Mommy is losing it...

KimberlyDCZ

Recently I've started to make light of my son's whining. Instead of fussing, complaining, or correcting him, I make him sound silly by asking "What's THAT?! Is that a baby ____(first random animal I can think of)______ ?!! I then I mock the sound he's making. He laughs, then stops whining. Believe it or not, this has really helped cut back the amount of whining he does. This sounds like something you would do with a preschooler, but my son is 9

AnninStPaul

Make Sure He Doesn't Get What He's Whining For.

We've also been known to whine back. They laugh.,

Polly758

Trade your kids in for dogs!!! So much easier and enjoyable! LOL :drinker:

My dog is a real problem when she doesn't get way, too :grumble:

But if all my doggy control tactics don't work, I just lock her in the bathroom. So there is that.

gzus7freek

1st whine warning and you do not get what you are whining for.
2nd whine follow through on that warning.

Wither you spank them, take away something, ground them, etc....always follow through, If you do not they will learn that you do not mean what you say. I tell mine that life sucks and is not fair so get over it. There is only 1 warning and then action. Works great for me!

chlorisaann

OK - for those with no sense of humor - please don't report me to CPS...

1st whine - warning
2nd whine - time-out (not sure how you do it, but we have a specific step at home, when we're out, he gets to sit on a bench or curb, i stand with my back turned to him)
3rd whine - wall sits for 30 seconds

i started the wall sits with my stepson when he was 13... they think it's so easy for the first 10 seconds... good luck and congrats for being able to continue to co-parent with your ex - not an easy task at all.

I have a friend that does this and also makes them kneel, with their arms out to their sides and canned veggies or small dumbbells in their hands, weight depends on age, and the amount of time depends on offense and whether or not it is a repeat one...

For smaller children throwing whiny tantrums, I have found throwing it back at them and whining/throwing a tantrum at them myself cuts it off a lot of times....

dorothytd

Sorry if this is a repeat - didn't have time to read all the posts. Have heard a lot of good things about this book - but I have not read it: Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days (Dr. Kevin Leman).

karen0214

Great job on your co-parenting. As long as you and your ex can stay on the same page, things work much better.

Some here have said they hope the kids grow out of the whining. Well, my opinion is they won't. Have you ever seen or heard a whining, quick to anger, lose control easily, always want their way adult? I've seen plenty who still act like children. There's the answer -- they don't outgrow it!! They must be taught what is appropriate and what is not.

I've got 6 kids ranging from 9 to 21. With the first two, we really didn't have a clue how to handle tantrums, etc. The last four are much better trained.

Always give negative feedback to the whining, tantrum, negative behavior. I only spank for full out rebellion -- like I say to do something and the kid just flat out won't do it, or he "prentends" to be stupid and forgets 999 times after being told!!. That is a true rarity at my house and I don't think the youngest three have done that since about age 3 or so. For a six yr old whining, I would send him to his room, or take away a toy that he loves, or restrict him from an activity that he loves, or not allow him a dessert that he loves, etc. I'm sure you can come up with something creative. Just pay attention to the things he really loves doing and then don't allow it. Make sure you communicate the reason why he can't have whatever it is. NEVER give in to tantrums and whining and he will soon be on the right track. Also, I think it's good to warn the child. "If you whine or have a trantrum while we're grocery shopping, you will not be allowed to watch TV tonight (or whatever thing you want to use.) Then stick to your word, no matter how much you hate punishing the little rascal. LOL!!

Then, be sure to give positive feedback when he behaves properly. For me, this is truly the hardest part and I have to really work on "seeing" the good behavior. I always see the bad, but it's hard for me to spot the good and give out the rewards. But that is very important and I'm working on that myself.

Best wishes to you. Conquer it now because it does NOT get any easier.

historygirldd

One of my best friends was going through this with her daughter. She couldn't get through a shopping trip without some sort of whining and then a melt down. So one time her daughter threw a temper tantrum in the store, my friend got down on the floor and started kicking and screaming too. The daughter stopped immediately and told her mom to stop because it was really embarassing! The mom told her that's how she looks when she's having a melt down and the daughter never did it in public again! She was about 6 at the time. Don't know if I would have the guts to do that, but it worked.

love this idea. I am the mother of 2 teens and when they were young and whined, I would put them in their room (if we were at home) until they stopped. If we were out (like shopping) I would keep walking and if that did not stop it, I would sit them down where we were and give them a timeout. Whatever you do, consistentcy is the key. Do NOT give in even one bit. Even at 6 they are smart enough to pick up on your weaknesses and play on those.

goldk

bump

jlnk

I would try getting down to his eye level and asking him, in a calm manner, how is feeling. Ask him what is bothering him. Allow him to explain it to you, have a quick conversation about why things are the way they are, and be sure he understands. It has been my experience that kids simply want to be heard and understood. I know that this may seem a bit froo froo, but believe me, it works! Good luck!

jwaitman

There is an old saying spare the rod spoil the child. Not really sure what that has to do with spanking, but I don't think there are times when a child needs to be spanked. I spanked my kids and still will. I was just talking to my now 20 year old daughter and about it because she works in a day care and sees all kinds of misbehaving kids. She said she has no resentment towards us for the way we disciplined her and will do the same with her kids.

Kids get away with far too much in this day and age and parents are too afraid to do what needs to be done. It is your job to discipline your kids, not be their friend. I see too many parents that do this and it annoys the crap out of me. If my kids are hating me when they get in trouble then I am probably doing my job.

Good luck.

tcunbeliever

I would equate melt-down with a child's inability to cope with stress (even if that stress seems like nothing to you, their little lives are fragile and something as simple as a homework sheet can seem like way too much to deal with for them)...versus a tantrum which is a child acting out when they don't get what they want...for melt-downs what you really have to teach them is a positive coping mechanism...for my kids that has meant sending them to their room until they "get themselves together"...in a nice way, not in a punnishment way...so the whining and crying and/or total overreaction starts and I say "This is not something that can be resolved with that kind of attitude. Go to your room and get yourself together. When you have yourself together we can talk about this some more." It sets the boundary that the behavior is not acceptable while at the same time giving them an acceptable solution for working it out privately in what hopefully is a productive manner. Usually my kids just go lay down and cry...or sit and pout...but eventually they get whatever emotional turmoil sorted out and they come back with a fresh outlook and a calm disposition...sometimes the process is repeated if they aren't quite as together as they think they are...I suppose if their coping mechanism was unacceptable (throwing things, being destructive or violent, whatever) then I would have to intervene again and redirect or discipline, but so far that has not happened...if this is a tantrum and they are whinning or crying as a form of manipulation, then that's an immediate discipline, it IS punnishment either verbal, physical, or abrupt removal from the situation...you would know the difference, but I'm guessing if this is new behavior at 6, then it's probably stress and sooner is better than later in teaching them to handle stress appropriately...they are going to have it their whole lives, this is just the beginning...

suemar74

This may sound pansy *kitten*-ish, but it seemed like my boys always seemed to act like this when they were on the brink of a change, or between stages of growing.

At six, he may be trying to adjust to changes in his life that don't seem huge to us as parents, because we know they're coming, but to a little kid, they're huge. It wasn't too long ago, he was a toddler and was comfortable doing toddler-like things. That was his zone, and he had already adjusted to it. Now the world is demanding that he become a boy, and it's a new experience.

Maybe I was wrong about the reason, but I always took my boys aside and talked to them reasonably...told them I understood things change sometimes and it's confusing, but there had to be better ways of handling it. I would ask for their input, if they had any ideas.

Like I said, maybe that wasn't it, but my boys responded well to it. They felt like they had a say in what the hell was going on. Today, they are 16 and 14, and I have an awesome relationship with them, with open communication, and they told me the other day that they liked the way I treated them according to their age...I didn't treat them like little kids.

It wasn't all Kumbay-ya and hugs, though. I spanked when I had to (rarely), yelled when I had to (more often), and gave The Mommy Death Stare damn near every day. But everyone has bad days. Hell, I threw a good tantrum once in awhile, myself.

Good luck. It gets better....until the next transitional stage (from boy-to-young-man, expect attitude and mutiny, lol)

lour441

For my 2 yr old I just tell her I do not respond to whining and to let me know when she is done. I then ignore her and this works every time.

For my older kids, I whine back at them in the same tone so they can see how ridiculous it sounds. After they stop laughing at me they speak to me properly and we resolve whatever the issue was.

mjterp

For the whining...I think it is a typical phase at that age...I summoned amazing patience and would say "Sure, when you ask me in a big boy voice!" (or big Girl voice for my step daughter, who STILL whines with her MOTHER, but not with me.)

As for the tantrums...NEVER give in. NEVER. Then when it happens, early on (you might see him peeking at you to see if he is getting your attention) ask in a calm sweet voice "Honey, does throwing a tantrum EVER get you what you want? No. Right. So...can you be done now?" I think that was the last tantrum my kids ever had. I had a friend who did it with her kids and once her son said "NO..." to the "can you be done now." She said "OK. Let me know when you are done." and went about her business. My kids tried in public thinking it might have been different in a store in front of people...I did the SAME thing. Never again. Short lived when they no it has NO chance of getting them what they want. As a parent it can be really nerve wracking...If I see a parent out and about sticking to their guns, I always ALWAYS tell them they are doing a great job and this too shall pass! It is SOOOOO nice to get that encouragement and support when parenting in public! I can't stand the spoiled bratts who whine and scream and then the parents cave and give in...the kid has just been rewarded for behaving badly. It really only takes a couple of times if you have NEVER given in. IF you HAVE given it...it takes a lot longer...a lot more times of saying NO...because kids have memories like elephants and will remember that it HAS worked before and thus keep trying. Keep going with the "does throwing a tantrum EVER work? NO."...eventually they honestly DO get it.

Usbornegal

Read Parenting Your Child with Love and Logic. Also check out the website www.loveandlogic.com for great info, tips and effective parenting techniques that will NOT get you reported to CPS.

BinaryPulsar

Yeah, when my daughter was 6 and in the first grade she started having meltdowns. It seemed like she was growing and going through changes in her emotions and in her life. She was having trouble managing stress and her feelings. I didn't know what to do. Then I bought a book for tweens called "The Feelings Book: The Care & Keeping of Your Emotions". First I told her about the book and talked with her about feelings. I talked about how I remembered being her age (that was very reassuring). Then we read the book together. Afterwards she gave me a big hug. She had such a look of relief and love on her face. She thanked me. After that it was a lot better. She had tools for dealing with her feelings and we have referred back to the book at each new stage in her life. We also do time out, but we call it cool down time. When anyone "needs a break" they can go to their room for cool down time. This include me. So, we all have an understanding about how strong emotions work and how we need to care for ourselves that way. When I am having strong emotions I tell them. If I am angry I don't yell, I say to them: "I am starting to feel very angry right now about your behavior and that you are not listening to me". They know that means I am serious and they listen and understand. I talk to them about how I manage emotions. And I point out when I make mistakes in managing my emotions, and I apologize. When we are raising kids, we are raising little people. We are trying to raise healthy people and to equip them with all the tools they need in life.