Serious question for the swingers.....

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  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    Does anyone care? If iti's open and with mutual consent then fine. If not and it's cheating then it's wrong. Would never be my choice and I avoid swingers I personally know

    If you don't care, why avoid the swingers you know???
  • Maddalen101
    Maddalen101 Posts: 307 Member
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    I have two friends with decades of poly life, both of whom gave it up for monogamy.

    The first one: her husband accepted her polyamory for 16 years. Then he found his polyamory partner, insisted his wife give the new partner the same acceptance he had given to her polyamory over the years. She was shocked, SHOCKED! They divorced, she moved to a new state, and is now monogamously remarried.

    The second friend: Her main fellow accepted her poly-ness and waited. Her poly relationships tanked. Her main fellow asked for her hand, she accepted ... and they have been happily and monogamously married for more than two years.

    There is something in the human psyche that craves the deep levels of trust that come with monogamous matehood. Swinging will explode that trust.
  • moniraq
    moniraq Posts: 63 Member
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    Like someone earlier said, I have no problem with decisions people make within their lives. I understand why people swing and why some people are poly. As long as they are honest with all parties, I wouldn't consider it cheating. It's a lifestyle. To each his own. I personally; however, would find myself a jealous wreck and unable to share. I tend to be a one-woman woman.
  • SeaChele77
    SeaChele77 Posts: 1,103 Member
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    Does anyone care? If iti's open and with mutual consent then fine. If not and it's cheating then it's wrong. Would never be my choice and I avoid swingers I personally know

    If it doesn't bother you, why would you avoid them? you can't catch "swinging" by hanging out with a swinger.

    If they know you're not into swinging they wont try to recruit you. Its a lifestyle thing - not some club!!
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    Does anyone care? If iti's open and with mutual consent then fine. If not and it's cheating then it's wrong. Would never be my choice and I avoid swingers I personally know

    If it doesn't bother you, why would you avoid them? you can't catch "swinging" by hanging out with a swinger.

    If they know you're not into swinging they wont try to recruit you. Its a lifestyle thing - not some club!!

    I bet some (more like ALL) of your swinging friends wished it was contagious and you would catch their bug. :tongue:
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I have two friends with decades of poly life, both of whom gave it up for monogamy.

    The first one: her husband accepted her polyamory for 16 years. Then he found his polyamory partner, insisted his wife give the new partner the same acceptance he had given to her polyamory over the years. She was shocked, SHOCKED! They divorced, she moved to a new state, and is now monogamously remarried.

    The second friend: Her main fellow accepted her poly-ness and waited. Her poly relationships tanked. Her main fellow asked for her hand, she accepted ... and they have been happily and monogamously married for more than two years.

    There is something in the human psyche that craves the deep levels of trust that come with monogamous matehood. Swinging will explode that trust.

    Evidence outside of anecdotal stories, please. (There's a "human psyche" that men wish to go forth and spread their seed is a common one, too. What explosions do those cause... outside of the obvious ones?)
  • mistressfaye
    mistressfaye Posts: 232 Member
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    It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so sanctimonious about others lifestyles (swinging, bdsm, poly etc) when they really know nothing about them. To say that someone has "no morals" just because they and their S/O come to a mutual agreement about their sexual lifestyle, its just silly. There are people in these lifestyles with more morals than a lot of vanilla couples, so you really can't equate it.
  • Icelandic_Saga
    Icelandic_Saga Posts: 2,926 Member
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    Maybe they are really in love and don't want to end their life together, but find themselves so drawn to others that rather than cheat on eachother, they just work together for mutual satisfaction :)

    I don't know if I could share my husband knowingly though, I would probably be jealous.
  • slackerwoman
    slackerwoman Posts: 261 Member
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    I found the thread very interesting and learned a lot. Pretty cool of you guys who participate to be so forthcoming for those of us who just had no idea how it all works.

    Another question for those of you who are in such relationships. Was this something you discussed prior to getting married or was it something that you decided to explore once you were already married?
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
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    I found the thread very interesting and learned a lot. Pretty cool of you guys who participate to be so forthcoming for those of us who just had no idea how it all works.

    Another question for those of you who are in such relationships. Was this something you discussed prior to getting married or was it something that you decided to explore once you were already married?

    We were both poly before we met. When we got into a relationship we hammered out some guidelines, and those were in place before the marriage.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    I found the thread very interesting and learned a lot. Pretty cool of you guys who participate to be so forthcoming for those of us who just had no idea how it all works.

    Another question for those of you who are in such relationships. Was this something you discussed prior to getting married or was it something that you decided to explore once you were already married?

    She is only asking because she wants to hook up with me. :tongue:
  • SuffolkSally
    SuffolkSally Posts: 964 Member
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    Does anyone care? If iti's open and with mutual consent then fine. If not and it's cheating then it's wrong. Would never be my choice and I avoid swingers I personally know

    If it doesn't bother you, why would you avoid them? you can't catch "swinging" by hanging out with a swinger.

    If they know you're not into swinging they wont try to recruit you. Its a lifestyle thing - not some club!!

    I bet some (more like ALL) of your swinging friends wished it was contagious and you would catch their bug. :tongue:

    Good question. He's an active recruiter. Also deeply unattractive. I'm not sure what her take on things is. I'm for one-to-one relationships myself - so I suppose I avoid them because my choices are different.
  • magerum
    magerum Posts: 12,589 Member
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    I'm going out on a limb here, but my guess is why people "swing" or whatever you want to call it is:

    Sex is fun.:wink:
  • slackerwoman
    slackerwoman Posts: 261 Member
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    I found the thread very interesting and learned a lot. Pretty cool of you guys who participate to be so forthcoming for those of us who just had no idea how it all works.

    Another question for those of you who are in such relationships. Was this something you discussed prior to getting married or was it something that you decided to explore once you were already married?

    She is only asking because she wants to hook up with me. :tongue:

    Yeah, so? :tongue:
  • joeysox
    joeysox Posts: 195 Member
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    i guess everyone is different and everyone has their own ideas of what is and is not acceptable within a committed relationships. personally i find it wrong im married, happily and we gain everything we need but thats only my view what makes us happy may not make others happy x

    Why is it "wrong" if both spouses agree? How does it affect your life if I choose to be with other people?

    i didnt mean wrong for you, i meant it would be wrong within my relationship as we chose monogamy its what works for us, i was trying to say everyone is different, its not for me nor my partner but i know people it works for, ive just never understood it as my friends are not open to discussing it they are very much a 'if you dont join our ways keep out' kinda thing but im a curious person!
  • ilikepandasyay
    ilikepandasyay Posts: 96 Member
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    i guess everyone is different and everyone has their own ideas of what is and is not acceptable within a committed relationships. personally i find it wrong im married, happily and we gain everything we need but thats only my view what makes us happy may not make others happy x

    Why is it "wrong" if both spouses agree? How does it affect your life if I choose to be with other people?

    i didnt mean wrong for you, i meant it would be wrong within my relationship as we chose monogamy its what works for us, i was trying to say everyone is different, its not for me nor my partner but i know people it works for, ive just never understood it as my friends are not open to discussing it they are very much a 'if you dont join our ways keep out' kinda thing but im a curious person!

    In that case, I totally agree.

    I don't know why your friends won't discuss it though, talking about it makes more people aware, and helps break apart the misconceptions!
  • joeysox
    joeysox Posts: 195 Member
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    i guess everyone is different and everyone has their own ideas of what is and is not acceptable within a committed relationships. personally i find it wrong im married, happily and we gain everything we need but thats only my view what makes us happy may not make others happy x

    Why is it "wrong" if both spouses agree? How does it affect your life if I choose to be with other people?

    i didnt mean wrong for you, i meant it would be wrong within my relationship as we chose monogamy its what works for us, i was trying to say everyone is different, its not for me nor my partner but i know people it works for, ive just never understood it as my friends are not open to discussing it they are very much a 'if you dont join our ways keep out' kinda thing but im a curious person!

    In that case, I totally agree.

    I don't know why your friends won't discuss it though, talking about it makes more people aware, and helps break apart the misconceptions!

    true everyone has a different idea of what works within a relationship and if people are not open about it then no one can understand it. i have to be honest it baffles me but probably only because ive never discussed it with anyone before i find it hard to get my head around sharing someone i love? so i tried to discuss this with my friend but they kinda closed up about it i was trying to understand but its difficult when they wont discuss itxx
  • mistressfaye
    mistressfaye Posts: 232 Member
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    joeysox, Im sure there are several of us around there that would be glad to answer any questions for you
  • joeysox
    joeysox Posts: 195 Member
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    i always worry it will offend people especially when my friends dont respond to it lol its difficult because we lead different lifestyles but i dont see how this should stop us from socializing or make one of us uncomfortable, if they talked about it i would be able to understand it if that makes sense? i dont want to be ignorant of something that is important to the people around me x
  • Secret_Agent_007
    Secret_Agent_007 Posts: 1,082
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    "Are you crazy? This is like discovering Plutonium ... by accident." Was the best line ever.

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