Worried about fiance'

Molly_Maguire

What you're saying is, your fiance eats like a pig, lives like a 7 year old on summer vacation, and smokes like a chimney.

Sooooo...remind us all WHY the hell you want to marry this guy? Get out. Get out NOW.

and please, no comments about "how can you be with someone who sits around and plays xbox all day?" because I just want answers to the question I posted, not about my relationship.

The fact that you feel the need to say this sort of proves that you already know he's a good-for-nothing slob. Instead of trying to change this one (who already sounds like a lost cause), raise your standards. You deserve better!

VoodooLuLu

It's his body so if it bothers you its your problem not his dont make it his...Hopefully some day it'll bother him also and he'll do something about it...
Also if you keep throwing ultimatums at him eventually he'll choose and it wont be you

saxmaniac

My fiancée used to be the same besides the smoking. About a month before his 24th birthday he landed himself in the hospital. Diabetic ketoacidosis. He is a diabetic now, insulin dependent. It took that to get him to snap out of it and start changing his life.

If your fiancee got DKA, that's almost certainly due to type 1 diabetes. His body stopped producing insulin on its own, and that happens entirely independent of his choices to eat. He would have gotten it if he was in perfect shape and didn't smoke.

Now, a tightly controlled diet is extremely important if you have type 1 - but it doesn't *cause* it.

Just so nobody gets the wrong impression - having an unhealthy lifestyle will not put you into DKA.

Prettylittlelotus

Honestly, if I were in your position I would walk away.

I don't feel it's my responsibility to change someone else, and with the list of complaints you have, it seems like you want to be dating an entirely different person. He is who he is; nothing you say, do or hope will change that. It’s time for you to look at your situation and recognize that you want different things and that there are worse things in the world than being alone. Like being stuck in a relationship with someone you have nothing in common with and who probably respects you almost as much as he respects himself.

girlonabikedc

I told mine that he needed to increase his life insurance policy. Because if I was going to be a widow, then at least I was going to be a rich one.

It's a tough place to be in. I feel ya.

bethygirlie

I told mine that he needed to increase his life insurance policy. Because if I was going to be a widow, then at least I was going to be a rich one.

It's a tough place to be in. I feel ya.

hahaha I love it

helloiloveukitty

Hard position to be in. If it were me I'd be like "since your choosing not to live, I'm out." and I'd walk or kick him out....easier said than done, took me about 2 years to get rid of mine but I am so glad to be free from the majority of the weight, distress, responsibility and sadness of watching someone you care about choose a shockingly low standard of living that will only end badly.

kimb3r1019

My fiance played video games. A lot. From the time he came home, until he went to bed and on the weekends all day. I tried being supportive and not saying anything but I was unhappy. So I made plans to do things with that time since he was preoccupied. That got his attention. But eventually it started up again. I just told him that if he wants to play his games thats fine, but I'm not okay with the unlimited times of it. When he was playing too long I let him know about it. He was 22 when we met. He is 25 now. I can honestly say that the only thing that changed this was becoming a father. We almost broke up before I got pregnant. I can say if it didn't stop I would have been unhappy and left. I just made sure he knew how I felt and that I needed him to be engaged in our life. I can only say to set what your expectation is. Make your thoughts clear. Life is hard. It's easier when the person we choose to spend our life with has similar ideals and goals. Just make sure you know what you want and articulate it and be clear before big major decisions happen- marriage, baby, etc. Good Luck

bethygirlie

well, today he promised me he'd go walking with me 3x a week and I made him a meatball hoagie with turkey meatballs instead of regular ones and part skim mozzarella...he loved them! He is starting to love the healthy food I make him so I'm trying to convert him that way. He also promised that if he got McDonalds, he'd get a grilled chicken sandwich instead of a double quarter pounder, and he'd get a small pizza if he ordered one, not a large. Small steps!

circadianswing

I read your post to my wife, and we both agree, that you have had an amazing transformation.. and you should be with someone who can mutually help you, to maintain and continue your healthy lifestyle. You need positive reinforcement, and you deserve it... and shame on you if you think you deserve less.

dr2k12

The thing is when your 24 that is the time to get a handle on things. That 180lbs will blossom well into the 200's and at that point he is almost certainly going to develop some weight related issues...

Elzecat

Since you've made such an amazing transformation yourself (225 pounds! awesome!)...maybe think about what made YOU want to change? Was there something in particular that got things started for you or inspired you? Maybe that can help you come up with some ways to approach this...

I don't know you or your fiance, but I do agree with some of the other posts on here wondering why you choose to stay with someone who has such different values in this area? how does he help to support YOUR continued health and fitness, if he refuses to take care of his own health?

lisadiane41

I understand what you are going through. My dad ate really bad for years and 6 years ago he had triple by-pass surgery with a leaky valve fixed. It is sad to see someone you love whether it is your parent, husband, finance, etc go down that path. My family was really scarred because my dad was 92% blocked and we were lucky he did not have a heart attack. All I can say is that you either tell him without yelling and fighting that his bad habits are going to eventually lead to a possible heart attack or complications with his heart and that you love him and want him around to grow old with and that you would prefer that he eats more healthy. Even suggest that he see a dietitian to get him on the right path. I wish you the best of luck. I know how painful it must be. But you have to make a decision if he does not want to listen to you either. You must accept him for who he is or unfortunately move on if it is causing you that much pain to see him like that. I hope that it works out and he realizes how important his health is and takes it very seriously and how much you care.

malicent

YOLO.

But seriously, what if he was the one who lost weight more rapidly/sooner than you? Or what if you got fatter and fatter? How would you want him to react to that? Especially when you don't see or feel a need to change? You say this now because you're losing weight, but watch you gain it back and then some. And then what? You'll be eating your words along with that cake and ice cream. Ahahahahhahaa.

avir8

My coach told her husband to either start working out or she would get a million dollar life insurance policy. She loved him but if he wasn't going to be there for her and the kids they should at least be financially secure. That man ran to the gym the next day and I saw him there everyday after that.

avir8

What you're saying is, your fiance eats like a pig, lives like a 7 year old on summer vacation, and smokes like a chimney.

Sooooo...remind us all WHY the hell you want to marry this guy? Get out. Get out NOW.

and please, no comments about "how can you be with someone who sits around and plays xbox all day?" because I just want answers to the question I posted, not about my relationship.

The fact that you feel the need to say this sort of proves that you already know he's a good-for-nothing slob. Instead of trying to change this one (who already sounds like a lost cause), raise your standards. You deserve better!

I doubt she will, most women never do
but gurrrl

bethygirlie

YOLO.

But seriously, what if he was the one who lost weight more rapidly/sooner than you? Or what if you got fatter and fatter? How would you want him to react to that? Especially when you don't see or feel a need to change? You say this now because you're losing weight, but watch you gain it back and then some. And then what? You'll be eating your words along with that cake and ice cream. Ahahahahhahaa.

wow, really? I seriously eat the way I WANT TO EAT. I'm not on a diet, I changed my lifestyle. He eats the way HE wants to eat. Believe me, I'm not going to gain it back because I didn't lose it that fast, it's a gradual thing. I don't condemn anyone and I don't think you should judge me because you don't know me and you don't know the life I live. I live a very healthy lifestyle and I emphasize LIFESTYLE. I won't gain it back because I know what's at stake. I almost died at 400 pounds. I won't go there again, trust me. No need to be rude.

bethygirlie

and plus, his eating habits have nothing to do with me. I've sat there plenty of times when he's eaten pizza, cookies, etc. and it really does not bother me. He doesn't pressure me into eating what he's eating. He knows better than that.

malicent

Oh snap you're a PCT in cardiac, to boot. I find it hard to believe that you've made so much progress, and did all the necessary lifestyle adjustments and gotten used to them.. I mean, with diet alone, you would LITERALLY both eat two different meals? You'd be munching on something healthy while he feasts on pizza and donuts??

Sounds like my folks with the whole asian/american food thing. It's such a pain too.

Anyways you look better and it seems like you've got your priorities straight. Unfortunately what people fail to realize is that losing fat is much more than what it sounds. You're improving yourself, your whole entire mindset and outlook on life shifts. You become a different person in many ways. At least, that's what I would think. Then again I haven't been to the deep or shallow end in its extremities.

You're hot now and got your priorities straight. He's ugly and lame so... time to cut your losses. Quick! Cut the chain before that anchor makes your ship sink!!!!!! >:D LOL


*EDIT - I mean, I find it hard to believe that you've done all the adjustments which is good and all for you, but then he wouldn't just eat with you what you ate and stuff.. you know, like have your diet rub off on him. I find it hard to believe that if he hasn't picked up on it by now, especially with your progress which is like a no-brainer, then it's hard to believe he'll do it anytime soon.

AND THAT GIRL WHO SAID "MAGICALLY DIE FROM EATING JUNK FOOD..." Well, you see it's really not magical at all. You see, eating things like too many carbohydrates and fats can result in an excess of glucose or triglycerides, in which the fatty dep--potato.

bethygirlie

Oh snap you're a PCT in cardiac, to boot. I find it hard to believe that you've made so much progress, and did all the necessary lifestyle adjustments and gotten used to them.. I mean, with diet alone, you would LITERALLY both eat two different meals? You'd be munching on something healthy while he feasts on pizza and donuts??

Sounds like my folks with the whole asian/american food thing. It's such a pain too.

Anyways you look better and it seems like you've got your priorities straight. Unfortunately what people fail to realize is that losing fat is much more than what it sounds. You're improving yourself, your whole entire mindset and outlook on life shifts. You become a different person in many ways. At least, that's what I would think. Then again I haven't been to the deep or shallow end in its extremities.

You're hot now and got your priorities straight. He's ugly and lame so... time to cut your losses. Quick! Cut the chain before that anchor makes your ship sink!!!!!! >:D LOL

A lot of people find it hard to believe unless you actually know me. But it's true. And yes generally we eat seperate meals. Our fridge looks like a health nazi and a 5 year old live there. But you know what, nothing makes you want to challenge yourself, not gain the weight back, and eat healthy like the threat of death. And I know if I went back to that, I would have died. That's what convinced me to eat healthy in the beginning. They wanted me to get the surgery. I said hell no. I am strong enough that I can do it on my own and keep going. I'm a stronger person now because of that. And hell no I won't eat what he's eating. I practically smack it out of his hand. It's crap. Why would I feed my body stuff that almost led me 6 feet under? Granted, one piece of pizza won't do that, but the way I was eating, it would have. And though it's "hard to believe" I've lost all this weight on my own....you have to take into account that I went from eating like 8,500 calories a day to 1500 and exercising.

Edit: I appreciate your last comment, I thought you were personally attacking me in your first post and laughing because you think I'm going to gain it back. I'm not, and I really don't understand why people don't get that this is a complete and total lifestyle change. But yeah, I appreciate you being considerate now.