CHEATING

sweetd_cali

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have been there - it's been almost a year (I found out 9/14/11). Through so much pain, we've worked things out but it's an everyday struggle.

I'm not judging - you need to do what's right for you and your situation. Just wanted to show my support.

dodihere

Sounds like both your husband and your mother are blaming you for his poor decisions. Wow.

My first husband left me with 2 kids to be with a pot smoking hussie - I was the boring responsible wife. I was down and out and lived in the hood. I put on a pretty dress and applied for an office job. 20 years later I am a webform developer.

My second husband cheated on me with other men after 15 years of marriage. I recently divorced him.

Isn't that the luck?

My kids haven't seen their real father since they have been 5 and 7. They do not have daddy issues. My daughter is happily married herself (married young) and my son is in college.

TheFitHooker

I have been married 9yrs and he has never cheated on me, nor I have ever cheated on him. I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation and honestly hope I never have to find out.

First off there is no excuse for cheating. If he feels like he can't save it for his wife, then he has no reason to be married.

Secondly, you are an adult, you have a child of your own. Break away from the umbilical cord that you are still attached to with your mother. It's ok to have a good relationship with your mother, but she can't force you to do anything. You are your own person. This is something I'm trying to teach my 9yr old son right now. When he tells me someone made him do something, no one held a gun to his head, no one made him do things he knows not to be right, he has his own head, he did his own thing. Your mother might have wanted this badly for you and wants it badly to work for you, but your mother is not the one suffering and in the end, as a mother all we want is for our kids to be happy and healthy. Living in this kind of marriage is not happy nor is it healthy. So what if she gets mad, she is not having to deal with this.

My husband is a recovering porn addict. Yes, most men look at porn but porn is not healthy and I don't care what anyone says on that, it isn't. It rots the brain and is very unhealthy in a relationship. My husband and I have had many of fights over this. Our love life is just now becoming a more normal love life. I really rather not go into all that on here, just know that porn can do some real damage to peoples head's. My husband is just now starting to realize the damage and the hold it has had over him.

No one can tell you weather you should stay or go, we are not living in that, you are. Do you think you should leave him? Do you think he will do it again? Do you want to forgive him? Do you love him enough to save your marriage?

We can't answer that for you. Best of luck!

You're right, and the reason I want my mom to agree with my choice is because I need support. I will need somewhere to go..

I totally understand this. Do you think your mom will really let you and her grand baby live on the street?

weighlossforbaby

I don't know why he would have "temptations" of his ex gf when she is an ex and there shouldn't be any feelings for eachother between them. I think he just wants to blame someone because deep down he knows he needs help but doesn't want to blame himself for what he has done. I think you don't need to put up with his abuse and his cheating. His mother cheated which he thought was okay to do the same when he grew up so do you want your son to do the same thing? I suggest the best is to leave so your son won't have to be around that and think that abusing a women and cheating is right. Your mom should support your decisions and be by your side on this.

02tods

My Dh and I are on the same page concerning this topic...it'd be a done deal. It really wouldn't matter how long we'd of been together. It's something we both feel strongly about.

Without reading the whole thread I' wanted to say I'm sorry this has happened to you and know this must be very, very hurtful. I hope you heal, and in time find someone who not only loves you, but is your best friend who will totally adore you.

Wishing you the very best. :flowerforyou:

Maria_T007

Run far away and never look back.

^^^exactly!^^^

Aquarian

If he beats you and cheats on you 1.5 months into marriage, this is not right for you. Please get out when you can, don't let your son grow up with his Dad as his example. If your Mom won't help, get help from voluntary agencies (if they are present where you live), or friends, or anyone else who gives a damn. This guy obviously doesn't.

Find out how you can stand on your feet, if you decide to leave, you will find a way. So sorry you have to go through all this.

chubbygirl253

I left my ex because he cheated, among other problems. No kids, but I wouldn't have stayed if I did. My fiance now and I see cheating the same way. It would kill our relationship. I don't think we could ever get past it

ericagray

Hi guys!
I had told him yesterday that I wanted a separation and he got really mad grabbed me and tried to get my phone away from me, and kicked me out..So I am now staying at my aunts in the next county over, He is saying he still wants to work things out, but I have no interest. But now I am starting to feel bad and feel like he could change. Although I have to keep reminding myself that isn't how it is!!

tourettte

Has anyone been in a relationship, in my case marriage (for 1.5 months) and been cheated on and lied to? Do you have kids? Would you stay, because you have kids? If this has happened to you, did you stay? How did you make it possible? If you left, how did you get on your feet?

My BF cheated on me and we broke up (funny story how). We were together for two years, talked about children, marriage, moving in...
For me the issue was with lying more than cheating, I can't stand lying. In my second hand experience from people around me, you might try to forgive but it damages the relationship especially if you haven't been together for a long time. And in the long run if you can't forgive and forget in full and if he continues to behave the same way it's better for the kids to split up than to stay in a marriage neither one of you is happy with.
Sometimes a divorce is a better option for the kids. ...

Seeing your last post - divorce him and start working on getting the law on your side. He will not change. They never do.

TheDreadPirateRoberts

Well done for getting out of there.

You dont need to feel bad at all. I cant understand how you are after he got angry, grabbed you and tried to get your phone off you and then kicked you out. He is a ****... and a violent one at that. You should be thankful that you found out what he is like so early in your marriage rather than wasting years of your life with him.

Its not nice when you have to admit your marriage has failed, but I think it sounds like you have done more than enough trying and that it is time to admit it over, move on and look forwards to your future. It will not feel like it now, but the best years of your life are ahead of you and most men are not like him at all, as you will find out one day.

fatty_to_fitty

Any level of deception is an abuse of trust in a relationship. There is a constant push pull in relationships and balance need to be worked towards daily.

In many relationships physical intimacy becomes a no go for many legitimate reasons so how can you define the whole basis of whether or not a couple stay together on one act? Is it that important.

What I mean is I am not with my partner for what goes on in the bedroom. It's such a small part. I would not throw away what we have for one indiscretion. Depending on the situation I can't say I could rebuild from that but I don't see it as straight cut black and white.

Many comments talk about how important relationships are and the deeper levels of relationships but we are saying that one small physical slip up is worth throwing 1000's of memories away for rather than trying to resolve the issue that made the cheater think their actions were ok.

I don't condone cheating but I think some people are so blind sighted and throwing your judgment of ' run away one some one cheats' can be a lot of pressure for a young girl in a new marriage.

If you want to work at your relationship once a partner has cheated I say good on you. It doesn't make you a doormat.

I know in this girls case there's a huge back story but I felt the comments in reply to cheating were a little one sided.

MellowGa

Hi guys!
I had told him yesterday that I wanted a separation and he got really mad grabbed me and tried to get my phone away from me, and kicked me out..So I am now staying at my aunts in the next county over, He is saying he still wants to work things out, but I have no interest. But now I am starting to feel bad and feel like he could change. Although I have to keep reminding myself that isn't how it is!!

even more reason to leave, he is trying to intimidate you by grabbing and trying to take your phone, that is not a sign of a mature person.

Also, most states would require HIM to leave and you and your child have the house/apartment. Again why are you not staying with your mom? I am glad your aunt is helping you out.

djsupreme6

oh man oh man do I ever hate fellas who intimidate or beat their partners like that...good god somebody put me in a room with this excuse of a man...close the door and shut the curtains...I say let them see what it feels like to have it done to them...yeah..that got my blood boiling a little

Jonahisout

Lady, if the man isnt respecting you enough to be faithful to you, even if he has a kid with you, you will need to do what is best for the kid and leave this man.

I have been in this position from the childs perspective where my mother thought that it would be good to "keep the peace" and such. it was just a mess, and it only grew bigger as a result.

Put some plans together to save up some cash, and don't plan on relying on this man to support you or your child. Be independent and also because you are young, you may find opportunities to date and find a man that respects you enough to be faithful. If he wont be faithful to you, how will he be faithful to his kids?

bigdawg025

You think he can change AFTER he grabbed you??? That alone is enough to file a police report and have HIM removed! THIS IS ABUSE!

bigdawg025

Any level of deception is an abuse of trust in a relationship. There is a constant push pull in relationships and balance need to be worked towards daily.

In many relationships physical intimacy becomes a no go for many legitimate reasons so how can you define the whole basis of whether or not a couple stay together on one act? Is it that important.

What I mean is I am not with my partner for what goes on in the bedroom. It's such a small part. I would not throw away what we have for one indiscretion. Depending on the situation I can't say I could rebuild from that but I don't see it as straight cut black and white.

Many comments talk about how important relationships are and the deeper levels of relationships but we are saying that one small physical slip up is worth throwing 1000's of memories away for rather than trying to resolve the issue that made the cheater think their actions were ok.

I don't condone cheating but I think some people are so blind sighted and throwing your judgment of ' run away one some one cheats' can be a lot of pressure for a young girl in a new marriage.

If you want to work at your relationship once a partner has cheated I say good on you. It doesn't make you a doormat.

I know in this girls case there's a huge back story but I felt the comments in reply to cheating were a little one sided.

Have you read all of her posts and the fact that he PUTS HIS HANDS ON HER??? Abuse is NEVER acceptable!

laurenkoszola

Any level of deception is an abuse of trust in a relationship. There is a constant push pull in relationships and balance need to be worked towards daily.

In many relationships physical intimacy becomes a no go for many legitimate reasons so how can you define the whole basis of whether or not a couple stay together on one act? Is it that important.

What I mean is I am not with my partner for what goes on in the bedroom. It's such a small part. I would not throw away what we have for one indiscretion. Depending on the situation I can't say I could rebuild from that but I don't see it as straight cut black and white.

Many comments talk about how important relationships are and the deeper levels of relationships but we are saying that one small physical slip up is worth throwing 1000's of memories away for rather than trying to resolve the issue that made the cheater think their actions were ok.

I don't condone cheating but I think some people are so blind sighted and throwing your judgment of ' run away one some one cheats' can be a lot of pressure for a young girl in a new marriage.

If you want to work at your relationship once a partner has cheated I say good on you. It doesn't make you a doormat.

I know in this girls case there's a huge back story but I felt the comments in reply to cheating were a little one sided.

Have you read all of her posts and the fact that he PUTS HIS HANDS ON HER??? Abuse is NEVER acceptable!

Also the fact that this did not happen just once but several times throughout the course of their relationship?!! In reference to not only the cheating but the abuse!

rob1976

Hi guys!
I had told him yesterday that I wanted a separation and he got really mad grabbed me and tried to get my phone away from me, and kicked me out..So I am now staying at my aunts in the next county over, He is saying he still wants to work things out, but I have no interest. But now I am starting to feel bad and feel like he could change. Although I have to keep reminding myself that isn't how it is!!

Men don't change for anyone but themselves. If you go back, he doesn't need to change.

MandaPaigeSparkles88

Me and my ex husband dated for 2 years and then got married. He cheated on me. He was 29 and he cheated on me with a 19 year old. And he didn't bother to hide it from me either. He practically rubbed it in my face every chance he got. And it hurt me, it hurt me to the point to where I was suicidal and almost took my life over it. I have a hard time trusting guy, that's a big issue for me. But in your situation where you have only been married for a month and a half I would leave him. Lying and cheating are 2 things that I do not tolerate in a relationship with a man.

weighlossforbaby

You need to stay away from him because he is an abuser and a cheater who won't change for anyone. A real man doesn't grab his wife and throws her out the way he did. Don't ever feel bad about telling him how you feel and getting away from him. It's safer this way. Hugs :flowerforyou:

tmauck4472

Stay away and don't look back. Really? you want to go back to that? He'll only continue to do what he's done in the past, because you were so easy to get back.

ericagray

Hey Everyone!
I split from my "husband" on September 21st, so we have been separated for about 3 months. It feels like so much longer! Since then I have gotten a job, and I am starting school in January. I'm happy, most of the time, and I actually have friends! I feel that this has ONLY made me a stronger person. Him and I went to court over our son, and we have a 50/50 schedule. The divorce is going to go through on January 5th. Since we have been split, I went over to his place to get my stuff, and he picked me up and threw me out literally in front of my son. I have finally gotten most of my stuff back, and I filed for support. It's so sad to think things have to be this way, but I know deep down I will be okay and things will take time, getting my own place, getting through school, getting a better car. I have heard that he has a girlfriend, and I feel at this point, the nest thing he can do is getting her knocked up! Good luck to her because he will only do the samething! He said to me last night, he wants me to just give my son to him, he thinks it would help since I am working, and going to school, and I wanna have "fun" He's crazy if he thinks I will do that.!! I just thought I should give ya'll an update, just so you don't think I'm dead somewhere in a ditch(:

spade117

So you are free now? Let's party.

bgelliott

I was friends with his "ex" he dated her for about a month or two and it was a year before we met. I started becoming friends with her when her and I had gotten pregnant around the same time. I thought nothing of it to be friends with her. They both stated that they had no feelings for each other, and that was that, I TRUSTED both of them. Well, she stayed a night when my now husband was working night turn. It was fun to have a friend, who had a baby and understood what it was like. She had stayed two more times after that. The one time, she had stay and my husband got up to "get a drink". My reason for putting it that way is because you could set a bomb off and he wouldn't wake up. It was both times she stayed he needed a "drink" Well the first time she stayed he went down to get a drink and I went downstairs accusing him of doing stuff with her. Come to find out she tells me he tried to kiss her. The next time she stayed, we were all sleeping in the same bed, i was in the middle, this was before we were married, and I felt bad, and didn't want her sleeping on the couch, Well, i couldn't sleep and she ends up laying on his cheast, again, didn't think anything of it. We;;, she goes downstairs, and he follows, she then tells me that he asked her to have sex ith her in the downstairs bathroom. I had gone to sleep, because again,I trusted then. So the beginning of August, I went to the beach and he stayed home due to working, I took our 1yr old son with me, well two days after leaving drives 30 minutes to meet her at 10pm, to kiss her, and hold her down trying to get into her pants(her story, he only told me about the kiss) so the day I find out about this, I found porn on the history, so I called him at work and asked him about it he lied to me 3 timed before telling the truth, so I called my sister and asked her to come get me that I would like to stay with her for a few days, well in the meantime, he was texting my step cousin's gf and lying about who it was and deleting messages..I asked him about it and he said that he wanted to prove i go through his phone, and then the real reason was because he wanted attention. As he was trying to figure out where I was he calls my friend and asks he, I didn't tell her where I was, so she called me, and told me she had to tell me something, and I asked her what, and she said maybe I shouldn't tell you, well i begged her, and that's when i found out about what happened while i was away. So he called me, and is tarted screaming st him, asking him about what he did, he lied of course and demanded to know where i was, so my friend 3 wayed him, and he asked her why she couldn't keep her mouth shut.
So i went back to our apartment that night, and I cried all night, how could he do this to me?!
I decided i was going to stayed at my sisters for a few weeks, but of course we saw each other everyday, due to him wanting to see our son.
I am back at the apartment again, and in fact I spend the night at my sister's the other night because I'm not happy and I don't think I can find it in myself to forgive.
My mom on the other hand, feels we need to make it work and I'm full of ****, i am so happy, and she's giving me no choice but to stay. She says "porn is normal, nothing to worry about" and him talk to his mom about me is okay it will pass, and him calling me names and putting me down, that's okay and that will change. I'm just fed up.
We were going to counsiling, but I felt that he was putting too much focus on me and not trying to figure out why my husband did what he did, so i am looking for another, i just feel no amount of "help" will help.

and i will be honest, I am sometimes not the nicest to him, but everyone does stuff to make you mad, right?

Sounds to me like you guys both have a lot of growing up to do. You let another woman sleep in your bed...you're asking for trouble...just sayin!

FightingforFit82

My ex Husband. He cheated on me with 8+ women I stayed for a cpl mths trying to work past it but couldn't. Plus he continued to do so. I ended up filing for divorce. I think in certain cases, if the other party is sorry and stops, things can be saved. People can change but they need to apply the change. I would seek out other options before leaving them. I would try to work through it.

Lauren8239

Hey Everyone!
I split from my "husband" on September 21st, so we have been separated for about 3 months. It feels like so much longer! Since then I have gotten a job, and I am starting school in January. I'm happy, most of the time, and I actually have friends! I feel that this has ONLY made me a stronger person. Him and I went to court over our son, and we have a 50/50 schedule. The divorce is going to go through on January 5th. Since we have been split, I went over to his place to get my stuff, and he picked me up and threw me out literally in front of my son. I have finally gotten most of my stuff back, and I filed for support. It's so sad to think things have to be this way, but I know deep down I will be okay and things will take time, getting my own place, getting through school, getting a better car. I have heard that he has a girlfriend, and I feel at this point, the nest thing he can do is getting her knocked up! Good luck to her because he will only do the samething! He said to me last night, he wants me to just give my son to him, he thinks it would help since I am working, and going to school, and I wanna have "fun" He's crazy if he thinks I will do that.!! I just thought I should give ya'll an update, just so you don't think I'm dead somewhere in a ditch(:

Glad to hear it! You will feel more sure of yourself as time goes on and feel the freedom and realize you have the potential to do and be anything you want. I would suggest getting a restraining order on him though....him tossing you around, even in front of your son speaks volumes about his character. One day he may be super pissed at his current gf and take it out on you. Be safe.