I think he is cheating...
Replies
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If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.
I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.
I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.
<-- is not a guy, so maybe I have a bit of credibility? Anyway, the "signs" that you posted may just be that he knows you are being invasive and maybe he's a private person. I have never gone through my husband's phone or computer history- nor would I ever. If I tried to and found that he was hiding or deleting his history, I wouldn't automatically assume the worst. Maybe he watches porn or something and found be embarrassed if you found it (because he knows you're looking) so he deleted it.
The one solid thing you could do is go get tested for STDs. If you do in fact have one, and you have been only with one partner yourself, then confront him- because there's only one person who could have given it to you... especially if you have been together for a long time and you hadn't previously shown any symptoms. That may suggest that the disease was contracted not too long ago.
Either way, you probably have some serious thinking to do about your relationship. Seriously, if you can't have a relationship based on trust and have to constantly "check" on each other to ensure that you're being faithful, it's not going to work. You're either going to find concrete evidence of him cheating and dump him, or you're going to continue to snoop in his stuff until he gets fed up with having his privacy invaded and dumps you.0 -
You obviously don't trust him, and never will. Just break up.0
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Whether he is or isn't cheating, you obviously don't trust him, and you shouldn't be with someone you can't/don't trust.0
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Confront him. You don't deserve to have to put up witht that ****. He can either make things right and show you his phone, etc. Or you should end it. You deserve better.0
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If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.
I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.
I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.
The only problem is that you're still with him. Work on that one instead of wasting energy trying to figure him out.0 -
I love how a lot of people make bold decisions like "leave him" with such little evidence to support that decision.
Keep one thing in mind when getting advice online... most people will give advice that they would never take themselves because if they lead you astray, it doesn't affect them. Since the responders have nothing to lose, they can give bad advice without fear.
Remember as well.....................she's asking for advice/opinions.................none of went to her profile and snooped around and came to a conclusion that she needs help...............she asked.
You might be right about.............wouldn't use your own advice...............were all different and unique in our own ways........and part of the beauty in life....................were not all robots, we don't all act/react the same.............it would be pretty boring if we all weighed the same, looked the same, talked the same, thought the same...........I think.
My point is that she should take all the advice with a grain of salt. For example, I know your answers in here are insincere because based on your statements yesterday, everything is the woman's fault because they are an inferior species in your eyes. I'm well aware of your real opinions. Don't talk to me.0 -
I hate to say it but my advice would be for you to stop prying and snooping into his private things. It's a terrible violation of all trust... probably worse than cheating itself. If someone cheats then there is lust or some other issue that is a driver and it can be talked about and worked out perhaps. But to spy on someone who has agreed to share his life with you and trusts you around his things is simply shameful.
Sorry.0 -
I don't know, it doesn't sound like you have much on him becuase you haven't been able to find anything to solidify he is cheating.
But I also agree in gut feelings.
If you honestly feel something isn't right, I don't see any reason why you can't sit down and talk to him. Don't accuse him of anything, don't tell him what you have done, etc. Just say I have been feeling off lately, and I am wondering if anything is going on that you want to talk about.
I don't know maybe that is silly, but when something is on my chest I want to say it.
I just recently got out of a 9 month relationship where from the start it had its ups and downs. I could never really put my finger on the issue, but I never once considered it to be cheating. I always made excuses, he is busy with his kids, he is busy at work, blah blah. But one of his friends outted him last week for having a gambling addiction in his past. DING DING... everything made sense, it all added up. I knew my gut was right telling me something was wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was. So that is why I say a women's (or a man) should trust their gut.
Good luck
Thank you. This is pretty much it - i do not want to deny my intuition on it. We have been living together for the past 3 years, and have had discussions on getting engaged in the near future. I don't want to be the ignorant girlfriend who is getting played. I believed he was the one back then, but now as much as it is hard to admit it, i can pretty much guess that it will end up in a divorce anyway if it continues at this rate. Though i would feel like an idiot if i just walked out and he did not do anything, because other than my intuition and what i have found so far - everything is perfect! We get along great, work out arguments, talk and plan for the future - the works. I could honestly say that if he is not cheating, and i walked out - it would be the biggest mistake of my life. Though if i don't walk out, and stay with him even though he could be cheating - it would also be the biggest mistake of my life.
Bottom line - i go with my gut...and about 99% of the time, its on the right track.0 -
Yeah it's stuff men do. A few months ago I got a porn video my fiance sent me on accident. "ooops that was for my friends".Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.
thank god you don't work on a submarine.
you'd be like "i hear a boat in the water... therefore it must be an enemy vessel trying to destroy us! FIRE!"
nothing hear says cheating.
1)some guys, whether any of us like it or not, send photos of their girlfriends to eachother... don't ask me to explain, but I've met a lot that do... and that's without their girlfriends permission... (1 more reason to not take naughty photos)
2)not wanting someone on their phone is just an issue of privacy. I had snoopy parents and so now I don't like anyone ever touching my stuff.
3)clearing browser history... maybe the dude is just looking at porn and doesn't want her to know?
You may actually be right. We're only hearing one half of the story here and, now that you mention it, I have friends that send me pictures of naked chicks all the time; facebook, sms, email, etc.. I don't feel the need to hide it, but he could be embarrassed or she could be overly paranoid.
Women can't pry and snoop so much. If you do you are going to get all paranoid about something that means nothing.
And ladies the facebook stalking REALLY has to stop. If you can't handle facebook like an adult delete your account.0 -
there are computer programs you can buy that run in the back ground and record every web page every chat without the user knowing and even if they delete their history it records it. You'd have to be a little tech savvy to install it, but once it's in, no one will know but you. I used to have one on the computers in my studio to make sure I wasn't paying people to play on facebook or craigslist.0
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And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.
^^^This. I never understand why some people think it's okay to search through their SO's phone and computer or that they have the right to see whatever is on it.
Because they do have a right? If you can't trust your SO with what you are searching around on the internet about, how are you going to trust them with your entire life?0 -
Don't try to catch him. You know what is going on, and you need to break up with him. Why would you want to be with a man who is constantly lying to you and sleeping with other women? You deserve better than that!! :flowerforyou:0
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And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.
^^^This. I never understand why some people think it's okay to search through their SO's phone and computer or that they have the right to see whatever is on it.
Because they do have a right? If you can't trust your SO with what you are searching around on the internet about, how are you going to trust them with your entire life?
If you have so little trust that you feel you need to snoop, there's probably not a real good reason to be with that person...but go on, snoop away.0 -
And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.
Gosh, I wouldn't give a rip if my husband went through my computer, phone, etc.
I mean, if he really wants to read all about work, work, more work and probably a little bit more work, along with goofy texts from my BFF about needing some venting time, so be it.
Seems like good reading to fall asleep to, actually.0 -
Just break up...
I am with this answer!!
Reason being if you are with someone and you have `trust` issues on either side, then it is never going to work, full stop....0 -
Just break up...
Good advice. This has bad ending written all over it. Of course, pretty much everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end.0 -
I think if you feel the need to search his phone, computer etc. that in itself is a RED FLAG in the relationship and not because he may be cheating but you may be overly attached the point your insecurities are taking over. You may be the red flag or he may be, either way this isn't a healthy relationship.0
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You know, have you tried sitting down with him and asking him about this? Tell him you are worried and you found something?
If he won't be honest with you than maybe he isn't the one for you? Frankly, If i was in the market to date I want honesty and truth about everything.
From what you just wrote it seems you are unhappy to begin with. I say just go you're marry way. However, me, personally, I would sit down with him and have a nice long..chat.
If that is possible. I hope you luck.
Edit: In my point of view, if I was going out with someone and they wanted to see my phone than so be it. This is a relantiship between two people. Not just one. It takes 50/50 from both sides.
When only one person is puttting effor in it than it's time to move on.0 -
Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.
I know...I don't want to go into the denial phase of this..or just "ignore it". Im scared though...
scared of what? move along.0 -
Women's intuition is rarely wrong - trust your gut0
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STD's are changing hands you need to get the eff outta dodge!0
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And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.
^^^This. I never understand why some people think it's okay to search through their SO's phone and computer or that they have the right to see whatever is on it.
Because they do have a right? If you can't trust your SO with what you are searching around on the internet about, how are you going to trust them with your entire life?
If you have so little trust that you feel you need to snoop, there's probably not a real good reason to be with that person...but go on, snoop away.
When I was dating my now husband I used to snoop through alla his crap all the time. I did it because I wanted to know all about him, I wanted to know what he found interesting, or what he found sexy, or what he would just love to get as a surprised gift. I didn't not trust him. I wanted to know him better. I haven't snooped in ages, but I know all his passwords. Mostly for logistical reasons should he ever need me to log in to something for him or whatever. I could look for whatever I wanted, but I don't cause I don't feel the need.0 -
If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.
I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
I have found
- reply to personal ad
- naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
- protective over computer history
- protective over cellphone
- my intuition is telling me somethings up.
I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.
did you ever think maybe HE is covering for HIS FRIEND? maybe he knows you'll flip out and doesn't want to worry you.
for my thoughts, if you can't trust him, don't worry about catching him. you're already making plans to leave, so leave. let him know how you feel and that you aren't going to deal with it. then get some help because you're getting a little obsessive.0 -
If you can't trust him, it doesn't matter if he's cheating or not. Learn to trust him and respect his personal privacy, or let him go find someone who will. Being his girlfriend doesn't give you free license to practically stalk him.
^ I have to say I actually agree with this. With my boyfriend that I live with I don't care if he needs to borrow my phone because his is dead because he isn't constantly riding my a** about me doing something "bad" behind his back. I put all of my cards on the table and we respect the other person's privacy. I play video games on his phone because mine is crappy and he has his nice iphone but that's because he knows that I trust him. It would honestly be exhausting to constantly have to prove yourself to the other person to get them to trust you and if my boyfriend was always on my a** about knowing where I am or looking through my computer and email I would probably leave him. Because after so many months it would just get old and I already went through that with my parents in high school.0 -
Make an exit for yourself that when you are my age, you can look back at and not feel embarrassed about; that you can say to yourself, "I had some pretty classy balls when I left that guy. I didn't drag him in the gutter nor myself."
This. What an excellent piece of advice and something we should all follow in any circumstance.0 -
Doomed due to lack of trust. Also he is acting suspect. If he has nothing to hide then why would he be so secretive. Things should not be like a 007 movie. Sounds draining.0
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I would leave him. You're not married and with everything you have said, he most likely is cheating. Some men cheat. A lot. They swear up and down that they are not, but the thing is, most men will never admit to cheating, even if there is strong evidence.
My thing is, nobody should be so uptight about their personal information. If you guys live together it is a serious relationship. If he gets pissy about his internet and phone then he has something to hide. He should be acting the same way around you with other women when you are not around.
Good thing you're not married to this guy, he is bad news.0 -
there are computer programs you can buy that run in the back ground and record every web page every chat without the user knowing and even if they delete their history it records it. You'd have to be a little tech savvy to install it, but once it's in, no one will know but you. I used to have one on the computers in my studio to make sure I wasn't paying people to play on facebook or craigslist.
*sitting at work right now* geez i should get to work......... lol0 -
there are computer programs you can buy that run in the back ground and record every web page every chat without the user knowing and even if they delete their history it records it. You'd have to be a little tech savvy to install it, but once it's in, no one will know but you. I used to have one on the computers in my studio to make sure I wasn't paying people to play on facebook or craigslist.
Be careful of this. There are similar cases that have gone all the way through the federal courts and the person who put the tracking software on served prison time. If the person being tracked has emails or conversations with therapists or attorneys and you record it you can be in big time trouble.
It's easier and safer just to break it off.0 -
Um weren't you the same person who posted about his brother's wife leaving cause she cheated on him? You were wondering why people don't first talk about it before actually doing it? You said you trust your man but now you say you don't. To me it almost sounds like you really want him to be cheating. Or you are reading in to it way to much, because of resent events in the "family" What it really boils down to is you either trust him or you don't! If you don't, what is the point of being with him other then for fun? If you do trust him, stop questioning everything he is doing before you ruin what relationship you do have with him.
yeah your are right. I have considered this - is it because of the **** going on with the in law cheating on the brother, and now i think he's cheating on me...if its all in my head, this would be the reason why.
I0
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