My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!
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but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time..
There is your answer right there. Love him for who he is or move along.0 -
I agree that if a person wants to get in shape, that person will make the time. Your question is answered right there. Leave him alone.The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i want him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!0 -
It's called the "Pull my finger syndrome!"... .meaining, you are learning what he is really like now... he wanted you to believe what he wanted you to believe so he could get a "hot" chick (you)!
Now that you know each other it is the "Pull my Finger!"...
Been there......0 -
I agree with most the people on here I feel sorry for him, just because you want him to change doesn't mean he should if he doesn't want to. If you don't love him exactly as he is then he deserves someone who does and you should break it to him gently and find yourself a gym bunny, give him my number on your way out I'm not as shallow.0
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Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.
Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?
Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.
A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.
We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.
You asked for my opinion, you got it.
This.0 -
Love who he is, not so much on what he looks like. I would hope that his personality is more important than the fact that he just isn't into fitness like you are. I think we've all been in his state of mind at some point. You have to want to do it for yourself, not feel forced to change your lifestyle because someone else wants you to just so that they'll be attracted to you. Love him for him and give him a break.0
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I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(
You need to tell him this directly. Tell him him exactly how you feel about it. He might actually do something about it. You can't make people be something they aren't but he might listen and take your concerns about his health seriously. However, you thinking he's not attractive might bum him out....0 -
You can't force anyone into changing. They have to want to do it for you, them .. whatever reason.
I suggest you have a serious heart to heart with him and let him know how strongly you feel about the issue. Give him the opportunity to change his ways and if he doesn't - you can find someone who will live up to your standards/lifestyle.
Good luck!
PS - I realize this was pretty cut and dry as there are probably emotions tangled in this relationship but it's the best I can give as an outsider!
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I vote for leaving him so he can have the opportunity to find someone that is going to love him the same no matter if he stays the same weight he was when they started dating, loses the weight, or gains. In other words, someone that loves him for who he is as a person and who doesn't feel the need to change him simply because she's decided to make a change for herself.
Also note that I said you decided to make the change for yourself. Take a moment and imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned and your boyfriend had been the one to make the choice to get in shape and was constantly telling you to eat healthier and work out. How would that make you feel?0 -
Having gone through this myself all I can tell you is that when someone isn't ready to commit to a lifestyle change they don't do it. I was a college athlete and knew how and what would happen and I just put it off for years. There are way too many excuses, and that is all they are. I work 80-90 hours a week now, but the difference is I make it a priority to go to the gym. I get up early 4 days a week and go do it. I did not want to get up this morning at all but I said to myself "You didn't get here by taking days off and you won't get to where you want to be by starting now."
It is a mindset and I'm finally ready to change. It sounds like you are as well. He just isn't. There isn't a lot you can do about that but try to talk it out. If nothing changes and you are not happy do not feel bad about yourself if you need to move on.0 -
The only person you can change is yourself.
If her never ever changes, will you still love him?0 -
i have sympathy for overweight people, because i used to be one. i understand how you can end up being overweight, and we shouldn't really judge. i have a certain respect for people who accept that they eat too much but just want food more than they want to be thin. it is their life choice, a bit like smoking, and we should just respect that.
on the other hand, i also know that you can choose to be healthy. i have zero sympathy for people who want to be thin but who make excuses, live in denial and refuse to take responsibility for their actions. it is seriously unsexy, and i couldn't date such a person these days because mentally i've just moved on.0 -
well i know how you feel!,,, mine is not into it either, he thinks i am obsessed with it, i am!!!!!!!0
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I agree with most the people on here I feel sorry for him, just because you want him to change doesn't mean he should if he doesn't want to. If you don't love him exactly as he is then he deserves someone who does and you should break it to him gently and find yourself a gym bunny, give him my number on your way out I'm not as shallow.
I guess you're right but if I as that shallow I would have left him a year ago, instead I did fall for an awesome guy, the only concern is his health and that to me is something major. Especially if its someone I want to be with in the long run.0 -
Do the guy a favour and split up with him. Find yourself a gym bunny and you'll be happy. Don't make him miserable.
I agree. You'll make him feel self-conscious and have low self-esteem like you do now.
I have someone in my life who loved me when I was 2st lighter, and when I was 2st heavier, and now in the middle. I wasn't exactly huge, but I let myself go a bit. Now thatttt is love. If he gained weight, I wouldn't all of a sudden not love him anymore. Fair enough, if either one of us got really big and gained like 5st, it's to be expected that we might not find each other attractive anymore. If we're honest, it's rare that people are attracted to overweight people.
If I were you, if you haven't already, I would make healthy versions of foods you both like and have date nights, plan exercises together... but maybe he doesn't want that. If he's happy, leave him alone.0 -
All you can do is change yourself. Maybe once he sees how healthy and fit you are he'll jump in and commit to getting healthy as well. But until then, don't pressure him. It has to be his decision. If you can't live with that then you both need to move on. I hope you're able to work it out though. Good luck.
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It will be a very long road to travel down together if he is not on board with being healthy. I can tell you this from 25 years of my own marriage. If he is into unhealthy habits and does not think working out or staying fit is needed, it will haunt you later. I am making changes in my own life to be healthier and have made progress. My husband is still making excuses. He saw no point in trying to be fit early on. And now he's got health problems that keep him from being physically active much. I am not saying don't get married, but just getting married does not cause problems to go away. Differences are more pronounced with time. And if you think you won't resent things later that you can overlook right now you'd be wrong. I love my husband. But I regret not putting fitness in my lfe as a bigger priority. I am paying for that now. Lesson learned the hard way.0
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The only person you can change is yourself.
If her never ever changes, will you still love him?
Yes I will...but I would be a bit disappointed because he didnt try...0 -
Being turned on or off by someone is NOT vain! It is a natural reaction that we have little control over. Just do yourself and him a favor. Do some soul searching and figure out if you can love this man and live with this man AS HE IS. If so, great, if not, move on, NOW! Don't waste this mans time.Hey, thanks for replying!
I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
fast forward to the new guy...
I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(
This. You can't help who you're attracted to and who you're not. When you start to pay more attention to what you eat and spend time exercising, your whole mindset towards life changes. It's not your fault what you find attractive anymore changes. If you can deal with that and love him anyway, then try to make it work. If it's going to nag at the back of your mind until he makes the change, it's best to end it as soon as possible.0 -
Don't edit your original post to make yourself not look like a vain and unpleasant person. I saw the original, and it made me glad I have noone like you in my life (anymore)
I've unfriended you and look forward to not having to see your posts again.0 -
I think your situation is similar to the one I'm in. If you encourage him and he still doesn't go, then you should be supportive of his decision not to go, but encourage healthy living in other ways. If its difficult for you to be attracted to him still, then maybe its time for a change.0
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It will be a very long road to travel down together if he is not on board with being healthy. I can tell you this from 25 years of my own marriage. If he is into unhealthy habits and does not think working out or staying fit is needed, it will haunt you later. I am making changes in my own life to be healthier and have made progress. My husband is still making excuses. He saw no point in trying to be fit early on. And now he's got health problems that keep him from being physically active much. I am not saying don't get married, but just getting married does not cause problems to go away. Differences are more pronounced with time. And if you think you won't resent things later that you can overlook right now you'd be wrong. I love my husband. But I regret not putting fitness in my lfe as a bigger priority. I am paying for that now. Lesson learned the hard way.
and that is a major concern for me...thank you.0 -
Don't edit your original post to make yourself not look like a vain and unpleasant person. I saw the original, and it made me glad I have noone like you in my life (anymore)
I've unfriended you and look forward to not having to see your posts again.
and that's perfectly fine. I felt that I needed to explain myself more because people jumped to the conclusion that it was all about looks and I'm happy that you unfriended because I don't need a person judging me without knowing every detail. have a good life.0 -
but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...
Keywords: I Personally. YOU. He obviously doesn't want to.is it bad that I am now a bit unattracted to him. Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!
Yes, do the both of you a favor and find someone else.
Yes I know its all me...but what to do when you really like someone and that's the only issue? If this is the man I choose to be with, it should be ok that I would like him to be healthy...is that wrong?
Yea, not buying it. Your OP said you weren't finding him attractive and wanted him to get into shape. You're backpedaling.0 -
I was in this same boat but with a girlfriend (now ex.)
I was overweight as well as her but i decided one day to eat better and exercise. She was a high school athlete just like me but she never wanted to exercise! I suggested easy things first such as walks, bike rides, etc and she wouldn't budge so I pretty much told her i'd come over to see her when I was home from the gym.
After a while I had a realization... Her and I were not as much alike as I had thought. I went back to my athletic roots and it became a lifestyle (lost 45lbs in 4 months) and she would much rather spend time sitting around in her vast amount of free time and watch tv. That eventually led us to break up after being together for over a year and a half.
Now im not saying this will happen to you or it is, but you really have to take a deep look at who they are and just know that with some things people will never change. For myself, it was one of the best decisions I have made because I am now with someone who goes to the gym with me and her and I have a lot more in common than my ex!
Hope this helps...
-Dan0 -
this is a problem, it seems that he's not only into fitness but he's having trouble with keeping healthy too. either you both fix it or this will not work0
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Are you sure you're not using this as an excuse for 'You're just not into him any more'? I finished things with my ex because of this and although it was really hard as I broke his heart, I knew it was the right thing to do, and I have never regretted it, even though I've been single for over 12 months since.
If not and you can't imagine him not being in your life, then you need to tell him how you feel and ask him to join you in your fitness journey for support if nothing else, if he loves you, he will make the time you talk about I'm sure, it's time together with you after all.
No, I still love the man and look forward to be with him almost every single day but its just a bit frustrating...0 -
I want someone I can succeed with, not succeed and hope they get it. On the other hand, if I love someone, I have to hope that they are strong enough and brave enough to want to be better people.
So I would ask myself, Is it his lack of desire to workout and get in shape and his slight tubbiness that bothers me, or is it the fact that he doesnt seem to have ambitions or expectations that he is trying to meet so he can grow as a person consistently.
Is it because of his size and lifestyle?
or
Is it because of his lack of interest in leveling up and preference to keep the status quo?0 -
You sound controlling and vain. Do him a favor. Leave him and save him some heart break.
I have 12-14 hour days and don't go to the gym because I'm exhausted. So I dont blame him.0 -
Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.
Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?
Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.
A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own choices.
We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.
You asked for my opinion, you got it.
I agree.
You started the relationship with him when he wasn't in shape, obviously you were attracted to him still.
I wouldn't give up on him now, you should support him... try to get him to go bike riding with you , take a walk together. Cook him healthier meals He doesn't have to go to the gym and workout 2 hours... LOL. He sounds busy... Like I said, just try to get him to go with you on active things like hiking or anything else . 0
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