My Boyfriend Is Not Into Fitness - HELP!

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  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"

    Just because you have decided to change something in your life, does not mean he will. He is an individual with his own likes and dislikes, needs, and wants. Yes it is to much to ask him to change, if he doesn't want to. It's immature. If this is a deal breaker for you, then cut your losses and move on.

    Sorry if that sounded harsh, but I don't believe in sugarcoating serious topics~

    Not it's ok, I appreciate the feedback. Thank you.
  • robmcd88
    robmcd88 Posts: 85 Member
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    I suspect he will only change the day you leave him, once he realise what he had in you he will regret taking you for granted.

    Please don't drop his sorry *kitten*, work through it and give it a fair chance

    Hey, thanks for replying!
    I've been very patient. I am not a mean person and will never tell someone that they are not good enough or that they are fat and all that other stuff...I myself have a low-self esteem. Especially since my ex (who was my fiancee) left me last year. I'm still bitter about the whole thing because we were together for seven years but him leaving me gave me the motivation to hit the gym....
    fast forward to the new guy...
    I just realize I am attracted to the guys with the nice bodies at the gym and I know he can get there. He's an awesome man but his health is a huge concern and sort of a turn off for me...how vain do I sound :-(

    If your interests are moving on to other places already, unfortunately he will likely not be catching up to the more attractive guys at the gym any time soon. If waiting for a change is truly an option then be blunt and honest. Honesty hurts sometimes but it can be one hell of a motivator.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    No, I still love the man and look forward to be with him almost every single day but its just a bit frustrating...

    Then talk to him and not a bunch of people that don't really know you or him!

    you are absolutely right. Thank you
  • hellsbell
    hellsbell Posts: 33 Member
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    You said that your last relationship ended last year and this one is new. But if you feel like this about your boyfriend THIS early on it's really not a good sign is it? I don't think this relationship has any staying power, sorry.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    You said that your last relationship ended last year and this one is new. But if you feel like this about your boyfriend THIS early on it's really not a good sign is it? I don't think this relationship has any staying power, sorry.

    good point...seems like I need to get things straight. Focus on me...
    thanks for replying.
  • hillm12345
    hillm12345 Posts: 313 Member
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    you can help in ways not related to the gym. When my fiance and I got together he was very active, playing baseball a few times a week and regularly going to the gym.. I was not. In the past 5 years, the tables have turned. He's lost his opportunities to play sports and I workout/exercise everyday.

    While his health and mine are important to me, I've never pressured him to lose weight or change his habits..(lets face it.. changing someone is like turning a horse into a cat) I've just started preparing healthier meals for the both of us. I suggest salads instead of fast food. I use tons of veggies and fruits. I do less baking, I buy healthier options at the grocery store. I keep less junk in the house. I love my fiance no matter what.. and when I gain those pregnancy lbs, and those middle age lbs, he will love me too. It's a journey together..
  • Marksman21
    Marksman21 Posts: 126 Member
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    The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i would like him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

    here are my concerns:

    1. Is it bad that I am getting a bit unattracted to him, (I'm still with him and we are trying to make it work)
    2. If this is the man I want in my future, is it ok that I want my future husband and father of my kids to be fit and able to chase after my kids and all that good stuff?
    3. His family is very unhealthy and I feel like he is following the same road

    ... Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

    You got an admiral amount of patience for the circumstances. I've had friends who've gotten tired of my late hours and left. However, as to your issue...

    Speaking from experience, I find nothing wrong with being a bit big, however, being unhealthily big can be a huge problem. If its not weight, its the health problems associated with it. I have family history on both sides for Heart Disease and Diabetes, both easily controled through proper diet and exercise, even if you like to stay 'big'. Now you don't have to run marathons, a little effort will make a massive difference, though.

    You mentioned already having a talk about the future. What you want from your relationship. Now, while the question bares if he agrees, and wants it too, he may want to look into family medical history. If he's got no heart disease on either side, I'm calling your boyfriend a lucky horseshoe, keep him, that kinda luck HAS to spread. Joking aside, even if heart disease isn't in his future, Diabetes doesn't need a family history to hit. Both my parents are diabetic, my grandparents were diabetic, my uncles are diabetic, save one, why? They didn't keep their health in check, you know how fun a family gathering is when everyone, even you, has to watch what you eat? Not enjoy it?

    Its not a fun experience, for me or my family.

    Now don't get me wrong. If he doesn't wanna change, he just doesn't want to change. Either accept that or talk about it a bit more, if he's such a great guy, the least he can do is lend you an ear and let you try to explain. However, the reality of diabetes and heart disease can motivate just about everyone. I had a scare a year ago, feeling my chest tighten (it was just a case of bad stress, but I was scared witless for a while), but the Doc did point out I was dangerously close to falling into the same fate as the rest of my family. I hate to say it, you can only do so much for him in this regard, sadly, it may take a scare to convince him, but I imagine that's not something you wish to go through.

    Other than that, just be happy with him. Sounds like someone you took to warmly, no matter who he was, don't be afraid to keep going.
  • HotMummyMission
    HotMummyMission Posts: 1,723 Member
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    Iv been with my hunk nearly four years and he dosant look like he use to an neither do I. we both started changing after z6 months of bein inseparable buttttt I love my chunk we have chubby love hahahh I love him any way he is how ever he looks, even is he has a full beard an hasn't had his hair cut for weeks he is frigin sexy. You cnt be happy your obvisouly ashamed of him DON'T BE WITH HIM!!!! It's not fair on him you don't love him other wise u wouldn't of posted this thread! I ladore the bones of my man and I will love him if he was 50 or 9 stone what ever he wanted to be I'd be happy <3
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
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    If you love him, you accept him. I love my husband, and he's a moron and wants to get in shape too and get healthy mainly, but he lacks the conviction. He'll get there someday. You haven't even been together a year, if it's bothering you now, move on. i think you're being a big selfish though.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
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    I'm going to answer this differently than most people here. First off, even after he is able to change his body, you still may not find him attractive. Just imagine elderly couples that have been together forever, and their bodies are worn out, still manage to find one another hot as hell. Physical attraction is about how you feel, not about what you see.

    You can subtly get him moving in the right direction. You have to be positive and effusively compliment him for even the tiniest effort. For instance, if you see him fixing himself a healthy breakfast give him a high five (and may some sex?) to encourage that behavior. I know it sounds shallow, but we really do alter our behavior based on how others react to us. Peer pressure is a powerful thing. Be careful on how you complement him, though. Don't just simply say "good boy!" He's not a dog.

    Compliment the effort, even if it is a failed effort. So long as he keeps making the effort he will make progress.

    When his behavior is bothering you, make yourself absent. Don't complain or nag or conjole. Just leave or ignore it. Ignoring someone is extremely effective way to get their attention. We are social creatures and crave companionship. This is why solitary confinement is considered torture in many nations around the world.

    If you unable to find a way to compliment his efforts and find yourself ignoring him most of the time, I think it would be time to reevaluate your relationship. People change, but not usually at the same pace. Sometimes one partner changes, the other stays the same and neither can bear the situation any longer.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i would like him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

    here are my concerns:

    1. Is it bad that I am getting a bit unattracted to him, (I'm still with him and we are trying to make it work)
    2. If this is the man I want in my future, is it ok that I want my future husband and father of my kids to be fit and able to chase after my kids and all that good stuff?
    3. His family is very unhealthy and I feel like he is following the same road

    ... Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

    Your concerns are valid, but you're being pretty judgmental considering he works 13 hour days.
  • Southern_Belle89
    Southern_Belle89 Posts: 37
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    Iv been with my hunk nearly four years and he dosant look like he use to an neither do I. we both started changeling after z6 months of bein inseparable buttttt I love my chunk we have chubby love hahahh I love him any way he is how ever he looks, even is he has a full beard an hasn't had his hair cut for weeks he is frigin sexy. Why cnt you're happy your obvisouly ashamed of him DON'T BE WITH HIM!!!! It's not fair on him you don't love him other wise u wouldn't of posted this thread! I ladore the bones of my man and I will love him if he was 50 or 9 stone what ever he wanted to be I'd be happy <3

    ^Sorry your post just made me smile! So sweeeeeeet!
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
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    Personally? My personal opinion? It's not his problem. You started a relationship with him the way he is. If you started a relationship hoping to change him, and because you can't you don't fancy him anymore, then I feel more sorry for you than I do for him.

    Maybe he doesn't want to get in shape? Did you ask him his intentions before you started seeing him?

    Sorry to seem unsympathetic, but I have absolutely no sympathy for you.

    A lifestyle you want him to follow? Outrageous. He is a grown man and can make his own chaoices.

    We are all here because we want to be, not because some girl is telling us to be.

    You asked for my opinion, you got it.

    <3 all this.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    It is very hard for people that work at night to eat right and exercise. Our bodies just aren't wired for activity like that, but I really don't think you wll be able to change him.

    Good Luck.
  • SFBarbear
    SFBarbear Posts: 146
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    If I were him I would dump you for being so self centered! Expecting him to change to suit you and your needs is not love, it's manipulation.
    If you can't "Love" him for who he is then you don't deserve him.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    If I were him I would dump you for being so self centered! Expecting him to change to suit you and your needs is not love, it's manipulation.
    If you can't "Love" him for who he is then you don't deserve him.

    Yes...I'm self-centered for wanting him to be healthy... -_-
    thanks for responding.
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    The guy I'm seeing is a bit over weight, and though we've been dating for a year, one of the reasons why I started getting into shape is so that he can see that this is a lifestyle that I am taking seriously and a lifestyle that i would like him to follow. He says that he has been eating healthier but he rarely goes to the gym, he says its because of work, he gets in at 6:30 AM and sometimes leaves at 7:30 PM but I personally feel that if you really want to get in shape you will MAKE the time...

    here are my concerns:

    1. Is it bad that I am getting a bit unattracted to him, (I'm still with him and we are trying to make it work)
    2. If this is the man I want in my future, is it ok that I want my future husband and father of my kids to be fit and able to chase after my kids and all that good stuff?
    3. His family is very unhealthy and I feel like he is following the same road

    ... Is it too much to ask for someone that I like to get into shape....any advice please!

    Your concerns are valid, but you're being pretty judgmental considering he works 13 hour days.

    thanks for your response but to clarify, he doesn't work 13 hour shifts everyday. some days are 8 hours and other days he has off. but thanks for responding.
  • Sailatsorf
    Sailatsorf Posts: 161 Member
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    I tend to find that love comes before attraction. I'm not saying attraction isn't important; what I am saying is that when you begin to really, truly love someone, you begin to love the way they look because that is who they are. Even though my boyfriend is in good shape and I am not (yet), he has said that he finds me attractive and that he always will, and that he supports me in my weight loss because it is making me the happy and confident person I deserve to be.

    It's natural to want your partner to be happy and healthy, but if you aren't willing to accept him as he is until he's ready to take that step, then maybe you should call it quits. He's probably not the one for you.
  • Apazman
    Apazman Posts: 494 Member
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    it sounds like you like him .. not love him. You want to change something so it suits you better. If you can't accept someone for who they are, warts and all .. then is it really real?
  • ZudiLo
    ZudiLo Posts: 57
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    I tend to find that love comes before attraction. I'm not saying attraction isn't important; what I am saying is that when you begin to really, truly love someone, you begin to love the way they look because that is who they are. Even though my boyfriend is in good shape and I am not (yet), he has said that he finds me attractive and that he always will, and that he supports me in my weight loss because it is making me the happy and confident person I deserve to be.

    It's natural to want your partner to be happy and healthy, but if you aren't willing to accept him as he is until he's ready to take that step, then maybe you should call it quits. He's probably not the one for you.

    Thank you and I'm probably not the one for him but I do love him and that's one of the reasons why I am still with him. Anyways, hoping for the best. Thanks again!

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