Silly joke time, put em on :-)

Options
1235

Replies

  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,811 Member
    Options
    That's enough dyslexic jokes - KO?
  • emmy3111
    emmy3111 Posts: 482 Member
    Options
    What did one strawberry say to the other?

    "If you weren't so sweet, we wouldn't be in this jam..."
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
    Options
    An italian, a frenchman, and a redneck are talking.

    The Italian says "When I've finished makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her feet and she floats 6 inches of da bed in ecstacy."

    The Frencman replies "zat is nothing. When ah.ve finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all zee way down her body and zen ah lick za bottome of her feet and she floats a foot above ze bed in ecstacy. "

    The redneck says "psshhooot that ain't nothin! When I've finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin ceilin. "
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
    Options
    That's enough dyslexic jokes - KO?

    lol just one more.

    A dyslexic skiier didn't know whether to zig-zag dowm the slop or zag-zig. So he goes up to a guy dressed in all the gear and asks him whether he should zig-zag, or zag-zig

    The guy says "Hey it's no good asking me, I'm a tobogganist"

    "Oh right" He says, "In that case can I have 20 Marlboro please"
  • smnassise
    smnassise Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    This ones a bit long, but hey. It's a guy writing in to an agony aunt in a UK tabloid.

    Dear Deirdre. I have never written to you before but i really need your advice. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating. The usual signs; phone rings and if i answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot & when I ask the names it's "you don't know them", i try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I ususally fall asleep. Anyway last night i decided to finally check on her. Around midnight i hid in the garage behind my motorbike so as to get a good view of the whole street when she came home from her night out with the girls. When she got out of the car she was buttoning her blouse which was open and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment as i crouched behind my motorbike i noticed it, a hairline crack where the fairing meets the tank, is this something i can fix myself or should i take it back to the shop?

    Perfect.
  • blytheandbonnie
    blytheandbonnie Posts: 3,275 Member
    Options
    I don't know why this cracks me up so much, but here goes:

    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick.
  • emmy3111
    emmy3111 Posts: 482 Member
    Options
    What did one snowman say to the other?

    "Do you smell carrots?"



    lol :)
  • ohpiper
    ohpiper Posts: 729 Member
    Options
    Hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring? He decided to stick it out one more year.
  • pattesterman
    pattesterman Posts: 18 Member
    Options
    :blushing: :drinker:
  • MonkRocker
    MonkRocker Posts: 198
    Options
    So these two muffins are baking in an oven and one turns to the other and says "man! hot enough in here for ya?" and the other one says "HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
    I don't know why this cracks me up so much, but here goes:

    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick.

    Q: what's black and sticky?
    A: a stick at night.

    Q: what's brown and runny?
    A: Usain Bolt

    Q: what's brown and rhymes with snoop?
    A: Dr. Dre!

    Q: what do you call the black guy flying the plane?
    A: the pilot, you racist!

    :laugh:
  • BlueGenius
    BlueGenius Posts: 103 Member
    Options
    [/quote]

    Hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa
    [/quote]

    Bahahahahahahaha :laugh:
  • TWrecks1968
    TWrecks1968 Posts: 138 Member
    Options
    What do you get when you cross a rhinoceros with an elephant? Elephino.
  • BlueGenius
    BlueGenius Posts: 103 Member
    Options
    IDK how to "quote" my last post, but that was hilarious. I didn't mean to appear to steal it lol.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    Options
    What do vegetarian zombies eat?

    GRAAAAAAAIIIIIIINS

    I know another one about pizza but it's really cheesy.
  • inotnew
    inotnew Posts: 218 Member
    Options
    Doctor: Congratulations, you have a life inside you!
    Patient: But doctor, I am a man!!!
    Doctor: Well.. Ascarids doesn't really care...

    had to google that one....
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    Options
    IDK how to "quote" my last post, but that was hilarious. I didn't mean to appear to steal it lol.
    either click the quote button on the post you want to quote or put square brackets around the word "quote" at the beginning ([ quote ]) and square brackets around forward-slash quote "/quote" at the end.
    [ quote ]blah blah blah [ /quote ] (without spaces in the mark-ups).
  • emmy3111
    emmy3111 Posts: 482 Member
    Options
    Doctor: Congratulations, you have a life inside you!
    Patient: But doctor, I am a man!!!
    Doctor: Well.. Ascarids doesn't really care...

    had to google that one....


    you're not the only one... ew.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
    Options
    Two Irishmen walk past a bar...

    Hey, it could happen!
  • nbhobbes
    nbhobbes Posts: 284
    Options
    What is big, green and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you will kill you?


    A pool table.
  • agriffiths73
    agriffiths73 Posts: 108 Member
    Options
    Patrick Stewart was trying to make a throw for his next role as Xavier but couldn't work the machine so he turned to his friend and said






    wait for it






    make it sew!

Categories