getting old :-(

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  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    You make choices either live with it and accept that he is selfish or you move on. He wont change.

    I'm waiting to see what happens on my B-Day also
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Check out a book called Five Love Languages. People communicate love (or lack there of) in different 2 ways. I found the book quite helpful in articulating the things that really showed love TO me to my hubby. Once he knew my top 2 ways, he was off to the races trying to show me how much he loved me. And, he had some "tools" to work with. And, when he read it and locked into his love language (not shocking) it helped me understand and show love to him in ways that mean a LOT to him, but not as much to me. Google it. It's pretty cool.
  • mommyjos
    mommyjos Posts: 98 Member
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    Have you ever read the book "The Five Love Languages"? You may be loving him in your love language (Acts of Service from what I guess) and that is obviously not his love language. He may love you in his love language (Gifts...doesn't sound like it, Physical touch, words of Affirmation, Quality time). You may both be loving each other but speaking a different language! Try taking the assessment (google the book and there's a free site and quiz) to help you figure out how you can show him you love him in his love language and he can find out what yours is. After that, if he makes NO effort at all to change, then it may be time for some counseling if you truly want to work it thru or it may be time to be done...
  • deepfuture
    deepfuture Posts: 35 Member
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    Just break up.

    e31.jpg

    HAHAHAHA .. Im in pain from laughing at that so much .. lol
  • xLexa
    xLexa Posts: 482 Member
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    Honestly.... my husband and I both struggle to remember our wedding anniversary... me more than him! And this coming from the girl who remembers things from preschool ffs! Sometimes certain things just don't click and it isn't because they're unimportant it just is. We laughed about it this year when he said to me.. you realize our wedding anniversary was last week? Years ago and in other situations this would have been a deal breaker but honestly it just doesn't seem that important. I know he loves me and he knows I love him and that's all that really matters. Hope you find a resolution :) Talk to him and see where it goes from there. xoxxox gl
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    You make choices either live with it and accept that he is selfish or you move on. He wont change.

    I'm waiting to see what happens on my B-Day also








    Ya I know.... I am just pmsing and job searching and we just moved... All these little things are making me realize the things not going well in the relationship.. I dont know just depressed
  • mommyjos
    mommyjos Posts: 98 Member
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    LOL sevsmom! Great minds think alike! :)
  • Ruthe8
    Ruthe8 Posts: 423 Member
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    Try paying attention to the things he does do for you, rather than listing everything he doesn't do.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
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    well-you said it yourself-you want to be with someone like you, he's not, so there's your answer.
  • Rogiefreida
    Rogiefreida Posts: 567 Member
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    I totally hear what you're saying, but he may not mean anything by it. My hubby has to have my birthday written down on the calender because he can't remember, but he's like that with everyone in his life (brother, parents, his kids, everyone). It's not because he doesn't love anyone, he just sucks at remembering dates. :ohwell:

    It can get really frusterating when your man isn't returning the little favors, but he may not mean anything by it, or he may be doing other things that you don't see, but he sees them as small gestures. My hubby washes my car for me, and always mows and takes the garbage out, which is not even in the same realm as the stuff I do for him (do his laundry, make dinner, do the dishes, take his dishes, etc). I have been in your shoes with my husband, and he genuinely didn't realize that he was making me feel that way. It got much better.

    And if you're really unhappy after talking to him, or he just flat out doesn't care how you feel, maybe it is time to move on. Either way, I hope you have a good birthday OP.
  • vbrent07
    vbrent07 Posts: 115
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    If a guy loves you he would remember your birthday, especially after being together for over a year! I think you should not say anything and see if he remembers. If he doesn't it's pretty inconsiderate and I would just move on! As far as helping out some guys are just lazy and don't do that! I don't know if it's because their mommy always did it for them and never taught them how to clean up after themselves or what! If I don't clear my husband's plate he will leave it on the table regardless how many times I ask him not too and dishes would sit in the sink forever if I didn't do it! I would just take a break and stop doing some of those things you do for him and see if he will do it himself for a change!
  • Molly_Maguire
    Molly_Maguire Posts: 1,103 Member
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    If she's been with this guy for four years and he has a lot of annoying, selfish habits that haven't changed despite discussions AND he doesn't remember her birthday (NO excuse today with electronic reminders), then maybe it is time for her to think of saying good-bye.

    If these are things that you cannot learn to deal with for the rest of your lives together, then yes, it is time to reevaluate the relationship. I agree, it IS the little things that make a good relationship work. And if your communicating your feelings to him is doing nothing, then you have a problem on your hands.

    Go to counseling, work through this, or break up with him, but for God's sake, do it NOW before you're even MORE emotionally invested. What I'm confused about is why you let a relationship that is consistently disappointing in the "little things" department drag on for FOR YEARS...
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    If she's been with this guy for four years and he has a lot of annoying, selfish habits that haven't changed despite discussions AND he doesn't remember her birthday (NO excuse today with electronic reminders), then maybe it is time for her to think of saying good-bye.

    If these are things that you cannot learn to deal with for the rest of your lives together, then yes, it is time to reevaluate the relationship. I agree, it IS the little things that make a good relationship work. And if your communicating your feelings to him is doing nothing, then you have a problem on your hands.

    Go to counseling, work through this, or break up with him, but for God's sake, do it NOW before you're even MORE emotionally invested. What I'm confused about is why you let a relationship that is consistently disappointing in the "little things" department drag on for FOR YEARS...







    He was wonderful in the beginning and I try to not just give up but it has been 4 years and I am not getting any younger.....
  • Nath07
    Nath07 Posts: 38 Member
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    Just tell him that you will let him **** you in the *kitten* on your birthday and only on your birthday. He will never forget again!!!

    For the win...^^^^^
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    Honestly.... my husband and I both struggle to remember our wedding anniversary... me more than him! And this coming from the girl who remembers things from preschool ffs! Sometimes certain things just don't click and it isn't because they're unimportant it just is. We laughed about it this year when he said to me.. you realize our wedding anniversary was last week? Years ago and in other situations this would have been a deal breaker but honestly it just doesn't seem that important. I know he loves me and he knows I love him and that's all that really matters. Hope you find a resolution :) Talk to him and see where it goes from there. xoxxox gl

    Sure, people are busy and it is possible to forget an event. But that's why you set reminders on sites like Amazon.com or Google Calendar to alert you. If you can't even be bothered to do that and you know the other person will be hurt you have to look at yourself.
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    Just tell him that you will let him **** you in the *kitten* on your birthday and only on your birthday. He will never forget again!!!

    For the win...^^^^^





    actually wont work. he is not into that
  • tajmel
    tajmel Posts: 401 Member
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    Have you ever read the book "The Five Love Languages"? You may be loving him in your love language (Acts of Service from what I guess) and that is obviously not his love language. He may love you in his love language (Gifts...doesn't sound like it, Physical touch, words of Affirmation, Quality time). You may both be loving each other but speaking a different language! Try taking the assessment (google the book and there's a free site and quiz) to help you figure out how you can show him you love him in his love language and he can find out what yours is. After that, if he makes NO effort at all to change, then it may be time for some counseling if you truly want to work it thru or it may be time to be done...

    I was about to say this. Literally, just about to say this. 5 Love Languages. It should be required reading.
  • SarahofTwins
    SarahofTwins Posts: 1,169 Member
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    Give him a taste of his own medicine. If he cared enough he would make it a point to remember your birthday and anything that is special to you.
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    Give him a taste of his own medicine. If he cared enough he would make it a point to remember your birthday and anything that is special to you.






    Ya I suppose I could.. we just got back into town though and are staying with his parents since last week and probably for a few more days or another week so if I did not do things for him his mom would not like it haha
  • crazylikefox
    crazylikefox Posts: 100
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    It remembers the birthday or it gets the hose again.

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