Adultery Diet
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Si Senorita, como esta usted?0
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Mexico was fun:) Weather was iffy - but still got tan.. and looked fab in my bikini - will post a pic:)
The nightmare still lives on here. I feel I am doing better with no contact. But we have to meet up tonight to discuss finances and stuff. I want to keep my home - well becasue how can he take that from me too? But financially, i am unsure I can swing it. Unless he gives me time - a couple of months to pull it together. So he made a list of things to discuss tonight when we meet. My life as a list of things to cover so that he can leave me. So nice.
Today sucks.0 -
Let him know your demands. If he balks or refuses, get up and leave. Let your attorney handle it. You might be able to get spousal support or alimony. No telling.... differs state to state, situation to situation. Don't let him take your house.0
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yes! Yes! Yes!! Get a lawyer. I have a great lawyer and since I was not at fault for the divorce, my ex has to pay alimony, my lawyer, court costs, and I get just about everything!! He of course now wants to mediate...but only because he is a cop and doesn't want his dirty laundry in the public eye. Not to mention that he knocked up his little tramp and by the looks of it she was pregos before he left me. He has bought an acre of land and is still trying to get financed for a double wide trailer. Now I am not knocking trailers or people that live in them by any means....but in this case I think it is hiliarious that he has "moved up" in the world. Going from having me as his "trophy wife" with a brick house and lakehouse, money in the bank, ect...to the "queen of his double wide"!! with no money, no lakehouse, and soon to be..2 screaming kids!! hehehehe LOVE IT!!! Karma is great!! So RUN don't walk and get a lawyer!!!! Hang in there and protect yourself!!0
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how did it go last night?0
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actually it went really well. i was really anxious all day. but i was cooking a piece of chicken when he got there and he brought a 6 pack. we talked for about 3 hours. he cried. talked about the therapy he is in. i listened. I didnt cry that much (i am about 20 session ahead of him) - we agreed that i will stay in the house until we catch up and can decide what to do financially if I want to keep the house or not.
it wasnt bad.
i didnt feel desperate for him becasue in this process i realized that my happiness comes from inside of me not from what he decides to do not do say or not say... i said that to him as well and it made him cry. he has a lot of guilt.
I felt calm and strong and not desperate. I love him still very much though. That is the hardest thing. And he doesnt seem to want to change his mind about reconciling. Which I dont understand completely. But maybe he just has to work through things. And in the end however it works out, I will be a better person - for him or for someone else to love....
It all sucks and is very surreal. And I sound fairly sane right now - but yesterday I had to leave work at 1 30 because i was a sobbing blubbering hot mess at my desk. Day by day right - and pretty soon the feelings start to dull and the happier moments become more frequent than the sad and angry ones.
Betrayal is a mean thing to overcome - dont think you ever can - but you can grow trying....0 -
actually it went really well. i was really anxious all day. but i was cooking a piece of chicken when he got there and he brought a 6 pack. we talked for about 3 hours. he cried. talked about the therapy he is in. i listened. I didnt cry that much (i am about 20 session ahead of him) - we agreed that i will stay in the house until we catch up and can decide what to do financially if I want to keep the house or not.
it wasnt bad.
i didnt feel desperate for him becasue in this process i realized that my happiness comes from inside of me not from what he decides to do not do say or not say... i said that to him as well and it made him cry. he has a lot of guilt.
I felt calm and strong and not desperate. I love him still very much though. That is the hardest thing. And he doesnt seem to want to change his mind about reconciling. Which I dont understand completely. But maybe he just has to work through things. And in the end however it works out, I will be a better person - for him or for someone else to love....
It all sucks and is very surreal. And I sound fairly sane right now - but yesterday I had to leave work at 1 30 because i was a sobbing blubbering hot mess at my desk. Day by day right - and pretty soon the feelings start to dull and the happier moments become more frequent than the sad and angry ones.
Betrayal is a mean thing to overcome - dont think you ever can - but you can grow trying....
I hate to sound trite, but to quote Tina, "What's love got to do with it?" You are better without him. You are moving forward. It's not easy, but you are making progress in the right direction, honey. (((hugs)))
I'm also VERY GLAD you are able to eat again!! Also glad you will be keeping your house.
And he may not have been crying out of guilt, but crying cause he got caught and called out for it.0 -
actually it went really well. i was really anxious all day. but i was cooking a piece of chicken when he got there and he brought a 6 pack. we talked for about 3 hours. he cried. talked about the therapy he is in. i listened. I didnt cry that much (i am about 20 session ahead of him) - we agreed that i will stay in the house until we catch up and can decide what to do financially if I want to keep the house or not.
it wasnt bad.
i didnt feel desperate for him becasue in this process i realized that my happiness comes from inside of me not from what he decides to do not do say or not say... i said that to him as well and it made him cry. he has a lot of guilt.
I felt calm and strong and not desperate. I love him still very much though. That is the hardest thing. And he doesnt seem to want to change his mind about reconciling. Which I dont understand completely. But maybe he just has to work through things. And in the end however it works out, I will be a better person - for him or for someone else to love....
It all sucks and is very surreal. And I sound fairly sane right now - but yesterday I had to leave work at 1 30 because i was a sobbing blubbering hot mess at my desk. Day by day right - and pretty soon the feelings start to dull and the happier moments become more frequent than the sad and angry ones.
Betrayal is a mean thing to overcome - dont think you ever can - but you can grow trying....
glad it went that well. When I read this I get flashbacks to my break up with my ex. We were together thru high school and part of college and were planning to get married and everything and then he up and decided he wanted his freedom back and didnt want a commitment. (translation he wanted to screw around before he settled down)
but u are 100% right about "happiness comes from within not from what HE does or says" took me a long time to realize that and when I finally did, it set me free emotionally.
Whatever happens I hope its for the best. I can tell u love him and I hope he snaps out of this phase ASAP cuz usually thats what it is, a phase men go thru. I say this because its been almost 3 years since my ex and I broke up, and he still calls me frequently (used to be everyday now its slowed down to every couple of weeks) asking for a 2nd chance and saying how stupid he was.0 -
Sabes, so so so glad to hear you sounding so strong and peaceful.
Yes, the emotions come and go. But like the waves on the beach, they are fleeting and always changing. Sometimes, waiting for the tide to go out is the only way to get off the rocks. They're just waves.
I'm glad you rocked the bikini!0 -
Sabes- I am glad it went well for you. Don't get too sucked into him crying though. My ex did the same thing...it was to try and make me feel sorry for him. Didn't work!! Just take it one day at a time. If you feel like crying..then cry...if you want to laugh then do that. It has been 4 months for me and there are still times that it hits me hard. Well meaning people feel it necessary to tell me what he is doing, about her, ect....my response now is....I really don't care!! That has gotten back to him and he seemed surprised by that. He also made the comment to a mutual friend that he thinks he made a mistake...Boy did he ever!! There is no way that I would take him back again..fool me once shame on you...fool me twice shame on me!!! That and now he is going to have a child with her!! He made his bed now he can lie in the filth!! Hang in there!!!0
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4 months... you are a newbie too... it sucks! but thank you for your encouragement! I sont know what the crying is - i do know that I found a boy toy at the gym and being skinny and tan in february has worked out fabulously for me:)
I cannot sit home and cry and wait anymore... i am hot and I am ready to make out:) lol0 -
furthermore - i still cry everyday almost - but i have GOT to take control of this. I love him more than anything in the world, but enough already. I am a human being as well. And I need to live.0
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I feel for you...
I will being getting papers this week...
My husband didn't cheat, he just dropped the ball and let me carry everything for too long. It wasn't until I said I was done that he did anything... too little too late.
And yet, I still love him, hate what happened, but still love him.
I want the best for him, but you're right, we have to do what's best for us as well.
Sometimes I wish there had been some major event, instead it was a slow insidious death that he would have let continue indefinitely while he continued to use me...
Even with all of that, I was still surprised at how emotional I was... had to skip classes when it would hit me.
I've grieved the end of our relationship and the uncertainty that I will soon face,
I am a little worried about how he will take it when I have the talk and give him the papers...
I think he'll be surprised, but if he is, it's b/c everything I've said all along had fallen on deaf ears...
I'll probably be on here afterward just to vent...
Here's to being strong and believing you're worth more that someone's actions (or in-actions in my case) say you're worth!
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This thread has reminded me of a conversation with my since deceased mother. I remember one day telling her I was going to leave my husband.
She asked:
'Did he hit you?"
"Did he cheat?"
"Is he drinking"
"Did he spend his paycheck and not pay the bills?"
" Did he not come home after work every night?"
I said no to the all of the above. Her response was:
"The next one MIGHT!"
Just something on my mind. My heart hurts for you today. I do not even know any of you, but my heart hurts. :tear:
While that is certainly something to think about, it's also encouraging you not to move forward out of FEAR. Can't live life in fear. Another important question that she didn't ask would be, "Does he love you? Does he treat you respectfully and lovingly? Does he pay attention to you, or solely focus on his own needs? Does he carry his fair share around the house? Is he an attentive father?"
I understand her viewpoint, but it sounds more like she simply "existed" rather than "lived", you know?
I left my husband 9 months ago. I miss him every single day. I think of him all the time. Everything reminds me of him. Bittersweet memories. However, my head is in the lead, not my heart. He was uncaring, unkind and unloving. I deserve a life better than that. I accepted it until I saw our marriage through my daughter's eyes, when at 3.5 years old she told me that when she grew up, she'd beat him up for talking to me like that. My three year old thought he was being disrespectful to me! THREE. Then I realized, what was I teaching her? That a marriage should be carried by one spouse, that there is no friendship or partnership, that love is unimportant, that she should stick out a dead marriage for..... ?? for what?. Looking through her eyes, I knew it was over. I knew what I had to do. I saw my life through her eyes, and through the eyes of my own mother. I'd never want my daughter to stay in a marriage like that, so I took the hardest step of my life and left. It was positively, horrifyingly scary. I'd left my husband, who I'd been with since I was 16, with a 3 year old daughter, having just been laid off from my work place.
Life has changed drastically in 9 months. Miss him daily? Sure. However, I am a fuller person. My life is overflowing with friends and loved ones and smiles and laughter. My stress levels are lower. I am more easy going, willing to let life take me where it will.
Sorry.... my own personal tangent. I support you all through most all of your decisions. Every person's situation is different but we can all agree they hurt like hell.
WOW!
That sounds like my marriage! For me, the turning point was when my son came downstairs while I was sick and trying to rest and was really upset... He burst into my room and said, "Mommy, you married the wrong man!" ~ my husband had been glued to the couch and completely withdrawn from us for months at this point... I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Daddy won't make me lunch, I asked him and he won't get off the couch, he won't answer me, and he won't even look at me!"
Yeah, made me take stock real quick! I thought I had done a sufficient job of picking up the slack, filling the voids, and trying to make things work...
When I knew it was affecting my son, that's when I said ENOUGH!
I am so glad that I am not the only one...
... I have heard the same comments... it's a slow and withering death of a marriage... it sucks.0 -
yes! Yes! Yes!! Get a lawyer. I have a great lawyer and since I was not at fault for the divorce, my ex has to pay alimony, my lawyer, court costs, and I get just about everything!! He of course now wants to mediate...but only because he is a cop and doesn't want his dirty laundry in the public eye. Not to mention that he knocked up his little tramp and by the looks of it she was pregos before he left me. He has bought an acre of land and is still trying to get financed for a double wide trailer. Now I am not knocking trailers or people that live in them by any means....but in this case I think it is hiliarious that he has "moved up" in the world. Going from having me as his "trophy wife" with a brick house and lakehouse, money in the bank, ect...to the "queen of his double wide"!! with no money, no lakehouse, and soon to be..2 screaming kids!! hehehehe LOVE IT!!! Karma is great!! So RUN don't walk and get a lawyer!!!! Hang in there and protect yourself!!
Couldn't agree more. I'm not the petty or vindictive sort (except when it comes to cheating/abusive partners), but hang his a** out to dry. Don't get mad, get EVERYTHING! You did nothing wrong- you've paid for his transgressions long enough.0 -
ah yes- apparently i can eat again - but whoa - at a price - my body has no idea what to do with wings a burger ad french fries and beer and cold pizza - i had a date yesterday and we sat in a bar and watched hockey - it was fun- but my body that at one [oint was in starvation mode after all of this - is in shock...
I had a date. It made me realize how very fundamentally wrong my husbands actions were as well as how messed up he may really be inside. It was wonderful to be desired. Told I was beautiful. Kissed - and desired.....Wow!
I had to leave because was at the point where I would have just gone with it. So it was a good date and it made me happy.
I also noticed the feeling of angst and sadness i have been carrying around with me has lessened in the last couple days.
Of course i have bad moments or days - but i feel like things are looking up for me.
I cannot believe for 2 months i have begged for postive attention and to want me when this man i went on the date with reminded me how upsurd that is by his actions of being a gentleman....
I feel like i have a boulder in my belly.
I bet i am back up a couple of pounds! LOL - I am trying to maintain below 120 - i like it here. But it is tough!0 -
so glad u enjoyed your date! It's amazing what a difference it makes when you meet someone that treats u well and sees all your qualities rather than your flaws and compliments you on the positive things instead of taking u for granted. You deserve it
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Good for you! Sounds like a great date - unless you are a USA fan:grumble:
No, seriously, the ex needs to stay where he is. You have moved on!
You may not have thought of this yet....or maybe you have. I have been known to beg someone to come back, myself. It is a terribly self-demeaning way to act - -and even when I knew that, it was hard to stop. Desparate that he should see how much I truly loved him, and that I was willing to forgive and save the marriage. I begged for a long time.
Now that time has passed and I have gotten perspective on it, I think I was trying to "win". Like - be on top. Be the one who was "right." Maybe even prove to myself and the world that I was "better" than the other woman.. It wasn't me, it wasn't her. It was him.
Then I saw another woman beg a guy to stay. A beautiful, smart woman who had way more going for her than the loser alcoholic guy she was involved with. And the thought that came to me was - great - so you WIN the guy back. Some prize. A guy who cheats on his wife, and leaves her.0 -
Just checking in Sabes.... how are you, doll?0
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I am actually doing okay. I am beginning to live again.
Had a date. Felt good to be told I was beautiful and to be desired.
I have been doing alot of strength training at the gym - that has helped my mood.
It has been quite a journey - the sucking feeling of angst and loss isnt as strong in the morning when I open my eyes.
I am making it through the day more often than not without crying.
So eveyone was right - it does get better - i am not 100% - but i am closer than I was.
And makingout with my date was super fun:smokin:
Hottest seconf base he'll ever see - lol0 -
I too had a date...it was yummmy!! I too loved being told how beautiful I was ect....Needless to say it was a great night and an even better morning! LOL
Scale hasn't moved but my clothes are fitting better, so that is a good thing. Well I am off to pack for the lakehouse...Got plumbing issues to deal with. Hope everybody has a great weekend!! Sabes- NO MORE CRYING!!! He is not worth the salt in your tears!!! Trust me!!! You are a strong beautiful woman and someone better when the time is right will come along. It is all about you right now. So take some "Me" time and explore what makes you happy!! Luv ya!!! 0 -
I am actually doing okay. I am beginning to live again.
Had a date. Felt good to be told I was beautiful and to be desired.
I have been doing alot of strength training at the gym - that has helped my mood.
It has been quite a journey - the sucking feeling of angst and loss isnt as strong in the morning when I open my eyes.
I am making it through the day more often than not without crying.
So eveyone was right - it does get better - i am not 100% - but i am closer than I was.
And makingout with my date was super fun:smokin:
Hottest seconf base he'll ever see - lol
I must report I am ECSTATIC to read this update.
More than likely, you will swing back through the stages of grief a time or two in the next few months, but REMEMBER THIS POST as proof that it does get better, and will continue to get better over time.
I am so proud of you. This kind of heartache is horrible. You are becoming stronger each day and will survive and thrive!!0 -
yay! bayou!!! super fun:)
Thank you Pheonix... you are right. It does get better each day - i cannot believe I went away this weekend and didnt even think about him - and when i did I thought of him with eww- jerk - feeling rather than angst or desire or desperation for that matter.
Dating is a great distraction. Met a cute guy at the bar while skiing this weekend... My dating life could go into full swing if I go with it:)
Another thing - I have gained back 5 of my 20 pounds lost! I must be eating again.LOL
What a journey. I was reading from my first post on here until now - what a great resource. I love this board.
Thank you!!!!0 -
yay! bayou!!! super fun:)
Thank you Pheonix... you are right. It does get better each day - i cannot believe I went away this weekend and didnt even think about him - and when i did I thought of him with eww- jerk - feeling rather than angst or desire or desperation for that matter.
Dating is a great distraction. Met a cute guy at the bar while skiing this weekend... My dating life could go into full swing if I go with it:)
Another thing - I have gained back 5 of my 20 pounds lost! I must be eating again.LOL
What a journey. I was reading from my first post on here until now - what a great resource. I love this board.
Thank you!!!!
Glad to see u are now having fun and realizing who is the one missing out here. Dating is fun so have fun girl!
about gaining back, think of it as happy weight 0 -
bump0
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Sabes, I'd love to get an update on you now that months have passed. How are you?0
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