getting old :-(
Replies
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I'd break up with him.
My fiance and I have been together for over 5 years and he still does little things to show me he loves me and we are still very much in love.
I get the PMS thing because when I'm on mine, he annoys me but for dumb little PMS things LOL...0 -
Your relationship is entering "Phase 3 (reality)." This is the phase where you make it or break it. To make it to "Phase 4 (perfectly content)," you have to see if you two truly are compatible. You need to work on your communication because without this, you won't make it to "Phase 4." You have to sit down and lay it all out and find out how each other feels and what each other wants and needs without approaching it in a way that makes either one of you defensive or uncomfortable. Does your relationship have what it takes to last? Only time will tell. And no, love is not enough to keep you two together. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just want to offer you some truth. I hope everything works out for the best! And don't forget that guys just don't remember anniversary dates and crap like that, so expecting him to recall your anniversary is setting yourself up to be hurt. Try thinking more like a man and that will help. It's hard sometimes, but it works.0
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Read the 5 love languages and have him read it too! ( five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch) You may just be speaking the wrong language to each other. Good Luck!0
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my husband thought my birthday was a day ahead of when it actually is, which made me laugh. I would gently remind him.
As far as the little things, it definitely makes a difference. This past week,we had family coming over and i freaked out, because the house wasn't where i wanted it so when he called me on his way home from work (he calls me everyday after work just because) i was freaking, and he ended up coming home and helping me with the house (normally he says "angie you do it"). Its little things that makes us happy. And if we both have had a bad day, our son does something to make us laugh.
We have been together for four years, but will have been married for a year here in 10 days.0 -
Welcome to womanhood. Get used to it. Wait til you have kids!0
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like while we are having dinner, if I finish first I pick up his plate and take it to the sink with mine but if he finishes first he just takes his
so if you are done eating you take his food?
YES I take his food away!!! Of course not we sometimes sit at the table a few minutes after we are finished0 -
I don't like that ! I always do little things so I want to be with someone who is like that to....
Looks like you answered your own question. If you talked about it and he hasn't changed then move on.0 -
Welcome to womanhood. Get used to it. Wait til you have kids!
we do have kids but not together!!!!0 -
How many years have you been together that you are just NOW noticing this "little stuff". Seems like you are looking for a reason to dump him.0
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My birthday is approaching and I am worried because my guy forgot my birthday the first year we were together and since then I have reminded him but this year I decided to not say anything to see if he remembers on his own and it is stressing me out.... Plus I am starting to notice little things like while we are having dinner, if I finish first I pick up his plate and take it to the sink with mine but if he finishes first he just takes his . I always do little things for him like serving him coffee, making his lunches, doing his laundry... Little things to show I care but I don't feel like I am getting much back and YES I have talked to him several times...... Maybe I am being petty or I am just PMS'ing who knows ... point is it is really on my mind and had to talk about it.....
I expect that stuff from my woman. She knows me well, and knows that it's not disresepct. She also knows that I forget dates and peoples names, and she helps me remember things like that.
My favorite woman moment in a movie is at the end of Mystic River, when Annabeth, Sean Penn's wife, is explaining how her man did what he needed to do to protect his family. So sexy and right on.
It doesn't have to be all one-sided. In a relationship, I do other things. It's a trade-off. We have roles. It doesn't have to be that way, it just is with me. That's all.0 -
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How many years have you been together that you are just NOW noticing this "little stuff". Seems like you are looking for a reason to dump him.
um no hun I have been noticing .. Like I said I remind him every year for my birthday but I am hoping he remembers this year.0 -
Plus I am starting to notice little things like while we are having dinner, if I finish first I pick up his plate and take it to the sink with mine but if he finishes first he just takes his . I always do little things for him like serving him coffee, making his lunches, doing his laundry... Little things to show I care but I don't feel like I am getting much back and YES I have talked to him several times......
This is what I was referring to. Sorry if that wasn't clear.0 -
How many years have you been together that you are just NOW noticing this "little stuff". Seems like you are looking for a reason to dump him.
um no hun I have been noticing .. Like I said I remind him every year for my birthday but I am hoping he remembers this year.
He forgets your birthday EVERY YEAR?
That's just plain disrespectful0 -
Just break up.
LMAO!!0 -
Why would you want to give him a taste of his own medicine? How would that help the situation???? Would it make you feel better? Maybe for a second, but in the long run it doesn't help the issue.
Fully agreed. Two wrongs don't make a right .. You'll cause more harm than good.0 -
Not everyone shows love in the same way. If you can't think of anything he does for you at all, then maybe it's time to reevaluate the relationship, but my bet is he does little things you don't, as well.0
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List some of the things that he does that you love and appreciate.
That might show how important or unimportant these "little" things are0 -
A girl likes to be pampered once and a while by her guy even if it's little things. That's not right when he forgets your birthday every year. Does he thank you for the things you do for him? He could at least take your plate to the kitchen when he's done eating first.
My husband remembers my birthday and our anniversary. His birthday is 2 months before my mom's so it's easy to remember. He helps me around the apartment and cooks dinner while I clean up the kitchen afterwards. Marriage/relationships is a team where 2 people work together to make eachother happy.0 -
Just break up.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
The plate thing is easy to fix. The next time he gets up before you, say here's mine. Repeat if necessary.
As far as remembering b-days etc. I don't buy into "men" not remembering dates. It's if they choose to or not. Does he remember his mother's bday? Does he remember if he has an appt, meeting, when bills are due, etc? I have to write the many family member's b-days on the calender each year or I wouldn't remember them either. Just as I do dentist appts, etc.
I would set your standards now if you aren't happy with the way things are going now. He can't read your mind. You will end up resenting him for his actions. If he just thinks about himself now he isn't going to think about you on his own. The little things you do for him because you care for him now will end up being only your duties/chores without his help.
As my grandma would say, nip it in the bud.0 -
A little harsh, but made me laugh
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Whoops I did that wrong. I was commenting to,
'It's because he is a GUY, they are supposed to be inconsiderate and rude, hello!'0 -
leave him0
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Not all men are like that, but it does seem to be how he is if it has been 4 years and this problem STILL is not resolved.
I think a lot of women make excuses for men by saying, "Well they just can't think like that..." Well, even when I was only 15 my first boyfriend didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day. ALL of our mutual male friends (without me saying a word or acting depressed) yelled at him for it to the point that he left to get me a gift. And our friends were almost all "bad boys" so I mean really.
My second boyfriend had hardly any experience with girls and still figured this stuff out on his own.
My last boyfriend had been through too many (failed) relationships to keep track of, and the reason was...he sucked. I gave him 6 months, and the last week I saw him he was still mean and selfish. Now I'm just a part of his very-long list of failed-relationships.
Why? Because I (and apparently all of the other women) knew that there are a lot nicer and more thoughtful men out there.
You're still young, but it seems that if you stay in a relationship that still has the same complaints (that could EASILY be fixed) from when the relationship just began 4 years ago, eventually you WILL be old and either learned to accept that he will never be what you want...or...still feel unappreciated AND actually getting old.
Good luck and keep in mind that 4 years might seem like a lot of time, but instead of thinking, "Well it HAS been 4 years, that's a long time I invested to go to waste," think, "4 years and he STILL didn't care enough about me to at least try and reciprocate or make me feel I wasn't the only one giving."
PS: I've come to notice that men who "weren't able" to remember their partner's birthdays etc WILL suddenly "become able" when they meet a woman who takes their breath away. Let's be honest, if most men had Megan Fox or Adriana Lima (or which ever super-gorgeous girl the man likes most) become their girlfriends, do you REALLY think they would forget HER birthday? I think not, and if they did, you'd be sure they would remember after 4 years together if he still felt the same way about her.
I think there are a lot of people who stay in relationships with people just because they feel comfortable and enjoy being in relationships -- not because they are truly crazy about the other person or even in love. The men in my life (friends, family, boyfriends) who have made me feel appreciated and not like, "I hope he remembers we are supposed to meet today" have ALWAYS been those who I knew actually cared about me. My first boyfriend ended up secretly being in love with his ex. My last boyfriend ended up being a narcissist. As far as relationships go, only one guy I was with truly loved me. The other two did NOT love me. While some men really can love a woman and not do little things such as cleaning the dishes or remembering holidays, I personally think that most ARE able to. It is simply that, for most of us non-models, we are not as desirable to most men (no matter how nice our personalities are) as the really pretty girls. Therefore, it is more difficult to find a man who truly loves us and will treat us like he would if he were dating "the physically ideal girl of his dreams."
Yes I do agree!!! One day we were sitting there and he showed me his ideal body type on a woman and it was me when I was 16,17,18,19,20 etc... Not now... I would have to lose 120 pounds to be there again. I am tall and curvy and am more Marilyn Monroe shaped even when I am down to 140 pounds or so.. I feel sexy there! I don't know why he is with me. Thinking of other things now like a few summers ago we went to the lake and he avoided me every second of it which really hurt and it was just him and i and our kids that went.. granted we were watching them but he stayed away. Probably because I am fat. Who knows...
Seriously???? You're beautiful and he should love you at any size. You shouldn't have to change because of a guy to be loved or accepted by him. If you did leave him there is someone better out there that will treat you like a princess and not like trash.0 -
Not all men are like that, but it does seem to be how he is if it has been 4 years and this problem STILL is not resolved.
I think a lot of women make excuses for men by saying, "Well they just can't think like that..." Well, even when I was only 15 my first boyfriend didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day. ALL of our mutual male friends (without me saying a word or acting depressed) yelled at him for it to the point that he left to get me a gift. And our friends were almost all "bad boys" so I mean really.
My second boyfriend had hardly any experience with girls and still figured this stuff out on his own.
My last boyfriend had been through too many (failed) relationships to keep track of, and the reason was...he sucked. I gave him 6 months, and the last week I saw him he was still mean and selfish. Now I'm just a part of his very-long list of failed-relationships.
Why? Because I (and apparently all of the other women) knew that there are a lot nicer and more thoughtful men out there.
You're still young, but it seems that if you stay in a relationship that still has the same complaints (that could EASILY be fixed) from when the relationship just began 4 years ago, eventually you WILL be old and either learned to accept that he will never be what you want...or...still feel unappreciated AND actually getting old.
Good luck and keep in mind that 4 years might seem like a lot of time, but instead of thinking, "Well it HAS been 4 years, that's a long time I invested to go to waste," think, "4 years and he STILL didn't care enough about me to at least try and reciprocate or make me feel I wasn't the only one giving."
PS: I've come to notice that men who "weren't able" to remember their partner's birthdays etc WILL suddenly "become able" when they meet a woman who takes their breath away. Let's be honest, if most men had Megan Fox or Adriana Lima (or which ever super-gorgeous girl the man likes most) become their girlfriends, do you REALLY think they would forget HER birthday? I think not, and if they did, you'd be sure they would remember after 4 years together if he still felt the same way about her.
I think there are a lot of people who stay in relationships with people just because they feel comfortable and enjoy being in relationships -- not because they are truly crazy about the other person or even in love. The men in my life (friends, family, boyfriends) who have made me feel appreciated and not like, "I hope he remembers we are supposed to meet today" have ALWAYS been those who I knew actually cared about me. My first boyfriend ended up secretly being in love with his ex. My last boyfriend ended up being a narcissist. As far as relationships go, only one guy I was with truly loved me. The other two did NOT love me. While some men really can love a woman and not do little things such as cleaning the dishes or remembering holidays, I personally think that most ARE able to. It is simply that, for most of us non-models, we are not as desirable to most men (no matter how nice our personalities are) as the really pretty girls. Therefore, it is more difficult to find a man who truly loves us and will treat us like he would if he were dating "the physically ideal girl of his dreams."
^^^ I agree with everything you said!!!!! 0
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