Mommy is losing it...

odusgolp

My 2 1/2 year old has been doing this lately. My only advice is more wine when they go to bed. :drinker:

That's a given

GnaBean

If whining works for him once, he'll keep using it. When he whines, bring it to his attention and model the behavior you'd like to see. I've heard other moms say "I can't hear you when you whine. When you can ask for what you want politely, I'll listen."

vim_n_vigor

Honestly, the way I currently am handling it is to leave... leave the room and ignore it. Usually I just say "No. This is not a good reason to have a melt-down and I'm not going to listen to it." And yes... I roll my eyes as soon as I turn my back *LOL* I can't take it... so I leave, and once he realizes he's not getting whatever he stops. But for the love of gravy, why does everything need to start with this whining routine. Maybe I'm just expecting too much of a 6 year old and he'll outgrow it.

Or maybe it's payback for all the whining I can even remember doing as a child *LOL*

Damn you karma...

Another thing we are doing is before we leave the house to go somewhere like the grocery store or restaurant. I tell him 'the answer is no' He asks what the question is. I tell him he will know when he asks it and he should whine now and get it done. When we get to the store and asks for something, I just look at him. His eyes get big and he says 'Oh, the answer to that question is no". That actually usually gets him to laugh a little instead of whine.

JBott84

I work with children, have my AAAS in ECE and have a child with special needs, so maybe what I do in this situation can help.......

When I come across this what I do is really simple and it seems to work after a while once they realize that what they are doing isn't going to work...first, when they talk/whine...tell them you can't understand them...

"Moooommmmmmyyyy, I waaaaaaaaaant cereaaaaal" your response should be...."I'm sorry I cannot hear you when you talk like that. Please use your big boy words." do not respond any other way until they change their tone. After a while this should work and the whining should stop or lessen. Don't get mad, don't seem irritated just simply and calmly tell him you can't understand him and when he chooses to use his words correctly you can talk to him. Simply ( I know it's not simple lol ) ignore the whining...refuse to engage in conversation when whining is used.

At 6 he is old enough to know that whining is not acceptable. For other awesome references in this and other parenting manners, I have read a lot of books but the easy way for all of us busy parents is...I LOVE SUPERNANNY. She is fantastic and has this subject on her show a lot. My kids watch the show with me and we talk about the "naughty" kids lol I think they pick up on what not to do! lol Hope this helps a little

sheribrasington

My mom owned a daycare for years and always willing to give advise. She always tells me and it is true than persistance pays off. Stick with your rules, rather if he goes in time out 10 times today or 100 times today let him know you both mean business. Do not let him slide one time or your battle is lost.His time outs will get less every day. He will figure it out on his own that you are both on the same page and will not tolerate his behavior. Kids are hard and do not come with instructions they are all different and some are more hard headed than others but you are the one who has got to be in control not him. Good Luck to you, I know this can be hard just don't let it get to you.

NicolePatriot

BUMP

megalin9

Same problem with my almost 4-year-old. Meltdown for the smallest things. If it's a teachable moment, then I try to use it as such. For example, if her 20-month-old little brother takes a toy from her, she is not to scream and cry and completely lose her wits about her. She is to calmly ask for her toy back. When I'm able to get her attention to do this, it works 99% of the time. He always gladly returns the toy. If she reacts with a tantrum, then she sits in time-out for 3 minutes. My HOPE is that I'm teaching her how to respond to undesirable situations. Sometimes (a lot of times), she's crying for no reason, and there's really nothing to explain or teach her, and she is sent to her room. If she is THAT upset that she needs to cry, then fine, but she's not doing it in my presence. She's not allowed out until she's pulled herself together. If we are in public, I carry her butt to as private a place I can find and give her 1 good smack on her backside. I tell her down at her level and very sternly that that behavior is unacceptable, and if she chooses to act like that again, we will be back to this spot for another spanking. She almost always calms down, and I have no further issues from her.

jmelyan23

Walk away and do not respond while they are doing it. If you have to say something just say " I am sorry I can't understand you when you speak to me that way" then walk away.

This is what I do and it makes my 4 year old daughter stop pretty quick.

amore78

<

---

This lady... right here... needs advice. My son (6) is in a really bad whining phase. Instant melt-down for unnecessary reasons. I'm divorced and although I think he does it slightly more with me, he also does with his father and it's driving us both a bit batty. (Dad & I are very good friends and live only a few doors away from each other and really do co-parent on these types of things)

We need to change our behavior in order to change his, I realize... but whatever we've tried doesn't seem to be doing the trick.

Any books you can advise for him to read as well as books for adults on handling it. Also random advice is welcome. I'm actually soliciting parenting advice, so have at it.

Side note: nothing has "changed" to set this off, it's just always been his general m.o. but it seems to be getting more frequent.

Remember that is a stage of your son who have go through a divorce:noway: ,no matter that you and your ex are the best parents in the world,he is trying to understand and see and accept that their parents are divorced,we... sometimes takes time to understand or just accept this word:sad: ,Imagine a child? so be patient little more with your child and give love:smooched: :smooched: and love and love until he get it!! but your doing amazing job!!! good luck!!

p.s signal the he needs attention.... sometimes adults act like that ....why? we want attention!!:flowerforyou:

roberts1013

my 7 yr old is finally getting out of that problem. I started sending him to his room, or acting like he wasnt in the room when he would whine and throw fits. He tried it in public once and my husband threw himself on the ground and started to scream and roll around. My son was SO embarrassed he NEVER did it in public again lol. Home took a little longer to get past lol.

trophywife24

My soon-to-be 6 year old is in the same phase. He's also a complainer which we LOVE... not. Combine the complainer kid and the toddler that is in full-swing terrible twos and welp.... it's fun.

The only thing that has worked so far with the big one is to just simply offer absolutely no reaction to him when he acts like that. He gets told ONCE that I will not respond to him until he can talk nicely and be polite. Then he's ignored until he can do that. It's worked wonders.

To each their own but we've never had to spank. IMO, that's teaching him to over-react and that's what he's having a problem doing. Putting yourself or someone in great danger warrants a butt swat...smacking for whining is just going to make even more whining.

tmos512

This may sound silly, but it worked actually on me. I used to be a whiner. My mom started making me pay her a penny if I wanted her to listen to what I was whining about. I'd set off in the house looking for a penny and by the time I found one, I'd forget what I was whining about. Worked for us, maybe it'll work for you. :flowerforyou:

ellehcimyelhsa

If you want information on gentle parenting and how to connect and find out the root of the problem, check out ahaparenting.com. If you're more into mainstream parenting, spanking, etc. I have no advice.

nikinyx6

or laugh and take pictures

please don't tell me that's serious advice...

bestmother13

There is a great website ACTAGAINSTVIOLENCE.ORG. It has great advice for parents/caregivers of newborn - 8 year old children.

A few tips:
1. ignore tantrums/whining.
2. reward positive behavior.
3.Have a few simple rules- remind children often what the rules are.
4. Pick your battles.
5.For those of you with preschoolers. no matter how hard they try, they can only behave approx 2/3 of the time due to their stage of brain development.
6. Discipline should be immediate, brief, and related to the behavior.
7. The 30+ countries that ban corporal punsishment in the home have much less violent crime than the U.S.

sarahharmintx

Make a decision, set a plan and HOLD STRONG. I have been there. It takes time. If you decided that he has to eat all his veggies before dessert and he pitches a fit, that doesnt change anything. Veggies then dessert. No matter what. Ok so that is a weird example.

My husband has an issue with crying/fits. Our daughter is 7. Once she starts, she is immediately sent to her room. She can boohoo in there but it does not change our minds. She learned that and although its less frequent, when she starts, its immediate and she cannot come out until its over. Again, it takes time but they eventually learn then bend to the rules.

Also, when she cries or whines, I talk very very low. Almost whisper. Then she has to calm down so that she can hear and listen my words. That works a lot.

And its absolutely wonderful and necessary that you have a united front with him. It cant be mom allows one thing while dad does another (and vice versa).

megalin9

I used to teach preschool and whining was my #1 pet peeve! I used to tell the kids, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you when you speak in that voice. I'll be ready to listen when you can talk to me in a normal voice." Then walk away and continue what you were doing and give him time to compose himself.

This, too.

autumnk921

Going through the same crap with my 3 year old.



/facedesk

Same here - A very angry and whiny 3yr old - at times...lol Man, I was hoping by 4 he would be all smiles and laughter...I guess not huh? I am on here looking for advice too...I saw the name of this topic and KNEW it was for me...lol Thanks for putting this out there.. :flowerforyou:

specialkyc

Spank that a**

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THAT RIGHT THERE.

I have had to start spanking my child. I don't like it, and don't want to, but that is the problem with kids now. Not enough butt whoopins!!!! I was spanked as a child and it didn't break me. Parents try too hard to be friends with their kids.

We are parents first, friends second!!!

***Sorry, had to fix the typo there!****

And say - I don't think spanking is great. I really don't....I felt like I sounded like an awful person. I don't spank her if she is whining, I spank for meltdowns and just acting like a kid with "no home training".

All kids do it! That's for sure!

^^ Bingo!!

Eafears

I sometimes feel the same way especially with my lovely daughter. She likes to push the limits of everything. I just picked up a few books. Setting Limits with your strong willed child by Robert j MacKenzie...is what I am currently reading and it has been an eye opener. The other one I am currently reading is Parent Effectiveness Training seems to target the understanding yourself to understand your child with lots of helpful tips.

I will say in our house with whining. I tell them that I will not speak to them about ... until they can talk in their normal voice. This usually works. If not that then the get "cool down" time in their bedroom until they can. Good Luck.