Impossible to eat healthy when in debt
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Don't get me wrong, I get food before the debt collectors get their $$$$; but it's hard to convince my wife that who is the controller of our finances (yet I'm the grocery shopper and the cook). Her goal is to be debt free, my goal is to be disease free; they seem to be conflicting with each other. The way I see it, I either need to take over the finances (since I'm the one spending the money anyways) or I just need to accept the fact that instead of feeding my family of 4 a $15 meal of fish, quinoa, veggies, and salsa I'll have to suck it up and replace it with a $4 meal of $1 menu burgers...
Seriously, where are the priorities? Anyone else find themselves fighting to feed their family a nutritious meal because their significant other would rather pay off their debt like a good conservative republican? (Sorry to get political, but truly this is where this comes from, her parents were conservative republicans and my liberal democrat ways really piss her off).
Some problems can't be solved by the head-on approach. It sounds to me like that's what you're trying, because it looks perfectly sensible to you. And I'm not saying it isn't; but clearly, your wife disagrees. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but what you get and where you end up when you come at it head on ("Your debt reduction plan is getting in the way of my health, and the family's health!" "Your expensive healthy eating is going to bankrupt us!") is a nasty fight. I could be wrong, but you sound pretty upset, so I'm guessing this is nasty territory.
My spouse and I went through something similar; the head-on approach just led to fights. When I quit fighting and just went with it for a while, things finally started to change for the better.
What do you think might happen if you just quit fighting and went with it for a while? I know; you'd rather that SHE be the one to stop fighting and go with it for a while. Thing is, somebody has to stop fighting, or the fighting never stops, and the only option YOU control is... YOU. See what happens. Maybe she'll stop seeing you as the enemy, and have more sympathy for your position once she sees you as being on her side. Maybe the debts will get paid off and the budget will loosen up and you'll get to buy the food you prefer. I can vouch for the power of putting yourself on your spouse's side even though you disagree. Been married 22 years, and it's better than ever.
Maybe not. But if what you're doing isn't working, what do you have to lose?0 -
Sounds like you have a marriage issue, not a food/budget issue. How would she feel if she read the comments you've posted about her?
My advice is counseling, STAT. Hope you work it out soon; being at odds is not fun or sustainable long-term.0 -
Saving on meats:
- you can get choice cuts the day they are supposed go 'off' on reduction - can get 10-30% off (then, freeze them, obviously)
- cheaper cuts are usually tougher, but can be softened with different cooking methods (slow roast, marinades, crockpot)
- fish = frozen - can get massive bags of tilapia cheaply
- chicken thighs are cheaper than breast, usually
- boned cheaper than boneless
Grains:
- bulk, dry (learn to soak etc)
- get a few loaves of bread when on sale; store in freezer (toast to warm individual slices)
Veg/fruit:
- frozen (not delicious, but edible; berries can go into smoothies)
- farmers' markets
- summer: grow your own, or participate in urban agriculture programs where you just tend your plot
Coffees/teas - sales + freezer, again
It means spending time and energy on all this, obviously, if you're going to use coupons. Or just keeping an eye out and taking advantage of sales as you see them.
Oh yeah, you can make your own yogurt, if you start with just a cup.0 -
All 4 of us in the family have dietary intolerances too so it's not like we are eating this way to be fiscally irresponsible; we are eating this way because this is the diet that our body does not manifest any cognitive or physical symptoms for!
My wife too would rather have random ground beef in a processed box mixture (containing gluten which I have issue with and no nutritional value) than a homemade meal (full of nutrition and not gluten!). She would rather spend her money on exotic trips around the world than healthy food so she and her kids can be healthy (oh and her husband can be alive too).
Seriously, if I had the choice of dying at 50 and being debt free while seeing the world but being fat and full of disease and dying at 80 and still paying my debt off and rarely leaving my house but being slender and disease free and have healthy children and grandchildren, I'd choose 80....
It doesn't take a psychologist or a genius to see the blame shifting going on here (although this doesn't apply to everyone whose mentioned a spouse with financial control of the food in this thread).
It's probably best to address your issues with your spouse. Yes, I know you are a team, and she's been assigned certain roles. Yes, I know she controls the finance. But these are excuses, not legitimate reasons. Discuss. Talk. You know the deal. Converse about your issues with your wife in a healthy and constructive way. Or offer to go out and buy the groceries this week and offer to cook all week. Get her in on the deal and make her think it's her idea. You are in control of your body and what you put into it, not your wife. You could offer to make everyone dinner, or make yourself a separate meal. You are simply being lazy by assigning the blame to her because you've designated her the duty of feeding you. Reclaim that aspect of your life back.
"Healthy is not expensive." Don't buy into a fake dichotomy that you either eat junk food, or eat expensive "health foods". Yes, food such as chia and quinoa that have been heavily marketed as super duper "health" foods are more expensive. But this is a marketing ploy. There are also carrots (which can be as little as $1 a kg and can be used as padding) oats (also extremely cheap), eggs, kale, potato and apples (natures perfect "on the go" snack). All the more "common" fruits and vegetables generally eaten are still good for you, despite the lack of marketing spin.
Learn maths, or teach your wife maths- whichever one thinks that your eating habits are actually financially valid. Yes, a hamburger for $1 may seem cheaper than a $3 bag of vegetables or oats but the oats and vegetables, when bought and added together last longer and can end up making cheaper meals. They also fill you up better- you eat a bag of chips as a "snack" and go back for more, it leaves you feeling addicted and gives you further food craving, perpetuating an avalanche of bad eating. You'd never do that with a bowl of lettuce- because the lettuce fills you up better and isn't addictive. Eating better foods also programs you to veer away from "comfort eating". You're eating for your body, not your emotions and the feelings that eating certain foods evoke, and so you ultimately end up eating less. Which means less money. Sure a $60 grocery shop (for two people) seems more than a $5 meal (fries, chips, burger) but at 3 meals a day $5 a meal (for two people) ends up being $210. Even assuming you only eat two meals a day (realistic if you consider the calories) that's still $140.
$60 can also buy you approximately 3 meals, and 2 healthy snacks (such as an apple or a carrot and hummus or yogurt) every day. So you're eating more frequently and getting more "bang for your buck" because you are getting more nutrients.
Starting on the path to healthy eating is the most expensive part- you need to buy sauces and herbs and spices to make your food tasty, which will only fuel your wife's fire and give her ammo on "see? eating my way is cheaper!". But after this first step is done eating healthy will end up being more financially sound. And anyone who says that is just letting their emotions cloud their logic. I have to admit there are times when I do a "fresh" shop and McDonald's starts to look alluring, but I know that this is just consumer dissonance and my brain being horribly addled by marketing. When I think about it I think about how you go to McDonald's to get a burger and end up with a meal, because you're "saving money" and then the whole premise of it being "cheap" falls apart.
You could sit down and do a proper food budget with your wife and realistically look at how much you *actually* spend on food a week eating fast food, including candy bars and sodas. You'll find that any thoughts about eating unhealthily being cheaper will fade. I look at fast food as an expensive luxury, even the cheap kind.
If a person can't put enough long-term planning and thinking in to see that buying groceries for a week is actually more financially sound than buying fast food and foods marketed as cheaper options, then how can they properly manage lateral thinking in other aspects of their life? There is a link between poor nutrition and bad diets and low socio-economic status. I think that sometimes people con themselves into thinking that they are "too poor to afford to eat healthy" when really it's the other way around- you're too unhealthy to be wealthy.
I agree with this post. There is a huge difference between paying an arm & a leg for something being marketed to you as a wonder product and paying a reasonable amount for something that has always been known to be healthy (normal fruits, vegies, nuts etc) and eating junk food all day because it's "cheap". Two are extremes and the middle should be where most people are aiming for, healthy, nutritious, but not ridiculous.
I think they just need to talk it out and BOTH compromise as much as possible.0 -
In So Cal we have 99cent only stores.. I go there and head straight to the back. lettuce, tomatoes,onions,bell peppers, watermelon, frozen fruits for smoothies, i can fill my fridge for 20.00,0
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Maybe show your wife how much obesity and health problems cost in the long run and she'll change the way she thinks. Down the road, if you feed your family crappy food and they become fat from it, they'll have all kinds of health problems. Diabetes, for one, is really expensive and leads to other problems like cardiovascular issues, eye issues, kidney issues... the list goes on. Think about how expensive medical bills could be in the future if any of your family members develops problems like that, and the $15 healthy meal pales in comparison. Just my 2 cents.0
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honestly we have over here where you can go and get food vouchers for those are struggling finacially.. have you thought about that?? going and seeing the red cross or salvation army??? or have you also thought about growing your own vegies.... Does your wife work??? if not tell her to get a job to help in the fianances especially if your kids are at school age0
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If your wife's issue is really about being debt free than you would do well to take the advise to shop at farmer's market and check out the ethnic markets near you for good buys on produce. Sit down with your wife and go over the grocery list together to see if there are some less expensive healthy alternatives to the more costly items on your list. Red quinone is expensive as are many foods labeled "organic." Are there other healthy grains that can be substituted for red quinone? Be willing to compromise for the harmony of your marriage as well as for your health. If she sees you making concessions--choosing less expensive healthy foods, shopping at farmer's markets, growing a garden, making a list and sticking to it, visiting the coupon sites and using whatever coupons you can towards the purchase of healthy food--then maybe she will honor your efforts to respect her budgeting and will be willing to allocate more of the family resources towards eating healthy.
Keep in mind that your wife's resistance may have more to do with a reluctance to change her eating habits. Be gentle with her and make sure not to lecture her on any unhealthy dietary habit she may be clinging to. Meet her wherever she is along her journey and make every effort to make inexpensive healthy food choices and in return, she may be more amenable to spending money on good healthy food.0 -
No one is reading the post. Why are all of you so lazy? I was saying that we do have the money to eat healthy and each and everyone of you low attention span people seem to think I'm trying to say that we can't eat healthy when in debt. Sure my topic says that, but no one is doing what is necessary: READ THE DETAILS!
I was just saying that my wife controls the money and wants to control the diet too. She wants to eat extreme budget and convenience (McDonald $1 menu and Tacobell) so that way we can pay off our debt. Me on the other hand, I want to eat healthy (home cooked meals using REAL food and not artificially created or sodium/sugar loaded processed crap) and I could care less about our debt. We're 30 years old, the debt collectors will waith 30+ years to get their money, as long as they are getting it. But if we push off our health, we won't have 30+ years to enjoy after we're debt free!
It's all about priority. But regardless, you all are pulling the whole "TL;DR" thing on me so rather just have this thread locked because you all are lazy and won't read. I learned my lesson - get to the point faster and Don't title things excuses. Thanks interwebs for trolling me and showing me your low attention spans.0 -
If your wife's issue is really about being debt free than you would do well to take the advise to shop at farmer's market and check out the ethnic markets near you for good buys on produce. Sit down with your wife and go over the grocery list together to see if there are some less expensive healthy alternatives to the more costly items on your list. Red quinone is expensive as are many foods labeled "organic." Are there other healthy grains that can be substituted for red quinone? Be willing to compromise for the harmony of your marriage as well as for your health. If she sees you making concessions--choosing less expensive healthy foods, shopping at farmer's markets, growing a garden, making a list and sticking to it, visiting the coupon sites and using whatever coupons you can towards the purchase of healthy food--then maybe she will honor your efforts to respect her budgeting and will be willing to allocate more of the family resources towards eating healthy.
Keep in mind that your wife's resistance may have more to do with a reluctance to change her eating habits. Be gentle with her and make sure not to lecture her on any unhealthy dietary habit she may be clinging to. Meet her wherever she is along her journey and make every effort to make inexpensive healthy food choices and in return, she may be more amenable to spending money on good healthy food.
Thank you for the advice, you seem to be the only one in this thread on topic.
Yes, my wife is resisting change. She wants the "finer things in life" and has grandiose thinking about how she "deserves better food" but her idea of better food is food that is actually NOT better food and is the reason she got overweight in the first place...
I'll work on her. It's just aggravating when one spouse wants to be healthy and the other wants to be rich...0 -
I don't know why this irks my nerves so much but it does... I'm not trying to come off mean and annoying like a lot of other posters on here saying "my way or the highway" kind of deal.
But the whole "eating healthy is expensive" is a load of crap.
I'm a college student and am dirt poor. It's CHEAPER to eat healthy.
I just made a homemade soup with vegetable broth, spinach, mushrooms, and tomatoes that costed me a grand total of $8 to make. And that will last me 2 weeks worth of lunch or a snap. Doesn't even break 50 calories per serving.
It's making both healthy and fiscally responsible decisions.
You can eat healthy without going broke.
But beans in bulk.
Buy meat in bulk (just bought a bag of chicken from walmart that has 10+ breasts in it for $6)
etc, etc.
It is cheaper to eat healthy... IF YOU CAN COOK!
if you do not cook... IT IS NOT CHEAPER TO EAT HEALTHY.
Trust me, I don't know how to cook...and really was never taught. Just knew the simple things; like toast, eggs, pasta, etc.
I taught myself and play along as it goes. Don't go by recipes, just kind of play around with it. But honestly, if you went to elementary school you can figure out how to cook - it's called reading a cook book. Doesn't take too much talent.0 -
No one is reading the post. Why are all of you so lazy? I was saying that we do have the money to eat healthy and each and everyone of you low attention span people seem to think I'm trying to say that we can't eat healthy when in debt. Sure my topic says that, but no one is doing what is necessary: READ THE DETAILS!
I was just saying that my wife controls the money and wants to control the diet too. She wants to eat extreme budget and convenience (McDonald $1 menu and Tacobell) so that way we can pay off our debt. Me on the other hand, I want to eat healthy (home cooked meals using REAL food and not artificially created or sodium/sugar loaded processed crap) and I could care less about our debt. We're 30 years old, the debt collectors will waith 30+ years to get their money, as long as they are getting it. But if we push off our health, we won't have 30+ years to enjoy after we're debt free!
It's all about priority. But regardless, you all are pulling the whole "TL;DR" thing on me so rather just have this thread locked because you all are lazy and won't read. I learned my lesson - get to the point faster and Don't title things excuses. Thanks interwebs for trolling me and showing me your low attention spans.
I read it. And stand by what I said - don't take everything as a personal attack. I'm not sure what other posts you've read or if you're referring to mine, but if you are talking about my post it WASN'T meant as a personal attack. I was simply stating that it irritates me when people say that it's expensive to eat healthy (as you stated; your wife thinks that), so maybe you need to get that through her head. I gave some examples, maybe you should do the same with your wife. Tell her to give you a budget to go grocery shopping with and show her all the healthy food you can get that will last you awhile.0 -
No one is reading the post. Why are all of you so lazy? I was saying that we do have the money to eat healthy and each and everyone of you low attention span people seem to think I'm trying to say that we can't eat healthy when in debt. Sure my topic says that, but no one is doing what is necessary: READ THE DETAILS!
I was just saying that my wife controls the money and wants to control the diet too. She wants to eat extreme budget and convenience (McDonald $1 menu and Tacobell) so that way we can pay off our debt. Me on the other hand, I want to eat healthy (home cooked meals using REAL food and not artificially created or sodium/sugar loaded processed crap) and I could care less about our debt. We're 30 years old, the debt collectors will waith 30+ years to get their money, as long as they are getting it. But if we push off our health, we won't have 30+ years to enjoy after we're debt free!
It's all about priority. But regardless, you all are pulling the whole "TL;DR" thing on me so rather just have this thread locked because you all are lazy and won't read. I learned my lesson - get to the point faster and Don't title things excuses. Thanks interwebs for trolling me and showing me your low attention spans.
Well that sounds like you have a marriage problem if you both can compromise on spending money. And people were telling you ways to get healthy food on a budget that way you could talk to your wife about buying healthy food while still saving money. You don't need tipila and junk from whole foods every meal to be healthy.0 -
Your problem is not the cost of food and hers is not the luxury of the phone/internet... your collective problem is communication with your spouse and priorities in life, family and marriage. I am not being mean- we used to be in the same place as you guys. You should look into the Dave Ramsey course called Financial Peace University. Yes, it's about debt and getting out from under it but for us and most others we talked to, it HEALED OUR MARRIAGE, by teaching us how to communicate effectively with each other.
And now that we are debt free, we can eat anything we want on any given day. Which is awesome- because I also love to cook!0 -
I had much the same issue when I got together with my boyfriend. When I moved in his freezer contained frozen eggo waffles.. The first couple of grocery trips were huge because I had to 'lay in stock' which of course sent him into fits. I had to patiently explain that all the things I bought would be used to make multiple meals - not just 1. If you know anything about 'food cost' it probably wouldn't be too hard (since you are already weighing and measuring ingredients) to do an average cost per meal.
For your wife she is not considering anything past the 'eating' of the food. But, when you eat a bunch of $1 junk it's not likely you are full for long right? so you just end up eating more to have the same feeling - not to mention the health issues that have been proven time and again that are related to all of that garbage (which you seem to already know about but can't get her to understand)
I don't know how open she is to learning about food but you could always try to watch some documentaries together that might explain it in a way that will make it 'click' to her that good food is important? Food.inc is a good one also there's a good lecture type one on you tube discussing the addition of HFCS in american foods - called Sugar: the bitter truth. I think your issue will be partly communication and partly lack of education. Education is especially important to allow you to appeal to her as a mother. The health of your children should ALWAYS come first.0 -
I understood your post and the point I tried to make was how you can make things at home within a tight budget. If your wife is wanting to feed a family of 4 off the $1 menu - assuming you eat 2-3 meals a day at ONLYy $1 each (?) -- That comes to 4 people times $3 each a day for $12 a day. $12 a day times 7 days a week is $84. And honestly - if you are only eating 1 item - you must be all walking around hungry!!
We are a family of 4 and eat very healthy, cook at home, and spend on average $60 a week on groceries. So economically -- eating off the dollar menu is not saving you any money or helping you get out of debt. And like you said, it is definately not nutritious.
My husband is the penny pincher. When we go on vacation and stop to eat, he does the exact same thing -- orders off the $1 menu to save money!! Sometimes that works (when alternatives are feeding 4 off the $1 menu for a total of $10 versus a meal deal for a total of $20) but for every day living, it ends up costing more money in the long run.
Marketing and consumerism is aimed at keeping us all in debt and overweight and unhealthy. Maybe you can sit down with your wife and calculate for 1 week how much you spend off the $1 menu and eating her way. Then try your way and find a middle ground.
Good luck!0 -
Marriage is about compromise.
You are going to have to find a middle ground between her desire to reduce debt & have fast food and your desire to eat healthy.
If you can't compromise, be prepared to battle this out with her for however long it takes for her to cave to your desires (or you to hers). And that leads to resentments, and probably an unwillingness to compromise on future issues.0 -
I laid out a big sum of money ($351) at the beginning of the year to join a CSA in my area: http://www.paradiseorganicfarms.com/
Every week from June to November I get a HUGE box of organic, locally-grown produce. I'm talking potatoes, zucchini, watermelon, cantaloupe, tomatoes, peppers, lettuce, fennel, you name it. It's basically $15 dollars a week, and there's so much food that bulk-wise, it's probably around 1/2 of my diet. It forces me to eat a TON of vegetables, cook creatively and eat healthier.
I have to buy add-ons like proteins, grains and such, but it's a really cheap, healthy way of bulking up my diet.0 -
Eating out is NOT cheap, even if it is fast food! It seems like a good deal, but most premade things cost more than it would for you to make it from scratch. You CAN eat healthy, but you need to be smart about it.
Some tips:
-food bank! great source of produce for people who are struggling financially
-buy fruit in season
-drink tap water
-go to discount grocers (foodmaxx, grocery outlet)
-make a grocery list and stick to it. don't go in aisles of things you don't need
-look for sales and buy in bulk
-calculate the unit price or look for it on the tag
-stretch out more expensive items in soups and casseroles
-don't throw away leftovers! spice them up in different ways.0 -
I understood your post and the point I tried to make was how you can make things at home within a tight budget. If your wife is wanting to feed a family of 4 off the $1 menu - assuming you eat 2-3 meals a day at ONLYy $1 each (?) -- That comes to 4 people times $3 each a day for $12 a day. $12 a day times 7 days a week is $84. And honestly - if you are only eating 1 item - you must be all walking around hungry!!
Great calculations!
I spend $20/wk max on groceries for myself, and I can't buy in bulk because I don't have storage, and I can't go to discount grocers because I don't have transportation (I have to be able to carry everything). So you should be able to spend less than that $84/wk for a family of 4!0
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