My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!

ZudiLo

The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i would like him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

here are my concerns:

1. Is it bad that I am getting a bit unattracted to him, (I'm still with him and we are trying to make it work)
2. If this is the man I want in my future, is it ok that I want my future husband and father of my kids to be fit and able to chase after my kids and all that good stuff?
3. His family is very unhealthy and I feel like he is following the same road

... Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

Sick_Beard

I suspect he will only change the day you leave him, once he realise what he had in you he will regret taking you for granted.

Please don't drop his sorry *kitten*, work through it and give it a fair chance

bkibbs

Make him well aware of the RESULTS and he might change his tune.

I totally agree with your point: to keep it as a habit, you (and he) has to feel like he MAKES time to workout, not FINDS time to work out.

pastryari

but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.

is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.

maddymama

He will only change when HE is ready to change.

All you can do is make decisions to live a healthier life yourself. And support him when he is ready to make a change himself.

OllyReeves

Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.

We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

You asked for my opinion, you got it.

ZudiLo

Hey, thanks for replying!
I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
fast forward to the new guy...
I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(

ZudiLo

Hi, you are entitled to your opinion and I am not looking for any type of sympathy.
To be honest, I know this is a problem for me, BUT in my defense,
when we started dating he was going to the gym and would preach how he wanted to get in shape...
I feel like because we are more serious, he is now more comfortable and feels like he doesnt have to work for it anymore.

ZudiLo

You are right....and I have to ask myself if I am willing to wait...and what if he doesn't want to change.

RougeIllusion

You can't make anyone lose weight. Maybe he is perfectly happy with how he is. This seems more like a problem you're having...whether you're still attracted to him or not. Sometimes people just go in different directions.

Erienneb

If you're not attracted to the person you're seeing then there's a problem.
I'm much more overweight than my boyfriend and gained a lot of weight since we started dating. He still loves me and is attracted to me. When he started exercising he wanted me to do it with him and we had some nasty fights because I just didn't want to. He backed off and I came to it on my own partially because he loves me so much that it's not for him, I want to lose weight for *me* and that makes all the difference in the world. You can't force something on someone else, they need their own reasons. If he doesn't want to work out, you trying to make him is just an argument. And if you're magically not attracted to him anymore, stop leading him on. If you really cared for someone, you wouldn't be concerned in this way. You'd be concerned for their health, not because you want them to be hot.

ZudiLo

you guys are right...

Lozze

My boyfriend is similar. He works long days in a labor intensive job. I wish he would eat better but I can't control him. I love him for him and not what he eats.

TheNewDodge

Maybe the dude is happy in his own skin and you should let him be.

ZudiLo

Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.

We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

You asked for my opinion, you got it.

Hi, you are entitled to your opinion and I am not looking for any type of sympathy.
To be honest, I know this is a problem for me, BUT in my defense,
when we started dating he was going to the gym and would preach how he wanted to get in shape...
I feel like because we are more serious, he is now more comfortable and feels like he doesnt have to work for it anymore.

ZudiLo

Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.

We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

You asked for my opinion, you got it.

and to add to your response....
me wanting him to change is not only about looks....I should have gotten into more detail BUT
we have spoken about out future together and I told him my concerns about his health. I want a man in my life he will be able to get up and chase after his kids...his family has a string of health problems and most of it has to do with weight...
but I know I cannot change a person. I already expressed my concern and its up to him if he wants to take it...but that doesn't mean i have to deal with it.

ZudiLo

I suspect he will only change the day you leave him, once he realise what he had in you he will regret taking you for granted.

Please don't drop his sorry *kitten*, work through it and give it a fair chance

Hey, thanks for replying!
I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
fast forward to the new guy...
I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(

drmerc

hes probably better off without you trying to changing him

ZudiLo

If you're not attracted to the person you're seeing then there's a problem.
I'm much more overweight than my boyfriend and gained a lot of weight since we started dating. He still loves me and is attracted to me. When he started exercising he wanted me to do it with him and we had some nasty fights because I just didn't want to. He backed off and I came to it on my own partially because he loves me so much that it's not for him, I want to lose weight for *me* and that makes all the difference in the world. You can't force something on someone else, they need their own reasons. If he doesn't want to work out, you trying to make him is just an argument. And if you're magically not attracted to him anymore, stop leading him on. If you really cared for someone, you wouldn't be concerned in this way. You'd be concerned for their health, not because you want them to be hot.

You are right....and I have to ask myself if I am willing to wait...and what if he doesn't want to change.

scottbrown78

Hey, thanks for replying!
I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
fast forward to the new guy...
I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(

Being turned on or off by someone is NOT vain! It is a natural reaction that we have little control over. Just do yourself and him a favor. Do some soul searching and figure out if you can love this man and live with this man AS HE IS. If so, great, if not, move on, NOW! Don't waste this mans time.

auroranflash

You can't make someone want something they don't want. If you find your lifestyles are becoming too different to support each other, you must consider this seriously, but don't expect him to care about health and fitness just because you do, or you want him to. It just won't happen and you will be a nag.

OllyReeves

Do the guy a favour and split up with him. Find yourself a gym bunny and you'll be happy. Don't make him miserable.

sexikc

You dont seem to be ready for a new relationship to me. I know I dont know you...but from the words you wrote it doesnt seem like it. You have a low self esteem and you were with someone for 7 years, you are still bitter about the demise of that relationship. The good thing is you are recognizing these things about yourself and you are doing something to build your confidence. If you are not attracted to him then you dont need to be with him. I dont think you should find someone else tho...I think you need to learn to be happy as a single woman. Get over the bitterness of the past relationship. When you are in a relationship you have to look at what you and the other person wants...not only what you want. Until you start thinking this way...any relationship that you get in will fail...If you only want to focus on you...be single, there is nothing wrong with that. You can focus on you for now...then foucus on a relationship later.

ZudiLo

hes probably better off without you trying to changing him

probably, but i do love the man and if you read my other responses you can see it's not all about his looks (I should have explained it more in the beginning). At the end of the day I just want him to be healthy, especially if this is the man I want in my future.

ZudiLo

You dont seem to be ready for a new relationship to me. I know I dont know you...but from the words you wrote it doesnt seem like it. You have a low self esteem and you were with someone for 7 years, you are still bitter about the demise of that relationship. The good thing is you are recognizing these things about yourself and you are doing something to build your confidence. If you are not attracted to him then you dont need to be with him. I dont think you should find someone else tho...I think you need to learn to be happy as a single woman. Get over the bitterness of the past relationship. When you are in a relationship you have to look at what you and the other person wants...not only what you want. Until you start thinking this way...any relationship that you get in will fail...If you only want to focus on you...be single, there is nothing wrong with that. You can focus on you for now...then foucus on a relationship later.

Thank you, you're not the first to tell me this. I guess if it's meant to be, it will be.

BruteSquad

If you like him for real.....

I had the same excuse. I was pulling long days at work and sitting for most of it. I have lost all my weight by eating right (packing lunch and rarely eating out) and doing the workouts at www.bodyrock.tv the longest workouts are normally 16 minutes and you do them in your living room, bed room, anywhere you have about 6 ft of open floor. No excuses.

Then if it is a deal breaker, move on.

ZudiLo

Do the guy a favour and split up with him. Find yourself a gym bunny and you'll be happy. Don't make him miserable.

I'm not making him miserable...if anything, I'm making myself miserable... :ohwell:

LorinaLynn

I will buy a fixer upper house. I adopted special needs pets that needed a lot of work. I restore old furniture.

But my partner is one person I have to love and accept for who he is, not for what he could be. I am encouraging my husband to eat better and exercise, because it's something he wants to do. But it's not going to make how I feel about him any different. I love him. The whole package, whether the package has a big belly or not.

ZudiLo

but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.

is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.

Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?

Bex2Bslim

Are you sure you're not using this as an excuse for 'You're just not into him any more'? I finished things with my ex because of this and although it was really hard as I broke his heart, I knew it was the right thing to do, and I have never regretted it, even though I've been single for over 12 months since.

If not and you can't imagine him not being in your life, then you need to tell him how you feel and ask him to join you in your fitness journey for support if nothing else, if he loves you, he will make the time you talk about I'm sure, it's time together with you after all.

ZudiLo

If you like him for real.....

I had the same excuse. I was pulling long days at work and sitting for most of it. I have lost all my weight by eating right (packing lunch and rarely eating out) and doing the workouts at www.bodyrock.tv the longest workouts are normally 16 minutes and you do them in your living room, bed room, anywhere you have about 6 ft of open floor. No excuses.

Then if it is a deal breaker, move on.

Thank you.