Cruel Family Members

camy_chick

i didn't read all of the comments. but i have had family and friends say negative things like that to me before. one that sticks in my head a lot is my ex. we had just broken up for the FINAL time, and he was with a new girl. well, his girl and i ended up becoming friends and MK team members, but anyways, she was filling me in on things he said to her when they were together. and when they were in walmart one day they saw me, and he told her "there's the whale". referring to me. it hurt so much cause he supposedly "LOVED" me, and wanted to be with me forever. but my weight didn't bug him when we were together. and after that he also tried to get back on my good side too..............HE|| TO THE NO! and i'm not saying she's fat by any means, but his at the time gf was about the same size as me......so it's funny. and he's also heavier then i am also. SO HOW AM I SO FAT?

and i agree with an above poster, DO IT IN SECRET when it comes to most family and friends! i get looks even when i don't tell people that i'm trying. it's so FRUSTRATING! i'll stick with my MFP friends when it comes to the weight loss journey!

FabMrFox

I'm probably not the first to come up with this idea but somebody should try and compile these stories and they should be mandatory reading as soon as a kid can read.
Too often cruelty from family and school kids has such lasting effects on a person’s self-image. The sticks and stones saying doesn't cover it at all. I'm glad I was raised with enough sense to not make fun of other people however I should not have laughed at others expense I should have stuck up for them(going to plead ignorance of others feelings here). Reading threads like this has altered my mind set in regards to what I think is funny or acceptable to think /say or allow others to say about other people’s issues. I’m not sure If all that makes sense. Anyhow thanks for the enlightenment.

mommyplus3

I've had my fair share of nasty/rude comments from family members. I try to ignore them or smile along when they think they're being funny but it really bothers me. Reading all of these comments make me so sad because I have been in similar situations. It's hard to stay motivated when im surrounded by such negative nancy's but that's why i love mfp

Simone_King

Because I live with family members I can tell you that the line "You're still fat" maybe them trying to help you lose more weight.

However, in this house, unless we bring up the subject, you do not talk about my weight.

Or for some reason he's (my dad) is mad about something and decides to go off of me than the arguement comes about my weight and isn't over until I..burst out in tears.

So, hang in there and use this as moderavation to lose even more weight. I know it hurts.

Joynhrt

I have only had encouragement lately. However, I do remember once an uncle telling me, "You have a weight problem." I looked him square in his eye and said, "No, other people have a problem with my weight." It takes time. Stay encouraged and surround yourself by individuals who love, care, and support what you are doing.

KayeArlana

When I was in the 8th grade I was sitting on the porch with my grandfather at his farm and he reached over and patted my thigh and sad "Ooo girl, if you were a pig you'd be ready for slaughter". He said it as a joke but it has stuck with me all these years and has always popped into my head anytime I put on shorts, a bathing suit or anything that shows my thighs.

swarovski75

My in-laws are the hardest on me. I really don't understand the judgement around weight. I remember one day my MIL telling me I was really lucky to have her son because he is so tolerant of the way my weight fluctuates and still loves me when I'm fat. (Um...I was 2 months postpartum and 20 lbs overweight). But then she went on to say that she was always the thin beautiful one and her sister was the short stalky one, but "somehow" her sister landed a man who loved her, and here she was divorced. Like carrying a little bit of extra weight should preclude finding love...

My brother used to be equally hard on my looks, if not so much my weight, because I was on the athletic side always, and he thought I should try to be more pretty/girly. He'd also comment EVERY SINGLE TIME I had a mouthful of pie (while he was on his second or third piece)...not because I was overweight (I was 5'6, 130 lbs at the time) but because I *might* get fat... you know, if I kept eating mouthfuls of pie...

But I think in both cases, it might be out of love? Because some people really do feel like the world is easy for skinny/beautiful people, so they wish for you to be thin because thin = happy? Or they're just *kitten*. :-) Either way, I certainly think from your pic that you are beautiful. So just ignore it. It is his issue, not yours.

jlrPhotography

When I was still quite young (somewhere between 12 and 14 I reckon) I wasn't overweight at all I was just tall and not a bean pole, I was at my nan's house and out of nowhere she told me I could 'do with losing a few pounds' I was so horrified I started crying and she told me not to be so silly. I still don't know why she said it and I don't think she'd remember doing it if I asked her about it.

On the other hand she was the first person to comment on my recent weight loss and I hadn't told her I was trying to lose any.

MizKittyB

My mom tries to be supportive and I KNOW she has the best intentions...but she doesn't know how to phrase it. I think she thinks that if something is a fact, then it shouldn't hurt to hear.

THIS.

My mom has NO tact when it comes to my weight - she alternates between being "so proud" of me for dropping 20+ pounds and getting fit, and then says nasty things in the next breath, like how my Halloween costume this year (Star Trek dress) is "for next year, right?" I'm getting better about telling her off when she says those things, though - she's on a weight loss journey, too, and she used to call me fat as a kid when I wasn't allowed to stand up for myself. (For the record, I wasn't especially fat, but I was significantly taller and broader-shouldered than the other kids, and therefore must be "fat".) She still denies she called me fat as a kid. I tell her she's full of *kitten* if she believes that. :P

hiyamippa

When I was 14 my stepfather compared me to my mom by saying I was the fat, ugly daughter. I was about 10 lbs overweight. I wasted a lot of my life waiting to "live" until I was thin like my mom. Fortunately, I married a man who loves my - and my body - no matter what form it takes. I was strong enough to carry and deliver two babies - one 10 lbs - and with the help of MFP strong enough to complete the 30DS twice and am now doing another Jillian Michaels dvd. Focus on what you see positive and beautiful in yourself. People do not think before they speak and for some reason weight is considered fair game.

nikilis

3 weeks after to giving birth to my son, my mother looked at me and said " You're fat from your shoulders to your knees." I will never forget that. I was 19, and a size 14 (I'm 5'10").

My brother told me the song "Baby Got Back" was written especially for me.

My older sister said she would die if her butt ever got as big as mine. I was a size 12 at the time.

Same sister (who uses Adderall to prevent herself from eating) also likes to stand in front of me and stretch as high as she can towards the ceiling so I can see how thin she is. Seriously. This only happens at holidays because I refuse to be around her any other time.

Did I mention that my sister AND brother are both single, bitter a**holes and also have a drinking problem?

I just smile, nod and say "Yep, that's me. Fatty with a big butt, a husband and son who adore me, a successful business, a triathlete, a non-alcoholic and happy as hell!" They always change the subject when I say this.

It's a wonder any of us survive our childhood.

ERMAGERD. my brother is a douche, but nothing even close to that. maybe in the past but he has improved, although hes still rude and inappropriate to everyone, but less often. I think if I had two of them as bad as that I don't think I'd cope.

its like a wedge in my family. everyone feel anxious about getting together and having family meals. it sucks. its been my job to diffuse the situation most of my life but especially since my dad left/parents split 12 years ago. funny thing is by brother learnt the behaviour from my dad.

at this point after so many years on trying to keep the peace in family situations I feel like smashing a bottle across the back of his head.

its sad the effect that he has on the family dynamic. the negative voice in my head is his. I already know what hes gonna say, and he doesn't even need to be there anymore. horay for that.

mrsvampette

My whole family is pretty much cruel to me about my weight but the worst is my mom. She always tells me that i'm too fat and people don't like fat people and i'll never get a good guy (which I have one right now thank you) and I'm too lazy etc etc etc.

I cope with this by listening to my fav music or band and working out. I know each workout and each right food choice, no matter what other people say, is one step closer to my goal and I will be danged if anyone is going to stand in the way of me and my goal!!!!!

lizblizz2012

My sister-in-law asked me: "Are you pregnant? No offense but it looks like it."

I bought a new shirt one time and showed it to my mom. Her response: "You better hope it stretches."

Gallowmere1984

I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.

Dr_Steve_Brule

Buy a new family

Kkleo2102

I totally know how you feel.

I've always been overweight. When I was a kid my mom use to say nasty stuff like that to me. She would make fun of me all the time. She's stopped when I told her if she doesn't stop talking to me like that, that I will no longer talk to her. Now she's one of my biggest supporters (after 2 years of fighting). My grandma on the other hand... well. We were having dinner with my aunt (who is also overweight) and she goes "You would be pretty if you were skinny." My Aunt and I just looked at her in complete shock. Then she tries to give me diet advice. She says "You only need to eat one meal a day, you'll lose weight faster." I've explained to her that it's not healthy. But she still keeps going.

It's really hard to get past a situation like that. Actually, it's next to impossible seeing how they're family. You just have to stay positive. Keep telling yourself that you are on the right path. Look at it as another reason to continue to lose weight.

hendinerik

Unbelievable - I'm sorry you had to go through that... Use it as motivation - not to change anyone's mind but for yourself...
People just don't think before they speak, and there's never a reason to speak to someone that way, particularly with family.

I'm reading other posts - all I have to say is you guys don't listen to them, do what you do for YOU and your health and what you feel comfortable with.

I in no way compare this to anyone else's story, but my father(god love him, he's got many great qualities but tact is not one of them) told me I had weak biceps when I was a little boy, it gave me a head case for a long time - I was ashamed to take my shirt off as a kid growing up because I was so insecure - that wasn't his fault, but the comment didn't necessarily help either.

Henrye4185

I am going to cross my fingers the only thing that kept you from kicking their *kitten* was b/c you may have been kicked out of school. Where I am from, that was an automatic "you can meet me in the parking lot" pass to get your front teeth knocked out. I don't like bullying at all.

This remark wasn't made by friends at all. My senior year of high school, three years ago, I had to do a group project where we had to reenact a part of Shakespeare; we had to improvise with things we had right then and there. Well I was going to be the sound effects, thunder mainly. Well my group was up, so I was making a "boom" sound and in front of the whole class the two "popular" girls said:

1st girl: "Wow, she sounds like a cow making those sounds."
2nd girl: "well look at her, she is a cow."

It simply broke me hearing those words. I wanted to cry, i wanted to hurt them, anything to make me feel better. But what I did do was simply smile at them and went on. However after school I bawled my eyes out for hours.

cookn_mama

My mother is trying to lose weight also. She can't figure out why she is not loosing. She is 85 and having a hard time getting around. She always seems to have a comment about me loosing tho. "Don't go buying new clothes. You won't be able to keep the weight off." Thanks mom! She is always eyeing me up and down. I refuse to tell her that I've lost 20 pounds and working on the next 20! I just know she would have some nasty comment. So I just avoid the subject now.

hendinerik

I also think about what parents of people who say such things must have said to those people, that kind of thing usually comes from somewhere...

reasnableblonde

My family would NEVER say that to me!!




They say it behind my back like normal people.

Maybe your grandpa's getting older and the social cues aren't quite there anymore? My grandmother used to air her flatulence whenever she needed to - didn't matter who was around, and my grandfather on the other side called my new husband a "candy *kitten*." The filter erodes over time and you just have to laugh it off.

TeachTheGirl

Words my mother once said stick with me even now.

My sister was crying about how her boobs were too small and she was trying to convince my mother to help her pay for cosmetic surgery. Instead, my mother called me downstairs (I was in my early twenties) and proceeded to prod and poke every squishy bit she could find telling my sister that she 'should never want to look like THAT'. They both laughed and continued to make rude comments when I walked away.

My sister and I get along great now that I've moved away, but I have the feeling my mother would still be vindictive.

oldmansdarlin

My 30 year old nephew last weekend. - I was going to sit in a metal chair on the back porch. I was visiting my sister and my best friend. I went to sit down and he said, "Aunt Shelly, I think you would be better off sitting in the other chair. I think you exceed the weight limit of that one." I couldn't believe he just said that. He did not realize that it was an inappropriate and hurtful thing to say. I always just use humor to deal with these situations. I made some smartmouth comment about how fat I was and everyone had a good laugh. My family is always saying something about my weight and how I should lose it. I dont think I have ever been around my family without someone mentioning the fact that I am overweight and giving me advise on how to lose it. At least now a days they do it under the guise of being concerned with my health and wanting me around instead of their obvious disgust at my appearance.

nikilis

Words my mother once said stick with me even now.

My sister was crying about how her boobs were too small and she was trying to convince my mother to help her pay for cosmetic surgery. Instead, my mother called me downstairs (I was in my early twenties) and proceeded to prod and poke every squishy bit she could find telling my sister that she 'should never want to look like THAT'. They both laughed and continued to make rude comments when I walked away.

My sister and I get along great now that I've moved away, but I have the feeling my mother would still be vindictive.

its weird right? they're supposed to be your family and have your back. this thread would say otherwise. its sad.

BethY1967

I have only had encouragement lately. However, I do remember once an uncle telling me, "You have a weight problem." I looked him square in his eye and said, "No, other people have a problem with my weight." It takes time. Stay encouraged and surround yourself by individuals who love, care, and support what you are doing.

Love this.

bigchef1

First off, good job on your weight loss. It is hard especially when the closest people to you don't understand or conferm your hard work. I know we all look for comfort and the good job speech. To bad the real world is not always like that. I have always been a positve as one person can be, but I have had friends and also been in relationships where I've seen verbal abuse. It is quite disheartning. Just remember that YOU have to be your own rock and find people that do support you. As soon as you relize the power is yours there is no stopping you. GOOD LUCK!!!:flowerforyou:

desiv2

We were watching biggest loser one time, and it was the makeover episode and my dad just kept saying. "She's still fat." or "No matter how much she loses she'll be ugly." I kind of flipped out, because I just wanted to say....if you think that about these people who have lost far more weight than I have, what the hell do you think of me!? He doesn't seem to understand how cruel and childish it makes him look...

I haven't ever received any comments directed towards me, but I've always had skinny friends.. and some of you might relate, when they make fat jokes or look at other people and make a comment on how fat they are-- do they not realize that I'm there and it might hurt? It always made me wonder if they cared.

The problem is you can't change the people around you, you can only change yourself. Don't let it put you off track!

UghGrr

This is my "second" account as my other one isn't anonymous and is stalked by nosey family members. But YES, I understand all too well.

In my case it's my Mother and she is being purposely cruel I feel. She's always been fiercely competitive with me, flirting with my boyfriends, taking my friends out partying, or having parties with them at home while I was at work (she was a teen mom so only 16years older than me). I swear she cut my hair badly and dressed me in ugly clothes on purpose when I was a kid too.

She started losing weight last year by basically starving herself, she keeps her hunger pains at bay with cigarettes, coffee and alcohol, her health is in real danger. She raves on about how young she is to be a grandma but then gets hiffy when no one says anything in response- most likely because though she is 40-something she looks almost 60.

I purposely didn't tell her I'd started losing weight, and it was fine for awhile as she doesn't come visit us but couldn't not invite her to our kids birthdays and she clearly noticed that I've lost (30+ pounds so far), and oh my goodness she has been mean since. Calling me a skinny b!tch, boasting about her own weightloss, telling me "oh you have less chins now" (I didn't really have a double chin, it was more in my cheeks- she however has a turkey neck), "you're still too fat to wear that top honey" (everyone else had complimented it), "you've been lifting heavy weights haven't you? you're getting man shoulders" "I'm having a wardrobe cleanout of all my fat clothes- would you like to go through them before I donate them?". All of those comments in front of my friends, husband and children.
For the record we're the same height and she was still about 20lbs heavier than me. She's just in the past month or two started to pile weight back on, I last saw her a week ago after not seeing her for a month and suspect she is now heavier than me again, but goes on about her weightloss on facebook all the time, fishing for compliments, then tagging me in all her pictures that she has of me from about two years ago when I was the heaviest post-baby.
I have no father, so it seems pretty sad but I kinda wish I didn't have a mother either sometimes. She's so hurtful and I guess it's only a matter of time before she starts on my daughter too.
My sister was subject to the same personal attacks when she had lost weight too, but is now heavier than ever and I suspect because of the berating, she's now heavier than she's ever been so her and Mother are getting along fine.
Very Over It.

Vtron9

I have a lot of digestive issues and allergies which don't allow me to eat a lot of foods, and I get a lot of comments about the things I do eat. If I make broccoli, my dad complains about the smell. I made egg-less cookies at thanksgiving and he told me they were "dry as a turd on a sunny day" and once when I was eating a salad he said "Oh good, soon all you'll be eating is bird seed. At least we won't have to pay any money to feed you." It's not like I make them eat what I make for myself, and it's particularly hurtful because it's not something I can control, I have a very limited diet because of my health issues.

But I take pride in the fact that I'm making progress and getting much stronger and healthier and happier. Always remember that you're doing this for yourself and not for anyone else. Great job so far and don't lose motivation!

AlicynH

My brother lives in New Jersey and only comes home (Utah) twice a year. When he came home for a week in July, it had been since Christmas that he had seen me. In this time I lost about 50 lbs. My mom and sisters have had a really hard time with my weight loss. They are all slightly overweight but aren't doing anything about it. When I went to my parent's house, my brother was in my mom's room. When I walked in, the shock on his face was priceless. He said "Meowy, (that's what he calls me) you're so skinny!!!!! He gave me a hug and just kept putting his arms around my body. I had to run back out to my car and while I was gone, my mom and sister told him not to encourage me. They were tired of hearing all about my weight loss. When he told me what they has said, I was crushed. He told me that whenever I had something to share about my weight loss to call him. What's funny is when I got into a size 14/16 shirt, I bought a couple of new shirts. My sister really liked the shirt I had on. When I told her what size it was, she was all excited because we could share cloths now. Ya... don't think so