My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!
Replies
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I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym
Isn't everybody?
i hope you figure out what to do.
i personally havent been in your situation.
probally because i usually stick to my "type."
lol,somethin about a goodlookin man in a pair of wranglers and a big truck anyway.
this is about you.
maybe he'd be willing to make small changes at first.. like getting a MFP and tracking with you and you guys be accountability partners?0 -
if he wasn't in shape when you met him...yes it is too much to ask unfortunately......he won't do it to please you or keep you...he has to want to do it....and if he doesn't want to no amount of nagging will change that...best of luck... :-)0
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For some people work and career swallows there whole life. I know, I was there. Between my mid twenties and mid forties, work was the beall and end all ..... food was something swallowed at the desk without even noticing. I went from about 1201lbs to 180lbs without even noticing.
You cannot change him, he must decide to do it for himself. I was lucky enough to change my lifestyle in my early 50s..... still working on losing those extra pounds but life has different priorities now. You cannot do it for him ................0 -
I read through two pages and had to stop and reply. DO not listen to any of them. **** all these dumb **** people. Stop telling her to just cut it off cuz she is expecting too much. Or to stay and give him a chance to change. All of you are incredibly ****ing wrong. What if she breaks up with him, he didn't understand it fully, but wanted to marry this girl and just didn't get it. That fitness was a tiny little bump in his way. He just hasn't been able to muster the motivation. Everyone's needs are different when it comes to compromise.
Talk to him and tell him you are becoming less attracted to him. Be honest for ****s sake. He is the only one you should have this debate with, even if it causes you to break up. That just means it was meant to be. You need to be smarter and not ask a forum full of people how to deal with something that has way more going on than ANYone here can figure out with just a few posts of you trying to explain and re-explain yourself.
Shame on you guys for giving terrible relationship advice.0 -
I'm seeing a bit of people suggesting you bring it up to him. Thank god some of you know better.0
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Whether someone is a good mate and spouse and whether you will have longevity together is based on VALUES. It's not about the "little stuff." The question is whether YOU feel that "A Healthy Lifestyle as YOU define it" is part of your Core Values? If it is, and he does not meet/accept/live/want to be part of this Value, then the 2 of you should part. People DO Grow Apart...it is Best to know NOW than discover it later...after "VOWS" Til Death Do You Part. AND people DO become "Unattractive" to each other, especially when the "blinders" come off.0
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I read through two pages and had to stop and reply. DO not listen to any of them. **** all these dumb **** people. Stop telling her to just cut it off cuz she is expecting too much. Or to stay and give him a chance to change. All of you are incredibly ****ing wrong. What if she breaks up with him, he didn't understand it fully, but wanted to marry this girl and just didn't get it. That fitness was a tiny little bump in his way. He just hasn't been able to muster the motivation. Everyone's needs are different when it comes to compromise.
Talk to him and tell him you are becoming less attracted to him. Be honest for ****s sake. He is the only one you should have this debate with, even if it causes you to break up. That just means it was meant to be. You need to be smarter and not ask a forum full of people how to deal with something that has way more going on than ANYone here can figure out with just a few posts of you trying to explain and re-explain yourself.
Shame on you guys for giving terrible relationship advice.
yeah because ALL of us said that. NO ONE said think about it more and ask yourself better questions. *kitten*.0 -
I read through two pages and had to stop and reply. DO not listen to any of them. **** all these dumb **** people. Stop telling her to just cut it off cuz she is expecting too much. Or to stay and give him a chance to change. All of you are incredibly ****ing wrong. What if she breaks up with him, he didn't understand it fully, but wanted to marry this girl and just didn't get it. That fitness was a tiny little bump in his way. He just hasn't been able to muster the motivation. Everyone's needs are different when it comes to compromise.
Talk to him and tell him you are becoming less attracted to him. Be honest for ****s sake. He is the only one you should have this debate with, even if it causes you to break up. That just means it was meant to be. You need to be smarter and not ask a forum full of people how to deal with something that has way more going on than ANYone here can figure out with just a few posts of you trying to explain and re-explain yourself.
Shame on you guys for giving terrible relationship advice.
yeah because ALL of us said that. NO ONE said think about it more and ask yourself better questions. *kitten*.
Come on you know I was obviously talking to the people who are telling her what to do.0 -
I dont understand what you changing ur life style has got to do with him? I live a healthy life style. My husband is lazy and wont put a vegetable past his lips. I dont like the way he lives but i cant moan at him for what he chooses to do. its his life and his body!0
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kick his fat *kitten* to the curb
.....just joking i was fat0 -
If you love someone you'll love them a bit out of shape. Unless he's actually unhealthily so, I think it's not anyone else's place to judge. I certainly wouldn't expect someone who was working 6.30am - 7.30pm to hop down to the gym after work. I know I wouldn't.0
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Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.
Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?
Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.
A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.
We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.
You asked for my opinion, you got it.
I agree to this 100% and i also think you are very shallow for only seeing the outside of him. He deserves better.0 -
I tip my hat to you
Give him a chance to change if not, chunk up the deuce
I could and would never date someone who is not into fitness0 -
Guys can be bribed into loosing weight....for example set weight loss goals for him that offer bedroom rewards he doesn't already currently get. This would work for me just sayin0
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I think the real discussion you need to have with him has to center around how you find this a major point of compatibility. If it's something he does want and will work for great. If it's something he absolutely doesn't then go from there. But you need to make it clear that's it's more than just a preference for you at this point, because it obviously is something of a requirement. Don't make it about his weight or physicality. Make it about a shared lifestyle and passion.
In my personal opinion, you are being a bit rigid. But really you have a right to have the preferences you want. But he deserves the courtesy of knowing straight up how important this is to you.0 -
I agree be very honest with him and give him the opportunity to understand how you feel.
But know you absolutely cannot change him. I have been married for 13 years & have tried repeadelty to have my husband join the
journey to become more healthy. About 3 years ago I decided I did not need him to jump on board to make a change to be more healhty and I have finally become sucessful (down 50 #'s).
However, I love my husband dearly and I accept him exactly how he is. I do wish he would be more healthy due to his family history of illness....but all I can do is encourage him.
There is a big difference though...my husband accepted me no matter what size I have been in the last 17 years we have been together...and he has always treated me with love and respect. If you cannot do that...do you really love him?0 -
I'm going through the same EXACT thing with my boyfriend. Although, going into the relationship I knew his weight would be a challenge, I didn't want that issue coming between what we really have.
Recently, I told him in a nice way that I'd rather have him around for a lifetime than halftime. I also advised that I was a bit concerned for his health and that if he loved me, he would be concerned with me and make a change.
This struggle should be a twogether issue. I'm helping to motivate him as well as myself.
We shall see how this works out, I'm giving it exactly 30 days to see a change. No change, no game.
Hope this helps.0 -
I agree with the general notion of most posters.... my boyfriend is a chef, and chubby and adorable. However, I happen to not mind it and do not find myself "turned off". He has been this way ever since I met him, so I wouldn't expect him to change. I happen to work out and enjoy fitness but that doesn't mean he has to as well. Sure he'll go to the gym and get on "health kicks" which I'm supportive of obviously. But I really leave it up to him, and what he wants to accomplish for himself.0
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I guess **** all these dumb **** people was kind of a strong way of putting that...
My bad. Temper.0 -
I read through two pages and had to stop and reply. DO not listen to any of them. **** all these dumb **** people. Stop telling her to just cut it off cuz she is expecting too much. Or to stay and give him a chance to change. All of you are incredibly ****ing wrong. What if she breaks up with him, he didn't understand it fully, but wanted to marry this girl and just didn't get it. That fitness was a tiny little bump in his way. He just hasn't been able to muster the motivation. Everyone's needs are different when it comes to compromise.
Talk to him and tell him you are becoming less attracted to him. Be honest for ****s sake. He is the only one you should have this debate with, even if it causes you to break up. That just means it was meant to be. You need to be smarter and not ask a forum full of people how to deal with something that has way more going on than ANYone here can figure out with just a few posts of you trying to explain and re-explain yourself.
Shame on you guys for giving terrible relationship advice.
You're absolutely right. I got tired of responding to people and trying to explain myself or prove that I'm not a horrible person. You are also right and I will never again ask for advice on something so personal...you live you and you learn and I did learn from this. The Good and bad because some people here did have some great advice and I appreciate the positive feedback AND constructive criticism. Thank you!0 -
my partner of 4 yrs was never into fitness, he respects my fitness wishes and does not get in the way. I love him for that. I never in any way thought about breaking up with him cos we did not share the same ways about fitness)eating habits etc, i loved the person he was before any fitness got involved.0
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guy...
I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym.....
LOLOLOL Who isn't? There will always be someone that looks better. But do you want to spend your life with him or don't you. I understand wanting him to be healthy, but beauty fades in time. You have to love the person you are with for what they are not what they look like!0 -
I'm going through the same EXACT thing with my boyfriend. Although, going into the relationship I knew his weight would be a challenge, I didn't want that issue coming between what we really have.
Recently, I told him in a nice way that I'd rather have him around for a lifetime than halftime. I also advised that I was a bit concerned for his health and that if he loved me, he would be concerned with me and make a change.
This struggle should be a twogether issue. I'm helping to motivate him as well as myself.
We shall see how this works out, I'm giving it exactly 30 days to see a change. No change, no game.
Hope this helps.
Thank you and yes I have sat down with him and I spoke to him about my thoughts and his health. Hence, the reason he made some changes in his diet and i have told him that he is doing a great job with his eating habits...but I love him so I'm patient with his goals. Let's see where it takes us.0 -
if he duznt change then find someone else. If ur less attracted to him now that will only get worse as u get healthier. Been there done that.0
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I agree be very honest with him and give him the opportunity to understand how you feel.
But know you absolutely cannot change him. I have been married for 13 years & have tried repeadelty to have my husband join the
journey to become more healthy. About 3 years ago I decided I did not need him to jump on board to make a change to be more healhty and I have finally become sucessful (down 50 #'s).
However, I love my husband dearly and I accept him exactly how he is. I do wish he would be more healthy due to his family history of illness....but all I can do is encourage him.
There is a big difference though...my husband accepted me no matter what size I have been in the last 17 years we have been together...and he has always treated me with love and respect. If you cannot do that...do you really love him?
I do love him...I'm willing to make it work. I just posted this question in regards to anyone who has ever faced a situation where they wanted their significant other to be more healthy and how did it go for them.0 -
I think the real discussion you need to have with him has to center around how you find this a major point of compatibility. If it's something he does want and will work for great. If it's something he absolutely doesn't then go from there. But you need to make it clear that's it's more than just a preference for you at this point, because it obviously is something of a requirement. Don't make it about his weight or physicality. Make it about a shared lifestyle and passion.
In my personal opinion, you are being a bit rigid. But really you have a right to have the preferences you want. But he deserves the courtesy of knowing straight up how important this is to you.
Thank you.0 -
I will buy a fixer upper house. I adopted special needs pets that needed a lot of work. I restore old furniture.
But my partner is one person I have to love and accept for who he is, not for what he could be. I am encouraging my husband to eat better and exercise, because it's something he wants to do. But it's not going to make how I feel about him any different. I love him. The whole package, whether the package has a big belly or not.
As usual, Lor - VERY well said. And I highly agree!0 -
Guys can be bribed into loosing weight....for example set weight loss goals for him that offer bedroom rewards he doesn't already currently get. This would work for me just sayin
haha..that might work lol0 -
I dont understand what you changing ur life style has got to do with him? I live a healthy life style. My husband is lazy and wont put a vegetable past his lips. I dont like the way he lives but i cant moan at him for what he chooses to do. its his life and his body!
you are absolutely right its his life and body but if you are going to commit yourself to one individual because you love them so much, wouldn't you want the other person to be healthy also, for your future and your kids?0 -
Well, you have a host of items to consider.
It sounds like emotionally, you may do better for yourself to take some time to work through self-esteem issues. Sure, you say you love the guy, but when you have self-esteem issues, it's easy to feel like you love someone when in fact you are settling for the best you think you can hope for.
If you want someone to be the father of your children and to be healthy and active, then you might want to lay that out on the table for him. You know, just say "Boyfriend, I am concerned about your weight and health, and the impact it will have on you in the future. Frankly, I think we could have a wonderful life together, possibly leading to marriage and children. You're a hard worker, you have a good job, emotionally we seem to be a good fit, etc. I don't know if my current emphasis on healthy living might turn out to be a phase - but I'm hoping that living healthy is a permanent change in me. You know, you actually helped inspire me to begin taking care of myself better, because when we first met, you were working out at the gym and it seemed you were concerned about taking good care of yourself as well. And I know, I still have more work for myself to do towards my goal of living and being healthly. Lately though, it feels like you aren't as concerned about your health; you aren't going to the gym and you aren't worried so much about what you eat. I see your health declining as you gain weight. And I know it's tough with some of the long shifts you pull. Are you concerned about your health and the foundation you are setting for the future? Because if you are, I'd like to help and work through this with you so that you can still get a couple of workouts in during the week. But if you aren't, please be honest with me. I don't want the potential future father of my children being someone who can't keep up with his kids and develops preventable health issues like cardiovascular disease or diabetes at an early age... I want someone who I can share and enjoy life with for a very long time and hopefully grow old together gracefully".
He might feel outraged/insulted. If that's an initial reaction, let it slide. Most people have a hard time with criticism. Let him think about it for a few days. (not weeks or months). If he's still outraged, I'd say the relationship is done. He might - or might not - decide to work out after your relationship breaks up - and if he does - he might - or might not - later on come to realize that you meant well. But don't wait around to see if that happens. Go work on yourself, figure out what you need to do to strengthen your own self-esteem and do that.
Alternatively, he might feel flattered that you care enough about his health to say something. He might even agree to start working out again. Give him plenty of pats on the back!
Then again, he might simply say - he likes that you are doing this for yourself, that you care enough to encourage him, but that he simply isn't ready to commit to a living healthy at this time. You need to decide for yourself whether you want to stay with him or not. If his looks and health are deal-breakers for you, you may decide to break it off. If they aren't deal-breakers, then you need to accept him as he is - and accept that he may continue to gain weight over time. I would say if you aren't attracted to him, though, you seriously need to think about whether to continue a relationship where you aren't that attracted to the person anymore.
Another thing - he might not be viewing YOU as LTR material - and his reaction might showcase that too. In which case, you need to be prepared to dust off his rejection of you as fitting his image of his future, go out, do things for yourself, and over time, you'll undoubtedly find someone else that may or may not be a better fit for you.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate it and will take this into consideration.0
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