Do you let your kids go hungry or force them to eat it?
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My son was diagnosed with allergies to almost every food out there as a baby so needless to say, his limited choices made him super picky. Now that he is able to tolerate a larger variety of foods, we are trying to get him to try things but its a battle. I'm not going to force it on him because honestly, he will try it on his own accord. Will i let him pig out on unhealthy foods later on..no, because I don't keep those foods in my house. If he is super hungry before bed he can have some plain cheerios, a piece of fruit, or yogurt. Pick your battles.0
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I haven't read all of the replies, but here is what I do with my kids. I make them eat a little. If they absolutely detest something, they only have to eat like 3 or 4 bites of it. I try to make a mixure of things I know they like with the things they don't, so less argueing. And they know they only have to eat a little, so they usually get it out of the way first. Generally your tastes change a lot as you grow, so exposing them to things they think they don't like will turn into "It's okay" and may even go all the way to them asking for it some day. Example, my sons really hate mashed potatoes. But the older one will eat them sometimes without all of the whining and negotiating, even though he maintains that he still hates them. My daughter was actually sick the first time she ate mashed potatoes (she didn't like the texture or something), but now she loves them.0
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Here's how it works in my house. What I cook for dinner is what you eat. If you don't like it you don't eat. But I do require that you eat at least one bite of everything on your plate. That goes for every kid and every adult, guests included. I have a picky eater so I know how that works. If it's just the taste/texture change, keep offering. Eventually they'll eat it. My mom used to get mad at me and would tell me that I needed to fix something else, anything else, including junk food. She was very wrong. I've talked to our pediatrician and dieticians about the eating and they tell me that I am right.
The portions are not big. They are the right size. Kid size plates, kid size portions. The only thing they can get a large serving of is water. And there again, kid size glass, kid size portion. We drink a ton of water in my house. Rarely ever drink soda or eat anything that unhealthy.
how do you make your guests to try at least a bite of everything? If I come to your house for dinner and you serve something I don't like, I just eat what I do like, I don't eat a bite of something I don't like.0 -
Forcing kids to eat, healthy foods or not, just opens up a whole other host of issues that you don't want to deal with down the line. Offer one serving of everything you want them to eat, and then ignore anything that isn't pleasant dinner conversation. And remember that nobody wants to change everything all at once - I always serve one of my kids' favorite foods if I'm going to be serving new icky stuff that night. And I try to be an example - I absolutely cannot stand the texture of spaghetti squash, and my kids know this, but I buy and cook it a couple of times a year to see if I've changed my mind. (No, but it entertains them to watch me make faces while I eat it, so I guess that's worth it if nothing else.)0
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When I babysit kids, I give them small portions to start with, then offer seconds. Then there's not a lot of leftover food (which tends to get played with and end up in hair, on clothes, ect.)0
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If there is no junk food in the house then the kids can not do a midnight cupboard raid.
Do realize that the over weight issue is the parents not the child but it is the parent's responsibility to teach life long eating habits that are healthy to a child.
I have a house mix of picky eaters, allergy eaters and cultural eaters. ( my husband is Asian I am white)
What works for me??
I love brown rice, no one else will eat it so I make a few days of brown rice up at a time and just make them their white rice for dinner.
Spices..I find these go better on the side..so I tend to go light on seasonings and then allow cut up veggies/dips etc to be added.
Veggies..this is where the allergies and picky eating come in the scene..so I usually do up a few veggies ( again sauce on the side if any) and most are raw..rule is pick 2 veggies.. ( I always have cut up celery, carrots, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes)
Meat..( unless it is fish/seafood -allergies) too bad you eat what I make or go hungry.
Get the kids involved- let them make healthy choices. My husband loves to add peppers/mushrooms to everything I can not stand them. I love to add tomato and celery to everything my husband does not like it.
My weight issue is from thyroid treatment, other than that my issue has always been the opposite, the need to gain weight.
I grew up with the no choice, eat what is on your plate and yes I ate at times enough to make my self sick..not on purpose but because my stomach could not handle all the food that was served..I was never taught how to eat healthy, I was taught to sit down shut up and eat what ever was served to you.
Out of 5 kids- now adults- 4 of us have IBS....2 are obese as they ran to the food we were never allowed and ate what they wanted with the focus on eating everything on your plate and not actually being taught how to cook healthy turned more to the processed foods. I am over weight and for the first time in my life looking at food to eat more for nutrients then what I can /can not eat and just eating everything else. The other 2 are normal weight but what you would call the fat skinny... we are all just learning proper nutrition now in our 40s.
It is a hard balance, but it is just that- a balance.
Get the kids involved ( we have actually found a few combinations of cinnamon/ hot peppers that everyone loves) pick a day they can cook/prep or help?
Make the choices of the foods that come into the house..olive oil, low sodium alternates, 6 ingredients or less, nothing that needs a can opener or microwave..
Go for a tester.. once a week buy a new fruit or veggie ( let the kids pick it out) and rule is everyone has to take 1 bite..make it a discovery together instead of a punishment and with in 6 months the 80/20 rule should be natural.0 -
My son is a great eater. I'm a home childcare provider so I have this issue with other kids. Now my daughter is starting to not eat things. I let parents know that what I provide is all that is given. I give a protein, a carb, a fruit, a veggie and milk! I don't make them eat anything but if their hungry thats their choice. I also give snacks every three hours and that never seems to be enough. They would live off crackers and such. My daughter is 21 months and I know she hates green beans but if that's what's on the menu she gets it. She's acually started eating a few here and there! Kids will eat when their hungry no matter how "nasty" something is!!!!!0
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I have three boys - one (8) who is now less picky than ever before, one (8) who will eat anything (and too much of it), and another (4) who has just decided he doesn't like an.y.thing.
The last two are "part-timers" and the first kid is at home full-time. I've dealt with the full-timer on my own for close to 8 years - eating was always a struggle. I tried sitting at the table until he finished, rewarding with something / anything, screaming & crying matches until he DID throw up, and the "go without" method. Quite honestly, the latter worked the best. Because, like you said - they WILL eat when they're hungry - even if that means at school the next day. The thought of me getting in trouble for "starving" him never crossed my mind - he's not the first picky eater on the planet.
As for the other two: the oldest part-timer is a chunky butt, but by no means fat - he's thick (12 lbs heavier than my boy who is 5mos older) - but he eats like a horse (literally, the kid is a mess, lol) & I often have to remind my SO that his stomach is only the size of his fist and no, he "does NOT need a third slice of pizza" - make him wait it out - it takes 15 minutes for your brain to get the "STOP" message (so I've heard) - he won't starve to death in 15 minutes. These type of eating habits are difficult to establish when you have limited days with your children
The 4-yr old, the other part timer who's newly picky - we haven't nailed this one down yet. Sometimes we remind him that if he doesn't eat he'll be hungry until next meal time - and sometimes this works, sometimes not. Also, I think he's trying to figure out how to articulate what his body is telling him. Much like "I don't like yogurt" really means "I'm just not in the mood for yogurt right now." And that's ok and what leads me to:
Something else to try, and this is similar to what other's have mentioned regarding having them help you cook - let them help you plan the menu - a base level activity. If they feel like the have a little control - that goes a long way. i.e. "Which vegetable would you prefer: green beans or broccoli?"
You'll work through this - and they'll eventually realize you're not the twinkie smashing devil but a mother who has their best interest at heart (and belly, thighs, etc.
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Kids will eat when they are hungry enough. Older kids will hold out a lot longer, but when they are hungry they will eat, or they will find a few things in the new healthier choices that they like and start to fill up on that until they are ready to try new stuff.
Having raised a lot of teenagers, and a handful of younger children over the course of our foster parenting years, non of our kids starved. Very few had been exposed to healthy foods, because WIC, food stamps, and the food shelves have a lot of processed foods.
ALL of the kids very quickly adapted, and expanded their palates. I tried to include versions of their favorites that were healthier. Instead of fast food options, I made baked, white meat chicken nuggets with baked french fries, as an example. While high in sodium, much lower in fat and it was a healthier meat. I buy 93-96% ground beef (or bison), included a variety of veggies, and fresh fruits. Many of the kids we cared for had only ever had canned fruits in heavy syrup or fruit juices. This was a huge change for them.
The biggest changes were in snacks. Instead of crackers, chips, and cookies, we had pretzels, popcorn, yogurt, fresh fruit, and low-fat cheeses. Skim milk and cereal, although this was something they'd all go nuts on, and I had to limit cereals. "Junk foods" were limited to once a week, or a dessert night.
Seriously, none of the kids starved, and we never had a rule about them not leaving the table until they finished their meal. Eat it or wait until the next meal. If you change your mind, I'll save your plate and re-heat it for you. There was some pouting the first few days, and the child we eventually adopted was our pickiest eater. If there was something that they truly hated we'd try to avoid it. I had two brothers who absolutely detested onions. So when I'd make things with onions, I'd either puree them or limit them so they could pick them out or eat around them, which is what I do with mushrooms. Husband loves them, I hate them!
However, all bets are off with my 8 year old niece. She already is a compulsive over eater and has literally a list of about 20 foods that she'll eat. She's already obese. We're hoping my sister will take her to a therapist. She will not touch a fruit or vegetable in any form, and my sister has a poor understanding of nutrition. She'll throw 1/2 a can of processed pumpkin into a batch of pancake batter and call it healthy. Meanwhile, they add butter, chocolate chips, and powdered sugar to the finished product.
*SIGH* that's a whole different story. If I had a child with eating disorders like my niece, I would have handled it differently.0 -
If we wouldn't eat our food, my mom would lock us in the hallway with our plate of food and we weren't let out until we had eaten at least 3/4.
Tough love, but it has made me and my sisters very unpicky eaters.0 -
^^I have heard you need to introduce foods to your kids up to 20 times before they get used to it and actually like it, so don't give up! There are lots of sneaky ways to add veggies to foods-- like using a puree.
So true. I pretty much make my daughter and stepson take at least 3 bites. Half the time, they like it; the other half I get the "fake gagging" (LOL). I refuse to make 2 meals though, so they eat what I prepare or miss a meal. Btw, they have never NOT eaten anything. The more they see me and my husband eating healthy food, the more they are inclined to eat it. It's much easier with my 2 year old because she does what Mommy does. The 9 year old is a bit tougher, but for the most part, does a good job of eating his veggies and trying (at least a few bites) of new things.0 -
Maybe before you strat dinner you can ask them what do you want - your choices are healthy option 1 and helthy option 2.
They make not really want either but by letting them have a vote they are more likely to eat it. Maybe on Sundays sit down with them and say lets plan our dinners this week. Including them may make them more likely to eat it.
Otherwise.... offer them waht you make. If they dont eat it, then they can be hungry until their healthy breakfast in the morning is offered. I bet it only takes a few hungry nights to change that behavior.0 -
I agree that there are so many healthy options you can allow them to give some input when you are doing your weekly shopping. And introduce new foods at a slow, steady rate. Maybe they don't like a certain dish (maybe it's not good cooking even), but they might like it if you prepared it differently another time (within reason of course, you don't need to be a 5 star cook), or maybe they don't like one kind of veggie, but they like other kinds.
You think you have 2 very limited options, but that's absurd. We are all parents here, and we know you have more options than that. It's one thing if they are making a dramatic fuss (that should not be placated), but another thing entirely if they are actually throwing up on their plate (that's not normal kid behavior, kids hate throwing up).
And if you don't want them filling up on junk, don't provide that.0 -
Let them go hungry. As kids, we were told "eat what you get or go scratch." If we didn't like the meal, we wouldn't eat.0
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I agree!!Let them go hungry. My philosophy is... a kid will eat when they are hungry. You are doing your kids a favor by introducing this new way of eating at a young age... their taste buds will adapt, as will yours.
Enjoy the road to health!!
When my kids don't eat what I serve them, they can go hungry. Even their pediatrician agrees with me and said it was ok, But I think normal Mom guilt kicks in (for me it does).
I agree. I make my girls eat at least their veggies though. I only make things I know they like, and if I KNOW one doesn't like something, I'll sub something else. There's things I, as an adult, don't like, I don't expect them to eat everything. I do, however, expect them to TRY everything I put in front of them. If they try and don't like it, as long as they tried, I'm good with that.0 -
Tough love, but it has made me and my sisters very unpicky eaters.
Tough love would be to force a child to sit at the table, after you've made something you know they don't like, until the morning hours too? That's what happened to me. I got NO sleep for school, unless I fell asleep in my food. That's abuse in my honest opinion.0 -
hmmm. this is a tough question. i definitely dont like it when parents force their children to eat when they are not hungry. if the kid is hungry, they will let you know. now the issue of what they eat is a difficult one. i hope to raise my children eating fairly healthy from the beginning because a sudden change from yummy junk to healthy food is no fun for children.
but if thats the case i would:
1)make healthy meals that taste good- this takes time,skill, and effort but anyone can do it and it is SO worth it. ( message me if you need recipes)
2) hide veggies in their food.
3) have them help cook the meals. this will make them feel accomplished of their work and they will want to indulge in that.
4) make the food aesthetically pleasing. for example: http://media.onsugar.com/files/2010/03/11/6/678/6783316/7fbc2c3a6e1dac52_ants_on_a_log.jpg
5) educate your child as to WHY they should eat healthy.0 -
I have heard you need to introduce foods to your kids up to 20 times before they get used to it and actually like it, so don't give up! There are lots of sneaky ways to add veggies to foods-- like using a puree.
Also, have you had your kids help cook? If they can help in any way, they are proud of their creation and will probably eat it no matter what!
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My situation is somewhat different because my son has Autism which often comes with food aversions, but we never force any of our childlren (we have 4) to eat anything. As others have posted, it can take up to 20 times offering a food before a child will try it.
I try to make sure each dinner has at least something everyone likes. For example: fajitas...my children won't eat peppers and onions, but they will eat the grilled chicken or shrimp, and the rest of the toppings. I also try to make it fun to try new things. My son is against anything green, so I have him help me pick out a veg when we go shopping and then help me prepare it. He has tried broccoli and greenbeans, which he now knows he does not like, but he tried.
Along those lines I also let each child pick a dinner which they help me prepare weekly. They are in charge of planning a whole helathy meal which we shop for and make together. They are always so proud to serve a healthy meal to the family.
I also give my kiddos the option of making their own sandwiches (they are 8 year old twins, and 11 years so they know how to make a sandwich) or a bowl of cheerios. They know every night at dinner if they won't eat what we are having they have those other healthy options.
Sorry this was so long, but I hope it helps!0 -
I will never MAKE my kids sit there and eat food they don't want to. I still can't eat bananas and chicken because of this happening to me as a kid.
I am not a short order cook either. My kids eat what I feed them or they don't eat. So far they mostly opt for eating and aren't very picky at all.0 -
I make them try one bite of everything. If they don't like it, that's fine - I always make at least ONE thing that they do like, and they can have seconds of that. They're also given the option that they can have a piece of fruit, too. I also let them choose what we're having in terms of if we're having pasta - they can pick the type of noodle. If I have a meal plan for the next two days, I let them choose which night we're having what, and they know the next night, they don't have a choice. It seems to work really well with my 4 year old daughter, but my 3 year old son is VERY picky (autistic with sensory aversions) and will bounce between liking certain things one day, and not the next. We never know what he'll eat, or if he'll eat - but fruit and dry cereal (cheerios or kix) are always options for him if he doesn't want/can't tolerate something that day.0
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Ours is a household of 5 children 14-4.
I know they usually prefer "elemental."
Meaning, not big on casseroles, soups, etc...there are exceptions.
But just basic foods pretty much as they are.
Whole Roasting chicken from the BBQ
Basic salad and (usually) basic dressing like ranch
Some sort of dessert (which they may eat if they ate dinner, of course )
or
Roast
Potatoes
Veggies
or
Pizza (we make using dough from Trader Joes, marinara, and cheese)
Salad
or
Tuna salad with carrots (tuna and mayo)
baked salmon
roasted veggies
I try to serve something they reasonably like.
An appetite will prevail and they eat.....or if not, then, no dessert
This is all cheerfully enforced.
In otherwords, if they did not want to eat, I don't get upset or anxious.
The next meal is coming and they can try again, then.
And I reassure them of this.
It can be a bummer to miss dessert, so this is motivating (it would be for me, too, and I am adult lol!)
We just move on with the day.
A strategy I use to maximize their appetites, is I emphasize having them eat the meat/veggie.
Then if that is eaten, they may have the bread part of the meal.
I practically NEVER serve any beverage other than water:) Not even milk.
Don't get distressed. Make improvement the best you know how and can....then move on to the next day.0 -
All of my kids went through the picky thing. 2 of them (now 8 and 10) will finally eat just about anything I give them, knowing that I am eating the same thing, so it can't be too terrible.
My 7 year old is a whole other story. She refuses to try 99.9% of things, including foods she can see a spice in, anything that's got any kind of texture to it, such as sauces etc, anything with meat other than some chicken or very rarely, she'll try ham. She cannot have her food touching AT ALL, and is just generally very very frustrating to deal with at meal times.
I have tried everything from sitting with her for hours at the table, bargaining with her that she can have anything she wants if she shows me she can take ONE bite, I've put her food away and taken it out the very next time she complains she's hungry, and I've let her go to bed without eating.... NOTHING works with her.
She will not be bribed, coaxed or threatened into eating something she's made up her mind is "icky".
The kicker is, she is addicted to the Create chanel, specifically the cooking shows, and she's always saying they look SO good and she wants to eat those things... but even if I cook the same things, or even let her cook them (with supervision), she gets all excited while they are cooking and then becomes bull headed when it's on her plate.
I've finally started buying PediaSure Sidekicks ready to drink, and have her drink 2 each day, one in the morning and one shortly before bed to make sure she gets SOME nutrients.
I'm at my wit's end.....0 -
I went back and read some of the posts and am hearing a lot of, "My parents made me and I'm fine". Just because your parents did it and you are fine doesn't mean it is right! Forcing kids to eat certain foods, or making them sit at the table until they eat fosters a difficult relationship with food. That is the last thing you want!0
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We had a rule with out son. He didn't have to eat it, but he had to honestly taste it. One good bite was all. A lick wasn't a taste. If he didn't like it, he could get a peanut butter sandwich. It worked very well. It became no big deal after a while. If he was tired of sandwiches, maybe the new dish didn't taste so bad. He is now 23 years old and still doesn't like tomatoes, but he says he tries them once in a while to see if that is still true.0
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My kids fall into the low % for weight. My son is in the 18% and my daughter is in the 22%. We let them try new foods. Due to the fact that they are under weight if they don't like what is being served they are allowed to get a frozen Pancake or Waffle. Lots of the time they are asked before they go to school what they like for dinner. They also need to agree on foods. They are allowed some junk food but they eat only small portions by their own choice. I don't force them to eat one day they will be hardly hungry and the next they are eating up a storm. They love carrots, fresh Mango's, carrots, apples. Oranges, Grapes. There is always fresh fruit for them to eat. Their doctor wants them to put on more weight so that is why they are allowed to eat something else. I am happy if they just eat something. I would prefer for them to eat Peanut Butter but they don't like it. My husband is also a Vegeterian so at times it can be a challenge to make everybody happy. But I do convert foods that can made to be vegeterian as wel.. If the kids want a hot dog they are allowed to eat it, then Dad will eat a Veggie Dog. Most of the meals are made from scratch but if they want something like a Hot Dog I will let them eat it. They also like Spinach Salad so they have been know to eat salads with vegetables with grilled chicken. So it can be a challenge but I never force a kids to eat. I want them to have some choices of some kiddie food but everything in moderation. I don't want them to feel like they can't have the food. But I can tell you we really don't have candy in the house. It depends on how you want to raise your kids, but I don't won't to force them to eat something they don't like. I remember being forced to stay at the table for hours because I wouldn't eat it literally I was so stubborn I would stay there for two hours etc my Mother would finally give up. I only ended up not wanting a few things and one she had a harder time dealing with I wouldn't eat Potato Salad. Coming from a German family she wasn't thrilled. So at family gatherings she would fix me a plate first without the Potato Salad and when my Grandparents would talk to me in German and they thought I ate it all but to keep peace my Mom just told me to shake my head yes she didn't want to offend the family.0
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You aren't going to get turned in for providing a nutritious meal that your kid refuses to eat.
If my daughter doesn't eat what I make, she doesn't eat. End of story. I'm the grown-up, I make the rules and decide what is good for her. If she were in control, we'd be eating Lucky Charms and Nutella morning, noon, and night. Kids are not developed enough to make decisions like that.
If she is hungry later, she can have a piece of fruit. There is no access to junk food for her to "pig out" on.
*Edit to say that I always make sure there is something she likes on her plate - some apple wedges, yogurt, etc. And some nights, we have something I know she enjoys (whole wheat spaghetti & marinara for example). But, I don't make seperate meals, and I'm not a short order cook.
Well stated... I think this is the way I would handle it as well.0 -
Here's the scenario...
Overweight parents used to eating larger portion sizes and the wrong foods...
Very normal kids who are a mix of picky eaters and one that tends to eat more than they should, very young in age
The household is trying to change thier eating habits to healthier choices
#1 Don't argue it, healthier food is more expensive until you learn that tiny portions are the actual portion size. Again Don't argue that point, I know its accurate.
So the kids don't like beans, rice, plain veggies, not fond of the taste of some spices. Etc..... they just aren't digging the change
The adult in the house understands that this is the way food is supposed to be because they haven't yet picked up all these great ways that everyone talks about of fixing these wonderful tasting recipes.... plain is what they know plain is healthy.... becuase they are learning.
The kids think it's gross and don't want to eat it.
Choice 1: Do you let them go hungry and have them pig out at the next opportunity on the foods they like
Choice 2: Or do you sit there until they eat it, and sit through the "fake puking" or real in some cases.... crying, screaming etc.until they eat it.
Keep in mind choice 1 could get you turned in for not feeding your kids...depending on who hears the story and how DHS/CPS friendly they are.
What do you do? I have little faith that too many people will answer this but wanted to see if I'd get anything.
Thanks!
Hi,
I know that this seems like a "this or that" situation but why not choose Choice 3. Children (and some adults like my wife) have a texture and tactile issue with some foods. My wife can't eat a sweet potato skin because it reminds her of a paper bag. My daughter can't eat raw baby carrots because they are too hard to bit into and she doesn't like the snapping sound. My son doesn't like the texture of rice in his mouth and the bland taste. At one point, I couldn't eat spinach because of how slimy it felt in my mouth.
People are sensitive to different things and when dealing with people (even little people) you have to consider their personal needs and sensitivities. What makes the children convulse is a result of their mouth denying that texture, taste, or smell of the food. I think it's time to dress up the food! They don't like broccoli? First tell them they are silly because broccoli is AWESOME and pour some raw organic from the health food store for $5 honey on them and tell them that you understand they don't like it but hopefully the honey will make them WANT to eat it. That didn't work? Buy a food processor and puree it and mix it in their mash potatoes or put it in your burger meat when you make burgers.
Another thing to consider is food intolerances. If ____ food is making them sick (like milk and wheat does for me) then I would refuse to eat it too. It's like having arsenic at the table and being told I *have* to eat it. So you may have to switch up your veggies if you believe that they are having an upset tummy from it.
But as long as they are eating it in the closest to raw form (not boiled, buttered, or BBQ'ed) then the veggies are going to retain most of their nutritional benefits so if smothering it with honey, ranch, or chocolate syrup gets them to eat it do it! Eventually, you won't need to glaze them or give them dipping sauces and they will be able to just straight up enjoy them. The key is to trick them into enjoying it without being abusive and domineering.
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm glad I'm not the only one who would actually rather encourage a healthy relationship with food that will carry on into adulthood, rather than win the battle and lose the war. I would honestly rather have my kids be picky eaters who learn to eat healthfully within their preferences, than grow up eating what other people tell them to and thinking coercion and control issues around food were normal and healthy.0
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My kids, luckily, aren't that picky of eaters. When I do sit down and make a Menu, I have my husband look over it, since he's picky with some things. The rule is: Let me know now if you don't want to eat it. If not, then you have to at least try it. I tell the kiddos the same thing. 2 bites is all I ask. If after 2 bites they still don't like it, I ask them why. Sometimes, they just aren't in the mood for whatever was made. I can sympathize with that. I get that way too. Generally that leads to a sandwich.
So, I guess my answer is Choice 3...or 4...I lost count. Unless it's a known issue with food (texture, allergy, etc), then they are required to at least try it. If the distaste continues, I generally don't make it again. I won't continually make a food that my family doesn't enjoy. And I love experimenting with food enough that it's a non-issue with me.0
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