Cruel Family Members
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My fiancee's Dad and my fiancee do not speak much. My fiancee sees his dad for what he really is...a lieing cheat who steals, drinks heavily and does drugs...my fiancee does not put up with his dad's BS and calls him on it.
When I first meet my future father-in law it was at our 8mth mark. My fiancee was actually exicted to see his dad and introduce me. HE introduced us...Dad, hi...this is my girlfriend...his dad does not acknowledge me at all...his dad looks right at my fiancee and says...WOW, have you ever packed on the pounds...my fiancees eyes dropped and you could see his heart sank...I looked right at his dad and said..wow..arn't you a real prize...no use for crap people in my life and we are better off with out him.0 -
My first name is Patrick, so naturally, I was called Fat Pat by my friends all through middle school and high school. I've always been pretty tough skinned so I went along with it most of the time, but sometimes it really just pissed me off.0
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One of my step-brother's friends referred to me, me sister, and my mum as the "the battleships". My step-brother laughed. That hurt. It's not like either of them were prize catches.0
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I feel your pain. My step-grandfather makes comments every holiday about my weight. Cruel comments about "really, do you need to eat THAT much?!" and things like that when my plate is barely full. He also tends to make comments about how much better I'd look if I lost weight. Then when I do lose weight he makes degrading comments as well. People are going to be cruel and unfortuantely many of those people are family members...you're being healthy and better for yourself, not them. As much as it hurts some family just doesn't know how to recognize weight loss.0
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This might actually make you laugh:
Five years ago, I got a job opportunity that took me across the country. I had very little time to move, so some of my stuff was stored at my parent's home. A couple of years ago, I came back home for a visit and my mother made a batch of my favorite fudge. Mmmmm. After dinner on the second night I was there, we were going through some of my old clothes and she said, "Well, there's no point in keeping these size sixes. You'll never fit in them again especially the way you've been devouring that fudge!" I was just pissed off because I felt like I had been totally set up!
Anyway, flash forward to just a couple of weeks ago. I'm on a Skype call with my folks and my mother mentions that she's been diagnosed with diabetes, which complicates her less-than-perfect heart health. She mentions that the hardest thing she'll have to do is cut back on chocolate. At which point, I casually pulled out a bar of Cadbury chocolate, broke off a piece and ate it in front of her. And yeah, I enjoyed every minute of it.
I know, petty; but I'm not sorry :-D
P.S. - Yes, I logged in the chocolate on MFP and didn't go over for the day :-)0 -
My dad always makes comments, for years it was "You'd be pretty if you just lost a few pounds" "You were so skinny as a child, I called your sister the fat one" "If you'd just move around all the weight would fall off" Lately it's "You'll find someone soon hopefully, there's always chubby chasers" "If you'd just stop taking your anti-depressants you'd lose weight, you were never depressed as a child, so they are obviously useless" "Your mother pushes so many pills on you that you're so fat" "You always talk about fat but this boy/girl I saw was so much fatter and *insert random thing here*"(He thinks anyone under 60 should be spoken of in child terms) "Your sister looks like a model, I don't know why she gets so offended"(Here I just get implied things, considering everything else is so direct I shouldn't care) "When your sister was a baby, they wanted to use her as a baby model"
I often wish my mom would have let him sign the termination of parental rights, then I could not talk to him and feel fine about it.
The divorce and the pills are the cause of all my problems according to him, I think it was better not to live in the same house as him, but he always says how I'd "be so much better off, not so lazy, and you kids would be successful" if he'd raised us. Makes up stories about stuff that never happened. Denies hitting me as an adolescent and child. "I only ever thought about it, I'd never hit you kids" According to him he's supportive and kind. "You failed school because you were too lazy to walk a few blocks to classes" It was 6-7 miles from dormitory to Range Animal Science Center.
When I was a child I was so thin some people at school apparently thought I was anorexic. I could eat what I wanted, but I have major clinical depression, was put on some medications, one of them put 50 lbs on me over a summer, put on a lot of weight, was taken off that medication. My dad blames all the medications I take now, but I don't think so, it's not as extreme as then. I'd not talk to him, and sometimes I don't talk to him, but then I feel bad, he's 66 and not healthy at all. So I eventually talk to him again. Then I feel bad some more.
I just have no self worth over the years, and it's hard to motivate me to do anything, I figure unless I weigh about 100 lbs I'll always be called fat, and there's no way I'd ever get 100 and I wouldn't want to. It wouldn't be healthy for my height. I am trying to motivate myself now, I have to admit thinking of giving up foods I enjoy is hard, they taste so good, it's one of the only things I enjoy in life.
Aunts and Uncles I'm sure made comments, only thing I ever heard, on accident is "She won't live to 25" I'm 27 thanks. I don't talk to them.
Then there was church kids, junior high school kids, by high school I didn't hear anything about it, but I didn't pay attention anymore either. But that's not what this is about.0 -
I hear ya. My name is Alicyn which many people shortened to Al. I had a couple of boys in high school that would follow me around singing the Fat Albert theme song but would say "It's Fat Al!!" To this day, I can't watch that show.My first name is Patrick, so naturally, I was called Fat Pat by my friends all through middle school and high school. I've always been pretty tough skinned so I went along with it most of the time, but sometimes it really just pissed me off.0 -
congrats on your weight loss, I think you look amazing!
I know ALL too well how hurtful family can be with cruel weight comments. It gets to me as well, I wish it didn't but I am slowly trying to remind myself it's not me it's them. Anyone who would diminish your hard earned success is just showing what an ugly person they are inside.
You hang in there and keep being successful. :flowerforyou:0 -
My uncles constantly. Either I"m too skinny or I'm fat. There's no middle-ground with these men.
Pretty ironic coming from two overweight/obese diabetics with high blood pressure.
At least I try.0 -
This is very interesting to read!
Wow do I have stories, I have been beaten up verbally my whole life for my weight.
As a kid I was called fat and actually got so self concious about my body that I wore the highest knee socks and longest skirts I could find to school-this was when you had to wear skirts.
I look back at pictures and see that I was a very beautiful child and a healthy weight, not fat at all, but I always felt so ugly, fat and not good enough.
My moms best friends daughter was my age and was teeny tiny and I got compared to her a lot.
While visiting realatives in the south I was told "youre gettin' fat just like your mama!" Every bite I would take "that'll make you fat!"
I have a very public job and I dread pulling my delivery truck up to some places. The guys notice the blonde hair and anxiously wait
to see the rest. When I pop out I have had groups of construction workers, prisoners, golfers..whatever..just bust out laughing. Its humiliating.
Once I was rushing to make a delivery and was zipping up a main streets sidewalk when a city truck went by and a guy screamed out the window " if you ran like that more often, you wouldnt be so fat!" I just stopped and everyone around me was mortified and embarassed for me. I handed the person the package and she said "that wasnt nice" I said "you know what? I agree!" I ran back to my truck, chased them down and reported them to the city manager who was more than apologetic. He wanted me to come in for a formal apology but Id had enough.
The best was when I made a delivery and a guy in a back room was trying to get a look at me, as the door shut I heard "was she really hot?" then "I guess, but she was real fat, so no" I yelled through the door "Im fat, not deaf, *kitten*!"0 -
Congratulations on your weight loss!! Don't worry about what other people say, even if they are family! I have learned that just because you're related doesn't mean they always do/say the right things! Both my mom and dad have been very cruel about my weight gain and it just pushes me harder to lose the weight and be healthier than they are. Keep your chin up and don't let the hurtful things affect you negatively! There are two types of pain in this world: pain that hurts you and pain that changes you. Let this be pain that changes you positively.0
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I really love family.
However!
If it cannot function and be healthy (i'm talking extended family, or if you're a grown adult on your own), I distance myself.
I will not tolerate someone having privileged access into my life...and abusing it!
I remain polite....but the more intimate contact is not gonna happen anymore. How permanent that is will depend on them.0 -
My husband once told me "don't take this the wrong way but you're just not very attractive anymore!" I was devastated. Unfortunately it didn't help to motivate me as he thought it would (duh!!!!!). He now understands that negativity does not motivate!0
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When I was 8 months pregnant with my first kiddo, my (now ex) husband and I ran into my mom and dad out with a couple of friends at a Mexican restaurant. I came over and my dad started mocking me about how huge I was. Now, mind you, my dad was 5'11" and weighed in around 310-320lbs. . .I looked him square in the eye and said, "well, mine (said while rubbing my belly) will be gone in another few months. How long have you been hauling yours around?!?"
His friends all started snickering and he brushed my comment off. We left. Thing is, confronting my dad like that usually would've created and ERUPTION of anger, but he knew he was out of line, and, well, obese. So, there!
My dad has been gone over 9 years now, but I still remember that incident like it was yesterday!0 -
I am sorry your grandpas said that to you. Older people are like that. For some reason when they get older they forget how to be polite to others especially when it comes to weight. My grandmother (God rest her soul) would ask me all the time "how much do you weigh?" I told her you can ask me how old I am but don't ask about my weight. She always did though. I just kept giving her the same answer. My problem right now is my family will not ask me how I am doing. They see in the past week I have gotten into a pant suit and skirt that I have not worn in two years. My doctor recommended weight loss surgery. I am not going that way. I can do this with the help of all my friends on here. My daughters answer to my thinking about the surgery was " well now I will be the fattest person in the family. I can go on with more but I won't. Just keep your head up and keep up the good work.0
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First of all, congratulations on your weight loss! You have made great progress already. Second of all, I peaked at the pictures in your profile; you are lovely. Third, this world is full of cruel people, and we are probably related to most of the. But if I was you, I would do my best to ignore Grandpa and take what he says with a grain of salt. One of the symptoms of aging is a loss of inhibitions and an inability to tell appropriate from inappropriate comments. Grandpa may have the beginnings of senility or dementia!0
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This is old, but it's so awesome that I have it bookmarked.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/367040-my-lifelong-inspiration0 -
I'm sorry your family is not very nice. I think your progress is admirable and you're on the right path. Try not to let someone get you down. You're strong and determined and you will prove anyone who questions you wrong! Hang in there. 0
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Family is overrated.... sometimes.0
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My mom calls me a 'fat pig'. I mean come on! im 128lb! it's not that bad. I get so mad at her when she calls me that. my dad justs say that im fat.
My brother is different. He says that im skinny. How sweet of him. 0 -
I have found in my own experiences that some older people can tend to be very blunt and mean. Not all, mind you, but I wonder if it has anything to do with the times they grew up in, etc.?
At any rate, I think you are doing GREAT. Keep doing what you have been doing.......0 -
Oh, MY! Does she weigh less than you?0
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I read this today and had to share it with you:
Relationships are always an energy exchange. To stay feeling our best, we must ask ourselves: Who gives us energy? Who saps it? It's important to be surrounded by supportive, heart-centered people who make us feel safe and secure. It's equally important to pinpoint the emotional vampires, who, whether they intend to or not, leech our energy.
Vampires do more than drain our physical energy. The super-malignant ones can make you believe you're an unworthy, unlovable wretch who doesn't deserve better. The subtler species inflict damage that's more of a slow burn. Smaller digs here and there can make you feel bad about yourself such as, "Dear, I see you've put on a few pounds" or "It's not lady-like to interrupt." In a flash, they've zapped you by prodding areas of shaky self-worth.
My family are well meaning but to me are emotional vampires so I limit the time I spend with them. Sad but true.0 -
I think thats apart of life that everyone is made fun of by family,friends, or strangers....I gave up on myself and became accostomed to the verbal abuse, insults.....And realized I just needed to ignore them...Especially when you start losing weight and they are so mean to you and put you down over and over.....You give up or give in....
I decided not to and overcame it...I don't share anything and ignore there comments...Infact if they notice a change I just don't pay attention...ANd when I workout I take out my anger and frustration out on my workouts....
Ignore them and don't care about them.......
People, get made fun of for weight, skin color...and more.......0 -
I think my brother's pretty cruel. He doesn't really get fat much. Even if he gets some pounds on, it's pretty easy for him to lose them. Unlike me, I've been since I was a kid.
I hate it when he makes fun of me. Just like this morning. I just went on my weighing scale. And he was like "Wow, you're exercising!" And I was like "Are you blind? Can't you see what I'm doing." All I just really want is to prove him that I can lose weight.
Even my mom, most of the time, she's pretty supportive. But I hate it when she dictates all I do. I mean, I'm doing what's right for me. I think I'm old enough to know what to eat and not.0 -
Well this one wasn't recent but it did affect me a lot. In high school (4-8years ago depending on grade) I was 5ft6 140lbs, which I know now was great and I'd give anything to weigh that again. Well I had a sister same height 2yrs older and she was always super thin, she weighed 115. My mom always compared up. I was always the fat one who needed the bigger sizes. They would bring me shopping and if I went to grab a medium and laugh and say I needed a large. I was meatball and she was spaghetti. That's how it always was. I know now I was perfect(well not exactly but weight wise) but instead i spent my years in baggy cloths and multiple layers to hide my fat. From there I'd just eat whatever. I was already fat so why not eat half a pizza, to me fat was fat. So I guess I kind of resent it now that I am way to heavy. I never had any confidence.0
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While some of us might be fat now, that will change however, they will always be ignorant, and nasty.
The best story I have at the moment is from my lovely 7 year old daughter. The other night she said 'Mummy when I'm old will I be like you?' When I asked what did she mean she said "Fat"
Yay well done darling way to make mummy feel old and fat in one small conversation. i forgive her cos shes only seven but.......
My other instance was when I was maybe 12 and I wanted some bubblegum jeans (tight straight leg jeans from like the 80's )OK I know I am old already we have covered that
my step mother said, in front of the whole family "your *kitten* is too big for them"
Families can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard:happy:0 -
I AM the cruel family member. However, that's because my family is a bunch of sloths, gradually waddling their way toward type 2 diabetes (brother weighs 325 at 5'11", mother weighs 285 at 5'7" as examples), and much like myself, will never do a damned thing about it, unless someone like myself keeps stabbing at them over it. We are a hardheaded bunch, and the only think that got me moving was some rather nasty words coming from a man I greatly admire. Sadly, they will require the same things, and it will take a LOT of it to get them to break their complacency.
I hope you read these so that you will understand that being cruel wont help.
Personally if someone I admirred did that, I would be enraged (possibly facing assault charges) and then I would become depressed.0 -
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Serve it up0
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Before I started trying to lose weight people I didn't even know would say things like, your cute, it is too bad your fat. Then I had one friend who just kept it up in a bar one day, over and over. It was humiliating. What kind of friend says such mean things. Then when I lost 60 pounds a friend came up to me and waned to know if I had aids. You can't win. Do it for yourself. Eventually, everyone will know what they said was hurtful. I wish you the best. Take care.0
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