Do you let your kids go hungry or force them to eat it?

xLexa

Let them go hungry. My philosophy is... a kid will eat when they are hungry. You are doing your kids a favor by introducing this new way of eating at a young age... their taste buds will adapt, as will yours.
Enjoy the road to health!!

This....No kid will starve when there is food available - just don't allow them to raid the fridge if they did not touch their dinners....

Nutritionist gave me the exact same advice yesterday! We were talking about my very picky underweight 7 year old! But I would think the advice works both ways.

dancingj2

Choice #2 works if you are consistent about it. They may not like it but they will learn to eat what is served. Of course when they get into their late teens, they can go buy what ever they want - and they do. Dinner may be the only healthy thing that they eat all day.

And I do disagree that eating healthier cost more.

treehopper1987

I have heard you need to introduce foods to your kids up to 20 times before they get used to it and actually like it, so don't give up! There are lots of sneaky ways to add veggies to foods-- like using a puree.

Also, have you had your kids help cook? If they can help in any way, they are proud of their creation and will probably eat it no matter what!

Hahaha I am trying this method on my husband: sneaking it in and several times to try to get him (as well as myself) to eat healthier. He is a very picky eater and will rarely eat something (if he's never seen it before) unless he knows what's in it.

cyclerjenn

I cook....if my kid doesn't like what I cook, she's free to make her own meal. True, she's 17 now, but the same held true when she was 7.

Eat what I cook or don't eat. Period. DHS/CPS says you have to feed your children, it does NOT say you have to feed them what they like or want.

Same rules in my house. If you don't like what I cook, you make your own. And since I do the shopping, I do not pay for the junk foods that are not good for them. They can save their allowance for that if it is that important.

Elzecat

You aren't going to get turned in for providing a nutritious meal that your kid refuses to eat.

If my daughter doesn't eat what I make, she doesn't eat. End of story. I'm the grown-up, I make the rules and decide what is good for her. If she were in control, we'd be eating Lucky Charms and Nutella morning, noon, and night. Kids are not developed enough to make decisions like that.

If she is hungry later, she can have a piece of fruit. There is no access to junk food for her to "pig out" on.

*Edit to say that I always make sure there is something she likes on her plate - some apple wedges, yogurt, etc. And some nights, we have something I know she enjoys (whole wheat spaghetti & marinara for example). But, I don't make seperate meals, and I'm not a short order cook.

I like your idea--Even back in the 1970s and early 1980s when I was a kid, this is how my mom dealt with feeding 4 people (2 adults, 2 kids, one--my brother--EXTREMELY picky). There was always at least one thing that all of us liked on our plates Every so often she would let me and my brother choose a favorite meal and she would make both of us that meal, even if it was two different things...that was on very rare special occasions and very much a treat--like breakfast for dinner kind of stuff

mitch16

Our 12-year-old son is a pretty good eater. Luckily he is on the thin side so right now it's more about making sure he's getting enough calories in a day rather than having to limit him.

There are certain things he likes and certain things he doesn't, but thankfully things like fish, fruit, brussel sprouts, and yogurt are up there on his list. He would, however, eat pasta for every single meal if I allowed him. Dinners for us right now are usually a lean cut of meat/fish, green vegetable or salad, and a bit of starch (mostly for my son as my husband and I are watching carbs).

The rule is that our son must eat, minimally, a 'no thank you' portion (approximately 1/4 c.) of whatever I make. If he doesn't like it, fine, he doesn't have to eat any more, but I'm also not preparing him an alternative. If he is still hungry then he may have fruit, yogurt, string cheese, or a pb&j sandwich. If he won't even finish the 'no thank you' portion (which has only happened once or twice in several years), he gets sent to bed because he is either clearly not feeling well or is too tired to be rational about food.

Just because he doesn't like something doesn't mean it is taken out of our meal rotation--he still has to have a small portion the next time regardless. At restaurants he can order what he likes (although it seems to be either the pasta I never make or lobster :ohwell: ), although I still encourage him to try a taste of whatever I have ordered, especially if it's 'exotic' (like sushi).

kit8806

With my daughter, I lucked out.. at 4, she LOVES her veggies and fruit, and honestly, will choose to snack on blueberries or eat cauliflower (yes, I am soo not lying here, she LOVES cauliflower too) instead of going for candy. Now, not always true, she will go for junk food too, but dinner for is this.... You must at least try everything on your plate and eat X amount. If I know she really really doesn't like it, I'll let her skip it after a few bites. If she refuses to eat that night, I remind her that if she gets hungry, her dinner is on the table and there will be NO snacks until her plate is empty. At 7pm, I tell her it's last call for supper before bed time, after that she is done for the night. If she refuses to eat, she gets no munchies (if she is hungry I don't let her starve, but I will give her veggies or an apple or something). This has worked for me and there have only been a handful of times she refused to eat..

We also make a game at dinner... we see who can make a "happy plate" and a happy plate is a clean plate, that has worked as well... I also, at times when she is being very fussy, give her double the servings, so when she keeps saying she won't eat, I take half off her plate and say eat what's left. She thinks she's only having to eat a little bit, when really she is eating what she needs too...

Hope this helps!!!

meglet175

Hi,
I'm a mom of three teenagers, so I've had some experience with this. I would never make a child eat something he truly didn't like. I just think that's cruel. With that said, I asked my boys to TRY one bite of whatever I made. Sometimes, they surprised themselves by liking something, and their tastes changed over time, so that something "icky" one week was OK a few weeks later. I also would not allow my child to pick any food of his choice to replace what I had served. The rule in our house was if you didn't like dinner, you could prepare and eat something else on your own - but it had to be something I agreed was healthy. Often my boys ate fruit or yogurt in place of some part of our meal, or they'd scramble a few eggs (by themselves!). Over time, they became less picky. None of them were big vegetable eaters but they were OK with salads, so we had them all the time. Keep the junk food out of the house for the most part, so they can't fill up on it while you're not looking.

The most important thing you can do is to offer LOTS of healthy options. Try setting out a couple types of fruit, some wheat rolls, some yogurt, etc., with the hope that there will be something on the table your kids will eat. Don't stress if your child won't eat many vegetables - instead, make sure to find some fruits they will eat and have them on hand. I discovered my kids loved baked beans - so I served them at least once a week. Just make sure there's something healthy on the menu that each child will eat.

Experiment with new recipes or new ways of cooking. I can't stand mushy steamed vegetables. But toss them with a little olive oil, salt, and pepper and roast them in a hot oven until they're crispy - and they're amazing! Try topping with a little parmesan cheese and the kids might gobble them right up. We eat roast broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and our favorite - red potatoes with the skins still on - all the time, and it's quick and healthy. Soups are another way to slip in vegetables. My kids didn't like any chunks of veg in their soup, so I grated them so they would "dissolve" while the soup simmered. The kids didn't notice them and ate without complaint. Try doing this with onions, carrots, even zucchini. Add a can of tomato puree or black beans for more nutrients and fiber.

As far as portion control goes, I think it's important to listen to and respect the child. That's part of why I don't make a child eat what he doesn't like, but it's also why I don't make them clean their plates. I like to leave the food on the kitchen island, and we eat at the table. Each child serves himself - small portions to start - knowing that if he is still hungry he can go back for seconds. If you can manage to get some good protein, some fiber, and some healthy fat into each meal, your kids will stay satisfied for longer.

Just keep at it and don't give up. Their health depends on the habits you instill in them. Just keep trying until you find foods that work!

Tracey0013

This may have been said before but here is my two cents I would have half of the things they will eat and half of the things that are "new/healthy" for a meal. I would put down the new /healthy food first and have them at least try what is there (they don't have to eat it all. Then After they have at least tried the healthy stuff I would put the other on their plate Good luck on the family change

mgmlap

We have a rule...taste everything just once so you can make a better decision on whether its good or bad. I dont cook 2 meals in our house..but then again..I am blessed with children that will eat anything from alligator to chicken curry..

Bentley2718

I am not a parent, but I do remember what my parents did. I was a *very* picky eater. If I didn't want to eat what the rest of my family was eating I was allowed to have a peanut butter sandwich (100% whole grain bread, natural peanut butter, no jelly/honey/etc.), a small amount of fruit (this limitation was because otherwise I would have just eaten fruit and nothing else), and some raw or leftover cooked veggies. By most adult standards it was a pretty boring meal, but it was healthy enough and I could "prepare" it myself. I'm not completely sure this would work in your case, as your children may be used to very different sandwiches, but you might be able to find an equivalent, relatively healthy default meal for them.

rattler0812

I have lived overseas and have had to eat foods that have been absolutely nasty (according to my taste buds). But I don't want my kids growing up thinking that all food is going to taste exactly the way they want. The rule in our house is that you have to at least try it. Then we ask what they could change about the way the food tastes. We have offered a healthy meal and then ask them what would they change about it to make it more enjoyable. Then, they can't say that we don't make food they like. Sometimes, they only ask "Can we have ketchup on the side?" That seems to be the solution for a lot of the meals and I am not sure why. Overtime, we have introduced Brazilian, Korean, Middle Eastern and Indian food to the list. Some foods are total flops. They refuse to ever eat them again or even try and modify them so they are better (and sometimes my wife and I agree that they are flops). But the kids enjoy getting involved in how the food is made and we enjoy that they are branching out to discover more food than just the hot dogs in the fridge.

Birdie

Niether. I would slowly introduce new things to them and keep track of the ones they like or dislike. I would slowly work more of the ones they like into their diet. Forcing kids to eat something that they hate and makes them gag in abusive.

Jersey_Devil

they eat what i cook, if they don't like it...tough... it helps to let them cook with me gets them more interested in trying different types of food.

Cindy311

I'm pretty sure at most homes people eat what is on the table or go hungry. I find it ridiculous that there are people who will cook three or four meals to satisfy a family. I also believe in the try a few bites before you say yes or no rule. I don't expect my kids to eat a whole plate of something they hate but a few bites isn't going to hurt them physically, mentally, or emotionally...lol! At dinner I make for sure they know that it is the last meal of the day, so if they are hungry eat up because I'm not going to fix more food when it's convenient for them. I love my kids, but I refuse to cater to their food wants and want nots.

Lunakatrina

Let them go hungry, and I say that because that was the option I always chose as an extremely picky child--but I always tried things so that way I could definitely say I didn't like it and no one could ever dispute it--because I'd tried it. Maybe have them take a bite before they can choose to not eat it, tell them that one bite is their get out of dinner free card?

But really, you're just going to make them resent you and their food if you FORCE them to eat it, but I also think you should not make them another dinner. I used to just go hungry and then I learned to cook (between 6 and 8) and so if I never liked a meal my mom or dad made I would cook myself something.

You're definitely not going to hurt them if you let them go hungry, and since you're offering HEALTHY food to your children and they're choosing not to eat it (you're not starving them, they're being picky eaters), I don't think you'd be arrested...although I may be doing that thing I do where I have faith in the future of humanity.

Jennloella

I would not let them binge on bad foods, I would definitely let them feel hungry if they decided they didn't want to eat something new, and finally I would not cave to the fake puking thing. they've tried it. I make them clean it up. I know when it's real and when it's contrived and I don't let them get away with it. I'm the adult. And if DHS seriously would get you in trouble for your child not eating a full healthy meal you offered and you refusing to be a short order cook.....well then consider yourself lucky because most DHS offices don't have time to investigate legitimate problems so if yours responds to that I'm astounded. I have tow boys, 7 and 9. When I worked full time my husband got fast food in the evenings a lot after he got home from work (I worked out of town a lot) now that i"m working less and cooking dinner every night it has been a bit of a power struggle. I win.

jcstanton

Here's the scenario...
Overweight parents used to eating larger portion sizes and the wrong foods...
Very normal kids who are a mix of picky eaters and one that tends to eat more than they should, very young in age
The household is trying to change thier eating habits to healthier choices

#1 Don't argue it, healthier food is more expensive until you learn that tiny portions are the actual portion size. Again Don't argue that point, I know its accurate.

So the kids don't like beans, rice, plain veggies, not fond of the taste of some spices. Etc..... they just aren't digging the change

The adult in the house understands that this is the way food is supposed to be because they haven't yet picked up all these great ways that everyone talks about of fixing these wonderful tasting recipes.... plain is what they know plain is healthy.... becuase they are learning.

The kids think it's gross and don't want to eat it.

Choice 1: Do you let them go hungry and have them pig out at the next opportunity on the foods they like

Choice 2: Or do you sit there until they eat it, and sit through the "fake puking" or real in some cases.... crying, screaming etc.until they eat it.

Keep in mind choice 1 could get you turned in for not feeding your kids...depending on who hears the story and how DHS/CPS friendly they are.

What do you do? I have little faith that too many people will answer this but wanted to see if I'd get anything.

Thanks!

Make it a competition between the kids. Set up a 90 day tracking chart and a "Fun" Fund Jar. For every fruit or vegetable they eat, a quarter goes into the "Fun" Fund. Whichever one of them eats the mosts fruits and veggies at the end of the 90 days gets to choose an activity (maybe give them a couple of options to choose from) for the whole family to enjoy (the reward is, the WINNER gets to choose) and the "Fun" Fund helps pay for the activity.

Shelbert79

"you get what you get and you don't throw a fit" is a rant that my kids say all the time (not sure where they heard it though). If I try something new and they don't like it, I'll let them make a sandwich instead. If I'm making dinner and it's something they've had before, they eat or go hungry. I have 4 girls and my 6 year old complains almost EVERY night about SOMETHING. Unless it's mac'n cheese, hot dogs or chicken nuggets, one of my kids will find something to complain about.

Dub_D

My kid is so picky, but I make her eat when & what my boyfriend and I eat. I give her the choice to eat and then she can go play with her friends, or not eat and not get to go play with her friends.

julieh391

Everyone in my house eats differently. My 11yo son is vegetarian and loves veggies/beans/grains, so he's not picky at all. Hubby likes manly meaty meals that are low fat/low cal. 3yo daughter likes grains/bread/fruit/dairy. All day we're great, but dinner is usually very boring for her. And I'm counting every calorie I eat and eat very little meat. What I do is make a variety. I'll make a veggie dish (curry or roasted veggies or something) that my son will love, meat that hubby will love, and rice/quinoa/pasta that the little lady will love. We all take what we like. Same with tacos or pizza, etc. It's no more work for me because it all goes together, but everyone gets what they want. I would be livid if someone gave me goat cheese, liver, and mushrooms (ew, ew, ew-I'm putting myself in the kids' shoes) and said, "she'll eat when she's hungry." I'd likely just die of starvation or hate the people "taking care" of me. Options. Healthy options are key. Some days my 3yo doesn't like anything we're having (if I put spices in the quinoa or something), and she'll eat an apple with natural peanut butter and greek yogurt for dinner. Works for me.

howdeelightful

Ok, so my son is 3 right now. We have the deal that he has to take at least 1 bite of everything on your plate. If he doesn't like something, he can pick something else to eat. But, if he doesn't at least try everything, then he doesn't get anything else. This has worked out really well for us so far. He is pretty honest as to whether he likes it or not. We figure we are going to up the number of bites as he gets older. Eventually, what I make is what you eat. I try to make foods that he likes though, or at least pair foods he likes with the new things. He tastes change, just like ours. Plus, you should continue to introduce the same food multiple times before you get a true sense if they like it or not. He eventually always eats at least that one bite of everything. We call it a "try me" bite. Kids will eat when they are hungry. Also, we do not let him not eat something we know he likes. We also have him try each thing that we have at a restaurant. That's also how he learns to like new things. In fact, last week on vacation he found out he like alligator because he tried his dads. Good luck!!

karengroovy

I have a 2 1/2 yo. He's typically picky. My feeling is that, just as adults get some choice in what they eat, kids should also get some choice. I know not everyone agrees, but it works well in our house. However, I feel it's important to balance offering choice with also being reasonable and not overly burdensome on the parents. So what I do is make my food (Atkins-friendly), and I'll maybe make some rice on the side for my husband and son. I'll often give my son some fruit as well, something I know he likes, and usually I let him choose between two options (he can also choose both). After that, if he eats, he eats, and if he doesn't, he doesn't. You can't force a kid to eat, and if you try, you just create control issues for them about food. They should be presented with a number of healthy options, and they can choose all, some, or none..

If they make faces or say rude things about the food (which I haven't dealt with so I'm just imagining what I'll do when it eventually happens), I'd give a warning the first time: you don't have to eat it, but you do have to be respectful of me and my effort in making it. If you choose not to eat it, that's fine, but you'll be polite about it and simply say, 'no thank you'. If he did it again after that, honestly, I'd clear his plate and let him sit there with no food while we finished eating. Since he's only a toddler, I'd offer him a snack a little later, because I worry about him getting enough nutrition, but when he's older he's not going to get that extra chance -- it'll be here's dinner, you're welcome for it, and it's this or nothing til morning. I promise he'd think twice before being rude about dinner again. Kids whine and complain because they know if they push long enough, you might cave. Prove to them that you won't cave no matter what, and wow, suddenly they figure out there's another way to behave.

That's my two cents. You'll be in for a rough week or two until they realize mom means it when she says this is dinner, period, but once they get it then your whole family will be on track to better health. It's worth it to be the tough guy for a little while to get that result. GL!

Pandorian

Another thing when introducing a new food, be prepared to bring the "new food" back but try cooking it a different way, I dislike boiled veggies but the same assortment of veggies steamed or broiled or roasted.... eat 'em all day long.

Sometimes it's the texture of a prep method that makes a food not be enjoyed.

howdeelightful

Another thing when introducing a new food, be prepared to bring the "new food" back but try cooking it a different way, I dislike boiled veggies but the same assortment of veggies steamed or broiled or roasted.... eat 'em all day long.

Sometimes it's the texture of a prep method that makes a food not be enjoyed.

Completely agree!! Also, make sure you are bringing your kids in to help cook. It's a great learning experience and they are more likely to try it if they helped make it!

LittleMissDover

Not had time to read all replies but in my house a new food is introduced alongside a food they like, they have to try the new food but if they genuinely don't like it then they're not going hungry.

sscorse

I try to offer my kids a reward, like "you have to taste everything, even if it's only 1 bite" then offer then something healthy I know they'll eat, like fruit, or oddly enough my son loves green beans despite his pickiness toward yummier foods like chicken!

I never make them starve or throw a fit about them "eating every last bite" since that's the mentality that will not produce healthy children, but children who feel the need to eat everything on their plate, instead of listening to their bodies.

I try to offer them 1 thing they love, like a certain veggie or a type of meat, and then tell them they must eat all of 1 item, like "all your corn, and 3 bites of everything else"

my 4 year old used to sit there for ever refusing, but when I held my ground he eventually figured out it wasn't that bad and now will (still with a stink face) eat what I ask him to.

I also always talk about what we ate and praise him for trying new things.
my most common phrase is "Thank you for trying your ____, I know it's not your favorite, and I appreciate you eating some."

Arperjen

My son is 8 and crazy-picky, so I do a couple of things.

1.) With new food, I do the "try it before you decide you hate it" routine.
2.) If he doesn't want what I make for meals, he can eat raw fruits/vegetables, with no dessert or snacks. I learned early on that letting him go hungry isn't going to do us or him any favors - he'll just get cranky from an empty stomach and make mine and dad's life hell.

He's at a normal weight for his size, and his doc agrees that he's pretty healthy. Over time, he's been more willing to at least try different things (case in point: he eats steamed broccoli now, and actually asked for seconds of it.)

Laddiegirl

I grew up with a sister who was a very picky eater so my mom would make a dinner that had a protein everyone would eat, at least one side dish that everyone would eat and had a manditory rule that you had to eat at least 2 fork/spoonfulls of the other dishes and you could leave as soon as that was gone. If it was something we truely detested we had an exception to that item (she grew up with a parent who would force her to eat food that would physically make her sick like eggs so she didn't want to do that to us).

My parents also believed they weren't exempt from that rule and also had to eat the manditory two fork/spoonfuls of the item they didn't like much (my mom didn't like spinach, my dad didn't like cooked carrots) because they were showing us an example of why that rule was in place and it is important to eat healthy food even if you don't like it as much as another. It worked! My sister is still rather picky but I still see her require herself to eat at least some of steamed veggies that come with dinner in a restaurant because its "good for me".

Flutterloo

My kids are 2 and 3. They like quinoa, homemade black bean veggie burgers, sauteed zucchini, broccoli or "little trees" asthey call them, carrots, celery, generally they like salad (think basic side salad), etc. My daughter (2) wouldn't eat meat for a long time. Instead of forcing it I found ways to work plant based proteins into her diet that she might actually like. She will now occasionally eat beef and chicken, but never pork or any other meats/fish that we've offered. She also, under NO circumstances, eats rice or mashed potatoes. Period. She refuses. My son (3) is the chow hound. If it is there he will eat it, lol. I have never given him dinner and had him refuse it.

So I don't know, I don't have a huge problem with getting them fed. They are still so young that they don't even know what they like yet. If they don't eat what I make, then they can have a fruit or veggie. Occasionally I will give them a bit of PB on whole wheat bread. But I'm not going to make a whole other dinner just to get them to eat. The food is there, it's safe to eat, they have no reason not to eat it.

I also think that sometimes they just aren't hungry. And that's fine too. I don't like being forced to eat when I'm not hungry, so I imagine they are the same.