Mommy is losing it...
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This lady... right here... needs advice. My son (6) is in a really bad whining phase. Instant melt-down for unnecessary reasons. I'm divorced and although I think he does it slightly more with me, he also does with his father and it's driving us both a bit batty. (Dad & I are very good friends and live only a few doors away from each other and really do co-parent on these types of things)
We need to change our behavior in order to change his, I realize... but whatever we've tried doesn't seem to be doing the trick.
Any books you can advise for him to read as well as books for adults on handling it. Also random advice is welcome. I'm actually soliciting parenting advice, so have at it.
Side note: nothing has "changed" to set this off, it's just always been his general m.o. but it seems to be getting more frequent.
This lady... right here... needs advice. My son (6) is in a really bad whining phase. Instant melt-down for unnecessary reasons. I'm divorced and although I think he does it slightly more with me, he also does with his father and it's driving us both a bit batty. (Dad & I are very good friends and live only a few doors away from each other and really do co-parent on these types of things)
We need to change our behavior in order to change his, I realize... but whatever we've tried doesn't seem to be doing the trick.
Any books you can advise for him to read as well as books for adults on handling it. Also random advice is welcome. I'm actually soliciting parenting advice, so have at it.
Side note: nothing has "changed" to set this off, it's just always been his general m.o. but it seems to be getting more frequent.
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Replies
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Bumping to see what advice is offered... having similar issues with my 10 year-old.0
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Going through the same crap with my 3 year old.
/facedesk0 -
FYI... Can't wait to change my picture and think of pounding Jac all day...
Sorry, a bit off-topic.0 -
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This lady... right here...
Is hot!
Not much help than talking to the kid about and/or hoping they grow out of it.0 -
My 6 year old is doing the same thing. The first thing we are doing that seems to work at all is that as soon as he starts whining about something, that guarantees he doesn't get what he is whining about. The other thing is 'no fair' that has come into his vocabulary lately - making me stabby. I tell him over and over that things aren't fair or equal. If there were, we would all look the same, have the same things, do the same things and like the same things. Luckily, he things that sounds boring and that usually stops the 'no fair' whining. If you do find something that works even a little, let me know! I have another one right behind him.0
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its attention getting!!!!
the louder he whines, the more he thinks he is the centre of attention and can get what he wants... although you have a good relationship with your ex... at a very early age children do learn to play one parent against the other0 -
Could you ignore it or have him throw his tantrum in another room or you leave the room? He is most likely doing it to get a reaction or for attention. If he sees it won't work, he may stop.0
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I always just sent mine to their room. I didn't have to hear it anymore and they had no reason to continue as there was no audience. In public, it's a different story. I did spank, but not a lot. Usually, I would finish the trip (usually shopping) as best as I could. Then, when we got home, I took their favorite toy and put it in a visible area that they could not reach so that everytime they passed by, it reminded them of why they couldn't have it. That seemed to work for us.0
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OK - for those with no sense of humor - please don't report me to CPS...
1st whine - warning
2nd whine - time-out (not sure how you do it, but we have a specific step at home, when we're out, he gets to sit on a bench or curb, i stand with my back turned to him)
3rd whine - wall sits for 30 seconds
i started the wall sits with my stepson when he was 13... they think it's so easy for the first 10 seconds... good luck and congrats for being able to continue to co-parent with your ex - not an easy task at all.0 -
^this^ also try ignoring him when he dose it- or laugh and take pictures, when he stops getting the reaction he wants from you he'll cut it outSpank that a**
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Bumping as well. My six-year-old is doing the same lately. Maybe its the age??0
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I've been sending my five year old to his room when he starts his tantrums. I really hoped that they'd grow out of it, but it just becomes a different kind of disobedience. T_T0
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I dont respond when my girls whine. Simple as that. I tell them that if they want me to help them then they need speak to me in a "normal" tone. It is actually quite funny as when I remind them of this it is like a switch that has been turned off and it instantly stops.0
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I used to teach preschool and whining was my #1 pet peeve! I used to tell the kids, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you when you speak in that voice. I'll be ready to listen when you can talk to me in a normal voice." Then walk away and continue what you were doing and give him time to compose himself.0
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Honestly, the way I currently am handling it is to leave... leave the room and ignore it. Usually I just say "No. This is not a good reason to have a melt-down and I'm not going to listen to it." And yes... I roll my eyes as soon as I turn my back *LOL* I can't take it... so I leave, and once he realizes he's not getting whatever he stops. But for the love of gravy, why does everything need to start with this whining routine. Maybe I'm just expecting too much of a 6 year old and he'll outgrow it.
Or maybe it's payback for all the whining I can even remember doing as a child *LOL*
Damn you karma...0 -
Spank that a**
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THAT RIGHT THERE.
I have had to start spanking my child. I don't like it, and don't want to, but that is the problem with kids now. Not enough butt whoopins!!!! I was spanked as a child and it didn't break me. Parents try too hard to be friends with their kids.
We are parents first, friends second!!!
***Sorry, had to fix the typo there!****
And say - I don't think spanking is great. I really don't....I felt like I sounded like an awful person. I don't spank her if she is whining, I spank for meltdowns and just acting like a kid with "no home training".
All kids do it! That's for sure!0 -
My 2 1/2 year old has been doing this lately. My only advice is more wine when they go to bed. :drinker:0
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One of my best friends was going through this with her daughter. She couldn't get through a shopping trip without some sort of whining and then a melt down. So one time her daughter threw a temper tantrum in the store, my friend got down on the floor and started kicking and screaming too. The daughter stopped immediately and told her mom to stop because it was really embarassing! The mom told her that's how she looks when she's having a melt down and the daughter never did it in public again! She was about 6 at the time. Don't know if I would have the guts to do that, but it worked.0
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Walk away and do not respond while they are doing it. If you have to say something just say " I am sorry I can't understand you when you speak to me that way" then walk away.0
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My 2 1/2 year old has been doing this lately. My only advice is more wine when they go to bed. :drinker:
That's a given 0 -
If whining works for him once, he'll keep using it. When he whines, bring it to his attention and model the behavior you'd like to see. I've heard other moms say "I can't hear you when you whine. When you can ask for what you want politely, I'll listen."0
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Honestly, the way I currently am handling it is to leave... leave the room and ignore it. Usually I just say "No. This is not a good reason to have a melt-down and I'm not going to listen to it." And yes... I roll my eyes as soon as I turn my back *LOL* I can't take it... so I leave, and once he realizes he's not getting whatever he stops. But for the love of gravy, why does everything need to start with this whining routine. Maybe I'm just expecting too much of a 6 year old and he'll outgrow it.
Or maybe it's payback for all the whining I can even remember doing as a child *LOL*
Damn you karma...
Another thing we are doing is before we leave the house to go somewhere like the grocery store or restaurant. I tell him 'the answer is no' He asks what the question is. I tell him he will know when he asks it and he should whine now and get it done. When we get to the store and asks for something, I just look at him. His eyes get big and he says 'Oh, the answer to that question is no". That actually usually gets him to laugh a little instead of whine.0 -
I work with children, have my AAAS in ECE and have a child with special needs, so maybe what I do in this situation can help.......
When I come across this what I do is really simple and it seems to work after a while once they realize that what they are doing isn't going to work...first, when they talk/whine...tell them you can't understand them...
"Moooommmmmmyyyy, I waaaaaaaaaant cereaaaaal" your response should be...."I'm sorry I cannot hear you when you talk like that. Please use your big boy words." do not respond any other way until they change their tone. After a while this should work and the whining should stop or lessen. Don't get mad, don't seem irritated just simply and calmly tell him you can't understand him and when he chooses to use his words correctly you can talk to him. Simply ( I know it's not simple lol ) ignore the whining...refuse to engage in conversation when whining is used.
At 6 he is old enough to know that whining is not acceptable. For other awesome references in this and other parenting manners, I have read a lot of books but the easy way for all of us busy parents is...I LOVE SUPERNANNY. She is fantastic and has this subject on her show a lot. My kids watch the show with me and we talk about the "naughty" kids lol I think they pick up on what not to do! lol Hope this helps a little 0 -
My mom owned a daycare for years and always willing to give advise. She always tells me and it is true than persistance pays off. Stick with your rules, rather if he goes in time out 10 times today or 100 times today let him know you both mean business. Do not let him slide one time or your battle is lost.His time outs will get less every day. He will figure it out on his own that you are both on the same page and will not tolerate his behavior. Kids are hard and do not come with instructions they are all different and some are more hard headed than others but you are the one who has got to be in control not him. Good Luck to you, I know this can be hard just don't let it get to you.0
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BUMP0
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Same problem with my almost 4-year-old. Meltdown for the smallest things. If it's a teachable moment, then I try to use it as such. For example, if her 20-month-old little brother takes a toy from her, she is not to scream and cry and completely lose her wits about her. She is to calmly ask for her toy back. When I'm able to get her attention to do this, it works 99% of the time. He always gladly returns the toy. If she reacts with a tantrum, then she sits in time-out for 3 minutes. My HOPE is that I'm teaching her how to respond to undesirable situations. Sometimes (a lot of times), she's crying for no reason, and there's really nothing to explain or teach her, and she is sent to her room. If she is THAT upset that she needs to cry, then fine, but she's not doing it in my presence. She's not allowed out until she's pulled herself together. If we are in public, I carry her butt to as private a place I can find and give her 1 good smack on her backside. I tell her down at her level and very sternly that that behavior is unacceptable, and if she chooses to act like that again, we will be back to this spot for another spanking. She almost always calms down, and I have no further issues from her.0
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Walk away and do not respond while they are doing it. If you have to say something just say " I am sorry I can't understand you when you speak to me that way" then walk away.
This is what I do and it makes my 4 year old daughter stop pretty quick.0 -
Remember that is a stage of your son who have go through a divorce:noway: ,no matter that you and your ex are the best parents in the world,he is trying to understand and see and accept that their parents are divorced,we... sometimes takes time to understand or just accept this word:sad: ,Imagine a child? so be patient little more with your child and give love:smooched: :smooched: and love and love until he get it!! but your doing amazing job!!! good luck!!<
This lady... right here... needs advice. My son (6) is in a really bad whining phase. Instant melt-down for unnecessary reasons. I'm divorced and although I think he does it slightly more with me, he also does with his father and it's driving us both a bit batty. (Dad & I are very good friends and live only a few doors away from each other and really do co-parent on these types of things)
We need to change our behavior in order to change his, I realize... but whatever we've tried doesn't seem to be doing the trick.
Any books you can advise for him to read as well as books for adults on handling it. Also random advice is welcome. I'm actually soliciting parenting advice, so have at it.
Side note: nothing has "changed" to set this off, it's just always been his general m.o. but it seems to be getting more frequent.
p.s signal the he needs attention.... sometimes adults act like that ....why? we want attention!!
:flowerforyou: 0 -
my 7 yr old is finally getting out of that problem. I started sending him to his room, or acting like he wasnt in the room when he would whine and throw fits. He tried it in public once and my husband threw himself on the ground and started to scream and roll around. My son was SO embarrassed he NEVER did it in public again lol. Home took a little longer to get past lol.0
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