Mommy is losing it...
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Ah yes. Lovely lovely whining. With my 4 year old it's an attention getting thing as well as a too-tired thing. She is still adjusting to going to school everyday and having to pay attention and listen more than she ever has in her little life. Could it be back-to-school adjustment? (meaning it's a phase and will return to more managable levels soon). I'm thinking about moving bedtime up 30 min for her to see if that improves her attitude. The other thing that I've been trying has bene to tell her calmly that I don't understand 'whine' and when she can not 'baby talk' we can discuss what's on her mind. Then if she re-groups I'll try to listen.
I agree that kids don't get enough 'whoopins' these days, but so far I've been knocking on every bit of wood I see that I haven't had to use that often. We reserve that for when what she is doing is truly harmful....like the time she chased a ball into the street. I think my heart stopped.
I am definitely keeping a watch on this thread for tips and tricks!
YOU can do this, he's doing his job well and pushing buttons (I have to tell myself this every day lately...)0 -
Honestly, the way I currently am handling it is to leave... leave the room and ignore it. Usually I just say "No. This is not a good reason to have a melt-down and I'm not going to listen to it." And yes... I roll my eyes as soon as I turn my back *LOL* I can't take it... so I leave, and once he realizes he's not getting whatever he stops. But for the love of gravy, why does everything need to start with this whining routine. Maybe I'm just expecting too much of a 6 year old and he'll outgrow it.
Or maybe it's payback for all the whining I can even remember doing as a child *LOL*
Damn you karma...
TRUE!!! AGREE....:laugh:
Another thing we are doing is before we leave the house to go somewhere like the grocery store or restaurant. I tell him 'the answer is no' He asks what the question is. I tell him he will know when he asks it and he should whine now and get it done. When we get to the store and asks for something, I just look at him. His eyes get big and he says 'Oh, the answer to that question is no". That actually usually gets him to laugh a little instead of whine.0 -
ahh yeah the whiny brat stage! with my kids...when they whined, i ignored them and told them if they continued to whine it was nap time since whining means you are tired and if they kept up after that, i would put them in their room and told them they would have to stay in there until they stopped whining. sounds mean i know but that is what worked for me with all of my kids.0
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I dont respond when my girls whine. Simple as that. I tell them that if they want me to help them then they need speak to me in a "normal" tone. It is actually quite funny as when I remind them of this it is like a switch that has been turned off and it instantly stops.
This^^. When my daughter turned six, it was like someone flipped a switch and turned my innocent little baby into a raging lunatic with a spinning head (hubby and I affectionately called her Beetlejuice). And all that would come out of that head was whining. After a couple of weeks of pure hell, my husband and I just started ignoring the whining 100% of the time. We told her that if she wanted us to hear her, she would have to speak in a normal tone of voice. It worked, but we had to be really consistent with our reminders for a while. Now the whining phase is over, thank goodness.0 -
Could you ignore it or have him throw his tantrum in another room or you leave the room? He is most likely doing it to get a reaction or for attention. If he sees it won't work, he may stop.
Both my kids went through a similar stage (at a little younger age) and walking away worked wonders. They figured out pretty quickly that they weren't going to get attention that way. (My next door neighbour's kid is at that stage and they fall for it, but not my problem//business)0 -
Sounds like he may be a bit spoiled. We have only one child and he is very spoiled......13 going on 21. It's crazy.0
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Make him stand outside in the snow shivering in his little yellow underpants...oh no...wait....0
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My 9 yr old daughter for a month (always around her birthday) goes through something where she makes it her life's mission to push our buttons. Whining, lying, attitude. We think this is just her way of testing the borders - hmmm how much can I get away with.
We put our foot down hard. At first we tell her to stop and giver her a consequence if it happens again, if it continues we follow through with the punishment (always ALWAYS follow through). This past August she spent a week grounded to her room with only books to occupy her time.
Good luck - and be strong; this will pass.0 -
I haven't read the comments. But, have you tried talking to him (and also to his teachers). It is one possibility (although not the only one) that something different may be going on in his life. He could be feeling like he is struggling with his work at school or just losing confidence in himself in his work, sometimes kids go through phases in which they are afraid to take risks because they think they always have to do everything right and not make any mistakes. Or maybe he could be having trouble making friends or with other kids. Kids at this age start to go through a lot of changes in their relationships with other kids and hormonal changes sometimes start early (I just looked back and saw that you said your son was six, so definitely not hormonal, I was thinking more of another woman that commented and said her son was 10). It might help if you just find some good quality one on one time to talk and be there for him to show him that it's safe to talk and open up and he can tell you how he feels. Boys don't get enough encouragement to talk things out, so maybe even more likely to hold something inside. It may even be a small thing, but to a kid it's not a small thing. Small things held in sometimes become bigger in the mind of a child. I'm not saying you should placate the whining. But, just take notice because sometimes behavior changes like this could relate to something going on in his own life or in his own emotional world. Kids get grumpy by life experiences just like adults do, but they just have less coping skills to draw on and less experience to reach understanding about their own emotions and experiences. If you talk to the teacher, you may also discover more about what's going on with him.0
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Training children is just like training dogs. You're not going to see results overnight, but if you keep consistent with your technique, whatever it is, he'll learn eventually. Just be consistent and patient! When my son whines for something I tell him I can't understand him when he talks that way. He then changes his tone and I respond positively to that. If he throws a fit he's immediately sent up to his room, but at age 5 he's mostly outgrown tantrums and fits.
You seem like a loving mother. Just keep doing what you're doing!
A couple great books on parenting that I love are "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" and "NurtureShock."0 -
We just went through this with our 6 year old son as well! Exact same behavior...totally typical. He spent one night in his room crying because of it. Make sure you give him firm guidelines. He's really trying to push boundries right now. He's stuck between wanting to be a "big kid" and still wanting to be a "little kid" needing mommy, etc. After that night of him crying in his room, things have been a ton better. He knows not to push us because he doesn't want to spend the night in his room again. But he also knows to TALK to us now. Tell us what's bothering him, etc. We told him it's okay to get mad, but he has to also volcalize his anger so that we can fix what's wrong.
Just know that it's completely common and you WILL get through it! IM me if you want to chat more about it!0 -
My friends son went through this and she tried everything, in the end she started to film him on her phone and when he finished play it back to him pointing out how silly he looked doing it and kept asking would you like me to show your friends. He soon stopped.0
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I'll bet he has figured out what gets his way. I would walk away, not give in to the whining and meltdowns. I told my son he was welcome to whine and throw a fit but only in his room and if he destroys anything its his that does not get replaced. He did grow out of it. He is 10 now he whines occasionally about things but, I ignore it until he can ask or tell me appropriately.0
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My 4 yr old started that "phase" recently, and i nipped that in the bud real fast! I do not give in to the whining nor do i tolerate it. If she is going to whine about something she will NOT get her way and I will walk away.
Also, I started a behavior chart which works for us. Each day that she does the certain things marked on the chart (one of which is no whining) she gets a sticker. At the end of the week if the chart is full we do something of her choice.
good luck![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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any thoughts of hitting ?! i Mean.. just once... to put him into his place? fear is a great motivator.0
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Perfect!!! exact!!!!spanking for whining? i disagree..IMO
what worked for me was what most said here,
I simply said "Mommy doesnt understand whine, when you are ready to talk in a regular voice come see me"
they stop if you remain consistent.
love you babycakes.
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Spank that a**
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THAT RIGHT THERE.
I have had to start spanking my child. I don't like it, and don't want to, but that is the problem with kids now. Not enough butt whoopins!!!! I was spanked as a child and it didn't break me. Parents try too hard to be friends with their kids.
We are parents first, friends second!!!
***Sorry, had to fix the typo there!****
And say - I don't think spanking is great. I really don't....I felt like I sounded like an awful person. I don't spank her if she is whining, I spank for meltdowns and just acting like a kid with "no home training".
All kids do it! That's for sure!
^^ Bingo!!
Yup!0 -
dr sears is awesome !!! remember when he's acting out he wants your attention give it to him imagine being in his shoes say you had a rubbish day and were grumpy tired generally feeling in a bad mood and everyone ignored you put you in your room made you face the wall how would you feel???
id bet even angrier and more upset ........ I think most children go through this phase i know my 2 have and we can still have melt downs but so do i and im nearly 30!!!!
he's still a human not a dog or an animal that needs training!!!0 -
sent you a link with a book. hope it helped!0
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Going through the same thing.
My son today told me he didn't love me and want to see me anymore and I was mean.
Because I wouldn't let him wear a heavy jacket. In Georgia. In september.0 -
I didn't read through all the other advice but I have 4 kids and something I've found that works is not responding other than to say "I don't understand whinese"....Do NOT give him what he wants when he is whining! Period! Unless you like it which you obviously don't.
I spank but not for whining....I save spanking for willful disobedience. Good luck! And kudos for co-parenting peacefully!0 -
OK - for those with no sense of humor - please don't report me to CPS...
1st whine - warning
2nd whine - time-out (not sure how you do it, but we have a specific step at home, when we're out, he gets to sit on a bench or curb, i stand with my back turned to him)
3rd whine - wall sits for 30 seconds
i started the wall sits with my stepson when he was 13... they think it's so easy for the first 10 seconds... good luck and congrats for being able to continue to co-parent with your ex - not an easy task at all.
This is good advice. Also, as a teacher, I would say it's also really important to explain what will happen in the first warning stage, i.e. 'If you don't cut that out right now, you're going to be put in time-out'. If they know exactly what will happen if they continue their bad behaviour, they'll be much less likely to follow through with it.
It might also be good to just ignore him. As soon as he starts whining, just say 'I'm not going to talk to you when you're talking in that tone of voice, come back when you're ready to talk properly.' If he is just doing it to get a rise and for attention, he'll run out of steam quickly and realise that it's not a good way to get attention.0 -
My condolences. I'm not there yet--my kid's still in the toddler tantrum stage so we can still say things like "I'm sorry, we're fresh out of 'WA-A-AH!' Do you know a word for what you want?"0
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Spanking and time out are for lazy parents who don't want to deal with the issue and resolve it. No child deserves to be hit! Think about it, we teach them that they can't hit other people, or you, grown ups aren't allowed to hit each other, but yet we can hit a small defenseless child? Its disgusting and pathetic. Time out teaches NOTHING, it doesn't give them better choices, its not a learning expereince...
I have fantastic kids, we use the "flip it" method!
Feelings- figure out what is going on! So many tantrums start with kids that are tired, hungry or being ignored. Help them indentify why and what they are feeling. Give it a name, (sad, mad, bored) and it lets them know that you understand!
Limits - learn to set limits with clear, simple rules and expectations
Inquiries- ask them to think before acting. this encourages problem solving, coping skills and emotional control
Prompt- this is when you help them along if they can't come up with the appropriate responce.0 -
I dont respond when my girls whine. Simple as that. I tell them that if they want me to help them then they need speak to me in a "normal" tone. It is actually quite funny as when I remind them of this it is like a switch that has been turned off and it instantly stops.
This is how I handled my son. "I'll be happy to talk to you when you're capable of responding in a normal tone." And walk away.0 -
think it is something all kids to do to a point and different things work at different times! for me, whiny time when the kids were young, was often between finishing school and tea time as they were tired, I was tired and trying to cook tea so did not have enough time for them. Feeding something small straight after school (drink and a sandwich, piece of toast etc) helped a little plus making a little time to do an activity before starting cooking and then setting them off on something, whether it was a craft activity or a game/book/tv for an hour. when a little older and knowing it was not just tiredness I found the approach of refusing to listen while they are whining helped, but I made sure that they knew this too so would explain speak to me normal and I will answer. not entering into an argument/discussion helps too. A straight no with a simple reason is good but the minute you start to rationalise your argument they will use this to continue to argue in the hope that they break you down lol.
if it is appropriate I would set leater goals as in "no you can't do that/have that etc but if you give me an hour I will do this/let you have this after tea etc" (obviously making it relevant to the original topic but on my terms)
If all else fails, a few times I have started making a whiny noise back and they soon stop lol!!!.0 -
I saw others say - I forgot to include....re-enforce the good behavior and when he doesn't whine..."Thank you for using your big boy voice" etc....this will help him want to use his nice voice more And kudos to you for the co-parenting situation! and just remember it's a phase and you will have your normal child back sooner or later lol :bigsmile:
And to the other posts...spanking for whining? OMG...that's extreme...spanking should be a LAST LAST LAST resort not a go to. Parenting is hard work it takes time and trial and error, not spanking and yelling.....
Oh and this. Praise is SUCH a powerful tool. If kid's know they're going to reap the benefits of good behaviour, they're way more likely to use it more. So do make sure you're telling him when he's being good, not just telling him off for whining.
I can't believe people are actually even suggesting spanking. Totally extreme and sheer laziness.0 -
Spanking and time out are for lazy parents who don't want to deal with the issue and resolve it. No child deserves to be hit! Think about it, we teach them that they can't hit other people, or you, grown ups aren't allowed to hit each other, but yet we can hit a small defenseless child? Its disgusting and pathetic. Time out teaches NOTHING, it doesn't give them better choices, its not a learning expereince...
I have fantastic kids, we use the "flip it" method!
Feelings- figure out what is going on! So many tantrums start with kids that are tired, hungry or being ignored. Help them indentify why and what they are feeling. Give it a name, (sad, mad, bored) and it lets them know that you understand!
Limits - learn to set limits with clear, simple rules and expectations
Inquiries- ask them to think before acting. this encourages problem solving, coping skills and emotional control
Prompt- this is when you help them along if they can't come up with the appropriate responce.
Do you teach them to be judgmental too?0 -
I've respectfully not replied to the spanking issue as it only inflames the MFP war on the issue, and would like this thread to actually remain here so I can read everything But it's just my two cents that whining doesn't warrant spanking. I'm not anti-spanking, I just don't think this particular problem is justification.
End scene.0 -
I used to teach preschool and whining was my #1 pet peeve! I used to tell the kids, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you when you speak in that voice. I'll be ready to listen when you can talk to me in a normal voice." Then walk away and continue what you were doing and give him time to compose himself.
This works. I take a similar approach except I tell him to go in the bathroom and flush the whinies down the toilet then we'll talk about whatever you want! at first he took me literally...and actually flushed the toilet which I kinda found funny but didn't show him that. Now he just corrects himself. He actually even catches himself now and I tell him I'm proud of him for catching it!0
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