Do you let your kids go hungry or force them to eat it?
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Some of choice two. I have an uber picky eater and we will sit for 1.5 hrs at the dinner table and if she still refuses to eat then the food gets plastic wrapped and refridgerated for 2 hrs then the attempt is made again. If she will not eat this then it goes back in the fridge and is served for every meal until she eats it. We have never had to go more then 1 meal. Most of the time when she will not eat she is just not hungry and ends up eating it a couple of hours later. Right now I can afford the time put into this as I am a stay at home mom.
Our plate for her has 4 small bites of everything we are eating. Once she clears her plate (while we focus on her cleaning her plate the first time around it is more about a balanced diet then "cleaning your plate")0 -
I started to say this then changed my responseI'm not a short order cook....
I also think this is perfect:Find a way to make healthy foods taste good. Period. Let them throw tantrums but don't cave. Also, try to make GRADUAL changes. Have at least 1 familiar food as part of a meal and be patient.0 -
I taught parenting classes for 11 years. The best way to raise a healthy eater is 1) model the behavior you want to see in your children; 2) Provide 3 healthy meals and a couple of snacks every day. Never force them to eat - I'm sure by now you've learned that power struggles are useless! But, the main thing to do - be the parent. You are the only parent your children will have. If you don't teach them the important things in life - who will? Their peers? Yikes! If they know that you are not going to cave and give them what they want, they will learn that your word is good. A very good thing that carries over to every other aspect of your parenting. You got this!0
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In our house, I cook a healthy dinner for everyone. I don't make things that I know my child absolutely does not like, but I do encourage him to try new things. If there is something new we are having for dinner and he truly doesn't like it (after tasting a few bites), I usually have some kind of back up plan (I keep those frozen veggies that steam in the bag on standby, and he likes broccoli). Otherwise, if he is just being picky, or refusing to try something, or randomly decides he doesn't like something (even though he's eaten it before), he has the choice to eat his dinner or to not eat dinner and go to bed. I don't think child services is going to rush to my house because my son refused to eat the nutritious meal I prepared for him.
I'm realistic, I'm not going to force feed my child something he simply doesn't like. I remember being a kid and refusing, at all times, to eat squash. My mom stopped trying to make me eat it because I would choose hunger over eating squash---I didn't starve, I survived, no big deal.0 -
Neither.
You enforce the rule that they have to take 3-5 bites (chewing, tasting and swallowing) before they can decide if they wish to eat it. Avoid terms like 'gross, disgusting, etc'. what they may 'hate' today, they may like tomorrow. Depending on the ages, try to have them tell you what it is that is not appetizing with each thing? Taste, texture? That makes them actually have to stop and think about it. You could even try this with foods they like so they have a gauge of where to begin.
BUT try fixing at least one thing each meal that is familiar and accepted to them so they can participate in the meal. I know there are different methods for picky eaters which include introducing similar food items. For instance moving gradually from chicken nuggets to baked/breaded chicken tenderloins to grilled chicken breast. You can try doing some researching into that.
Overall you want to have everyone on board with the healthier changes and agai, depending on ages, as a previous poster suggested, get them involved in food prep and meal planning.0 -
Please for the love of God don't force your kids to eat!
1) You are encouraging them to have a bad relationship with you and food.
2) They need food to be alert and active learners, and I'm assuming (as a parent) you expect that too.
3) You are telling them that what they want doesn't matter.
I also am trying to change mine, and my kids relationship with food. Here's my rule: You eat what I made or you make yourself a healthy snack that they make themselves (13 and 9yo). Nobody starves and everybody's happy. At times I'll make a healthier meat with a unhealthier side dish. They have to eat they're protein first then have a healthy portion of the side dish. Also, getting them involved in the meal choices can help. Or, give small portions of new foods with the "regular" food and have them try it. If they like the new stuff, great. If not, let them eat something else. I know kids will see this pattern, but depending on how old they are you can explain why your eating habits need to change. Everything has it's place with moderation.
Changing your eating habits takes time. Kids will fight back, it's in their natures, because that's what they're supposed to do. It's unfair for you to expect them to change overnight just because you changed your mind about what's acceptable. It's great to introduce new foods. It's great that you want to get healthy and have healthy kids. Give them time to adjust. The fewer ripples the better.
My parents made me clean my plate. As a result I need to lose almost 100 lbs because it's so hard to stop eating when I'm not hungry anymore.0 -
When I was a child, my brother and I were forced to eat everything on our plates whether it was good for us or not and it was huge portions. Now mother and brother are both extremely overweight and diabetic.
I will never force my children to eat what they don't want to eat or everything on their plates. I do try to serve them foods that they like and that are good for them and if they don't want it (I don't always want what my husband is eating) then they can have something else that's fairly healthy.
I do have one kid that only wants junk food and I am having a hard time with that but we are limiting the junk. My other 2 kids will pretty much each all veggies and all 3 eat fruits so that's not a problem.
I also know of an individual whose parents would not let them have junk at all when they were a child and when they left home all they ate was junk food.0 -
I aways keep things like yogurt or peanut butter available so if the kid doesn't want what I cook, he is free to eat something else he prepares for himself. lately he has been cooking egs when he does not like my dinner (which is perfectly ok with me).
However, he will sometimes get sneaky and wait until me and dad go to bed then raid the pantry - so we lock it now. Everything he has access to in the middle of the night is healthy and if that is when he wants to eat, then so be it.0 -
I make healthy and tasty food. To get my son to eat vegetables and rice, I would add in butter if he likes that. Eventually the butter goes away and the veggies stay. Or, make food in shapes that he loves - like mickey mouse outline, for instance. It isn't that hard, and kids only need a vague semblance! Or, make them colorful by adding strawberry essence or something, for a change. I don't let my kid go hungry. I have to force myself to eat right at my age, so I doubt the kid will do the right thing if left to his choices.
So, even if at times I have to make two different kinds of dinner, I would rather do that and make sure my son eats well. 0 -
my parents used to make me sit at the table for hours until i tried a bite of the new food. the second time that food was served, and every time after that, it was my decision to eat it or not. let me tell you, when you're hungry, you'll eat those veggies and learn to love them.0
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How about involving the kids with cooking the meals. I find if my daughter helps with the food prep she is more inclined to eat/try it.
Ditto. I've gotten my son to try (and actually enjoy) all kinds of things he wouldn't have before simply because he was proud that he helped make it.0 -
Here's how it works in my house. What I cook for dinner is what you eat. If you don't like it you don't eat. But I do require that you eat at least one bite of everything on your plate. That goes for every kid and every adult, guests included. I have a picky eater so I know how that works. If it's just the taste/texture change, keep offering. Eventually they'll eat it. My mom used to get mad at me and would tell me that I needed to fix something else, anything else, including junk food. She was very wrong. I've talked to our pediatrician and dieticians about the eating and they tell me that I am right.
The portions are not big. They are the right size. Kid size plates, kid size portions. The only thing they can get a large serving of is water. And there again, kid size glass, kid size portion. We drink a ton of water in my house. Rarely ever drink soda or eat anything that unhealthy.0 -
I aways keep things like yogurt or peanut butter available so if the kid doesn't want what I cook, he is free to eat something else he prepares for himself. lately he has been cooking egs when he does not like my dinner (which is perfectly ok with me).
However, he will sometimes get sneaky and wait until me and dad go to bed then raid the pantry - so we lock it now. Everything he has access to in the middle of the night is healthy and if that is when he wants to eat, then so be it.
Really? Locking the pantry? I'm amazed. What if your child chooses to eat peanut butter and yogurt every day, every meal? How is that healthy?0 -
My kids all like different things and I have 3 little ones. So, it's nearly impossible to please all three of them at each meal. I try to bribe them ;-). I usually tell them if they eat half of it, they can have a healthy snack (usually bananas or a fruit) later. That way at least they tried it and got some nutrients and they get something healthful that they like later. I try to keep several healthy snacks like trail mix, apples, oranges, bananas, etc in the house so they can have an option. I have noticed when a kid can choose for themselves, they are more likely to eat it. I have also gotten them to eat by letting them help me make dinner. However, I only do this on the weekends when I have more time to be patient. Hope this helps.0
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I didn't read all of the responses, but in the paperwork provided by my pediatrician (for my 18 month old) says "if your child throws their food, take away their plate...hungry children do not throw food, they eat it". I thought this was pretty harsh...however, if the doctor is using this method to get the kid not to throw food, I'm betting they would be ok with saying, eat this or eat nothing...same philosophy...hungry children eat their food.
I, on the other hand, would try a little bit different approach. Maybe don't go cold turkey with what the kids are used to. Try introducing one healthy option at a time, while still giving them at least one thing they recognize and that comforts them. You don't have to load up their plate with the not as healthy thing...you don't want them to fill up on it and not try the healthy option...but too much change at once for kids can be very difficult. I know my kids are pretty stubborn. I have tried the eat this or nothing thing, and they just didn't eat until daycare the next day. It was too much for me to witness so I'll admit, my kids don't eat the healthiest foods right now, but we are trying...my family is still a work in progress.
Good luck!!0 -
If they don't want what I've made for dinner, than they better hope they like what's for breakfast because that's the next time they will be eating. Now, that being said, I try and be sympathetic in a small way to their taste buds. Just because I want a change doesn't mean I can expect them to be all for it. I try and only incorporate one new thing at a time and make sure that there is at least one thing on their plate that I think they would eat. I also tend to work in new items mixed with other food they like. It was rough going at times and there were certainly tears but they have gotten used to it. I can typically get them to try a couple bites of something new and sometimes they even like it!0
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I have a 5 year old son and a 2 year old daughter.... My son will try anything I make, and he LOVES veggies, so I always make sure I make some steamed brocolli or something I know he will eat. As long as he "tries" what I make I'm happy, and if he truely does not like it, I will make him a PB&J.
My 2 year old on the other hand.... she will not even try most things. She is super picky.... So because of her age, I usually try to bribe her to at least take 1 bite, and then I usually give in and make her something she will eat also.
The key is I usually at least make 1 side (A healthy side) that I know they will at least have a little bit
Good luck :-)0 -
I've been switching over to more home cooking and healthier meals. My kids, for the most part, are willing to try and eat most of the things I make. I know a few of the foods my older daughter (8) really doesnt like, like mushrooms, so I dont cook with them too often or I make something where she can pull them out.
My toddlers (twins who are almost 2) will try pretty much anything. If they act like it doesn't taste good I'll see if a little bit of ketchup or cheese will help them eat. Usually it does. I also serve them age-appropriate portions and them eat what they want. If they get hungry between meals, it's fruit, yogurt, veggies, etc. occasionally they can have fruit snacks or some chips.0 -
Ummm, they eat what everyone else eats, if they don't like, they get nothing.
Simple ey?
I mean seriously, they are YOUR kids, they should respect YOUR decision, I mean sure, if you eat total crap then ok they should be able to say no... but if they refuse to eat anything because it is healthy... fine, they don't have to, but they shouldn't be rewarded by getting junk food for god sakes... That is enforcing a bad idea!
Bad parenting that is... give into childs demands and let the child run your life instead of you running the childs life...0 -
FALSE...my parents were reported for me being too skinny as a child....I literally ate nothing. They made me seperate meals just so I would eat.You aren't going to get turned in for providing a nutritious meal that your kid refuses to eat.
If my daughter doesn't eat what I make, she doesn't eat. End of story. I'm the grown-up, I make the rules and decide what is good for her. If she were in control, we'd be eating Lucky Charms and Nutella morning, noon, and night. Kids are not developed enough to make decisions like that.
If she is hungry later, she can have a piece of fruit. There is no access to junk food for her to "pig out" on.0 -
I make sure there are 3-4 options on the table (meat, veggie, grain, maybe fruit) and they need to choose 2. Our policy is ONE BITE TO BE POLITE and then they can choose to either be excused or get seconds of the item they like. There are many nights where one of ours will only drink a glass of milk and eat her 2 bites and be excused. She is not starving and by no means is it abuse. There also are foods that she would turn her nose up at a year ago that she now looks forward to it being a part of the meal (brown rice is one of them). We only serve a small sweet (yogurt, pudding, etc) a few times per week, and only if they eat all on their plates.
I do NOT send items in their school lunch that I know they won't eat, but I don't send junk either.
AND we talk about what is healthy in each item on the table, as a family. e.g. Who can tell me which item has the most protein? And why do we need protein? It starts great conversations and makes them (and us) aware of what we are eating and why. I figure I can't control what they do outside of home, but I can educate them with hopes that they will make informed decisions.
Good luck!0 -
Our son is almost 2, and if he says "done" then he's done...no questions asked.
Making him clean his plate (or making us finish for a "treat") is how his mom and I got where we are with our weight.0 -
My mother always put the healthy food in front of my face and waited until I ate it. She always said that it was up to me if I ate it hot or cold, but it was going to get eaten. To this day, I have never had a cheeseburger or mac n cheese. I've had one hot dog, and I haven't had soda of any kind since I was 12. I tried McDonald's for the first and only time when I was 15, it was gross. I choose the the healthier options because it's what I want to eat. I learned pretty young what healthy and nutritious food was and what was just pleasure food.0
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I say you let them starve. My mom did it to me when I was little because I was super picky and it worked. After a while I figured out I hated going to bed hungry, so I started trying some of the food she made, and realized it wasn't so bad. Can't let kids control you, you are the adult, you make the decisions.
Encouraging the kids to shop, plan menus and cook with you will help also. Try and recreate their favorite meals in healthier ways. Instead of spaghetti, try spaghetti squash with homemade marinara. That way the foods still seems familiar to the kids (quiona for a 5 year old is a bit out there, esp. if they are used to eating pizza) and they can ease into it.0 -
FALSE...my parents were reported for me being too skinny as a child....I literally ate nothing. They made me seperate meals just so I would eat.You aren't going to get turned in for providing a nutritious meal that your kid refuses to eat.
If my daughter doesn't eat what I make, she doesn't eat. End of story. I'm the grown-up, I make the rules and decide what is good for her. If she were in control, we'd be eating Lucky Charms and Nutella morning, noon, and night. Kids are not developed enough to make decisions like that.
If she is hungry later, she can have a piece of fruit. There is no access to junk food for her to "pig out" on.
Being reported and being found guilty of neglect are 2 very different things. Many people are reported for various reasons. I don't think DSS came in your home and told your parents to "give you whatever you wanted". If they did - DSS was wrong!0 -
Kids DO NOT get a say in the day-to-day dinners. You are the parent. It's ridiculous to allow them to kick up a fuss and get to eat whatever they want...discipline, boundaries, do not pander to tantrums. If they see they can get away with it they will take advantage of your weakness and make no mistake, it is your weakness.0
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I would never force my kids to eat anything they didnt want. I was forced to eat until my plate was empty and I hated that growing up. I am lucky that my boys arent picky eaters and eat what I feed them, veggies and all!
I've never forced my kid to eat what I cook. I'll offer alternatives or compromise so we both have something we like. My folks never forced any of us to eat food and never made ultimatums like the OP. All they ever cared about was that we ate something. I do know that my mom's parents were the "clean your plate or don't eat" people.0 -
Don't try and force them to eat, it could lead to resentment and an unhealthy attitude towards eating
Accept their complaints as their feelings. They are humans and have the right to express their opinions
Continue to serve the meals for them, invite them to eat if they are hungry, don't provide alternatives
(if you want, and the food is untouched, you can always put it back in the fridge for them to try later - to give them some feeling of control without giving into their demands)
Depending on their age (thinking more teenagers here). invite them to research healthy meal alternatives and cook their discoveries for a family meal. You never know, they may come up with something you like.0 -
i was raised to eat whatever was provided for me. I had the option to skip dinner if I didnt want those lima beans and liver, but guess what was waiting for me in the morning for breakfast? or what was in my lunch bag if i tried to skip eating it for breakfast too?:laugh:
my family ate nutritious balanced stuff and the only time i was able to pick and choose (sort of) was during big meals like easter, thanksgiving and xmas. so even if i decided to eat a crap load of spinach (i always loved spinach) my mom would never let me just eat that if she served it with meatloaf and mashed potatoes (i'm not a fan of meatloaf of mashed potatoes).
as my mom used to say, our house wasnt a restaurant so i wasnt allowed to have it my way.
if i ever have kids i'll raise them the same way0 -
Well the onlly thing i can say it to add thing each meal, dont try a full swap. My kids are picky in there own ways, one way more than the other, but its taken me years to get him to eat veg, i mean years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your best bet is to have the adults eat the healthy stuff and just add healthy stuff to there normal, my son compainls if we have to many proper dinners, ie veg and meat lol. I sometimes end up cooking 4 different thing, but ive been there with the sitting waiting for them to eat it, that was when he was little and it was all tears etc, in the end you do give up and it starts to come to them naturally. But when you think about it, its just like us, we have eaten what we liked for years etc , been brought up that way and you are trying to change what has they have already learned, its hard for anyone to go back really when your tastes have allready beenj developed.0
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