My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!

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ZudiLo
ZudiLo Posts: 57
in Health and Weight Loss
The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i would like him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

here are my concerns:

1. Is it bad that I am getting a bit unattracted to him, (I'm still with him and we are trying to make it work)
2. If this is the man I want in my future, is it ok that I want my future husband and father of my kids to be fit and able to chase after my kids and all that good stuff?
3. His family is very unhealthy and I feel like he is following the same road

... Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
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Replies

  • Sick_Beard
    Sick_Beard Posts: 407 Member
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    I suspect he will only change the day you leave him, once he realise what he had in you he will regret taking you for granted.

    Please don't drop his sorry *kitten*, work through it and give it a fair chance
  • bkibbs
    bkibbs Posts: 106 Member
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    Make him well aware of the RESULTS and he might change his tune.

    I totally agree with your point: to keep it as a habit, you (and he) has to feel like he MAKES time to workout, not FINDS time to work out.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

    Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.
    is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

    Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    He will only change when HE is ready to change.

    All you can do is make decisions to live a healthier life yourself. And support him when he is ready to make a change himself.
  • OllyReeves
    OllyReeves Posts: 579 Member
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    Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

    Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

    Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

    A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.

    We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

    You asked for my opinion, you got it.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    Hey, thanks for replying!
    I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
    fast forward to the new guy...
    I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    Hi, you are entitled to your opinion and I am not looking for any type of sympathy.
    To be honest, I know this is a problem for me, BUT in my defense,
    when we started dating he was going to the gym and would preach how he wanted to get in shape...
    I feel like because we are more serious, he is now more comfortable and feels like he doesnt have to work for it anymore.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    You are right....and I have to ask myself if I am willing to wait...and what if he doesn't want to change.
  • RougeIllusion
    RougeIllusion Posts: 59 Member
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    You can't make anyone lose weight. Maybe he is perfectly happy with how he is. This seems more like a problem you're having...whether you're still attracted to him or not. Sometimes people just go in different directions.
  • Erienneb
    Erienneb Posts: 592 Member
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    If you're not attracted to the person you're seeing then there's a problem.
    I'm much more overweight than my boyfriend and gained a lot of weight since we started dating. He still loves me and is attracted to me. When he started exercising he wanted me to do it with him and we had some nasty fights because I just didn't want to. He backed off and I came to it on my own partially because he loves me so much that it's not for him, I want to lose weight for *me* and that makes all the difference in the world. You can't force something on someone else, they need their own reasons. If he doesn't want to work out, you trying to make him is just an argument. And if you're magically not attracted to him anymore, stop leading him on. If you really cared for someone, you wouldn't be concerned in this way. You'd be concerned for their health, not because you want them to be hot.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    you guys are right...
  • Lozze
    Lozze Posts: 1,917 Member
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    My boyfriend is similar. He works long days in a labor intensive job. I wish he would eat better but I can't control him. I love him for him and not what he eats.
  • TheNewDodge
    TheNewDodge Posts: 607 Member
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    Maybe the dude is happy in his own skin and you should let him be.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

    Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

    Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

    A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.

    We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

    You asked for my opinion, you got it.

    Hi, you are entitled to your opinion and I am not looking for any type of sympathy.
    To be honest, I know this is a problem for me, BUT in my defense,
    when we started dating he was going to the gym and would preach how he wanted to get in shape...
    I feel like because we are more serious, he is now more comfortable and feels like he doesnt have to work for it anymore.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

    Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

    Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

    A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.

    We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

    You asked for my opinion, you got it.

    and to add to your response....
    me wanting him to change is not only about looks....I should have gotten into more detail BUT
    we have spoken about out future together and I told him my concerns about his health. I want a man in my life he will be able to get up and chase after his kids...his family has a string of health problems and most of it has to do with weight...
    but I know I cannot change a person. I already expressed my concern and its up to him if he wants to take it...but that doesn't mean i have to deal with it.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    I suspect he will only change the day you leave him, once he realise what he had in you he will regret taking you for granted.

    Please don't drop his sorry *kitten*, work through it and give it a fair chance

    Hey, thanks for replying!
    I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
    fast forward to the new guy...
    I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(
  • drmerc
    drmerc Posts: 2,603 Member
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    hes probably better off without you trying to changing him
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    If you're not attracted to the person you're seeing then there's a problem.
    I'm much more overweight than my boyfriend and gained a lot of weight since we started dating. He still loves me and is attracted to me. When he started exercising he wanted me to do it with him and we had some nasty fights because I just didn't want to. He backed off and I came to it on my own partially because he loves me so much that it's not for him, I want to lose weight for *me* and that makes all the difference in the world. You can't force something on someone else, they need their own reasons. If he doesn't want to work out, you trying to make him is just an argument. And if you're magically not attracted to him anymore, stop leading him on. If you really cared for someone, you wouldn't be concerned in this way. You'd be concerned for their health, not because you want them to be hot.

    You are right....and I have to ask myself if I am willing to wait...and what if he doesn't want to change.
  • scottbrown78
    scottbrown78 Posts: 142 Member
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    Hey, thanks for replying!
    I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
    fast forward to the new guy...
    I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(
    Being turned on or off by someone is NOT vain! It is a natural reaction that we have little control over. Just do yourself and him a favor. Do some soul searching and figure out if you can love this man and live with this man AS HE IS. If so, great, if not, move on, NOW! Don't waste this mans time.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    You can't make someone want something they don't want. If you find your lifestyles are becoming too different to support each other, you must consider this seriously, but don't expect him to care about health and fitness just because you do, or you want him to. It just won't happen and you will be a nag.

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