Adultery Diet
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I am so sorry! What an aweful experience! But don't let the cheating slob pull you down! You are better than that!0
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I don't know how I would have gotten through that if it weren't for my friends and family.
AMEN!0 -
Sabes, I hope that you are really "hearing" what all the women are saying to you on this thread.
The common theme:
You are amazing
You are strong
He doesn't deserve to have you
He didn't leave you for a 25 year old, he left you because he's screwed up in the head.
He will do this to her too or she's gonna do it to him
DON'T BEG FOR HIM TO COME BACK
Your best revenge is success!
Sabes, the first time that we "had:" to be in the same place at the same time, I made damned sure that my hair and nails were done perfectly. I was wearing the hottest :"little" outfit I could find, my skirt was short and my legs were long. I was wearing sexy heels too. I came into the room full of confidence. The kicker
I didn't even pay him an ounce of attention. I made sure that he knew that he was OFF MY LIST.
You have a blast in Mexico with your girlfriend, your smaller *kitten* (and the Mexican waiter).
You deserve this!
Debbie0 -
MSN is all about divorce on one of their Hot Topics. Here's the "Divorcing a Cheater?" section
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/CollegeAndFamily/SuddenlySingle/DivorcingACheaterGetMoreMoney.
aspx
The excerpts are from:
http://msn.divorce360.com/
You deserve what you can get. Take care of your financial future. Otherwise you could spend years digging out of this. No mercy. :mad:
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When I got divorced, a good friend told me "The best revenge is living well". She was so right, whenever I had to be around him, I made sure I looked good and made a point to mention my successes. That in turn made me feel successful....and he didn't like it
Honey you and your DH are living proof that living well after a divorce will lead to true happiness 0 -
I went through infidelity and abuse from my husband, and if anything, it made me eat more because I was self-medicating with food. Since I've left him, I'm a much saner and happier person. You will get through it and come out OK- and he'll be left wondering why he messed up his life like that.0
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When I got divorced, a good friend told me "The best revenge is living well". She was so right, whenever I had to be around him, I made sure I looked good and made a point to mention my successes. That in turn made me feel successful....and he didn't like it
Honey you and your DH are living proof that living well after a divorce will lead to true happiness
Thank you Jeannie.... I like to think so. He is my reward for having gone through a bad marriage 0 -
<HUG> I am speechless. I have been there before and its nothing like feeling betrayed and like your life is in shambles. MFP gave some good advice. Just know that you have us to turn to! By nature, you are a survivor - this too shall pass!0
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I also know EXACTLY what you (and others who have posted) have gone through or are going through! My dr called it the "divorce diet," but the "adultery diet" is MUCH more severe and difficult! I don't care why kind of relationship you had or thought you had with your spouse, no matter what, it is a DEVASTATING BLOW to find out your spouse has done that to you. NO ONE can understand the pain unless they've been through it themselves. I had already been losing weight (trying - eating right, exercising, etc) BEFORE I found out about the affair but lost even MORE weight after that, putting me about 10 pounds below my original goal. I couldn't eat. I was already on antidepressants and my dr added another one, which helped TREMENDOUSLY! I know some people don't believe in antidepressants, but it worked WONDERS for me... and when I got to a better point emotionally, I weaned myself off of the second one. Eventually, I became STRONGER and did very well on my own! Being a single parent wasn't easy, but I did it! I started going out with my new "sexy" self! ;-) I am now remarried to the most awesome man on earth. Of course, I gained back all of the weight plus more after I met my now DH. So now I'm on the road to losing again. I have actually had TWO men cheat on me - the only two real relationships I ever had prior to my now DH. My ex-h and ex-b both cheated on me and it was devastating and painful both times. I don't wish that on ANYONE. It did finally get me out of 2 bad relationships, though. And if it hadn't been for that, I might not appreciate what I have now. For that, I feel fortunate and blessed. For those that are going through the pain of adultery right now, HANG ON... YOU WILL COME OUT ON THE OTHER SIDE!! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, although it doesn't seem possible at this point. I felt like I just wanted to crawl into a hole and DIE. Obviously, I pulled through and am thoroughly blessed now! You can too!!!! And one of the advantages of being a female, you always have GIRLFRIENDS to help you through difficult times! I have the most awesome friend in the world who helped pull me through everything I went through in the past. In fact, she has kind of commented that she feels a little sad now that I don't constantly "need" her anymore now that I have found "THE ONE!" ;-) (I was calling her probably at least every other day complaining/crying/whatever before). And if you don't have any friends like that "in real life," I see that there are amazing ladies here for support!! :-)0
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Today started out so well - then I come home and I am so lonely.
It sucks.
I just want him home.0 -
I kept a journal after I found out about my husbands affair. I was pregnant as I stated before and I had sooo many thoughts and things I needed to tell him and too few words that I could speak because of how emotional I was. Writing down everything helped me. I was able to put things in perspective, and decide what I wanted, because right now what YOU want is all you need to think about. Everything you are feeling is normal. My husband and I are still together, not because he begged for forgiveness, not because we sought counseling, not even for my kids. I am still here because its what I wanted. Right now it really is all about YOU. You have the power over yourself, you will determine your future, and with or without him your future will be brighter then the past. Keep your head up, I think you are coping amazingly well.0
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Ugh I haven't been around but found this thread - on December 3rd was 5 years from to the day my H confessed he cheated on me with a so call friend. 30 pounds lost in 1 month puked every day - couldn't eat couldn't sleep probably smoked 2 packs of cigs a day I feel so so bad for you because I know how you feel an it's awful.
All I can say is take care of you, My H begged for my forgivness and begged me to stay in the marriage which I did (I had 2 kids and 15 years of marriage)
Whatever happens know that in time you will start to feel better, I know right now it seems like it will never get better but I assure you it will. Whether you remain married or not you will heal. I wish you all the best and strength.0 -
he left me on friday. and went to take her out.
i found out on monday.
moved all the money in our accounts to my account. and threw the rest of his stuff on the front lawn. then i posted it on facebook.
he is mad at ME becasue he doesnt want to lose his job.
i need to let go.
he is not a nice guy.
he is a bad dude...
not who i married.0 -
:brokenheart:
I take it you mean this happened recently? Not the six weeks ago incident. I'm sorry, honey. I did that with my ex husband too, put all his stuff outside.
Tee hee. He wouldn't come and get it for three months and I was tired of looking at it, so out it went. When he came to get it, he tried to push past me to get a plant that he had "abandoned" and that I had kept alive for three months. I put my hand on his chest and said "No, you aren't coming in!" He kinda hung out in the driveway for a while and made me nervous, so I called the police. He had never been physically abusive to me, but I didn't know what was going on in his head. I yelled out that I had called the police, and he left. Whew.
That was the only thing we argued over in regards to "custody". It still makes me laugh. A stupid plant. :laugh:0 -
i feel like i want to just curl up and die right now. its amazing that this actually wont kill me. cuz it feels like dying.
and now that i posted his embarrassment on facebook, he feels "doubly" inclined to get a divorce. and because i was irrational taking money from his account - he thought i stole it - but i didnt - i took it to pay bills.
and the worst part is that i know he is in a meeting with her all day today.
but the other thing is that everyone else in the meeting knows what a dirtbag he is.
he is just a bad bad dude.
telling me i need therapy is a slap in my face.
telling me I am irrational and acting crazy -
thats projection right? making me feel terrible for reacting? what was i supposed to do?
i held out hope. he is making me feel like i am the one who caused the divorce by reacting.
i am a flipping mess.
help me please.0 -
i feel like i want to just curl up and die right now. its amazing that this actually wont kill me. cuz it feels like dying.
and now that i posted his embarrassment on facebook, he feels "doubly" inclined to get a divorce. and because i was irrational taking money from his account - he thought i stole it - but i didnt - i took it to pay bills.
and the worst part is that i know he is in a meeting with her all day today.
but the other thing is that everyone else in the meeting knows what a dirtbag he is.
he is just a bad bad dude.
telling me i need therapy is a slap in my face.
telling me I am irrational and acting crazy -
thats projection right? making me feel terrible for reacting? what was i supposed to do?
i held out hope. he is making me feel like i am the one who caused the divorce by reacting.
i am a flipping mess.
help me please.
Honey, Honey, Honey (((hugs)))
YOU are not crazy.
He left on Friday to take another woman on a date. What did he expect you would do?
Steal HIS money? I think not. All is fair in love and war, b!tch! He can SHOVE IT.
Change the locks on the doors, if you haven't already.
He is OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
Your choice. You Don't Want Him There.
He is No Good. He is an awful person.
You did the right thing.
And I agree, having been there.... it's amazing that such horrible emotions can't kill us when we feel they surely will.
You will make it through this.0 -
Actually if you can remember this feeling - how awful he has made you feel - it will help you when you let go. This isn't love.
Respectfully, I think you would both benefit from therapy. But I don't know either of you, I just know it helped me to put things in perspective.
Why would I stay with someone who did _ _ _ _ _ _ to me?
Why would I want him back?
Does he want me back?
Is he willing to go to couples therapy?
Can I ever trust him again?(without "punishing" him for the rest of our lives for what he did.)
I made a pro/cons list. Try it, it is eye opening. You deserve happiness. It may be by yourself for a while. There are worse things than being alone.0 -
Actually if you can remember this feeling - how awful he has made you feel - it will help you when you let go. This isn't love.
Respectfully, I think you would both benefit from therapy. But I don't know either of you, I just know it helped me to put things in perspective.
Why would I stay with someone who did _ _ _ _ _ _ to me?
Why would I want him back?
Does he want me back?
Is he willing to go to couples therapy?
Can I ever trust him again?(without "punishing" him for the rest of our lives for what he did.)
I made a pro/cons list. Try it, it is eye opening. You deserve happiness. It may be by yourself for a while. There are worse things than being alone.
Like being with someone who treats you like dirt, until you finally believe you are worthless because they don't value you. That is much worse than being alone, take it from me..... and probably most of the women who have posted on this thread. We are all here to support you.0 -
Sabes2631- I feel your pain...I am going thru a divorce right now. I found out that my husband of 11/2 years was cheating on me and had been for several months! We were together for 10 years total. Cheating and lying men do not deserve us! I am now finally glad that he is out of my life. He brought a lot of stress and emotional strife to my life. He is not worth it. He is also mad at me because all the money we had in savings went bye-bye! I have a great lawyer and he is not going to get anything. I bagged all his belongings in black garbage bags and put them on the back porch and to be honest I wiped my a%% with several of the shirts that I had bought him. I know a very juvenile thing to do...but boy did it bring a silly grin to my face!! My saving grace is that I know he will do the same thing to his little tramp in a few years if that, and in a few years I will be doing great...while he will still be the same p.o.s. that he is now without a pot to pee in!! Revenge can be oh-so sweet...but you have to be careful to not sink to his level. RISE ABOVE!! You are so much better than him..because you are right we are better women that would never have done to them what they did to us. They are cowards! Don't worry what comes around goes around and he will get his!!! Hang in there it will be ok I promise!!0
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it felt good to throw his stuff out on the lawn.
he is playing victim and is angry with me becasue everybody knows now.
i cried already on the phone becasue i dont want this - but what could i possibly want from him now????????????????//
he is nothing and has nothing to give.
i hate this feeling. i just was feeling good with hope last week. now i am back to wanting to be under the covers.0 -
WOW...where did you find the MAYBE....I printed that out and hung it next to my mirror so I could read it every day...I, too, have been through my share of heartache and I have so much empathy and understanding of that situation.
Thanks for posting the MAYBE...I love it and will read it every day.
I am amazed on a daily basis of what you can find on this site.
Thanks to all those out there who touch the random unknown, and don't even know they are doing it. 0 -
I have been reading everything these smart women on here are posting, I it is all sound advice. I also know having been there it will take time for you to process everything. Feb. 5th marks the 2 year anniversary that I found out of my husbands physical 2 day affair, and 6 week emotional affair he kept up long distance. I was 7 months pregnant, began having contractions and severe pains I remember calling my mother just to have her on the phone in case I passed out, she could call an ambulance. It hurt so bad, I wanted to die. It is easy to just say F*** him, but its not that easy to say it with conviction, at least not yet. Having gone to therapy for this very reason I was told it would take a year to really get my head around the trauma, to truly work through all the emotions that I have. While I found that to be somewhat true, I assure everyday will get easier. One thing I can't stress enough is: This is no longer about HIM. He made he choice by his decisions and lack of consciousness. He didn't ruin your life he just proved to you how much better it WILL be without him.
Take each day one at a time. Sending you the big hugs. Kelly0 -
i just spoke with him he is so cold.
moving forward with divorce.
feels nothing.
leaves me bleeding.
has nothing to say.
is angry i outed him on facebook.0 -
Sabes, my dear, you are one SMOKIN' chick! I was looking at your pictures in your profile. I keep thinking "Is this guy f***ing crazy?!" Not only are you gorgeous, you are obviously very strong. It takes a lot of guts to spell out your emotions like you are and to let yourself go through the emotions like you are (it hurts now, but it makes the healing process better and faster).
I have absolutely no idea what you must be going through. All I can do is repeat the common notions: You will get through this; you deserve MUCH better; he deserves something awful (like losing you, even if he can't see that yet); you will find someone that treats you like the goddess you are.
Keep reaching out. We are here for you!
EDIT: to clarify with proper punctuation. :happy:0 -
He's truly an idiot. And she'll get what she deserves when he does the same thing to her.
I think you should try to talk to him as little as possible. Every time you talk to him, you give him a new opportunity to hurt you. Take control and put a stop to it. If you thought this was something you could work out, that would be different. Talking to him just isn't worth the effort if you are going to be hurt and there isn't a possibility of reconciliation.
edit for spelling0 -
He's truly an idiot. And she'll get what she deserves when he does the same thing to her.
I think you should try to talk to him as little as possible. Every time you talk to him, you give him a new opportunity to hurt you. Take control and put a stop to it. If you thought this was something you could work out, that would be different. Talking to him just isn't worth the effort if you are going to be hurt and there isn't a possibility of reconciliation.
I definitely second that motion. It might be best to get a lawyer so you won't have to talk to him directly anymore. The lawyer can help you separate the assets/debts and possibly get you allimony. Depending on what state you live in, you might even be able to sue the other woman for alienation of affection.0 -
Did I tell you guys I am going to mexico next week? Just me and my girlfriend from high school? I will be away for valentines day- straight gift from God.
My hub actually has villianized me. Texted me tonight accusing me of messing with his credit cuz when he went to get off of the verison family plan, they needed to check his ID - he just bought an 18000 jeep 4 days ago - of course they are going to check - damn fool.
He got a lawyer today so I guess he is all on the defensive. Felt like we should meet, was all nice, until i took down the facebook pic of his **** on the lawn and gave him back the 1300 i took form our account - then he didnt feel the need to meet.
He is a bad dude. Just a ****ed up guy who needs to - at 35- grow up.
I need to stay in my anger phase - please keep reminding me this - every day - anger is not my forte - but it needs to be my friend right now.
DO you know that every day I wake up at 415 am sharp with a punch in the gut feeling and I relive every even over and over until i finally drag myself up at 7something, sometime later -
I feel so rejected. So alienated. SO robbed.
But i have friends and family. But still I am lonely in the evenings and in the morning.
My dog is a gift from God above.
I hate that so many people have been through this, but I cannot tell you how much your stories help me. I will get through this.
I feel like a piece of ****, but i will get through - btw-i am the lowest weight i have ever been.... came in at 117 today - just about 20 pounds since xmas. I have lost a lot of tobne though and would take it all back and then some to have a happy life back...
But i did get some hope. My girlfriend may need a roomate soon - right in downtown mystic. she is single too. so if that happens, I will just leave this dream home we bought a year ago today that i am living in by myself with empty dreams and broken promises and move in with her - just intime for summer.... I felt hopeful at that. I sont want to date anyone - but who knows summer in downtown mystic may be fun for me and my new skinny little butt.
btw- my husband is a straight *kitten*.0 -
You're doing fine, just keep taking it day by day. Sorry for the cliches, but they're true. It does get easier, but it hurts like the devil at the time. I had to give up my home, my dreams,etc. I was left with a toddler, my parents 20-yo buick, and his debt while he was with his girlfriend, brand-new sports car, and Jet-Ski. Things got better for me and they will for you, too. Thank God for your woman's best friend and keep up your courage. BTW, my dog used to cuddle up to my ex when he came over. The Ultimate Betrayal.0
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Sabes- Just offering my support. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. All I can offer you is a virtual hug! And, I have to tell you- I think you're remarkable for running the marathon and also for posting on here and telling your story. I think it puts some of my "problems" into perspective and makes me re-think what 'really matters.' Keep fightin' the good fight. :bigsmile: And keep posting- I know of people on this board that have better support and understanding here than in "real life". :flowerforyou:0
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But i did get some hope. My girlfriend may need a roomate soon - right in downtown mystic.
Are you referring to Mystic, Connecticut?0
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