getting old :-(
deniseearheart
Posts: 919 Member
in Chit-Chat
My birthday is approaching and I am worried because my guy forgot my birthday the first year we were together and since then I have reminded him but this year I decided to not say anything to see if he remembers on his own and it is stressing me out.... Plus I am starting to notice little things like while we are having dinner, if I finish first I pick up his plate and take it to the sink with mine but if he finishes first he just takes his . I always do little things for him like serving him coffee, making his lunches, doing his laundry... Little things to show I care but I don't feel like I am getting much back and YES I have talked to him several times...... Maybe I am being petty or I am just PMS'ing who knows ... point is it is really on my mind and had to talk about it.....
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Replies
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Just break up.0
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Just break up.
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not taking your dish to the kitchen? definitely a deal breaker. i'd listen to Dani's advice0
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Unfortunately, some men just don't think about little things like that. My step father never did little thoughtful things for my mom and didn't buy her gifts. He did find flowers in the garbage one day and brought those home to my mom! lol But he was a very, very loving and caring man. He would have done anything for my mom, me, and my child, but he just didn't think of little things and wasn't inclined to buy things he didn't need (ie gifts); his mind just didn't work like that.
IMO, you should communicate as best you can with him (and you probably already did) and then choose to accept him unconditionally, or not accept him and let him go.0 -
not taking your dish to the kitchen? definitely a deal breaker. i'd listen to Dani's advice
well it's the little things that kill!!! Obviously that is not the biggest issue..0 -
Unfortunately, some men just don't think about little things like that. My step father never did little thoughtful things for my mom and didn't buy her gifts. He did find flowers in the garbage one day and brought those home to my mom! lol But he was a very, very loving and caring man. He would have done anything for my mom, me, and my child, but he just didn't think of little things and wasn't inclined to buy things he didn't need (ie gifts); his mind just didn't work like that.
IMO, you should communicate as best you can with him (and you probably already did) and then choose to accept him unconditionally, or not accept him and let him go.
I don't like that ! I always do little things so I want to be with someone who is like that to....0 -
Sorry girl. My first husband did things like that. It's definitely the little things sometimes. How long have you been together? At some point he should definitely remember your birthday!0
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Talk with him; he probably is unaware of his actions and I'm sure it's unintentional0
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Sorry girl. My first husband did things like that. It's definitely the little things sometimes. How long have you been together? At some point he should definitely remember your birthday!
we have been together almost 4 years0 -
Talk with him; he probably is unaware of his actions and I'm sure it's unintentional
I hope so0 -
Four years? Yeah, he needs to be remembering your birthday by now...0
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Four years? Yeah, he needs to be remembering your birthday by now...
I know. I don't get it :-/ I always remember his ... Always do something special for him because I love him. Things you do when you love someone. Even before I was in love with him.0 -
Why don't you 'forget' his birthday and see what he thinks. And maybe you shouldn't do the little things that show you love him and see if he notices. If he mentions it, ask him why it's so important to him but not important when it comes to you. If not, then he's just clueless and you need to talk with him and let him know how you really feel and how it makes you feel. A lot of guys out there, me included, are pretty clueless about a lot of things. One day my wife mentioned that the living room was messy and I agreed. Later on she was stomping around and was mad, I could at least see that. So I asked her what she was mad about and she said that I didn't clean up the living room. Well she never asked me to. I told my wife that I'm not a mind reader and if something is bothering her or she wants something done, she needs to talk with me and spell it out, not drop me hints and think I'll pick it up.0
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Just break up.
When people post a question like that in this forum, that's often what they want to hear. Or at least get a strong response to which they can react. If she's been with this guy for four years and he has a lot of annoying, selfish habits that haven't changed despite discussions AND he doesn't remember her birthday (NO excuse today with electronic reminders), then maybe it is time for her to think of saying good-bye.0 -
I've been married 17 years.
My wife almost never remembers my birthday. She managed to remember before the day was half over this year, which is good for her.
Some people are wired to think about another person's feelings and needs before there own, some learn it over time. Some never get it at all. Unfortunately, many men fall in to that last category.
Talk to him about it. Do it with as little emotion and reproach as you can manage, but don't expect he'll change. He will, or he won't. Not your choice.
From there, you can only decide how who he is affects who you are together.0 -
Unfortunately, some men just don't think about little things like that. My step father never did little thoughtful things for my mom and didn't buy her gifts. He did find flowers in the garbage one day and brought those home to my mom! lol But he was a very, very loving and caring man. He would have done anything for my mom, me, and my child, but he just didn't think of little things and wasn't inclined to buy things he didn't need (ie gifts); his mind just didn't work like that.
IMO, you should communicate as best you can with him (and you probably already did) and then choose to accept him unconditionally, or not accept him and let him go.
I don't like that ! I always do little things so I want to be with someone who is like that to....
I agree with the first quote above. He will not change, so do yourself a favour and either accept it and move on or break up and move on!0 -
It's because he is a GUY, they are supposed to be inconsiderate and rude, hello!My birthday is approaching and I am worried because my guy forgot my birthday the first year we were together and since then I have reminded him but this year I decided to not say anything to see if he remembers on his own and it is stressing me out.... Plus I am starting to notice little things like while we are having dinner, if I finish first I pick up his plate and take it to the sink with mine but if he finishes first he just takes his . I always do little things for him like serving him coffee, making his lunches, doing his laundry... Little things to show I care but I don't feel like I am getting much back and YES I have talked to him several times...... Maybe I am being petty or I am just PMS'ing who knows ... point is it is really on my mind and had to talk about it.....0 -
Just break up.
HAHAHA! Yessssssssssss!0 -
Just break up.
When people post a question like that in this forum, that's often what they want to hear. Or at least get a strong response to which they can react. If she's been with this guy for four years and he has a lot of annoying, selfish habits that haven't changed despite discussions AND he doesn't remember her birthday (NO excuse today with electronic reminders), then maybe it is time for her to think of saying good-bye.
yes you could be right....0 -
It's because he is a GUY, they are supposed to be inconsiderate and rude, hello!My birthday is approaching and I am worried because my guy forgot my birthday the first year we were together and since then I have reminded him but this year I decided to not say anything to see if he remembers on his own and it is stressing me out.... Plus I am starting to notice little things like while we are having dinner, if I finish first I pick up his plate and take it to the sink with mine but if he finishes first he just takes his . I always do little things for him like serving him coffee, making his lunches, doing his laundry... Little things to show I care but I don't feel like I am getting much back and YES I have talked to him several times...... Maybe I am being petty or I am just PMS'ing who knows ... point is it is really on my mind and had to talk about it.....
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No I don't agree with that! maybe young men but I always go for men a little older like in their late 30's or early to mid 40's and the ones I have dated have been very considerate.. Not sure what is going on with Derrick.0 -
You make choices either live with it and accept that he is selfish or you move on. He wont change.
I'm waiting to see what happens on my B-Day also0 -
Check out a book called Five Love Languages. People communicate love (or lack there of) in different 2 ways. I found the book quite helpful in articulating the things that really showed love TO me to my hubby. Once he knew my top 2 ways, he was off to the races trying to show me how much he loved me. And, he had some "tools" to work with. And, when he read it and locked into his love language (not shocking) it helped me understand and show love to him in ways that mean a LOT to him, but not as much to me. Google it. It's pretty cool.0
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Have you ever read the book "The Five Love Languages"? You may be loving him in your love language (Acts of Service from what I guess) and that is obviously not his love language. He may love you in his love language (Gifts...doesn't sound like it, Physical touch, words of Affirmation, Quality time). You may both be loving each other but speaking a different language! Try taking the assessment (google the book and there's a free site and quiz) to help you figure out how you can show him you love him in his love language and he can find out what yours is. After that, if he makes NO effort at all to change, then it may be time for some counseling if you truly want to work it thru or it may be time to be done...0
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Just break up.
HAHAHAHA .. Im in pain from laughing at that so much .. lol0 -
Honestly.... my husband and I both struggle to remember our wedding anniversary... me more than him! And this coming from the girl who remembers things from preschool ffs! Sometimes certain things just don't click and it isn't because they're unimportant it just is. We laughed about it this year when he said to me.. you realize our wedding anniversary was last week? Years ago and in other situations this would have been a deal breaker but honestly it just doesn't seem that important. I know he loves me and he knows I love him and that's all that really matters. Hope you find a resolution
Talk to him and see where it goes from there. xoxxox gl 0 -
You make choices either live with it and accept that he is selfish or you move on. He wont change.
I'm waiting to see what happens on my B-Day also
Ya I know.... I am just pmsing and job searching and we just moved... All these little things are making me realize the things not going well in the relationship.. I dont know just depressed0 -
LOL sevsmom! Great minds think alike! 0
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Try paying attention to the things he does do for you, rather than listing everything he doesn't do.0
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well-you said it yourself-you want to be with someone like you, he's not, so there's your answer.0
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I totally hear what you're saying, but he may not mean anything by it. My hubby has to have my birthday written down on the calender because he can't remember, but he's like that with everyone in his life (brother, parents, his kids, everyone). It's not because he doesn't love anyone, he just sucks at remembering dates. :ohwell:
It can get really frusterating when your man isn't returning the little favors, but he may not mean anything by it, or he may be doing other things that you don't see, but he sees them as small gestures. My hubby washes my car for me, and always mows and takes the garbage out, which is not even in the same realm as the stuff I do for him (do his laundry, make dinner, do the dishes, take his dishes, etc). I have been in your shoes with my husband, and he genuinely didn't realize that he was making me feel that way. It got much better.
And if you're really unhappy after talking to him, or he just flat out doesn't care how you feel, maybe it is time to move on. Either way, I hope you have a good birthday OP.0
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