are all men the same?!!

joyLambert

i would never put up with that either! no not all men are like that. some are very devoted to their family's . if he does not act like a husband... i would not make him one. sorry you are having to deal with his childish behaviors . hope he fixes this for you both & the little ones involved .

majikkan

Do you... actually want advice? Or are you going to just shoot down everyone's words who come on this thread who don't 100% agree with you?

She doesn't want advice. She just wants to be told she's right. Between the two of them, I'm guessing this relationship is done. Thank goodness for the engagement period.

untouchable86

so im having a hard time with my ole man right now.. just dont know what to do.. he seems to think that spending time with his friends is more important than spending time with me and the kids.. your not single anymore your engaged for crying out loud!! this is getting old fast and to be honest its kinda making me re think getting married. cause i sure as hell am not putting up with this for the rest of my life. i will not be put 2nd!! i know that sounds bad... am i going to far with this? am i in the wrong/ what would you do?

Listen.. no matter WHAT is going on.. if you are second guessing getting married, by all means DONT GET MARRIED!! geezus you have your whole life to get married! Why people think there is a damn timeline on marrage is beyond me!!


Now, that said.. You should never be second.. BUT.. life aint a damn fairy tale. you will be second to his mother on her birthday... you will be second to your daughter on her graduation.. you wil be second to his own birthday.. you will be second on MANY occasions.. he is a man, and that is that. Deal with it. they dont think like we do.

Learn to live with it, or learn to live without him. Simple as that. Ive been married 8 years and we are HAPPY because #1, we dont bull**** each other with drama & crap and #2. i put up with A LOT of crap. NO, he does not go out with friends. he works, he comes home, he eats, he sleeps. repeat. its married life.. he can deal with it or frick off. *I* cook, clean, do laundry, care for kids, have sex.. its MARRIAGE.

YES we still have amazing moments, we still make time, we still laugh, we still are MADLY in love, but the "life" routine is simple.. cook, eat, kids, work, cook, clean, kids, sex, repeat.

I dont know why people analyze so much!! Its not that hard.. just stop thinking you are OWED something and start GIVING to your partner more..

If YOU give as much as you want given to you.. things might start looking up! (thats an in general comment.. not for you.)

its hard to give when hes never here

untouchable86

i would never put up with that either! no not all men are like that. some are very devoted to their family's . if he does not act like a husband... i would not make him one. sorry you are having to deal with his childish behaviors . hope he fixes this for you both & the little ones involved .

thank you

vvanm

I would call him a "distancer"; someone uncomfortable with intimacy so he has one foot out the door. That's just my impression from what you said. Since you are the mother of 3 kids, try focusing on making you and your kids thrive. Don't base your happiness on whether he is doing his part. He is where he wants to be right now. When he is out, plan a special time with your kids, something really fun, and enjoy being a great mom. Do not ask him to be there, do not rub it in that you are having fun without him, just do it and see if he wants to be included. In the meantime it will be a good thing for you.

untouchable86

Do you... actually want advice? Or are you going to just shoot down everyone's words who come on this thread who don't 100% agree with you?

She doesn't want advice. She just wants to be told she's right. Between the two of them, I'm guessing this relationship is done. Thank goodness for the engagement period.

bull****!

_JR_

Does he know about your expectations for HIM to have to make changes for you? I see this a lot where women get serious with a guy, and just expect them to change their lifestyles. You may want to find out if he knew that was in the contract.

Seriously? Is this for real? Of course one's lifestyle changes when one enters a committed relationship and/or becomes a parent. You think grown, married adults with children should expect to continue to party every night like single people? :sick:
Time to grow up, Peter Pan!

Do you really want to get into a battle of insult, miss Priss?

My comment was clearly about communication. Sorry your panties were too far up your keister to see that. :flowerforyou:

Tropical_Turtle

Thing I am thinking here is..... he was like this before, but now that you are engaged it is a problem. Cant change a tigers stripes. You knew his habits before you were engaged, and still accepted. So this is not all his fault. Takes two to tango

CM9178

I saw that you said he is 26.. my husband has talked about this many many times.. he always says that he didn't really grow up until he was over 30 years old. At 26 years old, all he cared about was hooking up with girls, hanging out with his friends, going to bars, etc. He never would've been mature enough at that point in his life to get engaged or married.
Also, speaking from personal experience, I was engaged when I was 23 years old. My fiance was 25. We got engaged because we were naive and in love, and thought that's all that mattered. But in the end, neither of us were mature enough to be getting married, and he called off the wedding 4 months before our wedding date. THANK GOD!
I met my current husband when I was 29, he was 32, and it was a TOTALLY different relationship. When I got engaged this time, I knew that I was mature enough, and so was he.
My other concern would be.. before you got engaged, did always hang out with his friends as much as he wants to now? If he did, then you knew he was like that. If it bothered you (it would bother me), then why would you get engaged if it bugged you that much? Not trying to be harsh, but if there are issues in the relationship that bother you this much, then you should resolve all of them before getting engaged or married. If you have tried to talk to him about it in the past, and he is still doing it, then maybe you should really start rethinking the relationship.
I'm assuming your kids are his kids? I'm not sure why you'd have multiple kids with someone that you have these issues with?

untouchable86

I would call him a "distancer"; someone uncomfortable with intimacy so he has one foot out the door. That's just my impression from what you said. Since you are the mother of 3 kids, try focusing on making you and your kids thrive. Don't base your happiness on whether he is doing his part. He is where he wants to be right now. When he is out, plan a special time with your kids, something really fun, and enjoy being a great mom. Do not ask him to be there, do not rub it in that you are having fun without him, just do it and see if he wants to be included. In the meantime it will be a good thing for you.

great advice thank you so much

Brandicaloriecountess

My ex husband and everyone I have dated since have all been totally different, so I would say no.

They all have their own set of issues

Shelgirl001

I went through this with my now ex -husband, and it was the breaking point for me. He would come home from work and just sit there in front of the tv and even fall asleep. He would grump at the kids if they were trying to talk with him, but then if a friend called and needed something, boom... he was not tired and he had to leave. I tried to discuss it, and he just said he would try to not do that anymore, but by the next day it was all forgotten again. I got sick of coming in 2nd and 3rd, but not just for me, but our kids who really wanted to spend time with him. It never really got through to him still. He is still not even spending time with his kids, because now he lives 200 miles away and can't afford to visit. We have been divorced for almost 3 years now, after being together for 12 years before.

CM9178

so im having a hard time with my ole man right now.. just dont know what to do.. he seems to think that spending time with his friends is more important than spending time with me and the kids.. your not single anymore your engaged for crying out loud!! this is getting old fast and to be honest its kinda making me re think getting married. cause i sure as hell am not putting up with this for the rest of my life. i will not be put 2nd!! i know that sounds bad... am i going to far with this? am i in the wrong/ what would you do?

Listen.. no matter WHAT is going on.. if you are second guessing getting married, by all means DONT GET MARRIED!! geezus you have your whole life to get married! Why people think there is a damn timeline on marrage is beyond me!!


Now, that said.. You should never be second.. BUT.. life aint a damn fairy tale. you will be second to his mother on her birthday... you will be second to your daughter on her graduation.. you wil be second to his own birthday.. you will be second on MANY occasions.. he is a man, and that is that. Deal with it. they dont think like we do.

Learn to live with it, or learn to live without him. Simple as that. Ive been married 8 years and we are HAPPY because #1, we dont bull**** each other with drama & crap and #2. i put up with A LOT of crap. NO, he does not go out with friends. he works, he comes home, he eats, he sleeps. repeat. its married life.. he can deal with it or frick off. *I* cook, clean, do laundry, care for kids, have sex.. its MARRIAGE.

YES we still have amazing moments, we still make time, we still laugh, we still are MADLY in love, but the "life" routine is simple.. cook, eat, kids, work, cook, clean, kids, sex, repeat.

I dont know why people analyze so much!! Its not that hard.. just stop thinking you are OWED something and start GIVING to your partner more..

If YOU give as much as you want given to you.. things might start looking up! (thats an in general comment.. not for you.)

its hard to give when hes never here

Then why the heck are you engaged??!

monuinal

Just talk to him. It'll save you talking to yourself in your own head and you'll both grow from it. Talk, even when it might hurt. I always find that talking openly is best, your opinions are expressed and so are his, and then you can work from there. But it begins with communicating, there are so many factors to consider. I tend to think about why a person behaves the way they do first, and then if that doesn't help me make sense of the situation then i find it's just way easier to talk about it. But your question - are all men the same - NO

untouchable86

I went through this with my now ex -husband, and it was the breaking point for me. He would come home from work and just sit there in front of the tv and even fall asleep. He would grump at the kids if they were trying to talk with him, but then if a friend called and needed something, boom... he was not tired and he had to leave. I tried to discuss it, and he just said he would try to not do that anymore, but by the next day it was all forgotten again. I got sick of coming in 2nd and 3rd, but not just for me, but our kids who really wanted to spend time with him. It never really got through to him still. He is still not even spending time with his kids, because now he lives 200 miles away and can't afford to visit. We have been divorced for almost 3 years now, after being together for 12 years before.

exactly. and im so sorry things didnt work out for you! im going to sit down and have a long talk with him tonight (when he decides to come home) and see what hes got to say about it all

Rogue_Minx

This is coming from a woman.

I understand your frustration with him but to me, it sounds like you're being nagging and no guy wants to be around that. They shut down and avoid the situation. Spending time with his buddies is a better option for him while you're in this mood. You're going to have to sit him down and calmly explain your concerns. Don't get excited or amped up and turn it into an argument or he won't listen.

If you've tried that, offer to get a babysitter and ask if you can come with him when he hangs with his guys. If he tells you no on several occasions, honey, you've got a problem. He might be out and about doing things he wouldn't want you to know about.

majikkan

She doesn't want advice. She just wants to be told she's right. Between the two of them, I'm guessing this relationship is done. Thank goodness for the engagement period.

bull****!

You've gotten hostile and insulting with anyone who disagrees with you, so it sounds like you want an echo chamber. You clearly don't respect him anymore, or you wouldn't use the sort of phrases you're using ('all men the same' is a red flag). You're not even married and he's avoiding you, regardless of how many times you bring up the issue with him. I see a trainwreck coming, sorry.

EDIT: I've never been married, but it seems like something which takes a lot of work to maintain. If this is your first challenge as a couple, I don't think it's a good sign, is all.

untouchable86

Just talk to him. It'll save you talking to yourself in your own head and you'll both grow from it. Talk, even when it might hurt. I always find that talking openly is best, your opinions are expressed and so are his, and then you can work from there. But it begins with communicating, there are so many factors to consider. I tend to think about why a person behaves the way they do first, and then if that doesn't help me make sense of the situation then i find it's just way easier to talk about it. But your question - are all men the same - NO

thank you. i will

IronmanPanda

Sometimes we sleep, sometimes it's not for days
And the people we meet always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you're alone all you do is think

monuinal

hope it all works out for you hun