Do you let your kids go hungry or force them to eat it?

vim_n_vigor

I didn't make all the changes at one time. Slowly we introduced new foods, but kept familiar favorites too (and we haven't banned any of the favorites, they just aren't a daily occurrence). Food shouldn't be a punishment for you or your kids. They should still be able to enjoy what you have on the table.

rugbygirlca

I make sure that there is at least one thing on the plate that each person in the house likes. My kids are now very very adventurous, but it wasn't always so. There was a time that the only vegetable that my now 2.5yr old would eat was peas. So, most meals, there was peas on her plate + other veggies + other heathy choices. Some evenings, she ate peas and little else. No seconds of anything until (basically) everything on the plate is gone (recommended to me by a nutritionist).

I have one kid who is a grazer and one who is a bit like a labrador retriever (will eat as much as she is given). I just make food a non-issue. You eat, you eat. You don't, you don't. You're hungry 30 minutes after a meal...too bad. You're hungry 2 hrs after a meal...have a healthy snack. My 5 yr old does not have to ask if she would like fruit, veggies or water - she is welcome to help herself from the fridge. If she would like anything else, she needs to ask.

MyOwnSunshine

I have a very picky, normal weight child.

I was a very un-picky, ate-everything-given-to-me, overweight child.

I cook a lot and eat mostly healthy foods. My mom cooked a lot and made a variety of foods. I love to eat. I was the person, before I had children, who said, "My child will never be picky and will eat everything that I cook for them. It's all about how you introduce foods and providing healthy choices on a regular basis."

Yeah. That didn't go the way I thought it would.

After much thought and many discussions with the pediatrician and my counselor who specializes in disordered eating, I have decided to honor my child's inherent ways of eating and (within reason) food preferences as long as she remains at a normal, healthy weight.

Although she is very picky, she loves/hates healthy and unhealthy things equally, and eats with decent portion control. She truly does not like vegetables. She just doesn't. She also doesn't like soda, any rich desserts or pasta. It balances out. She does love fruit and most meat, if it's cooked the right way. If you give her six cookies, she will eat one and ask to save the rest for later. If you serve her a reasonable amount of protein, she will eat most of it without prompting. I try not to mess around too much with her portions or choices, because I'm obviously the poster child for the "don't" side of the way to eat as a child.

I am also not willing to sacrifice the peace and joy of sharing dinner as a family every night by insisting on winning "the battle of the dinner plate." I have decided that I will keep a reasonable amount of decent choices on hand for my daughter. I make what I want for dinner. She can eat it or she can choose from one of her choices -- usually turkey sandwich, PB&J, or baked chicken nuggets with fruit or yogurt as a side.

This works for us. She is healthy and eats relatively healthy food, although not the same food I choose to eat. We discuss what makes food healthy and unhealthy. We talk about moderation and how to make good food choices. I have noticed that she is becoming slightly more adventurous in her choices as she progresses in school. She desperately wants to love corn-on-the-cob because it is her BFF's favorite food, but she gags every time she tries it.

I believe that some people have more sensitivity to oxalates and other compounds in vegetables, and some people just have a more limitied and sensitive palate than others. As long as your kids are eating relatively healthy, and you are not going too far out of your way to indulge them, it is okay to have alternate choices. We don't all like the same things, and no one should be forced to eat food that doesn't taste good to them.

AmyFett

I was forced to eat my food as a child. Literally forced. I'd have to sit at the table until the next morning if I refused. I DON'T make my kids sit and eat until every bite is gone. I do, however, tell them they need to at least finish their veggies and take a few bites of whatever else we're having. I don't give them too much and I know they can handle what I do give them. They know if they don't eat what I told them, then no snack and nothing to eat later on at night. If they don't want to be hungry later, they eat their dinner or just don't care and don't fight it about not eating later on.

jenbk2

What if you gave them a choice- Corn or carrots? Turkey or chicken? The food choices can all be healthy- but they will feel more in power when it is their choice.

pamelak5

I strongly recommend Ellyn Satter's book, child of mine. I follow her approach - basically, you decide what the kids eat for dinner. They decide whether to eat, and how much to eat. Make sure there is one thing they like on the table, but don't coerce them, no "one bite", no congratulating them on eating a vegetable. So, if you know your kid likes peas, for example - don't push on the carriots, chicken and rice. There shoudl be something healthy they like on the table - whole grain bread, pasta, rice, whatever. Forcing just causes a power struggle; forcing a kid violates the most basic bodily autonomy. That being said, you don't make something else. It's okay if they're hungry, they have a chance to fill up on one of the healthy options at the table. If we don't pressure kids, they will eventually self regulate.

Amayrial

I was force fed tuna when I was a child and it makes me vomit to this day.. (all fish/seafood actually)

I have come to the conclusion tha tkids wont starve themselves. Eventually they will eat. When my kids were little, I'd modify how I cooked their portions (pain in the butt I know, but better then two separate meals) prior to saucing or adding spices to a meat, I'd cook some plain for my son and sometimes my daughter. Then they got a small helping of what ever veggie I was cooking too (much to their dislike). But no desert of snacks later unless they ate what portion I gave them.

My son still doesnt like "sauced or spicy foods" but has learned some veggies are actually very good, such as Bok Choy.

boogie17

I never force my 4yr old to eat something he don't like. But then again, he will eat almost anything. He love's rice, carrots, apples, lettuce. so he doesn't want to eat when i do, i let him tell me when he's hungry.

AReasor

I'd like to second the fact that the kids may like veggies, just prepared differently. My kids hate stir fry vegetables. BUT give them the same veggies raw and they chow down.

Keep trying and remember Rome wasn't built in a day. My youngest daughter wouldn't eat food, only suck on it as a toddler and her food preferences changed daily(the girl made me nuts). She is 7 now and has started eating almost everything we eat. She actually enjoyed pork chops, cooked apples, and rice pilaf the other night.

In my house if you don't eat dinner, that is fine. But don't expect a snack later.

DawnieB1977

I've always eaten healthy food (my recent weight loss is due to putting on weight while pregnant) so my kids have always been offered healthy meals.

My son is 3 and my daughter is 16 months, and they're pretty different in terms of eating. My son can live off fresh air it seems and is full of energy all the time. He eats pretty well now, but until he was just over 2, some days he would literally eat 2 yoghurts and that was it. My daughter has been amazing at eating since we weaned her at 6 months - she will try anything. Both are tall and slim, and my son is underweight for his height. They're also both very active.

They eat what we eat for dinner, end of! I never make extra meals. When my daughter has had enough she starts sweeping her food onto the floor! When my son is full he'll push his plate away and say he's finished, or sometimes he'll just get up and put his food in the bin! I do sometimes get him to eat a bit more because I know he's hungry, and I bribe him with things like 'we'll go to the park tomorrow if you eat 3 more mouthfuls'. If he's genuinely full I'd never force him to eat. Young kids only need small portions anyway.

Tonight we had fish fingers, broccoli, peas and baked beans and he ate most of it and then asked for a banana. I don't mind that, he ate nearly all of it and then wanted some fruit.

I'm quite lucky in that they both like healthy food, but if there was something they really didn't like I wouldn't force them to eat it. We have choice over what we cook, so obviously we'll make things we like, but children don't have that choice.

I hope they continue to be good and like healthy food as they grow up!

sbilyeu75

My daughter is a picky eater. She has to try at least 1 bite of everything. Sometimes we make her stay at the table until she at least eats her protein portion and vegetables. She has a time limit of sitting at the table. Once she's hit that limit, her food is packed up into the refrigerator until she says she's hungry then she gets what she refused to eat.

The only exception to this rule, is if I'm making something that I absolutely know she doesn't like.

rachelmorgan77

Here's my question...when would they get a chance to pig out on the bad for you food that they like? If you're cooking healthy meals, then that's all the option they have. Sure, not all kids like all veggies or fruits, but don't give them the choice of blueberries or french fries...

In my house the kids have to try everything. Sure, they may not like it, but at least they've tried it. And after "trying" it a few times, they get used to it and they eat it no problem.

heatherloveslifting

Neither. Through trial and error I find healthier foods they like. If they don't want to eat fine. They can have a (healthy) snack later. If I don't keep junk around it's not an option.

Collinsky

I didn't make all the changes at one time. Slowly we introduced new foods, but kept familiar favorites too (and we haven't banned any of the favorites, they just aren't a daily occurrence). Food shouldn't be a punishment for you or your kids. They should still be able to enjoy what you have on the table.

Exactly this. Even if I were making sudden, sweeping changes to my own diet, I would understand that for my kids (who theoretically, didn't make that choice themselves) I would need to make gradual changes. I make their favorite foods more healthfully, for instance. Junky food becomes more and more rare, but isn't altogether forbidden. (Otherwise you'll end up with teenagers who gorge on the stuff when they're not at home, or who have otherwise unhealthy attachments to food.) Making kids miserable with healthy food is just about the surest way to guarantee that - no matter what they force themselves to choke down now - they'll end up making unhealthy choices later on.

My tips for dealing with kids and food:

We always make sure that at every meal, there is at least one thing that each child can and will eat.

I involve them in meal planning and preparation. (If a kid helps make the salad, he's more likely to at least take a few bites when it's time to eat!)

I find out their preferences, and try to incorporate the healthy choices into the week.

If they don't like something prepared one way, then I'd try to find another way to prepare it that they DO like. And there are many, many ways to modify favorite treat recipes to make them less sugary or less fatty, or to add more nutrients, more protein, etc.

We don't demonize any foods here. None of it is forbidden - I don't think it's a great idea to set some foods up as that special.

We encourage them to try any new foods, and we introduce new foods regularly - but they don't have to ever clean their plate, or gag down something truly awful to them. (They know now that some people literally can taste more "bitter" than other people. Kids around 3-4 have the highest ability to taste bitter, which means they aren't faking when the spinach gags them. It's not put on; in the wild, it would protect them from eating plants that might poison them. They just have a better sense of taste than they will when they're 23 - but even as adults it varies widely from person to person.) Our chosen method is modeling. For example, I will try something new myself. I'll let them know what I thought of it, and whether I liked it or not, I'll say, "I'm so glad I tried that! I never had _______ before!" so that no matter what, they'll see that the experience of trying is positive, even if the taste was not.

quietasariot

It depends on the food. I don't specifically make foods that the kids don't like - I mean, if *I* don't like a food I'm not going to make it for me, why would I do that to my children? However, there is absolutely no "cook for individual needs" in my house. I am not a short order cook and my kids know that. They don't eat a whole lot in one sitting, usually, so overeating is not a problem with them.
If I make something and they whine about it they can either sit there and finish it without whining, or they can have it packed up and eat it for whatever the next meal is. Sometimes they just aren't hungry.

I have a friend who has drastically changed her lifestyle in terms of eating habits so she has of course the challenge of changing her little ones' eating habits. She said it took about three days for her oldest to stop throwing tantrums and to stop trying to make himself puke at the dinner table. You have to pick one way to do things and stick with it.

When I was a kid the rule was, finish all of it. This sometimes resulted in sitting at the dinner table until 8 or 9pm because I wouldn't finish the liver and onions my mom made. To this day I can't even stand the smell of it and I'm 28 years old.

SoDamnHungry

Never force your children to eat things they hate. Try something else next time.

Collinsky

Here's my question...when would they get a chance to pig out on the bad for you food that they like? If you're cooking healthy meals, then that's all the option they have. Sure, not all kids like all veggies or fruits, but don't give them the choice of blueberries or french fries...

When they're little, it's easy to keep track of their food... but when they're 9 and going over to friends houses after school, or having sleepovers, or whatever? Unless you keep you child on a very short leash into their teen years, at some point they're going to be sitting in front of Twinkies and Twizzlers.

stardancer7

One small thing I did with my picky eater (ADHD, extreme sensitivity to texture) was take her to the grocery store with me. We bought one of every kind of apple being sold and the family had a taste test. Non-negotiable: she had to have an apple a day; negotiable: whichever kind she liked best. It worked. (Spartans won, BTW)

getfit1975

there has to be staples that they do like so take those and find the healthy alternative for them... example chicken nuggets make your own with boneless skinless ck breast and bake them in the oven. hot dogs = turkey dogs... spaghetti with meat sauce= whole gain pasta with ground turkey meat. french fries = cut your own potatoes and bake them in the oven. mac-n-cheese = haven't figured this one out pizza = pita bread with homemade sauce and turkey pepperoni.

dang I am getting hungry!

Collinsky

One small thing I did with my picky eater (ADHD, extreme sensitivity to texture) was take her to the grocery store with me. We bought one of every kind of apple being sold and the family had a taste test. Non-negotiable: she had to have an apple a day; negotiable: whichever kind she liked best. It worked. (Spartans won, BTW)

That's a fantastic idea! I have five kids, and I know they have apple preferences, but I can never remember which ones are the favorites. A taste test would be so fun, and lucky for us, this is the time of year to head to the pick-your-own orchards!

berryjk

I run a child care so I KNOW how picky kids can be. I also know that one day they'll say they love something and the next they'll tell me they hate it...Every day is a battle! BUT...every day I win! More often than not it isn't the fact they're not hungry or they don't like what they are being served...it's the fact that they would rather be doing something else..something fun! At least here that is the norm! but with my own children the rule is they have to take at least 2 bites before they decide if they like it or not. my children are 7 and 3.

3 things I find most common in families with picky eaters are:

(1) Parents will cave and give the child what they want to avoid an argument with the child. Once a parent starts this routine it becomes darn near IMPOSSIBLE to break. The more you insist they eat it the more they fight you because they know eventually you'll cave because you've done it before.

(2) Picky parents!! If you don't eat it how can you expect them too?? Kids that don't see there #1 influence consume certain foods (usually vegetables) raises suspicion in the child's mind. They think, "If they are supposedly good for us, why aren't you eating them?" As the parent set the "healthy eating" example by eating the foods you want your child to eat regardless of liking them yourself.

(3)This last one is most common among families where one of the parents is home all day and the said "picky child" is not yet in school. I can't begin to count how many times a day the children tell me they are hungry. As an at home parent i hear the words, "I'm hungry" ALL DAY LONG. So what happens is the kid says this all day and more often then not the parent absent mindedly starts forking over snacks. anything from string cheese, crackers, fruit snacks, granola bars, cookies, etc. By dinner time the child is actually not being picky, but is stuffed. However, they may still pick at their dinner especially if there something on their plate they really like making it seem like they are hungry but being picky towards the rest of the meal.

Nikki143

Let them go hungry. My philosophy is... a kid will eat when they are hungry. You are doing your kids a favor by introducing this new way of eating at a young age... their taste buds will adapt, as will yours.
Enjoy the road to health!!

I agree!!
When my kids don't eat what I serve them, they can go hungry. Even their pediatrician agrees with me and said it was ok, But I think normal Mom guilt kicks in (for me it does).

twinketta

Avoid choices! you are not a restaurant with a menu, the more choices you give the bigger the headache you are going to have.

If you want to give choices, then take them to the freezer and tell them this is for dinner how do you want us to cook it, what veggies do you want with it?

Show them some veggies and let them chop them with you..

If they don`t eat then so be it! They will maybe make a better choice next meal time!

Learning is part of getting to where you are as an adult

smtillman2

I would never let my child go hungry or force her to eat. If she doesn't want to eat her food because she isn't hungry at that moment that's fine but that doesn't mean that in an hour when she is hungry she can eat whatever she would like. I don't really care when she eats. What she is eating is more important to me.

DesireeLovesOrganic

I'm lucky that I learned about healthy food before I had kids so they are used to stuff that other kids think is "weird" and they will eat fruits/veggies no problem. I pack their lunches and they never even have junk unless we are at someone's house so they don't even crave it. They will request water over juice just because they are used to it so that's what they like. Even though they are pretty good about food sometimes they will just be picky *kitten* for no reason. I'm not a catering service, I already modify if I know they hate something (like one hates zucchini so I'll swap out broccoli, etc) to what they like and if they throw a fit about it, too bad, that's what you get.

I would never force them to OVER eat or "clear your plate" but I'm not making another dinner because you want to be a whiner. You can have a banana and go to bed.

My son is easier than my daughter so I try to have my daughter help me cook it (or go pick a veggie I need from the yard) then she will be more likely to eat it because she was involved in the process of making it.

Debbe2

It's taken my family about a year to come around to healthier food choices and portion sizes. I assure you that they are all alive and thriving. Many times I wondered exactly what you're asking but knew I didn't want to prepare two meals and most especially didn't want to prepare a less healthy choice for my husband and kids. Now they know better foods as well. Give it time, lots of time depending on their ages. They will eat. And they will get plenty of junk food choices inevitably as well. Just do your best at home. I believe they will be better off for our efforts at home.

BinaryPulsar

Do not force your kids to eat. It can cause life long issues with food.

If they are hungry they will eat. If you force them to eat, they will have bad associations with food and will not enjoy eating (it makes the situation much much worse). I am speaking from my own experience of having been forced to eat past the capacity of my stomach size, until I was in pain and would throw up, then I had to clean up the throw up (that's the short story). Meanwhile I was also being abused and never learned that it was not ok for my whole childhood to be about people forcing things on me and so I didn't know that I could tell and get help. When I say abuse, I'm not talking about discipline (I was an extremely well behaved child), I am talking about adults abusing children for their own pleasure. Your children need to learn to trust their own bodies and their bodies signals and that will benefit them in innumerable ways (that when they are in pain and they say stop that's supposed to be respected). That is an often overlooked aspect of our job as parents.

If they go hungry, they will learn to eat next time because of their own body's signals (don't let them pig out on junk food and they will eat healthy food when they are hungry).

StoryGirl9

I am fortunate to have 2 children that love healthy foods and fruits and veggies and we spend a lot of time talking about healthy food choices. Sure, they love the rare junk food items - chips or soda or whatever, but we don't buy them except for a rare occasion. What I do is cook homemade meals every day and I let them look at pictures and help pick out what foods sound good to them that week. That isn't saying that they choose the whole menu, but they do help. I also, have a few go to favorites tthat are healthy - beans and rice with lots of flavor and extra veggies or salmon with broccoli and whole wheat pasta. I do however, listen to what they say. I have one son that is more picky and has texture issues, particularly with fruits (can't do most melons or any canned fruit), but he can always choose another fruit. I have also started making protein bars with oats and nuts and seads, but throw a few chocolate chips in and they are a hit! I think the key to healthy eating is to make sure to add flavors to make it taste goods as well. Steamed veggies with little lemon juice and a sprinkling of parmesan or good tasting light salad dressings. Either way, my kids eat what's for dinner and if they don't like it, they have to wait until the next meal OR finish what they said they wouldn't eat. I have even been mean enough to make my younger son eat his breakfast for lunch before having lunch, but that is normally if he is throwing a fit because I didn't make him what he wanted, rather than a true distaste for something.

HeinzPrincess

Geez, I never force my kids to eat!

You know what foods I don't like? Mango and beets. I never eat them. Why would I keep trying them when I like tons of different fruits and veggies? I eat what I like. I've tried them more than once, spaced years apart, and I just don't like them.

My son won't eat tomatoes. So what? He also doesn't like dressing on his salad. My daughter does like dressing and she doesn't like fish.

There are SO MANY OTHER CHOICES out there that it's not worth fighting about. I let my kids have a say in what we eat for dinner because I love having a say in what I put in my body. Do you want this or this? Do you want it this way or that way? Who cares?

Don't you like having a say in what you eat?

missindepndnt86

You aren't going to get turned in for providing a nutritious meal that your kid refuses to eat.

If my daughter doesn't eat what I make, she doesn't eat. End of story. I'm the grown-up, I make the rules and decide what is good for her. If she were in control, we'd be eating Lucky Charms and Nutella morning, noon, and night. Kids are not developed enough to make decisions like that.

If she is hungry later, she can have a piece of fruit. There is no access to junk food for her to "pig out" on.

*Edit to say that I always make sure there is something she likes on her plate - some apple wedges, yogurt, etc. And some nights, we have something I know she enjoys (whole wheat spaghetti & marinara for example). But, I don't make seperate meals, and I'm not a short order cook.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! And if you don't eat your meal, you're definitely not going to get to eat the things that you like later on because you're hungry. If you're hungry later, you'll get the same meal I gave you to eat earlier. They'll eat it eventually.