Dating and kids

135

Replies

  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
    Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all? :)

    This is not eharmony.


    :laugh: This too.
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
    Met my wife who had four children. Married her, and then adopted the kids. Didn't want a family with two last names. The kids accepted me as thier dad. The term "step-father" does not exist in their vocabulary. Their choice. I consider them my children as opposed to "her" children. It was a package deal, all or nothing as far as I was concerned. That was 36 years ago. Now I'm a grandfather of 9.


    Totally agreed. I can't adopt Selena as her bio dad is in the picture and won't allow it to be changed, but she's got my wife's maiden name not his. Not that it matters. She's my daughter and a last name or a piece of paper doesn't change that.
  • mariselaalves
    mariselaalves Posts: 42 Member
    Seeing as how I have kids.. Yes.
    I am blessed to have met someone who treats my kids like they are his own.


    I'm with her on that I have 5 kids and met a wonderful man 6yrs ago and we are very happy. Of course we have our ups and downs but who doesn't in a relationship. Been married 5 yrs now. =)
  • Mandykinz2008
    Mandykinz2008 Posts: 292 Member
    I love children and can totally respect someone with full custody of theirs. However, as a 26 year old with no children I probably would not date someone who had children. There could be an exception (I'm with my forever and he has no children), but I want to be able to share that first time having a child with my husband..so I'd have to say no.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all? :)

    This is not eharmony.

    You're new here. . aren't you?
  • laurasimmons
    laurasimmons Posts: 575 Member
    Absolutely!
  • guardian419
    guardian419 Posts: 391 Member
    As a 24 year old with a 10 year old stepson, I think my answer is pretty obvious :)

    I understand people who don't want to date others because they have kids... it's an awkward situation. However, it's also a great way to be something for a child who otherwise would not have what you offer. I love being a father, and stepfather :D
  • jtslim42
    jtslim42 Posts: 240
    Personally... I am single with no kids and it is very hard to date someone that has full custody of his kids. I have tried... I don't mind kids as long as the person I am dating will make time for me as well. There a lot of scheduling conflicts and things that come up.... I guess it just depends on the person...
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    yup. more to love and saves me from the scary part. besides, they are part of someone you fell in love with. They get mad love by default.


    She said it PERFECTLY.


    I married a man with 5 kids. I LOVE my life and I love the fact that I never had to be pregnant to be a part of this big wonderful family.
    Just cause I didn't use my own uterus doesn't mean I love them any less.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    Why does everyone assume if you date someone with kids, the other person is looking for the partner to "fill the role" as a second parent?

    I am recently divorced, and have spilt custody of my children. I am dating someone who thinks my kids are great, and they love him too, but I am not interested in having him be their "second" Dad right now. Your kids get focus and attention, but when you have time to be a couple and do your date nights or be with that other person, you focus on them and each other... just like any normal relationship.

    Dating or seeing someone with kids does not mean you are automatically locked into being an "insta-parent" overnight. That's a high expectation to have of anyone.
    I'm a single mother and my son's father terminated his parental rights more than 7 years ago, so we're completely on our own. Since then, I've barely dated and I learned really quickly not to involve my son. In general, I don't anyway, but I temporarily had a long distance relationship with an old friend, so when we traveled to visit him or he came to visit us, obviously my son would have to be there. At first it was all "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to adopt your son" and then one day it was "I don't think we should see one another anymore." He didn't say so at the time, but he later confessed that he couldn't handle my son, who has Down syndrome. He would get frustrated by my son's acting out for attention and then would feel like a jerk for being upset with a child who has a disability. It made him feel like a bad person and he was getting depressed, so he ended it. I felt just horrible about letting my son get attached to him only to have him just walk out one day. That was nearly six years ago, and since then, I haven't introduced any of my dates to my son. I don't want them to bond unless I know that the guy is not going to leave and break my son's heart. I need to really get to know a guy before I can risk having my son get hurt over him. Ultimately if I were to settle down with a guy, he would be like a second parent to my son, but not every guy is going to be that guy; the screening process is pretty rigorous, and unless a guy is going to be that guy, I don't want him to have anything to do with my son.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    I would prefer to date someone without children.
  • xnikkixsikkix
    xnikkixsikkix Posts: 64
    I absolutely would, there's nothing sexier than a hands-on involved father.

    Plus, dates that are kid-friendly like the zoo or aquarium are things I love to do anyway!
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
    Dating while having my kids is my only option as things progress. Thus, I would have no issues with my date having kids, too.

    Here's what gets me though - after dating, and especially have marriage -

    When I get married again, my wife will be the central person in my life - yes, above my children. My wife - as chosen to be my wife - will be my number one.

    You sir, are my hero!
  • Marc713
    Marc713 Posts: 328 Member
    Yes, I have in the past and will always be open to that. I have a first date tonight with a single mom.

    The problem is, it's very hard depending on the ladies circumstances. I want to build a relationship and that takes time together, getting to know one another. Many single moms do not have the support they need for child care or financial means to hire a baby sitter if the father isn't helping with custody or there is no family locally to help out. While I feel bad for those women, in order for me to make her a priority, I must be one as well. She has to be able to achieve a certain balance.

    So, yes, if she has time for me in her life along with her kids. Also, in my age range, I'm sick of all the women that feel they need to drone on about their kids coming first. That is a given, and if you don’t put your kids first, I’d drop you like a bad habit. The other thing some mothers do not realize is that their children will grow up, move away, and have their own lives, and they often get so caught up being mommy, they forget look to their own future and make it a priority to find a way to build a romantic relationship. It may not be easy, but it is possible.
  • Amayrial
    Amayrial Posts: 139 Member
    I'm attempting to date with a kid.. (I have a 15 yo who lives with me, his father is in another state).

    What I look for is someone who is not opposed to kids, although mine will be an adult in the near future. I certainly don't want any more of my own.

    I'm a tad old fashioned when it comes to my son and dating, I must be completely sure I will be in a relationship with any person for a good while before I will introduce them. I dont want a connection to be made by either party, I can't see that as being fair.

    If I had an amazing connection with a man, and the only caveat to him was he had kids...yeah, I'd still date him.
  • erinxo13
    erinxo13 Posts: 892 Member
    Not at my age (21). I don't think it would be fair to either the children to get them involved with someone like me who isn't ready to settle down yet...I also really want my own children later in my life so I wouldn't want them to be too far apart in ages. I think its great though, everyone deserves a great partner.
  • Alford96
    Alford96 Posts: 70
    I only wish my hubby had custody of his child-there would be SO MUCH LESS drama (not to mention less dating, less sneaking around talking to boys on the phone at 3am, etc...etc...)!! One of the biggest things that attracted me to my hubby WAS how much he loved his daughter. I had 2 of my own, so yeah, I would date a man that had full custody of his own-can't be a hypocrite now can I. You have to take it slow when you have kids because you really have to put them first, I mean whether it was divorce or a death, they have obviously gone through something emotionally difficult but if both of you understand that, then why not give it a go. You never know what circumstances your soul mate is in and you wouldn't want to pass them by.
  • sportytalldoll
    sportytalldoll Posts: 208 Member
    yup. more to love and saves me from the scary part. besides, they are part of someone you fell in love with. They get mad love by default.


    MAD LOVE BY DEFAULT! LOVE IT!!!
  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
    My husband has two kids from a previous marriage. So, yup.
  • LALOCHA34
    LALOCHA34 Posts: 340 Member
    I would date someone with kids and expect him to put his kids and his family matters first as I do.

    I have mostly dated men without kids (not intentionally) and the only set back was that they usually want kids. My two are 16 and 13. I am not sure I could go back to diapers. Just sayin...

    I have dated a man with a kid and it was awesome. When he had his Daddy weekends, I had my own weekends. If he had drama with the ex, he took care of it. I stayed out of it. He was a good dad and that was nice to see. (I do see a lot of good Dad's out there!!!)

    My kids are older though and very easy going. I think any man who dates me and actually gets to meet my kids is one lucky guy!
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    I have a kid, but i would actually prefer to not date someone without a kid.

    I came from a blended family and it can be difficult.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
    I'm a single mom (POS baby daddy) - so I can't judge. I feel a man who has full custody is a good man. He obviously wants what's best for his children, and having to deal with a dead beat dad, I would honestly find it very attractive that they aren't one.

    This. Exactly. Well, I was a single mom. My husband accepted my daughter with no strongs attached. I dont know what it is like to date someone with kids because I never did but it wasnt because I was apposed, it was bc I never met anyone like that.

    Is dating/marrying someone with kids easy- no. Its a whole other element to the relationship but it can be a really great one.

    I was a single mom with a 1 year old when I met my now husband. We got married when my son was 2. If it was the other way around and he was the one with a child and taking care of him I would have loved him even more for being such a great dad to his son. Love a guy who makes his kids his whole world.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    Met my wife who had four children. Married her, and then adopted the kids. Didn't want a family with two last names. The kids accepted me as thier dad. The term "step-father" does not exist in their vocabulary. Their choice. I consider them my children as opposed to "her" children. It was a package deal, all or nothing as far as I was concerned. That was 36 years ago. Now I'm a grandfather of 9.
    My dad did that too. Married my mom when she already had three children, adopted us, told us to call him dad. They eventually had one more, my youngest brother. Then when they divorced, my dad dropped us (except for his biological son) like hot potatoes. I haven't spoken to him in two years; he used to avoid my calls, or if he took the call, he'd make some excuse to get off the phone as quickly as possible. The only time he's ever affectionate is if we happen to be in the same room and he's drunk. He obviously only took us on so he could be with my mom, and then when she went nuts and started cheating with a 20-year-old (and a 17-year-old) he was done with us.

    God, is it any wonder I don't do relationships? :laugh:
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
    I dated a guy for a few months who had a three year old. He didn't have full custody, but the "Baby Mama Drama" was enough for me to break it off. His ex was a real b*tch and excruciatingly immature.. Sending me threatening messages on Facebook, etc.

    I really had a hard time trying to wrap my mind around the idea that he already had a child with someone else. I want children of my own, and I'd think, "If we got married and I got pregnant, it would be new to me and 'been there, done that' for him.."

    Not eliminating this option from my life completely.. I guess if it was meant to be and I loved the guy enough, this stuff wouldn't matter.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all? :)

    This is not eharmony.

    You're new here. . aren't you?

    Yes, your point? I thought this website was called My Fitness Pal, not My Dating Pal.

    Yep. . that's what I thought too. .
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    Would you date someone who has full custody of their kids? Or kids at all? :)

    This is not eharmony.

    You're new here. . aren't you?

    Yes, your point? I thought this website was called My Fitness Pal, not My Dating Pal.

    Yep. . that's what I thought too. .
    The OP is not looking for dates, she's just asking other people's opinions about whether or not they would date a person with children because she is considering dating someone who has full custody of his child. So far as I've seen, no one on this thread is trying to hook up with anyone else.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Not at this point in my life. I couldn't handle the responsibility of having a kid yet. And I don't want it. I might date someone with adult children, but then he'd be a lot older than me...
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Dating while having my kids is my only option as things progress. Thus, I would have no issues with my date having kids, too.

    Here's what gets me though - after dating, and especially have marriage -

    When I get married again, my wife will be the central person in my life - yes, above my children. My wife - as chosen to be my wife - will be my number one.

    Why do you feel the need to automatically put your children lower than your wife? I wouldn't want to date someone that even thought that way.
  • Marc713
    Marc713 Posts: 328 Member

    Yes, your point? I thought this website was called My Fitness Pal, not My Dating Pal.

    Let me direct you to the Fitness or Nutrition section of the forum. Most forums have a general or off topic area, that's where you are currently browsing. And there's nothing wrong even if the OP was trying to get a date.
  • SmexAppeal
    SmexAppeal Posts: 858 Member
    Dating while having my kids is my only option as things progress. Thus, I would have no issues with my date having kids, too.

    Here's what gets me though - after dating, and especially have marriage -

    When I get married again, my wife will be the central person in my life - yes, above my children. My wife - as chosen to be my wife - will be my number one.

    Why do you feel the need to automatically put your children lower than your wife? I wouldn't want to date someone that even thought that way.

    Since I do not want to turn this into a religious debate... I won't even touch this question. That alone should probably answer it though, if the man who wrote it, wrote it for the reasons I'm believing he did. Did you get that? lol
    I think its very awesome to see a man that came forth like this though. Just because he will put his wife first, doesn't mean he will love his children any less. It's all opinion though.

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