Dating and kids
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I am a single mom of 2 kids and I tend to date men with kids. We have something in common and they understand where I am coming from.
I just went though a divorce and my kids are number one to me. If someone does not understand that then they can look elsewhere for someone to date. Their dad has them every other weekend and that is when I choose to go out. A few weeks ago I had a friend that my boys and I have know for over a year start hanging out more and I really fell for him. I got attached to his kids and mine got attached to him. He decided he needed time to "work on himself" and my kids are devastated. I learned my lesson and now there will definitely be a time limit on how long I talk to someone before they are around my boys (friend or not).0 -
Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all?
Depends on why they have full custody and whether there is still active, encompassing drama with the ex-wife. Men don't usually get full custody; when they do, the wife is usually a total trainwreck. If the guy thrives on drama, I want no part of him. They all swear they don't like the drama--hate it, in fact--but they actually can't live without it. Not my cup of tea.
If they have full custody for reasons other than an unstable ex, then I don't mind.
Haha. What a load! You just pigeonholed every guy who has an ex with issues as being a tool or having a drama addiction because he took control of the kids! . .
Not what I actually said, but interesting reading of it.0 -
I'm a single mom (POS baby daddy) - so I can't judge. I feel a man who has full custody is a good man. He obviously wants what's best for his children, and having to deal with a dead beat dad, I would honestly find it very attractive that they aren't one. I can only hope there are some decent, single men out there that would want to date someone who has a child/full custody!!
Well put!! Could not have said it any better0 -
My boyfriend has two girls, and we don't plan on having kids ourselves. I love his like they are my own!0
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Probably like most, if there's no serious drama then why not. I have half custody and see my ex maybe 4 minutes a month with no issues. I feel sorry for those that have to experience a ton of crap after a breakup.
I guess you can over think anything. Everyone isn't the same. Go out, have fun and see where life takes you. This is not rocket science.0 -
YEP! I see nothing wrong with it. My boyfriend has a 16 year old daughter- never has been an issue. Now my ex had 4- always an issue.....games, his weekend to keep them, parties, etc- seems like everyone has kids but me!- WHICH IS FINE0
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At your age? God no. And please... don't look to play mom... for everyone's sake.
At my age, absolutely.0 -
Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all?
Depends on why they have full custody and whether there is still active, encompassing drama with the ex-wife. Men don't usually get full custody; when they do, the wife is usually a total trainwreck. If the guy thrives on drama, I want no part of him. They all swear they don't like the drama--hate it, in fact--but they actually can't live without it. Not my cup of tea.
If they have full custody for reasons other than an unstable ex, then I don't mind.
Haha. What a load! You just pigeonholed every guy who has an ex with issues as being a tool or having a drama addiction because he took control of the kids! . .
No she didn't. She just made it clear that she doesn't want to deal with a guy who has an ex that is a crazy psycho drama llama. I don't blame her.
Thanks, yes, that's part of it. The crazy ex tends to like to target the new GF.
If the guy is still spending a great deal of time dealing with an unstable ex, he is not ready for any kind of real relationship. He's simply not available. Doesn't make him a bad guy, just makes him a guy who is not capable of dating in the way I'd like.
But some of these guys are drama queens. When they go from the ex who had the drinking problem to the ex who had a mood disorder and wouldn't stay on her medication to the ex who stole all his money, etc., they're drama-lovers.
Some men just have a nasty divorce or one relationship with an unstable woman, yes. But some of them make it a pattern.0 -
Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all?
Depends on why they have full custody and whether there is still active, encompassing drama with the ex-wife. Men don't usually get full custody; when they do, the wife is usually a total trainwreck. If the guy thrives on drama, I want no part of him. They all swear they don't like the drama--hate it, in fact--but they actually can't live without it. Not my cup of tea.
If they have full custody for reasons other than an unstable ex, then I don't mind.
Haha. What a load! You just pigeonholed every guy who has an ex with issues as being a tool or having a drama addiction because he took control of the kids! . .
Not what I actually said, but interesting reading of it.
Maybe I oversimplified a bit. It was probably the line: "They all swear they don't like the drama--hate it, in fact--but they actually can't live without it. ". . But maybe by 'They all' you didn't mean all guys with damaged ex-wives, but all men who thrive on drama. . .0 -
I'm a single mom (POS baby daddy) - so I can't judge. I feel a man who has full custody is a good man. He obviously wants what's best for his children, and having to deal with a dead beat dad, I would honestly find it very attractive that they aren't one. I can only hope there are some decent, single men out there that would want to date someone who has a child/full custody!!
^^This^^ I'm a single mom as well, and my ex is a pretty lousy father. A man who has full custody was given it for a reason (any parent who receives full custody really). But ultimately it comes down to how they treat their kids and how comfortable you feel about it. I would date a guy with kids also, as long as he raised them well.. and I can only hope I'll find a guy who will accept me with a child and treat her with respect as well!0 -
You are only 22. Give it a decade of dating.. then consider. You may not be ready for all that, or want to take that on quite yet.
For me.. sure! Actually in some ways I'd love it.. I'd like kids, but don't necessarily want my own.0 -
Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all?
Depends on why they have full custody and whether there is still active, encompassing drama with the ex-wife. Men don't usually get full custody; when they do, the wife is usually a total trainwreck. If the guy thrives on drama, I want no part of him. They all swear they don't like the drama--hate it, in fact--but they actually can't live without it. Not my cup of tea.
If they have full custody for reasons other than an unstable ex, then I don't mind.
The man I am talking to does haha, his ex is in rehab for meth.
RUN!!
^^ At your age, I'm assuming he's close to your age or at least under 30. There will be drama for years to come along with savings draining lawyers and lawsuits. I have kids, while blessed to find a man who would date me with kids, I didn't have the drama til much later which included a 20K custody battle.0 -
For me,no.Because I don't want to have kids,and when I do date somebody one day,I hope that he'll not want to have kids either.0
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I am a single mom of 2, any man that has full custody of their kids is a GOOD dad. (eta: in the sense he has the kids, I guess this doesn't make him a good dad becuase you don't know what he does with them, treats them, etc.)
When I met my current boyfriend, it was enduring that he spent alot of time with his kids and their activities.
He carries that over onto my kids - my kids don't need a dad, they have a good one, but the fact he cares about them is super important.
If he isn't a dead beat dad, dating someone with kids is ok in my opinion. I mean you won't be his top priority but that is good, means he is a good father. But if you don't think you can handle a guy having kids that is a decision you need to make.
Oh and another poster mentioned drama with the ex - that would also play a role. Not everyone has drama. I don't with my ex and neither does my boyfriend. We have been around eachother's ex's and its all good.0 -
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!0
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I wouldn't date a guy who didn't have at least partial custody of his kids or had kids who didn't live with him at least part, if not all the time. And I especially won't date a guy who says "My ex is a ***** who won't let me see my kid." That's a BS excuse, and you're not doing your part to try and see your kid, and if she's legitimately trying to keep your child away from you, it's probably for a good reason.
I agree with this!!!
I didn't mind it. When I first met my fiance he had 2 boys from a previous relationship. Though I was not a fan of the ex girlfriend part.... two years later we are 2 1/2 weeks away from being married and I wouldn't change anything. The ex girlfriend, her new boyfriend, my fiance and i get a long really well. and I love those boys as if they were my own.0 -
**I also know a guy who has full custody of 2 kids, one who is not biologically his. In PENNSYLVANIA. It's extraordinarily hard for a guy to get custody here. Even if she's a crack wh0re.
She is pure psychotic, into drugs and a complete *kitten*. There is no way I would date this dude even though he is awesome. I wouldn't want to bring that kind of drama into my life! My ex is a complete @ss, but he wasn't at the beginning. and even now, he doesn't compare to some meth head.0 -
I have/would. I love kids. I mean I'm young to think about kids, but like others have said, it shows a lot about their character and values if they stay involved in their child's life.0
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I think it depends on the person. I'm single with no kids, but I come from a blended family times two. The way I had it growing up was difficult with drama, money being divided every which way (which can and does cause problems on its own), and being treated differently as a stepkid versus being a biological kid.
I learned from watching my mother struggle having her own kid and marrying someone who already had kids. Now if I was to meet a man who has a child or more than one then it would definitely depend on what's going on.0 -
I wouldn't but that's because I don't like kids. I don't want kids of my own, so I sure don't want to have to deal with someone elses.0
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As a father with essentially full custody of one (he hasn't been to his mom's in months) and every weekend with a second, dating is tough. I seriously doubt it would work with a woman who did not have kids of her own and at my age there is the added challenge that most woman of the same age only have adult kids around and are past the stage of parenting younger attention requiring and ride dependent children.
With work, weekends with a houseful of kids (mine tend to bring over friends regularly), and three to four nights on a bike, dating has been a challenge and not very successful in my case. However, there must be some out there on the female side of the equation who can understand and are in a similar situation. If the scheduling is similar along with a personality to match I don't see why it wouldn't work.0 -
I couldn't imagine waiting until my kids are grown to date, I think it can be done appropriately taking everyone into consideration.
There should be some hestitation when introducing eachother, I agree, but relationships can end years after so you need to take it all in stride - do what you feel comfortable with.
It obvisously gets easier when you have all met becuase you can do activities together. But you need to appreciate the time they need with them, and they the same.0 -
Why does everyone assume if you date someone with kids, the other person is looking for the partner to "fill the role" as a second parent?
I am recently divorced, and have spilt custody of my children. I am dating someone who thinks my kids are great, and they love him too, but I am not interested in having him be their "second" Dad right now. Your kids get focus and attention, but when you have time to be a couple and do your date nights or be with that other person, you focus on them and each other... just like any normal relationship.
Dating or seeing someone with kids does not mean you are automatically locked into being an "insta-parent" overnight. That's a high expectation to have of anyone.0 -
Why does everyone assume if you date someone with kids, the other person is looking for the partner to "fill the role" as a second parent?
I am recently divorced, and have spilt custody of my children. I am dating someone who thinks my kids are great, and they love him too, but I am not interested in having him be their "second" Dad right now. Your kids get focus and attention, but when you have time to be a couple and do your date nights or be with that other person, you focus on them and each other... just like any normal relationship.
Dating or seeing someone with kids does not mean you are automatically locked into being an "insta-parent" overnight. That's a high expectation to have of anyone.
THIS X100000 -
I dated a guy with a kid once...huuuuuuge mistake. Lots of "baby mama drama"...and what's sad is, he was a friend first, so I knew full well the baby mama drama I'd be getting into, but I figured ehhh, I can handle it, no biggie. It was definitely a biggie. Surprisingly, though, the drama wasn't from the baby mama--it was all from him. He was a horrible, horrible father, and made his ex out to be this psycho drama queen, when in fact, she seemed like a very nice, respectable person who again, seemed like a very good mother (didn't talk to her much, but the few times we did, she was very civil and nice...unlike how he made her out to be). Of course, that is just my own personal experience. I know others who have dated people with children, and it worked out fine. I am getting married after I graduate, so I hope I have to never go through the whole "dating game" again, but if I did, I definitely would probably NOT go for a guy with kids. I do not want kids of my own, and I don't want to jump into a relationship where kids are, either. Personal preference. Also, a lot of hurt is involved if you break-up, if you have gotten attached to the child. I never got so attached to the point I felt like a step-mother to my ex's kid, but I missed that little guy for a very long time.0
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My wife was a single mom of one. Her daughter is our oldest and I've always thought of her as mine. Lover her just the same as our two together. She's a major daddy's girl...always makes me chuckle. 0
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Met my wife who had four children. Married her, and then adopted the kids. Didn't want a family with two last names. The kids accepted me as thier dad. The term "step-father" does not exist in their vocabulary. Their choice. I consider them my children as opposed to "her" children. It was a package deal, all or nothing as far as I was concerned. That was 36 years ago. Now I'm a grandfather of 9.0
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Absolutely not.0
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Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all?
This is not eharmony.0 -
I know I would, kids are great. I'm a single dad of two of my own..raised them since birth. 13 and 15 now0
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