Single at 33..why?

dellrio

The "10 year" thing I said came from the ideologue perspective. What I said makes sense in an ideal world. I certainly feel that it is more emotionally draining to be looking for and going on first dates when you are in your late 20s, as opposed to early to mid 20s. There's a lot of nonsense that goes in the early stages of dating, and you have to weed through a lot of stuff that would make a rational, reasonable person shake their head in disbelief. The younger you are, the more patience I feel is present in dealing with the nonsense. And it hurts to think that you were doing the same stuff as you were 10 years prior, no matter what your relationship history has been to that point. One would think that they should be beyond that phase in their late 20s. But going on first dates in your late 20s is a less worse fate than being in a lousy relationship. That's the pragmatic approach.

There's always a difference between the ideal and the practical.

I do not know what is the driving force behind you ideals - religion, your family, you grew up in a small town and are still stuck in the 1950's, or whatever - but honestly you need to realize that what you think is ideal is not necessarily ideal or right for anyone else.

I feel so much less stressed or emotionally drained now than I ever did when younger. At this age its so much easier to just be yourself and worry less about what other people think of you. A lot of the young dating BS you are referring to is tied to young dating. As people grow up and mature, they do not have to deal with most of that stuff. Are you married - did you marry before age 26? If that is the case, then I do not know how you have any credibility on this subject - you are arguing against people who have lived through this "unnatural and depressing" (really quite awesome) life so far. Not everyone who is single stresses about being that way - in fact being in a relationship has caused me more stress in life than I ever had being single.

So again - stop applying your close minded "ideals" and "practicalities" to the lives of people you do not know. I do not think that marriage at this point in my life would be (or would have been) "ideal".

dellrio

Just stop effing acting like you know what it feels like to be a damn 30 something year old woman.

Haha - I think she pretty much wins the argument with that one.

sobriquet84

The "10 year" thing I said came from the ideologue perspective. What I said makes sense in an ideal world. I certainly feel that it is more emotionally draining to be looking for and going on first dates when you are in your late 20s, as opposed to early to mid 20s. There's a lot of nonsense that goes in the early stages of dating, and you have to weed through a lot of stuff that would make a rational, reasonable person shake their head in disbelief. The younger you are, the more patience I feel is present in dealing with the nonsense. And it hurts to think that you were doing the same stuff as you were 10 years prior, no matter what your relationship history has been to that point. One would think that they should be beyond that phase in their late 20s. But going on first dates in your late 20s is a less worse fate than being in a lousy relationship. That's the pragmatic approach.

There's always a difference between the ideal and the practical.

I do not know what is the driving force behind you ideals - religion, your family, you grew up in a small town and are still stuck in the 1950's, or whatever - but honestly you need to realize that what you think is ideal is not necessarily ideal or right for anyone else.

I feel so much less stressed or emotionally drained now than I ever did when younger. At this age its so much easier to just be yourself and worry less about what other people think of you. A lot of the young dating BS you are referring to is tied to young dating. As people grow up and mature, they do not have to deal with most of that stuff. Are you married - did you marry before age 26? If that is the case, then I do not know how you have any credibility on this subject - you are arguing against people who have lived through this "unnatural and depressing" (really quite awesome) life so far. Not everyone who is single stresses about being that way - in fact being in a relationship has caused me more stress in life than I ever had being single.

So again - stop applying your close minded "ideals" and "practicalities" to the lives of people you do not know. I do not think that marriage at this point in my life would be (or would have been) "ideal".

BOOM!

nicely done sir, nicely done.

Pinkigloopyxie

25, never dated, never did anything. Last time I told a boy I liked him I was six.

I'm not feminine. I don't like women's clothes, besides pants and funky socks. Sleeves on women's clothes are too short, length too short, collar too low, material too flimsy, etc. Feels immodest. I have a deeper voice as well and prefer my hair short. And I literally cannot wear women's shoes from most shops. My feet are too big.

Haha... I'm honestly not very good at making lasting friendships, let alone anything beyond that. I figure maybe some day I'll just do A.I. and have a kid and try and raise it to be a good person.

TheLongRunner

:flowerforyou: I can totally relate hun! I am single at 32 with no prospects on the horizon. I am looking forward to reading this thread and seeing what other have said as I can benefit from the info as well. Feel free to add me if you'd like!

fitforlife34

I'm 32 and I know exactly why I am single, unmarried, no kids. Asperger Syndrome and its effect on me.

I understand how you feel. I have bipolar, and it has hurt me in many aspects of my dating life. But.....I know tons of people with mental illness and they are doing well because they have husbands who love them. Including my best friend, she has struggled but her husband understands her illness and she's happy.

a_stone_girl_dances

I'm 30 and single. Still emotionally unavailable and working on being more open. Best of luck to others, we'll get there eventually.

ArroganceInStep

I got married this year, at 27. I'm FAR too young to be married, but I found the right girl and she was worth settling down for.

The idea that you have to be married in your 20s no matter what is the reason there are so many damn divorces nowadays. The pressure to marry is stupid, and the only viable justification for it in any stretch of the imagination is fertility.

yoovie

And it hurts to think that you were doing the same stuff as you were 10 years prior, no matter what your relationship history has been to that point.

Going on first dates in my twenties is absolutely nothing like going on first dates in my thirties. The amount of confidence I have, the extent that I know myself and what I want and dont want is all there. Its not the same as it was ten years ago because its been ten years. Ten years ago I was getting over calling off my wedding, THAT has affected my future dating decisions.

1. People start dating each other in high school. I'm talking about the normal high school relationships. That's the typical first exposure to dating. From 18-22, you're going on dates, seeing people. This is exposure to dating.

But not exposure to relationships. You need exposure to adult relationships in order to be able to take on marriage- not exposure to dating. Exposure to dating makes you good at dating, first dates, last dates, middle dates, breaking up, hooking up and sizing up. Thats not relationships, thats dating.

As said earlier, by your 26th birthday, most people have seen the dating scene for 10 years, and that's enough time to figure it out. Going through the early rounds of dating when you are 26 or older is a much less gratifying experience. Sure, you can meet someone great after that, but it gets more difficult as many of the best singles are coupled off by then. The market has noticeably thinned by late 20s.

an embarassing amount of horesht.

10 years of dating (especially if there was no relationship in there) just makse you a good dater. perhaps ten years of relationship experience would teach you what you need to know about living day in and day out with a person's ugly side and still loving them. Maybe that would teach you that having a partner allows you to reach heights that you couldnt reach alone, instead of just saying -oh we can make a family. Family is not the only inventory of a successful marriage. It should bring out the amazingness in your both and you should conquer the world together!!!!! How does 10 years of first dates make that possible??????? I want 10 years of 50th dates!!!!!!!!!!!!
Going through the early rounds of dating in my early twenties when I was insecure, and new to the world and didnt know what made me happy or what I was looking for was frustrating and ended in too many one night stands. I wouldnt go back to my early twenties if you gave immortality and Brad Pitt. Every year it gets easier, better, deeper and more satisfying. Im so much mroe aware of what is needed and wanted and should be avoided. namely, the kind of people that consistently turn out to have a negative effect on my well-being, and learning desperatly how to recognize qualities in a man that I know would lead to him and I making each other BETTER.
the best singles are coupled off by your thirties?? actually most of my friends in their 30s that are single are holy goddang amazing and divorced or separated or never married. My married 30 something friends? They are all newlyweds traveling the world because they waited until they were financially stable and had ten years of budgeting a household experience before they jumped the broom.
Its not thinner, just the impatient shallow ones are all missing.

Single life gets pretty ungratifying by the time your 26th birthday rolls around, and I think being in a stable relationship by then is a good idea. I do believe the best singles are off the market by then. They may not be married, but they are firmly ensconced in relationships by then.

False and false. The BEST singles? Are you addicted to daytime tv or something? The best singles??????????? the best singles are out there being preoccupied with something other than Does so and so love me enough to give me a ring. The BEST singles are out there learning about life, having fun adventures and expanding their knowledge and experience so taht one day when or if they do have a family, and their kids want to try something brave and scary and HUGE, they will do it cause they know their mom and dad grabbed life by the damn balls and they grew up benefiting from all that amazingness.

THE BEST SINGLES DONT DEFINE THEMSELVES BY WHETHER OR NOT A MAN OR WOMAN WANTS THEM BY A CERTAIN AGE.

At 33, if you are still single, you have to change the way you are doing things. Change surroundings and the type of person you're dating. Get in better shape. There are many things that any 33 year old single could do differently. I don't believe we are meant to be single after 25.

Im 33 and I dont have to change what Im doing. Im kicking so much *kitten*, Im so happy, Im so free and self-actualized and addicted to bettering my life every day and the man that gets to keep me forever is going to hit the jackpot. I dont believe we are (all) meant to be married before 30. to me, 26 is a great time to start kinda thinking seriously about maybe getting some stuff in order so that if you do happen upon someone you just cant live without, then nothing will be in your way.

Lower your standards: Male or female, if you are single after 27, this is a necessity. Maybe this isn't the best way to phrase it, but being less stringent is a good way of saying it. The best prospects are taken off the market early, even in this era of delayed marriage.

Im done with you.

MdmAcolyte

What do you call a bass player without a girlfriend?

Homeless...


(Seems like a gratuitous joke, but there is a lesson in there too.)

BBWWHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that's the funniest damn thing Ive read all day... LMAO!!

sobriquet84

I wouldnt go back to my early twenties if you gave immortality and Brad Pitt.

well, i wouldn't go THAT far.

i keed i keed.

you rock.

deniseearheart

I am 34 and have been in a series of bad relationships! They start out great and then turn into someone I don't know anymore...

yoovie

I wouldnt go back to my early twenties if you gave immortality and Brad Pitt.

well, i wouldn't go THAT far.

i keed i keed.

you rock.

.... unless it was fight club Brad and he got to be immortal too. Maybe. But he'd have to be in his thirties or no deal.

sandybeaches00

samesies, single at 28. sometimes I'm curious as to why, then I examine the facts: I work with all women, sell products to women. I do not drink or go out. At the gym I am there for a purpose. I have also received feedback that "I look high maintenance" stems back to what I do for a living. PLUS, it feels good to look good life is an adventure, and to be honest I'm not really worried about it. I'll meet him, when I meet him. I agree that I should make some sort of effort though. Where do you meet these people anyways???? hahaha

Going4Lean

I am 33 single and never been in a relationship :sad:

_granola

I yoovie.

NeshBeMe

I can totally relate. I'm 34, divorced for 6 yrs w/ 2 children. I don't have a problem 'meeting' guys, I have a problem w/ meeting guys that are seriously ready for a relationship / marriage. I have settled once and refuse to do it again, so when it start seeming like they aren't 'ready', I've learned to let go and keep it moving. I'm so ready to be married but want it to be w/ the 'right' one this time. So if that means I have to develop more patience, I will. Stay positive and prayerful. It'll happen.

rileamoyer

advice that is practical?

stop looking and enjoy your life

dont focus on age and numbers and types. It all means little to nothing.

Smart Woman

fatgirlslove

ugh story of my life lol. Being single sucks right now. I'm 23 but it doesn't make this any less true :sad: :laugh:

sl1ngsh0t

I was a single mom of a 13 year old. I just got married for the first time at age 36. Here's my advice:

1. Make a list of reasonable things you expect in a life partner and do NOT allow yourself to date folks who can't meet the criterion. This alone will help define what you're really looking for in a partner and identify & eliminate bad choices straightaway. Yes, I did this when I met my husband.

2. Get out and meet people. Hang out with your friends; usually they know people who are decent, otherwise, why would you be hanging out with them in the first place?