CHEATING

Marvi120

There is a good forum that might help. It is called Marriage Builders.

fbmandy55

People have to decide if it is in them to forgive or not. If they truly can learn to forgive and move past the infidelity then kudos to them for giving their marriage/relationship another chance.

If you cannot let it go then it isn't healthy to stay in the relationship. If you will always bring it up or throw it in your spouses face when you are angry then move on. Staying together for the kids is not a good enough reason. The kids might not be happy that mommy and daddy split up...but it is better than growing up in a house where the parents don't speak to one another or are always yelling at one another.

I am like that too! I have gotten upset with him in the past couple weeks and have thrown it in his face. The day I found out, he was talking to me, putting me don, making me feel like I was the one doing something wrong, He has done this many times.

As I said, when i was your age, my son's father did this to wreck my self esteem. He brain-washed me over the course of 5 years to the point where I honestly believed that was what I had to look forward to and if I left I would be alone forever. He started doing the exact things your man is doing to you. It started with making me feel guilty about things that weren't my fault, especially if he was the one who did something wrong. Then it turned to comments like "you are so disgusting" "go eat something" or " you are so gross I don't want to have sex with you, my friends make fun of me for being with you". He did all of that because he didn't want to be with me but felt like he was trapped because of our son.

It got worse when he started beating the crap out of me or sexually abusing me. He would tell me that I was disgusting and I had NO sex drive as a result, then he would hit me or choke me if I didn't have sex with him. :huh:

Get out before your resentment for each other gets worse.

TheDreadPirateRoberts

Get the hell out of there and also tell your mum to stop trying to relive her life through you.

I was really, really upset to leave my kids (I left when they were about 7), but I reasoned that they were better not living with two people who did not love each other and whose relationship would get worse and worse. Also, I had a life to live. I was not going to spend the next 12 years or more waiting for my children to grow up and leave while I lived a lie with an adultress. I could have done that. I had a lot of money, my house paid, a good job and no debts, but life is not about money or comfort, its about happiness. I would not have been happy staying. I'd have felt like a prisoner and I think I'd have ended up resenting my kids for keeping me trapped there.

You mum telling you that you she thinks you just want to **** people is really insulting. She sounds like she has some issues of her own that she really needs to address way before she sticks her nose in your business. I cant believe she wants you to stay in a loveless marriage with a cheat.

elcyclista

I have never once thought about cheating, no matter how tough it is. What If I get caught? That's an automatic F in the class and GPA will plunge.

blushingmama

I've been in my relationship longer than you've been alive. So I couldn't walk away as easily now. But if it were early in our relationship, I'm sure I'd want to throw him out and set all his stuff on fire. Matter of fact, if I found out he did something close to that now, I'd make his life hell for a long while.

It's easy for everyone to tell you what they would do. They don't have to do it! Some have shared their stories and hopefully you can take some inspiration from their stories.

I suggest you seek the help of a women's shelter or group. Tell a trusted women in your bible study what's going on and how you want out. You need guidance and help. Churches and charities have many more resources than you can find on your own. Speak up and tell someone you trust. Your mother wants you to stay in an abusive relationship - she's not a safe person for you at this point.

I married young. No doubt it was hard, but we've made it over 20 years. Marrying young isn't the problem, marrying a selfish abusive douchenozzle is the problem. You deserve to be safe!

Best wishes to you and your son. Do it for him, if not for yourself

Alisha_countrymama

I was married for 8 years. My husband cheated on me. I decided to leave. I have a very loving congregation of people who are helping me hold together. If you have a support system, friends family you can make both situations work, staying or leaving. I guess it all boils down to the attitude of your husband. If he is truly sorry for what he did. And that he is willing to do WHATEVER it takes to gain your trust back again. Even if it means calling and checking in with you, showing you his phone, or whatever. Here is a good article I read that may help you too.

meg7399

At the age of 18 you had a baby and married someone who was abusing you emotionally and physiclaly? You need the help, not him. Get out and get help. You should know that is not okay behavior. Be an adult and do whats right for your child!!!

when I first read this I wanted to go off, but you are right, I was very very stupid!!!

I understand I was harsh, but to me this is a situation that warrented it. If it was me, I would want someone to do this to me. I have been in not great relationships and its easy to find reasons to stay. You can love a person that is not good for you. The older you get you will redefine love and what it means to you and find a better person. I understand custody being an issue. My BF and I deal with it every day with his ex and their child. However, if he is doing what you say...report it and the courts will NOT give custody to an abusive parent!

Z_I_L_L_A

Happened to me too after 15 years of marriage. I told her I would let it go and lets move on and try to make it better. She drug the marriage out 2 more years while I put everything I had into it for the kids sake til she found someone(Deacon in a church,imagine that) to take her away. When she asked for a divorce I said yes as fast as I could because I was at my lowest. It almost killed me. The stress of it all ruined my health and my emotions. If you're only 1.5 months into it run, if he did it that quick, he'll do it again. JMHO Good luck and I feel your pain.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I had to check your profile because, by your story, it seemed to me you were quite young. As young people we make mistakes, some people marry theirs, it seems that’s what you did. You have 3 choices: 1) counseling and then see what happens, 2) leave, there’s always help, 3) stay, don’t expect things to change and realize that the life you’re living is the one that you’re teaching your child is not only acceptable but also the norm.
Personally, I’d require counseling but also move out and make him date me. I’d set up visitation with my son (daily drop bys are not a visitation schedule) so that he can’t use it as an excuse to still be in my daily life. If I was worried about flight or custody the visitation would only be supervised and in a location of my choosing. Let’s face it, you’re married for less than 2 months, you’re son is only a year old. This is all a short period of time in the grand scheme of a life.
Think about why you are together . . . at first you were a teenager doing teenager things and you thought he was yummy, then you became pregnant and had all the “now what conversations” and decided to give it a shot together, in the natural progression of “let’s be a family” you got married, but really . . . why are you together? Do you even like him much less love him? Yes, you have a kid, but lots of people have kids.

fbmandy55

I was married for 8 years. My husband cheated on me. I decided to leave. I have a very loving congregation of people who are helping me hold together. If you have a support system, friends family you can make both situations work, staying or leaving. I guess it all boils down to the attitude of your husband. If he is truly sorry for what he did. And that he is willing to do WHATEVER it takes to gain your trust back again. Even if it means calling and checking in with you, showing you his phone, or whatever. Here is a good article I read that may help you too.

I'm sorry but having to check your SO's phone and have them 'check in" with you is NOT a marriage. Even if it is in recovery. That's a recipe for continued hate and distrust.

ericagray

Get the hell out of there and also tell your mum to stop trying to relive her life through you.

I was really, really upset to leave my kids (I left when they were about 7), but I reasoned that they were better not living with two people who did not love each other and whose relationship would get worse and worse. Also, I had a life to live. I was not going to spend the next 12 years or more waiting for my children to grow up and leave while I lived a lie with an adultress. I could have done that. I had a lot of money, my house paid, a good job and no debts, but life is not about money or comfort, its about happiness. I would not have been happy staying. I'd have felt like a prisoner and I think I'd have ended up resenting my kids for keeping me trapped there.

You mum telling you that you she thinks you just want to **** people is really insulting. She sounds like she has some issues of her own that she really needs to address way before she sticks her nose in your business. I cant believe she wants you to stay in a loveless marriage with a cheat.

I actually just talked to her, and I had told her that I think- NO I KNOW i want out and she said fine, that she is getting exhausted of trying to keep us together when I'm not happy. She just said make sure that is what I want and know when I leave, that he may find someone else.I'm just so scared feeling like I can't do this and I will never make it:(

He's also buying a house, and my mom wants me to tell him not to buy it, so then he's not stuck, but I don't wanna say anything, if that's what he feels he wants, why tell him no? esp. when I am leaving?

lour441

What is that answer?
My mother pretty much pushed me this direction, I don't know about him, he says he wanted to get married, but I didn't. I told my mom I wasn't ready and she just tells me that's normal and keeps going with the planning and then she tells me that if I don't get married, I am living in sin, and I can't just be "shacking up" with is guy and not be married to him. Her deffinition of shacking up is living with him, and he pays for everything because I don't have a job, because I watch our son, and believe me I want a job, but I'd be working to pay for daycare. I have talked about going to school in fact I actually started going to school but the financial aide office told me I had to be 24 to be considered independent? I talked about getting my CNA and he was kinda trying to talk me out of it. My mom pushed me into this, there were a couple times that I said I wanted to leave and my mom said that I needed to stick it out for my son, this was before we got married..

You do not need to be 24 to be considered independent for financial aid.

If one or any of the following apply to you, then you will be considered an Independent Student:
You are enrolled in a Masters program, Doctorate Degree, or graduate Certification program
age does not matter, if you are enrolled in any of these types of programs you are considered and independent student
You have a child or children that are your legal dependent(s)
you may have a family member etc. that is considered your dependent…he/she does not necessarily have to be a child
You are married
You are under the age of 24 and both of your parents are deceased
You were a ward of your state until you were 18 years of age
You are 24 years of age or older
You are a Veteran of the United States Armed Force
You were a foster child after the age of 13.
You are an emancipated child as determined by a court judge.
You are homeless or at risk of homelessness as determined by the director of a HUD approved homeless shelter, transitional program, or high school liaison.

ericagray

I had to check your profile because, by your story, it seemed to me you were quite young. As young people we make mistakes, some people marry theirs, it seems that’s what you did. You have 3 choices: 1) counseling and then see what happens, 2) leave, there’s always help, 3) stay, don’t expect things to change and realize that the life you’re living is the one that you’re teaching your child is not only acceptable but also the norm.
Personally, I’d require counseling but also move out and make him date me. I’d set up visitation with my son (daily drop bys are not a visitation schedule) so that he can’t use it as an excuse to still be in my daily life. If I was worried about flight or custody the visitation would only be supervised and in a location of my choosing. Let’s face it, you’re married for less than 2 months, you’re son is only a year old. This is all a short period of time in the grand scheme of a life.
Think about why you are together . . . at first you were a teenager doing teenager things and you thought he was yummy, then you became pregnant and had all the “now what conversations” and decided to give it a shot together, in the natural progression of “let’s be a family” you got married, but really . . . why are you together? Do you even like him much less love him? Yes, you have a kid, but lots of people have kids.

What kind of visitation would you recommend? I think I am going to stay at my mothers house, only because it is closer. I don't love him and when he says "I love you" I rarely say it back and if I do it's because he won't leave me alone about it. I don't love him. I feel bad for him sometimes..that's about it. I think I only ever dated him because I couldn't stand not having a boyfriend, being alone. I'd like to blame a lot of that on my father being absent most of my life.

ericagray

Another thing, before I found out I was pregnant, I was planning on going to college, filling out apps, and all that fun stuff. I was looking forward to it,m and I could wait to start. Josh, my husband had already went to college(university of Pittsburgh) only for a semester and got to have the experience, and had the chance. Did I get that? NO Did I even have the chance? NO he took that from me and it makes me hate him so bad. Now I have to fight to even get into college, I guess this will just make me a stronger person.

ericagray

What is that answer?
My mother pretty much pushed me this direction, I don't know about him, he says he wanted to get married, but I didn't. I told my mom I wasn't ready and she just tells me that's normal and keeps going with the planning and then she tells me that if I don't get married, I am living in sin, and I can't just be "shacking up" with is guy and not be married to him. Her deffinition of shacking up is living with him, and he pays for everything because I don't have a job, because I watch our son, and believe me I want a job, but I'd be working to pay for daycare. I have talked about going to school in fact I actually started going to school but the financial aide office told me I had to be 24 to be considered independent? I talked about getting my CNA and he was kinda trying to talk me out of it. My mom pushed me into this, there were a couple times that I said I wanted to leave and my mom said that I needed to stick it out for my son, this was before we got married..

You do not need to be 24 to be considered independent for financial aid.

If one or any of the following apply to you, then you will be considered an Independent Student:
You are enrolled in a Masters program, Doctorate Degree, or graduate Certification program
age does not matter, if you are enrolled in any of these types of programs you are considered and independent student
You have a child or children that are your legal dependent(s)
you may have a family member etc. that is considered your dependent…he/she does not necessarily have to be a child
You are married
You are under the age of 24 and both of your parents are deceased
You were a ward of your state until you were 18 years of age
You are 24 years of age or older
You are a Veteran of the United States Armed Force
You were a foster child after the age of 13.
You are an emancipated child as determined by a court judge.
You are homeless or at risk of homelessness as determined by the director of a HUD approved homeless shelter, transitional program, or high school liaison.

Thats what the finacial aide office told me, and honestly I don't get it because I have a child and live on my own, but my husband did claim me on his taxes due to me not working..

AmberJslimsAWAY

Have a net. A net of people that love you and care for you. Pack your **** and go. Never look back. It's hard, and it sucks, but you can do it and you owe it to yourself to try.

ShannRenae

Been there before, less than 4 months ago it happened 2 me, we had bn engaged 2 years, he decided 2 cheat...smh...so afta I jumped on him, I changed my numbers & dumped him ASAP! I have ZERO tolerance 4 cheating...thats just not HOT! O_o

HeinzPrincess

I was friends with his "ex" he dated her for about a month or two and it was a year before we met. I started becoming friends with her when her and I had gotten pregnant around the same time. I thought nothing of it to be friends with her. They both stated that they had no feelings for each other, and that was that, I TRUSTED both of them. Well, she stayed a night when my now husband was working night turn. It was fun to have a friend, who had a baby and understood what it was like. She had stayed two more times after that. The one time, she had stay and my husband got up to "get a drink". My reason for putting it that way is because you could set a bomb off and he wouldn't wake up. It was both times she stayed he needed a "drink" Well the first time she stayed he went down to get a drink and I went downstairs accusing him of doing stuff with her. Come to find out she tells me he tried to kiss her. The next time she stayed, we were all sleeping in the same bed, i was in the middle, this was before we were married, and I felt bad, and didn't want her sleeping on the couch, Well, i couldn't sleep and she ends up laying on his cheast, again, didn't think anything of it. We;;, she goes downstairs, and he follows, she then tells me that he asked her to have sex ith her in the downstairs bathroom. I had gone to sleep, because again,I trusted then. So the beginning of August, I went to the beach and he stayed home due to working, I took our 1yr old son with me, well two days after leaving drives 30 minutes to meet her at 10pm, to kiss her, and hold her down trying to get into her pants(her story, he only told me about the kiss) so the day I find out about this, I found porn on the history, so I called him at work and asked him about it he lied to me 3 timed before telling the truth, so I called my sister and asked her to come get me that I would like to stay with her for a few days, well in the meantime, he was texting my step cousin's gf and lying about who it was and deleting messages..I asked him about it and he said that he wanted to prove i go through his phone, and then the real reason was because he wanted attention. As he was trying to figure out where I was he calls my friend and asks he, I didn't tell her where I was, so she called me, and told me she had to tell me something, and I asked her what, and she said maybe I shouldn't tell you, well i begged her, and that's when i found out about what happened while i was away. So he called me, and is tarted screaming st him, asking him about what he did, he lied of course and demanded to know where i was, so my friend 3 wayed him, and he asked her why she couldn't keep her mouth shut.
So i went back to our apartment that night, and I cried all night, how could he do this to me?!
I decided i was going to stayed at my sisters for a few weeks, but of course we saw each other everyday, due to him wanting to see our son.
I am back at the apartment again, and in fact I spend the night at my sister's the other night because I'm not happy and I don't think I can find it in myself to forgive.
My mom on the other hand, feels we need to make it work and I'm full of ****, i am so happy, and she's giving me no choice but to stay. She says "porn is normal, nothing to worry about" and him talk to his mom about me is okay it will pass, and him calling me names and putting me down, that's okay and that will change. I'm just fed up.
We were going to counsiling, but I felt that he was putting too much focus on me and not trying to figure out why my husband did what he did, so i am looking for another, i just feel no amount of "help" will help.

and i will be honest, I am sometimes not the nicest to him, but everyone does stuff to make you mad, right?

I married at 20 into a bizarre situation (somewhat like what you described).

I lost 8 years to that. Cut your losses now. Seriously!

Maryaly40

my first marriage, we were only married 1 or 2 months. I found out he was cheating, he stopped I forgave him moved past it. 3 years later, he's cheating again. I had enough, I left and divorced his *kitten*!!!! We had no children, but I would have divorced him even if we did. Don't use children as an excuse to stay cause you love him and your hurt. Get out! Trust me, it's THE most couragious thing you'll ever do! Hugs! I hope it all works out for you.

karawRN

1.5 months?

Leave him!