Adultery Diet

Iceprincessk25

I happened to do will with the adultery diet as well.....but I have been on the Happy and in love diet and now I am "fluffy" again

Wishing you all the best and healing thoughts your way!

Freaking happy in love diet. It struck Nick and I both. I don't wanna be fluffy anymore! :noway:

k1979k

Stay strong - you've got a support network here, and no doubt friends and family close by.
The best 'revenge' (for want of a better word! I mean in a non-malicious way) is to be the best you can be. You are a strong woman - just writing about this makes you a lot stronger than lots of people out there who can't talk about things! Good for you!! Now it's time to focus on yourself - get yourself healthy, get your head right, but don't push yourself - one day at a time.

sabes2631

Todays song for me.... My DAY 1 is coming.... there are some bumps in the road and hills to climb and i may not feel like this in an hour... but this is my theme song for today and hoepfully for a time to come....

Melissa Etheridge Heal Me.

Ain't it crazy
For a moment there
This felt just like dying
But now I see that something inside
Is coming alive
Ain't it crazy

No use running from a revolution
I just surrender to this evolution

Heal me lift me
Take me to the other side
Amazing grace
Has touched my face
And the sweet sound doesn't lie

Ain't it crazy
For a moment there
I just gave up trying
But now I see
You can let the light in
You can begin again
Ain't it crazy
I lay me down in this sweet perfection
I am a witness to my resurrection

Heal me lift me
Take me to the waterside
Drop me in let me swim
Let everyone know
I'll be coming home again

Make no mistake
I'm wide-awake
Ain't it crazy

Heal me lift me
Take me to the other side
I'll take what I've earned
These lessons I've learned
I'm ready for the ride
Heal me lift me
Take me and my soul will fly
My battered heart will make a new start
Let everyone know
I'll be coming home again
Heal me lift me
Take me to the waterside
Drop me in
Come on and watch me swim
Let everyone know
I'll be coming home again

nolachick

Good for you! great song to life u up! :bigsmile:

Phoenix_Rising

This is what got me through it - I put this on my refrigerator door -- 'YOU MUST BE WILLING TO GET RID OF THE LIFE YOU HAD PLANNED IN ORDER TO HAVE THE LIFE THAT IS WAITING FOR YOU". I made it - you will too

That's a helluva quote. I'm writing it down. Thank you.

Ten10

My heart goes out to you. This is a terrible thing to be going through. I will not beat a dead horse and tell you how beautiful, smart, brave and strong you are because yu already know. You will get through this and you will be so much better for it. We are here for you.

Phoenix_Rising

This thread has reminded me of a conversation with my since deceased mother. I remember one day telling her I was going to leave my husband.

She asked:

'Did he hit you?"
"Did he cheat?"
"Is he drinking"
"Did he spend his paycheck and not pay the bills?"
" Did he not come home after work every night?"

I said no to the all of the above. Her response was:

"The next one MIGHT!"

Just something on my mind. My heart hurts for you today. I do not even know any of you, but my heart hurts. :tear:

While that is certainly something to think about, it's also encouraging you not to move forward out of FEAR. Can't live life in fear. Another important question that she didn't ask would be, "Does he love you? Does he treat you respectfully and lovingly? Does he pay attention to you, or solely focus on his own needs? Does he carry his fair share around the house? Is he an attentive father?"

I understand her viewpoint, but it sounds more like she simply "existed" rather than "lived", you know?

I left my husband 9 months ago. I miss him every single day. I think of him all the time. Everything reminds me of him. Bittersweet memories. However, my head is in the lead, not my heart. He was uncaring, unkind and unloving. I deserve a life better than that. I accepted it until I saw our marriage through my daughter's eyes, when at 3.5 years old she told me that when she grew up, she'd beat him up for talking to me like that. My three year old thought he was being disrespectful to me! THREE. Then I realized, what was I teaching her? That a marriage should be carried by one spouse, that there is no friendship or partnership, that love is unimportant, that she should stick out a dead marriage for..... ?? for what?. Looking through her eyes, I knew it was over. I knew what I had to do. I saw my life through her eyes, and through the eyes of my own mother. I'd never want my daughter to stay in a marriage like that, so I took the hardest step of my life and left. It was positively, horrifyingly scary. I'd left my husband, who I'd been with since I was 16, with a 3 year old daughter, having just been laid off from my work place.

Life has changed drastically in 9 months. Miss him daily? Sure. However, I am a fuller person. My life is overflowing with friends and loved ones and smiles and laughter. My stress levels are lower. I am more easy going, willing to let life take me where it will.

Sorry.... my own personal tangent. I support you all through most all of your decisions. Every person's situation is different but we can all agree they hurt like hell.

mamacindy81

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been there too (a long time ago). I guess I just want to say keep trying to eat. You don't want to allow him to take your health from you along with everything else he has taken.

Cindy

jaycee76

Thank God for my dog. We live between the kitchen (not that I am eating) and the bedroom. He kisses my tears away.



Sorry but I have to say YAY for the dog!! They really are mans best friend and are there when we need them the most. Good dog!!

spicy618

Just read this article and thought I would share. :flowerforyou:


Letting Go of Emotional Pain

Pain is part of all that we are. We live with it, or else we have to. It is a fact everybody has to face up with. Pain is of varied sorts. There is physical pain, and there is emotional pain to mention too. A physical infliction may be unpleasant, or even excruciating, but it eventually heals.

But what of pain inflicted on a person’s emotions? Emotional pain leaves no visible scars. In time, the intensity of the pain may lessen, but for some people, it may not heal, or at least not for a significant period of time. Wounds inflicted on the intangible essence of a person often leave imprints, and for some it may be for a lifetime.

As much as such instances are disheartening, they are a fact. This is the reality of pain, or emotional pain. The experience can be crippling- it can kill a person little by little. It can blind them to all the other worthwhile aspects of living. It is not so much that emotional pain should be stopped.

In many cases it can be of massive intensity and suppressing it will only aggravate. Part of having to cope with emotional pain is to acknowledge it. If you are hurting, accept that there is most likely a reason for it. You are hurting because of an incident, an experience or a person, and this you have to acknowledge.

Your emotions, even pain, are part of who you are, so do not deny that aspect of you. After some time when your emotions have simmered down and you have gained some perspective, rise a bit above your pain- analyze the situation. You are hurting because of the thoughts you have thought of.

Your thoughts have caused your pain. If you continually think of the event or person who has caused your hurt, all the more you will be hurting. You are feeding your painful emotions. As your emotions intensify, they again feed your thoughts, and you will be trapped in a vicious cycle in which healing may evade you.

Clear your thoughts and keep an empty head for the moment, and then moment by moment. Stop thinking, and if any thoughts associated with the event or person start creeping in, just say halt. Divert your attention on to something which will make you feel life- breath, or your breathing. Get lost in the moment of breathing. Watch your breath and feel your breath as it enters your nose. What does it feel like as you inhale and as your breath goes down into your chest. Then slowly, slowly breathe out. Feel the release and the liberation of the moment.

Be keen and sense every bit of the sensation and experience. This will occupy your mind and keep it from harboring negative thoughts. When negative and painful emotions begin to pervade, revert to doing this activity- get lost in the moment of breathing. Think of a time when you were in love or felt love. Of an experience wherein you felt fond or affectionate of someone or something. Capture that positive feeling and hold it in your heart, then intensify it. At that moment when you are holding that positive feeling, think of the person or event which has caused you pain. As the memory of the painful experience comes to mind, you may begin to feel toxic emotions. But allow the positive feeling to surpass it. Steer your focus and your senses towards that positive feeling.

Eventually you will no longer associate pain with the event or person. You are training yourself to feel positive emotions instead of negative ones caused by your thoughts. You will be protecting yourself from the harm the thought of the experience can cause, and you will learn to let go.

betterhealth2010

i took him out of my profile pic. i put me in in my strongest moment ever - last sunday - finishing the WDW marathon with a broken soul, having lost 10 pounds because i couldnt eat.... But i did it!

YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN!!!!! Most people would have opted out of that marathon but you moved forward. I'm sorry that you are going through this but you have shown that you can make it through. Please find something you like and eat it. Do not let anyone affect you health. Congratulations on the marathon. I am soooooooo proud of you.:happy:

nolachick

This is what got me through it - I put this on my refrigerator door -- 'YOU MUST BE WILLING TO GET RID OF THE LIFE YOU HAD PLANNED IN ORDER TO HAVE THE LIFE THAT IS WAITING FOR YOU". I made it - you will too

That's a helluva quote. I'm writing it down. Thank you.

wow! that's an awesome quote! need to hold on to that to remind myself of whats important

katiep79

'YOU MUST BE WILLING TO GET RID OF THE LIFE YOU HAD PLANNED IN ORDER TO HAVE THE LIFE THAT IS WAITING FOR YOU". I made it - you will too



I love love love this quote, kinda made me choke up a bit because it is so true. Stay strong sister!!! It will get better I PROMISE!!!

sabes2631

there are so many good people on this board. thank you so much for helping me...

http://www.mydisneymarathon.com/DisneyWorld/JILLBEALE17008

check me out:)

i thought yesterday we made progress, but today he reassured me that his feelings have not changed. That he knows how he feels. That he needs to see the therapist to learn how to deal with it. Meaning- i am pushing him to see past his lack of feelings right now and open himself up to perhaps saving the marriage and he doesnt want to - he is set in his view that we are not meant to be together. So today I feel as though I am done processing. I have moved on somehow to dealing. It sucks. It doesnt quite hurt as bad. I watched sex in the city movie - when she was in mexico in the dark in bed and not eating and just sleeping... I was there - 100% - that was me.
I watched it and I was suprised that I did not FEEL that when I SAW it. That means progress.
I am reading the book my therapist wrote. He is very good and his books makes total sense. I wish we could have had it BEFORE we started having problems.

I didnt cry today. Does this make it MY DAY 1?
Not sure... but i can see how life goes on - it doesnt stop.

I am far from "okay" but I feel like a baby baby step has been made.

katiep79

Try to find the book called "Uncoupling", I don't know who wrote it but I found it helpful. Kinda wish I had read it before I got married, would have made things a lot clearer. "Hindsight is 20/20"

Phoenix_Rising

I didnt cry today. Does this make it MY DAY 1?
Not sure... but i can see how life goes on - it doesnt stop.

I am far from "okay" but I feel like a baby baby step has been made.

Sweetheart, in my opinion, Day 1 was when you found out.
Look up the stages of grief. You will see that you experience many of them, move forward, circle back, occasionally start over, sometimes skip a couple, but eventually.... you will make it through to acceptance.

All of what you are feeling is part of this. You are coping, dealing, denying, angry, and every possible emotion known to humankind.

You are moving along. It takes time. We all deal differently. I am so proud of you, coming here and posting, carrying on daily. You are moving forward, whether you can see it or not. Each day is another day of the new you. You are in transformation now, darling.

(((hugs))) And we are ALL here, cheering you on, here to lend a shoulder to cry on, a pat on the back, and to shed a few tears with you. You can see how many have been through it.... and made it through to the other side, happier and stronger for it. Take solace in that. We are all apart of a tragic woman's group that you cannot fathom until you are shoved into the group. It's a pain I'd never wish upon anyone.... but we are strong and we WILL survive.

Speaking of which, that is a GREAT song to listen to right now. Gloria Gaynor, I believe. Another good one you should search up is "Cheater Cheater" by Joey + Rory. It's country and hysterical. Listen to Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made For Walking". Listen to music that reminds you how strong you are!!! There was a YOU before him, and there will be a YOU after him.

sabes2631

you are right about cycling through the stages - i actually did check out the stages yesterday to see which one I was in... i wasnt sure, they are all applicable. THAT Day 1 of the day I found out belonged to him. The last 32 days have belonged to him. MY Day 1 is the day I officially just say f*** it. ANd the next day I start over. But I dont know. Mornings are really tough for me. YOu are right about being SHOVED into this group. I find it suprising how very big our group is. I am thankful you are all here for me and sad that we all had to be here in the first place. I am seeing a psuchic/reiki/audioclairvoyant today. She helped a friend of mine through this. I am really newvous about what she will say. Will it be what I want to hear? Will it be my fear in that I must move on because he doesnt love me?
I am a pretty intuitive person. Inside my gut is telling me to let go, that he is not mine anymore. But it is hard to listen to your own intuition when you are upset - although it is the same intuition that knew he was cheating.
SO i guess I should trust it. But a second opinion never hurts.
I dont want my marriage to be over. I dont want him to not love me. I want to fix it and he keeps denying me and us. Thats what hurts. He has all these walls up. Like in order to feel for me what we used to have, he has to face what he did.

OR - he simply has a rendezvous with the other woman is is feeling guilty for devastating and throwing a grenade at my life...
WHo knows.

SO this is how I start my day. Everyday. But it gets better from here - once I get out of bed....

Wish me luck. I need to make a new songlist.

ltlhmom

Good luck today! You need to listen to your inner self. It hurts but you need to continue on your journey. You deserve someone that will LOVE you and be there for you no matter what! That person is out there you just need to go out and search for him. I know it is hard to give up something when your not ready to do that. You had all your dreams crushed. Change is hard and it is easier to stay with what you know. But that isn't fair to you. HUGS!

havingitall

I have been there as well. When my ex-husband decided he needed time to think, it was the only time in my life when I couldn't eat.
We had been married for 10 years, had 2 kids and a mortgage and he decided that he needed time to think. He had affairs during the marriage so I believe his time was not to think but to screw around more.

Since then, he has filed for personal bankruptcy, had a massive heart attack and just recently has been diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer.

I, on the other hand, have met and married the love of my life. He is a loving and caring man who truly cherishes me.

When one door closes, another, much better one, will open up. Follow what is in your heart on this. If you can forgive and stay in the marriage, you are truly a much better person than me and I wish you every success in that. If you choose to leave, then you will find another life out there. The pain, although it is so intense right now, will subside and you will find your balance again.

DebbieW

Good morning Sabes and all of you strong, loving women on this thread.

I too have been in the trenches of hell, like most of you.

My ex (idiot) many years ago had decided that he didn't want to be a husband or a father and was simply gone. He did not even have the backbone to tell me. You can imagine what that was like. I went through hell and he never even saw the look in my eyes.

Anyways, I have ALWAYS been a believer in karma. What you put out into this world comes back to you. Well the woman who he was having an affair with ended up doing exactly the same thing to him that he did to me.

That's karma for you..

Enough about me. I just want to say Sabes that fate is directing you to go onto another path. I believe that when something "big" happens in our life it's to teach us "something" so that we learn from it and move on and become better, stronger, more knowledgeable.

I learned that I am a strong woman. I am a compassionate woman. I am a very loving woman. I learned that if I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone special that they had to have compatible traits. I was not going to settle for less.

I did find someone with those positive traits 24 years ago. When I look back on that past life it is with gratitude that (ex-idiot) taught me so much about the person I really was deep inside and by "letting me go", I was free to pursue a better life for me.

So just hold on Sabes. Take one baby step at a time. This is an emotional process. Don't rush head on into another relationship right now because you are hurt and vulnerable. Take this precious time to find out just how amazing and strong of a woman your really are. Keep your family and girlfriends real close, you need them more than ever right now.

There is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel and you will see it.

Oh, and remember the karma thing. You're not smiling right now, but believe me, you will later on.

You take care of you right now.

Debbie

mmtiernan

Speaking of which, that is a GREAT song to listen to right now. Gloria Gaynor, I believe. Another good one you should search up is "Cheater Cheater" by Joey + Rory. It's country and hysterical. Listen to Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made For Walking". Listen to music that reminds you how strong you are!!! There was a YOU before him, and there will be a YOU after him.

Add these two to your playlist also: "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood and "Would I Lie To You?" by Annie Lennox (my personal fave).

Even though it may not always feel like it, you are getting stronger every day. Keep your chin up and remember that any man who is really worth it will never make you cry.

Phoenix_Rising

Here's a sampling of my playlist from my hard times:

Karma - Alicia Keys
The Last Song - All American Rejects
Move Long - All American Rejects
Gives You Hell - All American Rejects
I'm Looking Through You -- The Beatles
Hit 'Em Upstyle - Blu Cantrell
Karma is a Female Dog - Bombshel (I think this one is country, btw)
It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Rain on Your Parade - Duffy
Sisters Are Doing it for Themselves - Graham BLVD
So Yesterday - Hilary Duff
The Remedy - Jason Mraz
Bye Bye - Jo Dee Messina **** GREAT SONG!!
Stronger - Kayne West
Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
Welcome to the World - Kevin Rudolph
Knock 'em Out - Lily Allen
No More Sorrow - Linkin Park
Good as Gone -- Little Big Town
Shake it Off - Mariah Carey
These Boots are Made for Walking - Nancy Sinatra
Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield
Maneater - Nelly Furtado
Blue Monday - Orgy (angry music!!)
Cave In - Owl City
So What - Pink
Hate (I Really Don't Like You) - Plain White T's
Happily Never After - The Pu$$ycat Dolls **** GREAT SONG!!!
I Don't Need a Man - The Pu$$ycat Dolls
Whatever Gets You Through Today - Radio **** GREAT SONG
Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Up - The Saturdays
Don't Bother - Shakira ***
Irreplaceable - Sugarland --(This is a cover of the Beyonce song by Sugarland --- the lead female vocal was going through a divorce when she recorded this live. AMAZING COVER)
I Will Survive - Supremes (???)
Live Your Life - TI feat. Rihanna
Apologize - One Republic
Learning to Fly - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Can't Go Back Now - The Weepies ******* I LOVE THIS SONG
I Didn't Know My Own Strength - Whitney Houston
Salute - Whitney Houston
Leave the Pieces - The Wreckers


Some of those are about cheating husbands. Some of those are upbeat, empowerment songs. Keep positive vibes surrounding you during this. Remind yourself you are strong. :flowerforyou:

jenng38

Hey Sabes...
All I can say is WOW! you are awesome. you are a powerful amazingly strong woman. like so many here I have been through it too. I have been divorced for 4 years. he left me 5 years ago for the person that he cheated on me with. now, along with family and friends of course, there is one statement that got me through...SUCCESS IS THE BEST REVENGE!!! about 2 years ago I decided to go back to school and I am about to get my associates degree in psychology and I will have my bachelor's in another 2 years. Trust me...any and every success that you achieve will add to your power and NO ONE will ever be able to take it away from you. I know it totally sucks right now but when you are through it you will be better and stronger for it. I am really proud of you for running that race despite your heartache. Keep up the great work you're awesome!!

sabes2631

LOVING THE PLAY LIST -

cheater cheater is a great song too....

Thanks for saying i am strong. Most of the time i dont feel strong, i sometimes feel like a piece of sh** who was dumped for a 25 year old. But those sometimes are becoming less frequent.
I AM strong.
I will survive.
ALthough it sucks. I will.

Today I have this sinking feeling of hurt in my chest that makes it hard to breathe and stand up straight. My arms ache. I ache.
My office mate puts homeade soup in the fridge for me each morning. I think the feeling in my arms is malnutrition.
I am drinking water. I had steamed broccoli and chicken last night.
I had a box of raisins this morning - simply because my body was so hungry I was having trouble functioning.
I feel better after eating the soup.
I have dropped to 118. I was at 134-6 on Christmas Day.

The positive thing is that mt *kitten* looks fabulous... I have never seen it look so tiny and cute. LOL I bought a new bikini - BTW- I am off to Mexico with my best girlfriend in 2 weeks and 1 day. My Valentine will be my mexican beach waiter...


ANd you know what - wont he be sorry when he sees me out and i look so fab.
Somewhere in this journey that HAS GOT to happen for me. There has to be some freaking redemption for all of this pain, right???????????????

stephjohnny

I went through the same thing about 5 months ago. My hubby just up and left me one day due to the affair. I feel your pain and reading your story brings back a flood of emotions for me. Hubby and have worked it out, but during the 9 days he was gone, I dropped 10 pounds. It's hard, but you will get through it. Just keep on keeping on...

sabes2631

i have hope because you worked it out....
a book to check out that was written by my therapist is called Shadow Marriage.
It is interesting.
Worth ordering for your future.
Thank you for hope.
My hub has been gone for longer. I found out about it all 1 month ago today.
I am still alive.

havingitall

When I got divorced, a good friend told me "The best revenge is living well". She was so right, whenever I had to be around him, I made sure I looked good and made a point to mention my successes. That in turn made me feel successful....and he didn't like it

cmriverside

Sabes,

More good thoughts coming your way from the Pacific NW.

One other thing that I've found to be (almost) universally true:

"IF HE CHEATED ON YOU HE'LL CHEAT ON HER." :devil: ( and the one after her.........etc.......... )

( I know I'm going to He!! for that, but it's gonna be a great party.)

Phoenix_Rising

LOVING THE PLAY LIST -

cheater cheater is a great song too....

Thanks for saying i am strong. Most of the time i dont feel strong, i sometimes feel like a piece of sh** who was dumped for a 25 year old. But those sometimes are becoming less frequent.
I AM strong.
I will survive.
ALthough it sucks. I will.

He didn't leave you for a 25 year old.
He left you because a part of him is screwed up badly. He won't be able to fix that wrongness with her either.
He left you for his own selfish reasons. He cheated on you. He treated you horribly.
You are far more valuable than that.
Do not beg for him back.
You do not NEED him. You have yourself. You are strong enough to be your own person.
Really question yourself -- why do you want him back? Is it him or just the position he filled in your life? Don't let fear make you think you NEED him. You don't.

Today I have this sinking feeling of hurt in my chest that makes it hard to breathe and stand up straight. My arms ache. I ache.
My office mate puts homeade soup in the fridge for me each morning. I think the feeling in my arms is malnutrition.
I am drinking water. I had steamed broccoli and chicken last night.
I had a box of raisins this morning - simply because my body was so hungry I was having trouble functioning.
I feel better after eating the soup.
I have dropped to 118. I was at 134-6 on Christmas Day.

I think you've started to realize it, but it took me a week to realize my physical pain was mostly due to malnutrition. Yes, emotional pain hurts too, but starvation hurts also. I'm glad to hear you are eating. A slow start back will ease your body back into it.

The positive thing is that mt *kitten* looks fabulous... I have never seen it look so tiny and cute. LOL I bought a new bikini - BTW- I am off to Mexico with my best girlfriend in 2 weeks and 1 day. My Valentine will be my mexican beach waiter...

WOOHOO!!!! That sounds like SOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!

jenng38

Vicky, I have noticed that too...my ex did not seem to like it when I went back to school :grumble: hahaha and I love how your friend said that living well is the best revenge. it kind of brings "success " one step further because living well IS success in itself. Thank goodness for our friends. I don't know how I would have gotten through that if it weren't for my friends and family.