through. I have a funny feeling the issue may not be that you are on trying to lose the weight and using this site as much as he or she is wanting more time and attention.0
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Such terrible advice in this thread. Assumptions based on nothing but the fact that he is a man. Therefore he has to be controlling, a *kitten*, needs to be put out of his home, or jealous of other men.
Totally due to sexism. He is a man therefore he can't have concerns, thoughts, annoyances, or feelings, and the OP needs a "You go girl" and "Tell him to STFU" "Tell him to mind his own damn business!"
Imagine if the roles where reversed. And the OP was a man talking about his wife. $50 says the reactions would be a bit different.0 -
Such terrible advice in this thread. Assumptions based on nothing but the fact that he is a man. Therefore he has to be controlling, a *kitten*, needs to be put out of his home, or jealous of other men.
Totally due to sexism. He is a man therefore he can't have concerns, thoughts, annoyances, or feelings, and the OP needs a "You go girl" and "Tell him to STFU" "Tell him to mind his own damn business!"
Imagine if the roles where reversed. And the OP was a man talking about his wife. $50 says the reactions would be a bit different.
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It's easy to become obsessed with tracking our food...but there is a difference between keeping track and obsessing over everything you put in your mouth. I would suggest...plan ahead. Put down what you plan to eat, before you sit down to eat, then put your phone/app away. That way your attention will be focused on your partner rather than your phone.
People who aren't in the same place on your journey don't always understand what we're doing or why we do it. Sometimes it's insecurities in themselves that prompt them to lash out at us because we are working to make the changes they themselves think they need to make, but aren't doing anything about it. The other factor could be the fear of losing you if you lose the weight and become, in their mind, more attractive to other people. Sometimes our partners fear we will leave them once we've lost the weight. I know that my dh was concerned with that when I started losing weight...not that he had anything to be concerned about!
Talk openly and honestly with your partner and find out what the real issue is and hopefully you can work it out without causing more stress.
Best wishes0 -
Though I agree a lot of the advice is misguided, I think if it were a man talking about his wife, a ton of people would criticize her for being a controlling nag who doesn't want her man to get in shape because she's afraid he'll find someone hotter.0
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It's such an educational tool. I logged EVERYYYTHING for 6 months. Now i'm to the point where I slack off some but I also am much more aware of what I am putting in my body.
I think everyone should try logging at some point!0 -
Personally, if that worked for me I wouldn't need this program which I have to say is working for me. Have you ever done it the way he describrd, but wanted to? Maybe you need this for a while while you work on developing new and better habits.0
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No... this is not obsessive. This is the only thing that has EVER worked for me and if my husband got in the way of my success I would seriously wonder why he was trying to sabotage me. Is it that he/she is growing insecure with your weight loss? Maybe he's/she's afraid you will look super hot and out of his league soon... A partner is supposed to be just that... a partner. Someone who supports you through "thick" or "thin". Just sayin'...0
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You are doing what YOU need to do to become a healthy human being. Your partner needs to tune in to your needs.
Keep on keepin on ...any way you feel good about.0 -
I can't believe this thread is still going, but then again people loooove to give unwarranted "relationship advice" and then fight about it like it makes any difference. Personally I feel worse for the OP having 8 pages of "leave him!" "no, you're an idiot she has to stay!" than her having her original problem.0
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My boyfriend thinks I'm obsessed too. He's always like "why do you need to know how many grams is in that!? Just eat it!" and just now he wouldn't understand why I wouldn't eat his leftover popcorn. I just ignore him :P0
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I'm pretty obsessed about logging my food. It is a healthy obsession to have, in my opinion. Given that I reached my goal weight 13 months ago and have stayed there, I intend to stick with what's working! Nothing anyone says is going to keep me from doing that.
I could see your partner getting annoyed with this "healthy obsession" if that's all you want to talk about. Aside from that, the act of maintaining the journal should only take minutes a day. It seems like a small investment of time to have the body that you want.0 -
Is it just MFP, or is he upset by Facebooking or other social sites too? The answer could tell you something about him. Just sayin...0
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If it is helping you. Then tell him that, & if he can't understand that. Then that is his problem & not yours.0
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My partner and I have just had a huge row over me using MFP - he says it is making me obsessive and doesn't understand why I can't just eat healthily and exercise like 'normal people'. I log everything, down to a mint or cup of coffee, and he thinks it is crazy. I love MFP, it helps me stay on track and I know that without it I would over eat because I wouldn't be so conscious, but now I am thinking maybe I should stop using it and see how I go just estimating calories and exercise - or as he suggests stop thinking about it and just 'exercise and stay away from burgers' - what do you guys think? Anyone ever feel like logging everything is a bit obsessive?
MFP is absolutely necessary. It's more than just calories; it's sodium, fat, sat. fat, protein... You will not have as much success dieting on your own. Why go back to doing what millions of Americans routinely fail at when you can use MFP?0 -
THAT is exactly what my Boyfriend and I did... everything we ate I drove him crazy with the info on calories etc...but we joke about it really, and he is Really supportive about it. He even asks how many calories something he eats is or how much he burned doing certain activities now. Just ask him to bare with you till you get the hang of it, trust me, the obsessing dies down.0
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keep track but log when he isn't around?0
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This is your thing, and like you say, you love it....don't give in to him, he could be jealous over the time you spend, obsessive is ok, I'm only 4 days in and i like it to,,,,it makes me feel in control with myself, eating habits and exercise, it keeps me in check and most of all its my support vehicle. Your decision, good luck!0
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If you love it, keep doing it. It does feel a little obsessive at times, but when it feels like that, just take a step back and enjoy life without logging for an evening or something. I think you will have success by tracking everything, but you need to find the balance for your relationship. Is he upset bc your attention is on here and not on him? That can be fixed. You two need to have a talk and he needs to know this is important to you.0
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So let me guess....does your partner also try to sabotage your weight loss efforts? God forbid you should get some support and encouragement for your efforts. I find that to be an important quality in my spouse/partner!!0
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Everyone is being so mean about your partner, but there is a possibility hes just trying to look out for you. It can become an unhealthy obsession. A few months ago I was basically letting this website and counting calories run my life and it was terrible. Maybe just dont talk about it as much? Log your calories on your own personal time and when youre with him you can just talk about other things...0
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Logging is NOT obsessive but I do know that several of my friends (not my husband) think I'm obsessive about this too. I've tried to explain it and they just don't understand so the only thing I can suggest is that you just do what you feel is the right thing and that's all that matters. They are not living your life. You are! If I did not log everything I ate, I know I'd eat much more because that's what I was doing before I joined MFP. Logging holds me accountable, which is what many people need. Good luck! 0
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What concerns me is your statement, "now I am thinking maybe I should stop using it".
Why would you stop doing something that is good for you because your partner disapproves?
Totally agree - this is something good you are doing for yourself, why would you want to stop using MFP?0 -
You should not just stop logging and try to be 'more conscious' of what you are eating and exercising. You are trying to do something for you and your health, your partner should appreciate that. He should want you to be happy and he should support you in whatever you choose to do. This isn't some fad diet or something that is dangerous so there is no reason that he should be so against it. I have tried just 'being conscious' of what I eat and, for me, it did not work. Sometimes you just don't realize what the actual calorie amount is or you forget things you have eaten. Maybe he is upset because you are on MFP all the time? In that case, I would try just logging at the beginning of the day. Choose what you are going to eat for the day and log it. It will keep you accountable throughout the day because 1) you know exactly what you are taking in/burning and where your calories will be at the end of the day and 2) you have already logged everything so you will want to stick with what you have put in. Ultimately, I think that your partner should be supporting you. Don't give up! I hope it all works out for you 0
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If it works, then it's not obsessive, it's being thorough and diligent.
While I'm the only one in my house using MFP, my wife and kids are supportive of my constant weighing and measuring and logging. They know I'm doing this for my own benefit, and they've seen the results. I don't see how you logging every little thing impacts your partner. Why should he want you do stop doing something positive for your health and well being that really has no impact to him? I'd find that a bit worrisome, myself.
I see some of the suggestions about logging things only when he's not around, and I strongly disagree. Why should you have to "sneak" around behind his back to take care of yourself. Unless he can show something real where your constant logging is causing a problem in your life, he needs to support you. Period.0 -
My partner and I have just had a huge row over me using MFP - he says it is making me obsessive and doesn't understand why I can't just eat healthily and exercise like 'normal people'. I log everything, down to a mint or cup of coffee, and he thinks it is crazy. I love MFP, it helps me stay on track and I know that without it I would over eat because I wouldn't be so conscious, but now I am thinking maybe I should stop using it and see how I go just estimating calories and exercise - or as he suggests stop thinking about it and just 'exercise and stay away from burgers' - what do you guys think? Anyone ever feel like logging everything is a bit obsessive?
if MFP is working for you, he should be supportive. at best, he just doesn't understand. At worst, he sounds like he's trying to derail your efforts.
of course, if you count calories meal-by-meal you'll constantly be by your pc, and that's not great. i say plan your meals at least 1 day in advance. i actually plan my food one week in advance. some people scoff at that idea, but it means i spend just 15 mins a week sorting out my meals, i then go to the supermarket and buy what i need. i can also then plan ahead for parties and nights out. as a result, i never have to think about calories because its all counted in those 15 mins at the start of the week.0 -
What you want is negotiable, what you need is not.
If you are willing to give up what you need to get healthy then you have bigger issues then getting to a healthy weight.
There could be a lot of reasons why your partner is having the reaction that he is. You won't know until you have a heart to heart. BUT, that you are willing to essentially sabotage yourself for the sake of his displeasure is a huge red flag.
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