are all men the same?!!

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  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
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    Perhaps start with calling him something than your "ole man."

    :bigsmile:

    Seriously.
    lol look im from alabama im a country girl. everyone down here calls there spouse there ole lady or ole man haha
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Just break up.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
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    let me guess all the guys reading this think im a nagging b***h now right?

    i do
    ya and u must be single right?
  • tuckerrj
    tuckerrj Posts: 1,453 Member
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    I've been married 32 years. From the day we became engaged, my (future) wife became my number ONE priority. Making her happy was my main goal in life. The more I did that, the more she tried to make me happy. Yes there was time with my friends and brothers. But that came SECOND. She had time on her own when I watched the kids & I had time on my own when she watched them. But the overwhelming majority of our time was spent together. If you don't want to spend the majority of the time together, what's the point in getting/being married??? Talk to him, and if you're not the most important thing in his life, you've got the wrong man. No B.S.. That's just the way it is!
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
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    Perhaps start with calling him something than your "ole man."

    :bigsmile:

    Seriously.

    i read that and wonder if she's a Sons of Anarchy fan.
    yes actually i am
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    Does he know about your expectations for HIM to have to make changes for you? I see this a lot where women get serious with a guy, and just expect them to change their lifestyles. You may want to find out if he knew that was in the contract.


    Seriously? Is this for real? Of course one's lifestyle changes when one enters a committed relationship and/or becomes a parent. You think grown, married adults with children should expect to continue to party every night like single people? :sick:
    Time to grow up, Peter Pan!
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
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    well, since you have discussed this before with him, what did he say when you asked(I assume something like)"why do you need to see your mates so much?"
    Not all men are the same, but some can't step out of the circle they are in and look back at their actions. I know, because I was one of them and spent many years with some wonderful women, but always put work ahead of spending time with them. Now, I know you are talking about spending time with his friends, but its the same end result. You having feelings of being 2nd in a relationship leaving a sour taste in your mouth.
    I was in a situation where I had a lot of work to do, and it wasn't until they walked away from me after years and telling me they felt "taken for granted", that I was able to (once on my own) look back objectively and agree with them and say I was an assh**e to them.
    So, I guess what I am saying, not all men are the same but maybe he doesn't recognise (honestly) that he is putting his mates ahead of you. Or maybe he feels now engaged he "has a woman/fiance/wife" and doesn't need to "keep" her (wasn't sure how to phrase it, but maybe the blunt way is better after all), or maybe he hasn't grown up enough and still needs his mates around him.

    I really think communication is the answer here, I wish the lovely, beautiful women I missed out on had communicated it to me before walking out on me. I would have looked at myself and changed my attitude if I had not been such a dunce to not realise it..
    You got to bring it up direct with him, rationally, and if nothing changes after making this issue open and in the air......maybe it just wasn't meant to be....sorry to say it though...
    he knows how i feel about this we have gone through it before. things get better for awhile after we talk but they end up going back to the way things were before.. and yes you are extremly right, i feel taken for granted.. seems like all he wants at home is food and sex.. then he jumps to his buddies..
    [/quote]
    nothing really it always ends in us fighting
  • Jenny_Taylia
    Jenny_Taylia Posts: 540 Member
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    Maybe he wants to spend as much time with his friends as he can before the married life?
  • LuccyH
    LuccyH Posts: 266 Member
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    Simply answer your question: YES they are same. Think before you decide to do your big step.
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
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    I'm not sure where some of these men get their reasoning. They think it is all about them. I have not heard any of these men ask you if you ever get time away from your children or your husband. It's hard being a single mom all week; and then when your fiancé comes home, you're still a single mom. Weigh your choices carefully. You sound stressed and probably are. Have you thought about having his friends over to your house? Maybe if they brought their girlfriends or wives? Married couples need friends that are compatible with both parties. If you don't have mutual friends; and your fiancé has only single friends; you will both suffer and the marriage will struggle.
    no i never get time to mysely
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    I've been married 32 years. From the day we became engaged, my (future) wife became my number ONE priority. Making her happy was my main goal in life. The more I did that, the more she tried to make me happy. Yes there was time with my friends and brothers. But that came SECOND. She had time on her own when I watched the kids & I had time on my own when she watched them. But the overwhelming majority of our time was spent together. If you don't want to spend the majority of the time together, what's the point in getting/being married??? Talk to him, and if you're not the most important thing in his life, you've got the wrong man. No B.S.. That's just the way it is!

    :heart:
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    I've been married 32 years. From the day we became engaged, my (future) wife became my number ONE priority. Making her happy was my main goal in life. The more I did that, the more she tried to make me happy. Yes there was time with my friends and brothers. But that came SECOND. She had time on her own when I watched the kids & I had time on my own when she watched them. But the overwhelming majority of our time was spent together. If you don't want to spend the majority of the time together, what's the point in getting/being married??? Talk to him, and if you're not the most important thing in his life, you've got the wrong man. No B.S.. That's just the way it is!
    wow you sound like a really great husband!
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
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    why do all women post topics like this?

    I see what you did there. :wink:
    what are you talking about
  • healthynotthin
    healthynotthin Posts: 223 Member
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    Do you... actually want advice? Or are you going to just shoot down everyone's words who come on this thread who don't 100% agree with you?
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    I'm not sure where some of these men get their reasoning. They think it is all about them. I have not heard any of these men ask you if you ever get time away from your children or your husband. It's hard being a single mom all week; and then when your fiancé comes home, you're still a single mom. Weigh your choices carefully. You sound stressed and probably are. Have you thought about having his friends over to your house? Maybe if they brought their girlfriends or wives? Married couples need friends that are compatible with both parties. If you don't have mutual friends; and your fiancé has only single friends; you will both suffer and the marriage will struggle.
    ...but it is all about me. See for yourself what the creator said:
    "Dear Sir, poor sir, brave sir. You are an experiment by the Creator of the Universe. You are the only creature in the entire Universe who has free will. You are the only one who has to figure out what to do next - and why. Everybody else is a robot, a machine. Some persons seem to like you, and others seem to hate you, and you must wonder why. They are simply liking machines and hating machines. You are pooped and demoralized, Why wouldn't you be? Of course it is exhausting, having to reason all the time in a universe which wasn't meant to be reasonable."
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Options
    Does he know about your expectations for HIM to have to make changes for you? I see this a lot where women get serious with a guy, and just expect them to change their lifestyles. You may want to find out if he knew that was in the contract.


    Seriously? Is this for real? Of course one's lifestyle changes when one enters a committed relationship and/or becomes a parent. You think grown, married adults with children should expect to continue to party every night like single people? :sick:
    Time to grow up, Peter Pan!
    THANK YOU!!!
  • aliceguy
    aliceguy Posts: 128 Member
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    well, since you have discussed this before with him, what did he say when you asked(I assume something like)"why do you need to see your mates so much?"
    Not all men are the same, but some can't step out of the circle they are in and look back at their actions. I know, because I was one of them and spent many years with some wonderful women, but always put work ahead of spending time with them. Now, I know you are talking about spending time with his friends, but its the same end result. You having feelings of being 2nd in a relationship leaving a sour taste in your mouth.
    I was in a situation where I had a lot of work to do, and it wasn't until they walked away from me after years and telling me they felt "taken for granted", that I was able to (once on my own) look back objectively and agree with them and say I was an assh**e to them.
    So, I guess what I am saying, not all men are the same but maybe he doesn't recognise (honestly) that he is putting his mates ahead of you. Or maybe he feels now engaged he "has a woman/fiance/wife" and doesn't need to "keep" her (wasn't sure how to phrase it, but maybe the blunt way is better after all), or maybe he hasn't grown up enough and still needs his mates around him.

    I really think communication is the answer here, I wish the lovely, beautiful women I missed out on had communicated it to me before walking out on me. I would have looked at myself and changed my attitude if I had not been such a dunce to not realise it..
    You got to bring it up direct with him, rationally, and if nothing changes after making this issue open and in the air......maybe it just wasn't meant to be....sorry to say it though...
    he knows how i feel about this we have gone through it before. things get better for awhile after we talk but they end up going back to the way things were before.. and yes you are extremly right, i feel taken for granted.. seems like all he wants at home is food and sex.. then he jumps to his buddies..
    nothing really it always ends in us fighting
    [/quote]

    Well then, time to think about a change. If 2 adults who supposedly love each other to get engaged can't talk, discuss or even work through an issue like this without fighting.....whats the point of being together?...really......do both yourselves a favour....
  • IronmanPanda
    IronmanPanda Posts: 2,083 Member
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    We're all the same, only our names will change.
    Everyday it seems we're wasting away
    Another place where the faces are so cold
    I'd drive all night just to get back home
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    so im having a hard time with my ole man right now.. just dont know what to do.. he seems to think that spending time with his friends is more important than spending time with me and the kids.. your not single anymore your engaged for crying out loud!! this is getting old fast and to be honest its kinda making me re think getting married. cause i sure as hell am not putting up with this for the rest of my life. i will not be put 2nd!! i know that sounds bad... :( am i going to far with this? am i in the wrong/ what would you do?

    Listen.. no matter WHAT is going on.. if you are second guessing getting married, by all means DONT GET MARRIED!! geezus you have your whole life to get married! Why people think there is a damn timeline on marrage is beyond me!!


    Now, that said.. You should never be second.. BUT.. life aint a damn fairy tale. you will be second to his mother on her birthday... you will be second to your daughter on her graduation.. you wil be second to his own birthday.. you will be second on MANY occasions.. he is a man, and that is that. Deal with it. they dont think like we do.

    Learn to live with it, or learn to live without him. Simple as that. Ive been married 8 years and we are HAPPY because #1, we dont bull**** each other with drama & crap and #2. i put up with A LOT of crap. NO, he does not go out with friends. he works, he comes home, he eats, he sleeps. repeat. its married life.. he can deal with it or frick off. *I* cook, clean, do laundry, care for kids, have sex.. its MARRIAGE.

    YES we still have amazing moments, we still make time, we still laugh, we still are MADLY in love, but the "life" routine is simple.. cook, eat, kids, work, cook, clean, kids, sex, repeat.

    I dont know why people analyze so much!! Its not that hard.. just stop thinking you are OWED something and start GIVING to your partner more..

    If YOU give as much as you want given to you.. things might start looking up! (thats an in general comment.. not for you.)
  • Jenny_Taylia
    Jenny_Taylia Posts: 540 Member
    Options
    well, since you have discussed this before with him, what did he say when you asked(I assume something like)"why do you need to see your mates so much?"
    Not all men are the same, but some can't step out of the circle they are in and look back at their actions. I know, because I was one of them and spent many years with some wonderful women, but always put work ahead of spending time with them. Now, I know you are talking about spending time with his friends, but its the same end result. You having feelings of being 2nd in a relationship leaving a sour taste in your mouth.
    I was in a situation where I had a lot of work to do, and it wasn't until they walked away from me after years and telling me they felt "taken for granted", that I was able to (once on my own) look back objectively and agree with them and say I was an assh**e to them.
    So, I guess what I am saying, not all men are the same but maybe he doesn't recognise (honestly) that he is putting his mates ahead of you. Or maybe he feels now engaged he "has a woman/fiance/wife" and doesn't need to "keep" her (wasn't sure how to phrase it, but maybe the blunt way is better after all), or maybe he hasn't grown up enough and still needs his mates around him.

    I really think communication is the answer here, I wish the lovely, beautiful women I missed out on had communicated it to me before walking out on me. I would have looked at myself and changed my attitude if I had not been such a dunce to not realise it..
    You got to bring it up direct with him, rationally, and if nothing changes after making this issue open and in the air......maybe it just wasn't meant to be....sorry to say it though...
    he knows how i feel about this we have gone through it before. things get better for awhile after we talk but they end up going back to the way things were before.. and yes you are extremly right, i feel taken for granted.. seems like all he wants at home is food and sex.. then he jumps to his buddies..
    nothing really it always ends in us fighting

    Well then, time to think about a change. If 2 adults who supposedly love each other to get engaged can't talk, discuss or even work through an issue like this without fighting.....whats the point of being together?...really......do both yourselves a favour....
    [/quote]


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