Do you let your kids go hungry or force them to eat it?

julieh391

Everyone in my house eats differently. My 11yo son is vegetarian and loves veggies/beans/grains, so he's not picky at all. Hubby likes manly meaty meals that are low fat/low cal. 3yo daughter likes grains/bread/fruit/dairy. All day we're great, but dinner is usually very boring for her. And I'm counting every calorie I eat and eat very little meat. What I do is make a variety. I'll make a veggie dish (curry or roasted veggies or something) that my son will love, meat that hubby will love, and rice/quinoa/pasta that the little lady will love. We all take what we like. Same with tacos or pizza, etc. It's no more work for me because it all goes together, but everyone gets what they want. I would be livid if someone gave me goat cheese, liver, and mushrooms (ew, ew, ew-I'm putting myself in the kids' shoes) and said, "she'll eat when she's hungry." I'd likely just die of starvation or hate the people "taking care" of me. Options. Healthy options are key. Some days my 3yo doesn't like anything we're having (if I put spices in the quinoa or something), and she'll eat an apple with natural peanut butter and greek yogurt for dinner. Works for me.

howdeelightful

Ok, so my son is 3 right now. We have the deal that he has to take at least 1 bite of everything on your plate. If he doesn't like something, he can pick something else to eat. But, if he doesn't at least try everything, then he doesn't get anything else. This has worked out really well for us so far. He is pretty honest as to whether he likes it or not. We figure we are going to up the number of bites as he gets older. Eventually, what I make is what you eat. I try to make foods that he likes though, or at least pair foods he likes with the new things. He tastes change, just like ours. Plus, you should continue to introduce the same food multiple times before you get a true sense if they like it or not. He eventually always eats at least that one bite of everything. We call it a "try me" bite. Kids will eat when they are hungry. Also, we do not let him not eat something we know he likes. We also have him try each thing that we have at a restaurant. That's also how he learns to like new things. In fact, last week on vacation he found out he like alligator because he tried his dads. Good luck!!

karengroovy

I have a 2 1/2 yo. He's typically picky. My feeling is that, just as adults get some choice in what they eat, kids should also get some choice. I know not everyone agrees, but it works well in our house. However, I feel it's important to balance offering choice with also being reasonable and not overly burdensome on the parents. So what I do is make my food (Atkins-friendly), and I'll maybe make some rice on the side for my husband and son. I'll often give my son some fruit as well, something I know he likes, and usually I let him choose between two options (he can also choose both). After that, if he eats, he eats, and if he doesn't, he doesn't. You can't force a kid to eat, and if you try, you just create control issues for them about food. They should be presented with a number of healthy options, and they can choose all, some, or none..

If they make faces or say rude things about the food (which I haven't dealt with so I'm just imagining what I'll do when it eventually happens), I'd give a warning the first time: you don't have to eat it, but you do have to be respectful of me and my effort in making it. If you choose not to eat it, that's fine, but you'll be polite about it and simply say, 'no thank you'. If he did it again after that, honestly, I'd clear his plate and let him sit there with no food while we finished eating. Since he's only a toddler, I'd offer him a snack a little later, because I worry about him getting enough nutrition, but when he's older he's not going to get that extra chance -- it'll be here's dinner, you're welcome for it, and it's this or nothing til morning. I promise he'd think twice before being rude about dinner again. Kids whine and complain because they know if they push long enough, you might cave. Prove to them that you won't cave no matter what, and wow, suddenly they figure out there's another way to behave.

That's my two cents. You'll be in for a rough week or two until they realize mom means it when she says this is dinner, period, but once they get it then your whole family will be on track to better health. It's worth it to be the tough guy for a little while to get that result. GL!

Pandorian

Another thing when introducing a new food, be prepared to bring the "new food" back but try cooking it a different way, I dislike boiled veggies but the same assortment of veggies steamed or broiled or roasted.... eat 'em all day long.

Sometimes it's the texture of a prep method that makes a food not be enjoyed.

howdeelightful

Another thing when introducing a new food, be prepared to bring the "new food" back but try cooking it a different way, I dislike boiled veggies but the same assortment of veggies steamed or broiled or roasted.... eat 'em all day long.

Sometimes it's the texture of a prep method that makes a food not be enjoyed.

Completely agree!! Also, make sure you are bringing your kids in to help cook. It's a great learning experience and they are more likely to try it if they helped make it!

LittleMissDover

Not had time to read all replies but in my house a new food is introduced alongside a food they like, they have to try the new food but if they genuinely don't like it then they're not going hungry.

sscorse

I try to offer my kids a reward, like "you have to taste everything, even if it's only 1 bite" then offer then something healthy I know they'll eat, like fruit, or oddly enough my son loves green beans despite his pickiness toward yummier foods like chicken!

I never make them starve or throw a fit about them "eating every last bite" since that's the mentality that will not produce healthy children, but children who feel the need to eat everything on their plate, instead of listening to their bodies.

I try to offer them 1 thing they love, like a certain veggie or a type of meat, and then tell them they must eat all of 1 item, like "all your corn, and 3 bites of everything else"

my 4 year old used to sit there for ever refusing, but when I held my ground he eventually figured out it wasn't that bad and now will (still with a stink face) eat what I ask him to.

I also always talk about what we ate and praise him for trying new things.
my most common phrase is "Thank you for trying your ____, I know it's not your favorite, and I appreciate you eating some."

Arperjen

My son is 8 and crazy-picky, so I do a couple of things.

1.) With new food, I do the "try it before you decide you hate it" routine.
2.) If he doesn't want what I make for meals, he can eat raw fruits/vegetables, with no dessert or snacks. I learned early on that letting him go hungry isn't going to do us or him any favors - he'll just get cranky from an empty stomach and make mine and dad's life hell.

He's at a normal weight for his size, and his doc agrees that he's pretty healthy. Over time, he's been more willing to at least try different things (case in point: he eats steamed broccoli now, and actually asked for seconds of it.)

Laddiegirl

I grew up with a sister who was a very picky eater so my mom would make a dinner that had a protein everyone would eat, at least one side dish that everyone would eat and had a manditory rule that you had to eat at least 2 fork/spoonfulls of the other dishes and you could leave as soon as that was gone. If it was something we truely detested we had an exception to that item (she grew up with a parent who would force her to eat food that would physically make her sick like eggs so she didn't want to do that to us).

My parents also believed they weren't exempt from that rule and also had to eat the manditory two fork/spoonfuls of the item they didn't like much (my mom didn't like spinach, my dad didn't like cooked carrots) because they were showing us an example of why that rule was in place and it is important to eat healthy food even if you don't like it as much as another. It worked! My sister is still rather picky but I still see her require herself to eat at least some of steamed veggies that come with dinner in a restaurant because its "good for me".

Flutterloo

My kids are 2 and 3. They like quinoa, homemade black bean veggie burgers, sauteed zucchini, broccoli or "little trees" asthey call them, carrots, celery, generally they like salad (think basic side salad), etc. My daughter (2) wouldn't eat meat for a long time. Instead of forcing it I found ways to work plant based proteins into her diet that she might actually like. She will now occasionally eat beef and chicken, but never pork or any other meats/fish that we've offered. She also, under NO circumstances, eats rice or mashed potatoes. Period. She refuses. My son (3) is the chow hound. If it is there he will eat it, lol. I have never given him dinner and had him refuse it.

So I don't know, I don't have a huge problem with getting them fed. They are still so young that they don't even know what they like yet. If they don't eat what I make, then they can have a fruit or veggie. Occasionally I will give them a bit of PB on whole wheat bread. But I'm not going to make a whole other dinner just to get them to eat. The food is there, it's safe to eat, they have no reason not to eat it.

I also think that sometimes they just aren't hungry. And that's fine too. I don't like being forced to eat when I'm not hungry, so I imagine they are the same.

vim_n_vigor

I didn't make all the changes at one time. Slowly we introduced new foods, but kept familiar favorites too (and we haven't banned any of the favorites, they just aren't a daily occurrence). Food shouldn't be a punishment for you or your kids. They should still be able to enjoy what you have on the table.

rugbygirlca

I make sure that there is at least one thing on the plate that each person in the house likes. My kids are now very very adventurous, but it wasn't always so. There was a time that the only vegetable that my now 2.5yr old would eat was peas. So, most meals, there was peas on her plate + other veggies + other heathy choices. Some evenings, she ate peas and little else. No seconds of anything until (basically) everything on the plate is gone (recommended to me by a nutritionist).

I have one kid who is a grazer and one who is a bit like a labrador retriever (will eat as much as she is given). I just make food a non-issue. You eat, you eat. You don't, you don't. You're hungry 30 minutes after a meal...too bad. You're hungry 2 hrs after a meal...have a healthy snack. My 5 yr old does not have to ask if she would like fruit, veggies or water - she is welcome to help herself from the fridge. If she would like anything else, she needs to ask.

MyOwnSunshine

I have a very picky, normal weight child.

I was a very un-picky, ate-everything-given-to-me, overweight child.

I cook a lot and eat mostly healthy foods. My mom cooked a lot and made a variety of foods. I love to eat. I was the person, before I had children, who said, "My child will never be picky and will eat everything that I cook for them. It's all about how you introduce foods and providing healthy choices on a regular basis."

Yeah. That didn't go the way I thought it would.

After much thought and many discussions with the pediatrician and my counselor who specializes in disordered eating, I have decided to honor my child's inherent ways of eating and (within reason) food preferences as long as she remains at a normal, healthy weight.

Although she is very picky, she loves/hates healthy and unhealthy things equally, and eats with decent portion control. She truly does not like vegetables. She just doesn't. She also doesn't like soda, any rich desserts or pasta. It balances out. She does love fruit and most meat, if it's cooked the right way. If you give her six cookies, she will eat one and ask to save the rest for later. If you serve her a reasonable amount of protein, she will eat most of it without prompting. I try not to mess around too much with her portions or choices, because I'm obviously the poster child for the "don't" side of the way to eat as a child.

I am also not willing to sacrifice the peace and joy of sharing dinner as a family every night by insisting on winning "the battle of the dinner plate." I have decided that I will keep a reasonable amount of decent choices on hand for my daughter. I make what I want for dinner. She can eat it or she can choose from one of her choices -- usually turkey sandwich, PB&J, or baked chicken nuggets with fruit or yogurt as a side.

This works for us. She is healthy and eats relatively healthy food, although not the same food I choose to eat. We discuss what makes food healthy and unhealthy. We talk about moderation and how to make good food choices. I have noticed that she is becoming slightly more adventurous in her choices as she progresses in school. She desperately wants to love corn-on-the-cob because it is her BFF's favorite food, but she gags every time she tries it.

I believe that some people have more sensitivity to oxalates and other compounds in vegetables, and some people just have a more limitied and sensitive palate than others. As long as your kids are eating relatively healthy, and you are not going too far out of your way to indulge them, it is okay to have alternate choices. We don't all like the same things, and no one should be forced to eat food that doesn't taste good to them.

AmyFett

I was forced to eat my food as a child. Literally forced. I'd have to sit at the table until the next morning if I refused. I DON'T make my kids sit and eat until every bite is gone. I do, however, tell them they need to at least finish their veggies and take a few bites of whatever else we're having. I don't give them too much and I know they can handle what I do give them. They know if they don't eat what I told them, then no snack and nothing to eat later on at night. If they don't want to be hungry later, they eat their dinner or just don't care and don't fight it about not eating later on.

jenbk2

What if you gave them a choice- Corn or carrots? Turkey or chicken? The food choices can all be healthy- but they will feel more in power when it is their choice.

pamelak5

I strongly recommend Ellyn Satter's book, child of mine. I follow her approach - basically, you decide what the kids eat for dinner. They decide whether to eat, and how much to eat. Make sure there is one thing they like on the table, but don't coerce them, no "one bite", no congratulating them on eating a vegetable. So, if you know your kid likes peas, for example - don't push on the carriots, chicken and rice. There shoudl be something healthy they like on the table - whole grain bread, pasta, rice, whatever. Forcing just causes a power struggle; forcing a kid violates the most basic bodily autonomy. That being said, you don't make something else. It's okay if they're hungry, they have a chance to fill up on one of the healthy options at the table. If we don't pressure kids, they will eventually self regulate.

Amayrial

I was force fed tuna when I was a child and it makes me vomit to this day.. (all fish/seafood actually)

I have come to the conclusion tha tkids wont starve themselves. Eventually they will eat. When my kids were little, I'd modify how I cooked their portions (pain in the butt I know, but better then two separate meals) prior to saucing or adding spices to a meat, I'd cook some plain for my son and sometimes my daughter. Then they got a small helping of what ever veggie I was cooking too (much to their dislike). But no desert of snacks later unless they ate what portion I gave them.

My son still doesnt like "sauced or spicy foods" but has learned some veggies are actually very good, such as Bok Choy.

boogie17

I never force my 4yr old to eat something he don't like. But then again, he will eat almost anything. He love's rice, carrots, apples, lettuce. so he doesn't want to eat when i do, i let him tell me when he's hungry.

AReasor

I'd like to second the fact that the kids may like veggies, just prepared differently. My kids hate stir fry vegetables. BUT give them the same veggies raw and they chow down.

Keep trying and remember Rome wasn't built in a day. My youngest daughter wouldn't eat food, only suck on it as a toddler and her food preferences changed daily(the girl made me nuts). She is 7 now and has started eating almost everything we eat. She actually enjoyed pork chops, cooked apples, and rice pilaf the other night.

In my house if you don't eat dinner, that is fine. But don't expect a snack later.

DawnieB1977

I've always eaten healthy food (my recent weight loss is due to putting on weight while pregnant) so my kids have always been offered healthy meals.

My son is 3 and my daughter is 16 months, and they're pretty different in terms of eating. My son can live off fresh air it seems and is full of energy all the time. He eats pretty well now, but until he was just over 2, some days he would literally eat 2 yoghurts and that was it. My daughter has been amazing at eating since we weaned her at 6 months - she will try anything. Both are tall and slim, and my son is underweight for his height. They're also both very active.

They eat what we eat for dinner, end of! I never make extra meals. When my daughter has had enough she starts sweeping her food onto the floor! When my son is full he'll push his plate away and say he's finished, or sometimes he'll just get up and put his food in the bin! I do sometimes get him to eat a bit more because I know he's hungry, and I bribe him with things like 'we'll go to the park tomorrow if you eat 3 more mouthfuls'. If he's genuinely full I'd never force him to eat. Young kids only need small portions anyway.

Tonight we had fish fingers, broccoli, peas and baked beans and he ate most of it and then asked for a banana. I don't mind that, he ate nearly all of it and then wanted some fruit.

I'm quite lucky in that they both like healthy food, but if there was something they really didn't like I wouldn't force them to eat it. We have choice over what we cook, so obviously we'll make things we like, but children don't have that choice.

I hope they continue to be good and like healthy food as they grow up!