Dating and kids

Options
13567

Replies

  • Danielle_2013
    Danielle_2013 Posts: 806 Member
    Options
    You are only 22. Give it a decade of dating.. then consider. You may not be ready for all that, or want to take that on quite yet.
    For me.. sure! Actually in some ways I'd love it.. I'd like kids, but don't necessarily want my own.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Options
    Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all? :)

    Depends on why they have full custody and whether there is still active, encompassing drama with the ex-wife. Men don't usually get full custody; when they do, the wife is usually a total trainwreck. If the guy thrives on drama, I want no part of him. They all swear they don't like the drama--hate it, in fact--but they actually can't live without it. Not my cup of tea.

    If they have full custody for reasons other than an unstable ex, then I don't mind.

    The man I am talking to does haha, his ex is in rehab for meth.

    RUN!!

    ^^ At your age, I'm assuming he's close to your age or at least under 30. There will be drama for years to come along with savings draining lawyers and lawsuits. I have kids, while blessed to find a man who would date me with kids, I didn't have the drama til much later which included a 20K custody battle.
  • kittybear86
    kittybear86 Posts: 341 Member
    Options
    For me,no.Because I don't want to have kids,and when I do date somebody one day,I hope that he'll not want to have kids either.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    Options
    I am a single mom of 2, any man that has full custody of their kids is a GOOD dad. (eta: in the sense he has the kids, I guess this doesn't make him a good dad becuase you don't know what he does with them, treats them, etc.)
    When I met my current boyfriend, it was enduring that he spent alot of time with his kids and their activities.
    He carries that over onto my kids - my kids don't need a dad, they have a good one, but the fact he cares about them is super important.

    If he isn't a dead beat dad, dating someone with kids is ok in my opinion. I mean you won't be his top priority but that is good, means he is a good father. But if you don't think you can handle a guy having kids that is a decision you need to make.

    Oh and another poster mentioned drama with the ex - that would also play a role. Not everyone has drama. I don't with my ex and neither does my boyfriend. We have been around eachother's ex's and its all good.
  • Kamille2007
    Kamille2007 Posts: 34
    Options
    AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!
  • BrieLP
    BrieLP Posts: 300 Member
    Options

    I wouldn't date a guy who didn't have at least partial custody of his kids or had kids who didn't live with him at least part, if not all the time. And I especially won't date a guy who says "My ex is a ***** who won't let me see my kid." That's a BS excuse, and you're not doing your part to try and see your kid, and if she's legitimately trying to keep your child away from you, it's probably for a good reason.

    I agree with this!!!

    I didn't mind it. When I first met my fiance he had 2 boys from a previous relationship. Though I was not a fan of the ex girlfriend part.... two years later we are 2 1/2 weeks away from being married and I wouldn't change anything. The ex girlfriend, her new boyfriend, my fiance and i get a long really well. and I love those boys as if they were my own.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Options
    **I also know a guy who has full custody of 2 kids, one who is not biologically his. In PENNSYLVANIA. It's extraordinarily hard for a guy to get custody here. Even if she's a crack wh0re.

    She is pure psychotic, into drugs and a complete *kitten*. There is no way I would date this dude even though he is awesome. I wouldn't want to bring that kind of drama into my life! My ex is a complete @ss, but he wasn't at the beginning. and even now, he doesn't compare to some meth head.
  • dangitsjill
    dangitsjill Posts: 68 Member
    Options
    I have/would. I love kids. I mean I'm young to think about kids, but like others have said, it shows a lot about their character and values if they stay involved in their child's life.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
    Options
    I think it depends on the person. I'm single with no kids, but I come from a blended family times two. The way I had it growing up was difficult with drama, money being divided every which way (which can and does cause problems on its own), and being treated differently as a stepkid versus being a biological kid.

    I learned from watching my mother struggle having her own kid and marrying someone who already had kids. Now if I was to meet a man who has a child or more than one then it would definitely depend on what's going on.
  • xFamousLastWordsx
    xFamousLastWordsx Posts: 301 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't but that's because I don't like kids. I don't want kids of my own, so I sure don't want to have to deal with someone elses.
  • CentralCaliCycling
    CentralCaliCycling Posts: 453 Member
    Options
    As a father with essentially full custody of one (he hasn't been to his mom's in months) and every weekend with a second, dating is tough. I seriously doubt it would work with a woman who did not have kids of her own and at my age there is the added challenge that most woman of the same age only have adult kids around and are past the stage of parenting younger attention requiring and ride dependent children.

    With work, weekends with a houseful of kids (mine tend to bring over friends regularly), and three to four nights on a bike, dating has been a challenge and not very successful in my case. However, there must be some out there on the female side of the equation who can understand and are in a similar situation. If the scheduling is similar along with a personality to match I don't see why it wouldn't work.
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
    Options
    I couldn't imagine waiting until my kids are grown to date, I think it can be done appropriately taking everyone into consideration.
    There should be some hestitation when introducing eachother, I agree, but relationships can end years after so you need to take it all in stride - do what you feel comfortable with.

    It obvisously gets easier when you have all met becuase you can do activities together. But you need to appreciate the time they need with them, and they the same.
  • kantoka
    kantoka Posts: 19 Member
    Options
    Why does everyone assume if you date someone with kids, the other person is looking for the partner to "fill the role" as a second parent?

    I am recently divorced, and have spilt custody of my children. I am dating someone who thinks my kids are great, and they love him too, but I am not interested in having him be their "second" Dad right now. Your kids get focus and attention, but when you have time to be a couple and do your date nights or be with that other person, you focus on them and each other... just like any normal relationship.

    Dating or seeing someone with kids does not mean you are automatically locked into being an "insta-parent" overnight. That's a high expectation to have of anyone.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Options
    Why does everyone assume if you date someone with kids, the other person is looking for the partner to "fill the role" as a second parent?

    I am recently divorced, and have spilt custody of my children. I am dating someone who thinks my kids are great, and they love him too, but I am not interested in having him be their "second" Dad right now. Your kids get focus and attention, but when you have time to be a couple and do your date nights or be with that other person, you focus on them and each other... just like any normal relationship.

    Dating or seeing someone with kids does not mean you are automatically locked into being an "insta-parent" overnight. That's a high expectation to have of anyone.

    THIS X10000
  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
    Options
    I dated a guy with a kid once...huuuuuuge mistake. Lots of "baby mama drama"...and what's sad is, he was a friend first, so I knew full well the baby mama drama I'd be getting into, but I figured ehhh, I can handle it, no biggie. It was definitely a biggie. Surprisingly, though, the drama wasn't from the baby mama--it was all from him. He was a horrible, horrible father, and made his ex out to be this psycho drama queen, when in fact, she seemed like a very nice, respectable person who again, seemed like a very good mother (didn't talk to her much, but the few times we did, she was very civil and nice...unlike how he made her out to be). Of course, that is just my own personal experience. I know others who have dated people with children, and it worked out fine. I am getting married after I graduate, so I hope I have to never go through the whole "dating game" again, but if I did, I definitely would probably NOT go for a guy with kids. I do not want kids of my own, and I don't want to jump into a relationship where kids are, either. Personal preference. Also, a lot of hurt is involved if you break-up, if you have gotten attached to the child. I never got so attached to the point I felt like a step-mother to my ex's kid, but I missed that little guy for a very long time.
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    Options
    My wife was a single mom of one. Her daughter is our oldest and I've always thought of her as mine. Lover her just the same as our two together. She's a major daddy's girl...always makes me chuckle :).
  • whitehairedguy64
    whitehairedguy64 Posts: 105
    Options
    Met my wife who had four children. Married her, and then adopted the kids. Didn't want a family with two last names. The kids accepted me as thier dad. The term "step-father" does not exist in their vocabulary. Their choice. I consider them my children as opposed to "her" children. It was a package deal, all or nothing as far as I was concerned. That was 36 years ago. Now I'm a grandfather of 9.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
    Options
    Absolutely not.
  • Charles_Bernstein
    Charles_Bernstein Posts: 2
    Options
    Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all? :)

    This is not eharmony.
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
    Options
    I know I would, kids are great. I'm a single dad of two of my own..raised them since birth. 13 and 15 now

Categories